The New Intimacy

Eden Kink - Basics of BDSM Discussion February 16th at 8 PM EST

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Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
Have you maybe considered asking him if he would be comfortable with you both exploring with someone who is kinky? Not necessarily sharing partners, but for you to get a bit of fulfillment and he could be present?
I would agree with this recommendation. He might not understand what all goes in to a lifestyle (even if it is individually defined by yourselves). Having a mentor, so to speak, that he can learn from and see this in action might be highly rewarding towards completing your goal.

Also, it might be highly erotic for him to watch it, even if there's no actual sex involved.
02/16/2011
Contributor: Gimla Gimla
Quote:
Originally posted by Sysiphe
Misconceptions in BDSM: adore you, VC, but I completely disagree with your definitions of rolls

I would suggest:

dominant: someone who enjoys exerting control/taking control in a scene

submissive: someone who enjoys ... more
I'm going to have to stick with VC on this one. I believe in freedom to express and play how you desire, (Within a "safe" environment) but there does need to be some kinda of basic understanding and consensus of what words mean. The definitions for the terms VC gave are what the majority of the community follows.
02/16/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by Sysiphe
You Twittered six jillion times. You don't think I'd check out something that seems important to you?

(Until you come to hate me being here - I'm anti-"lifetsyle," pro-"scene"
I don't hate you. I love different aspects. That's what this is all about, love.
02/16/2011
Contributor: UrNaughtyaAngel UrNaughtyaAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
Misconceptions in BDSM
Boundaries
Implements
Gear
Clothing

Come on guys!
where to go for your first kinkster experience
02/16/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
I'm imagining that there are people who don't feel the same though?
Not everyone has to feel the same about BDSM. It's a very fluid topic and "lifestyle." There isn't one definition or way to do it. It's what you make of it when it comes down to it.
02/16/2011
Contributor: Persephone Nightmare Persephone Nightmare
So, what's the scoop in here? Lol, I would read through the pages but I know it'd take forever, lol.
02/16/2011
Contributor: ValuptuousVirgo ValuptuousVirgo
Quote:
Originally posted by UrNaughtyaAngel
where to go for your first kinkster experience
I second that topic
02/16/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by Persephone Nightmare
So, what's the scoop in here? Lol, I would read through the pages but I know it'd take forever, lol.
We discussed basic roles and basic definitions. We're also throwing out topics for future discussions!
02/16/2011
Contributor: Sysiphe Sysiphe
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
I'm imagining that there are people who don't feel the same though?
There are jackwagons everywhere - but, to be honest, I've been in dungeons from MD to CA and have never had a problem with people thinking I didn't belong (despite the fact that I'm a dominant masochist, which tweeks some people's heads).
02/16/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by UrNaughtyaAngel
where to go for your first kinkster experience
Or maybe how to produce it at home?

Sorry if that's a stupid question.
02/16/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by ValuptuousVirgo
I'm with you...I was in the convo, and then it went over my head
Where did you get lost? At what point? I'm sure anyone would be happy to answer.

(BTW... I'm more knowledgeable in my head with INFO as opposed to in the bedroom... I read a lot)
02/16/2011
Contributor: LadyAurora LadyAurora
How about what constitutes a scene? Or different types of play.
02/16/2011
Contributor: Persephone Nightmare Persephone Nightmare
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
We discussed basic roles and basic definitions. We're also throwing out topics for future discussions!
Cool!
02/16/2011
Contributor: UrNaughtyaAngel UrNaughtyaAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
He's my first real Sir. I've had partners in the past that have claimed to be "dominants" but really they just wanted kinky sex
Lol, Oh I so am looking forward to reading about your relationship with sir. I am curious to know what it will be like to have a Sir.
02/16/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Where to go for your first kinkster experience
Misconceptions in BDSM
Boundaries
Implements
Gear
Clothing
The lifestyle itself and what it takes to be considered "legit" (paraphrased)
02/16/2011
Contributor: Gimla Gimla
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
Not everyone has to feel the same about BDSM. It's a very fluid topic and "lifestyle." There isn't one definition or way to do it. It's what you make of it when it comes down to it.
>_> I believe in single definitions... I like them... means we can all understand each other.
02/16/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by UrNaughtyaAngel
Lol, Oh I so am looking forward to reading about your relationship with sir. I am curious to know what it will be like to have a Sir.
It's a very rewarding experience. It's nice to finally feel free in submission and know that I've found the place where I fit and belong
02/16/2011
Contributor: namelesschaos namelesschaos
Quote:
Originally posted by ValuptuousVirgo
I second that topic
Third (or what ever we are up to) this.
02/16/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by Gimla
>_> I believe in single definitions... I like them... means we can all understand each other.
I know you do, but at the same time you and I both know that BDSM is fluid and there isn't one way to do it.
02/16/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Here's a random thought, for those who might have issues with privacy or living with other people and sounds that paddles and such can make, maybe some discussion on "being kinky when you have to be quiet"? Or something along those lines?
02/16/2011
Contributor: ValuptuousVirgo ValuptuousVirgo
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
Where did you get lost? At what point? I'm sure anyone would be happy to answer.

(BTW... I'm more knowledgeable in my head with INFO as opposed to in the bedroom... I read a lot)
Not lost...it just got more...in depth..So I took a step back and became a voyeur; just trying to process
02/16/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Another topic: Or maybe how to produce it at home
02/16/2011
Contributor: ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
Quote:
Originally posted by Jul!a
I can't think of anything specifically. Looking over your list again and again really just looks like the basics of anything I could have asked.

I'm taking a slow approach to learning here. Just sort of absorbing as it all comes ... more
Thats me as well. I just am here to learn a bit about BDSM.
02/16/2011
Contributor: Persephone Nightmare Persephone Nightmare
Quote:
Originally posted by UrNaughtyaAngel
Lol, Oh I so am looking forward to reading about your relationship with sir. I am curious to know what it will be like to have a Sir.
Speaking of Sirs, will VC's Sir (if here) please stand up? I'd like to shake your hand and meet the man/myth/legend lol
02/16/2011
Contributor: LadyAurora LadyAurora
Quote:
Originally posted by Jul!a
Here's a random thought, for those who might have issues with privacy or living with other people and sounds that paddles and such can make, maybe some discussion on "being kinky when you have to be quiet"? Or something along those lines?
Awesome. Kinky with kids in the house? Especially when they are older (tweens) and you are just starting to get your kink on.
02/16/2011
Contributor: Sysiphe Sysiphe
Quote:
Originally posted by Gimla
I'm going to have to stick with VC on this one. I believe in freedom to express and play how you desire, (Within a "safe" environment) but there does need to be some kinda of basic understanding and consensus of what words mean. The ... more
Interesting - her definitions don't fit what I have found to be the majority (in fact, one of the books she mentioned - SM101 - are closer to mine than to hers).

Both of you seem to see the rolls as dependent on how submissive/not submissive someone is; ie, a bottom only submits for a scene, a sub submits for a relationship, a slave submits everything. But remember that there are very, very many people who are heavily into kink without being particularly into deliberate power exchange.
02/16/2011
Contributor: UrNaughtyaAngel UrNaughtyaAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by Sysiphe
I think all it takes to be considered "legit" in the BDSM scene is to show up to a few events and not be a jackwagon

My partner and I travel about the country teaching classes on kink, and we're also known for some pretty hard ... more
Does jackwagon mean voyeur? if so then I am a jackwagon, Then again I have never been to a play party or any similar to it, I am just a super curious vanilla girl.
02/16/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by LadyAurora
Awesome. Kinky with kids in the house? Especially when they are older (tweens) and you are just starting to get your kink on.
Excellent topic suggestion and something we definitely need to touch on, even though I don't have children of my own
02/16/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by LadyAurora
Awesome. Kinky with kids in the house? Especially when they are older (tweens) and you are just starting to get your kink on.
That could definitely work!

Or like, my husband and I live with my mom while we're saving up for a house, her room is down the hall and she's not deaf by any stretch of the means.
02/16/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by Sysiphe
Interesting - her definitions don't fit what I have found to be the majority (in fact, one of the books she mentioned - SM101 - are closer to mine than to hers).

Both of you seem to see the rolls as dependent on how submissive/not ... more
Again, I was giving a basic definition based on what I've learned and observed. That's just my opinion, though.
02/16/2011