The New Intimacy

Eden Kink - Basics of BDSM Discussion February 16th at 8 PM EST

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Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by danellejohns
Not that I am trying to pry or anything but I have a stupid question or comment is more like it. Is there an example of what you mean by "submissive at all times"?
In the dynamics of my relationship with Gimla, everything I do is a reflection of him. He has rules for me that I have to follow (like not cursing and I'm still working on that) and I have things that I do for him on the regular basis when I'm at home (like keeping my journal that I do on my blog).

When I'm with him, I have things to do like cleaning, making his tea, and how to wake him up in the morning for example. I know, from memory, how to make his tea and he'll randomly quiz me on how to do it.

I'm always on my feet and always in submission to him mentally if not physically if that makes any sense.
02/16/2011
Contributor: Gimla Gimla
Quote:
Originally posted by ValuptuousVirgo
I like being more dominent and in control
There is much more to being a dominant then just being in control. It truly is a lifestyle. Not it's unrealistic to think anyone in modern day can truly be in a D/s relationship every second of everyday, but if it's something that is a governing dynamic in your relationship then I would call you a dom.
02/16/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by LadyAurora
So, how does a relationship between two switches work in the definition of "living the lifestyle?"
Two switches can live in harmony and be happy. As long as you find fulfillment in your relationship that's all that matters. "Living the lifestyle" is a broad definition that is used often in the BDSM community to signify people who live the life outside of the bedroom.

If you and your partner have different rules for each other depending on the roles you've set, then that's how you live. Like I said to Sam, there isn't one right way to do it and one right definition. It's flexible to your personal life.
02/16/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
And I am taking an interesting turn into the mind space of being a bottom in the bedroom. Still outside my comfort level, but highly erotic.
02/16/2011
Contributor: danellejohns danellejohns
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
In the dynamics of my relationship with Gimla, everything I do is a reflection of him. He has rules for me that I have to follow (like not cursing and I'm still working on that) and I have things that I do for him on the regular basis when ... more
Thank you for answering that and I may have just realized maybe my hubby and I are more into this than we realize. (Closet Kinkster/Bottom?)
02/16/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
read and commented on?
Yes, Ma'am
02/16/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by Gimla
There is much more to being a dominant then just being in control. It truly is a lifestyle. Not it's unrealistic to think anyone in modern day can truly be in a D/s relationship every second of everyday, but if it's something that is a ... more
Why don't you identify your role a bit
02/16/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
Yes, Ma'am
You're a quick study then. This is a relatively new relationship, no?
02/16/2011
Contributor: ValuptuousVirgo ValuptuousVirgo
Quote:
Originally posted by Gimla
There is much more to being a dominant then just being in control. It truly is a lifestyle. Not it's unrealistic to think anyone in modern day can truly be in a D/s relationship every second of everyday, but if it's something that is a ... more
hhhmmm okay...usually I am just called a strong A type personality...would that be different?
02/16/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by danellejohns
Thank you for answering that and I may have just realized maybe my hubby and I are more into this than we realize. (Closet Kinkster/Bottom?)
You should talk to him about exploring a bit
02/16/2011
Contributor: Gimla Gimla
Quote:
Originally posted by LadyAurora
So, how does a relationship between two switches work in the definition of "living the lifestyle?"
That is a complicated relationship dynamic that requires total communication between the two partners. BUT, I will say this. It opens a world of possibles for play that otherwise wouldn't.
02/16/2011
Contributor: UrNaughtyaAngel UrNaughtyaAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
Yes, Ma'am
as a voyeur I want to read this post is it on EF?
02/16/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
You're a quick study then. This is a relatively new relationship, no?
Yes, it is. We're still fluctuating and evolving our relationship so things are definitely going to change, but our dynamic will stay the same D/s wise if that makes any sense.
02/16/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by UrNaughtyaAngel
as a voyeur I want to read this post is it on EF?
No, it's on my blog: link
02/16/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by UrNaughtyaAngel
as a voyeur I want to read this post is it on EF?
It's a personal blog, I'm sure VC will share it
02/16/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
Yes, it is. We're still fluctuating and evolving our relationship so things are definitely going to change, but our dynamic will stay the same D/s wise if that makes any sense.
That makes perfect sense.
02/16/2011
Contributor: UrNaughtyaAngel UrNaughtyaAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
No, it's on my blog: link
thanks for the link sweetie I look forward to reading it and learning more about a D/s relationship.
02/16/2011
Contributor: Gimla Gimla
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
Why don't you identify your role a bit
Like tell them what I am?
02/16/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Now that we've identified some of the basic roles in the BDSM world, I'm opening the forum for questions and topic ideas that you all would like to discuss in future forum meetings!

If there is one subject you are dying to talk about or learn more about, post it here and I will keep a running list.

Also, please feel free to keep the questions coming. They can be about the roles I posted, about my relationship with Gimla, or anything you can think of!
02/16/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by Gimla
Like tell them what I am?
Yes, Sir Like, what you are and what you do, etc.
02/16/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by UrNaughtyaAngel
thanks for the link sweetie I look forward to reading it and learning more about a D/s relationship.
You're welcome!
02/16/2011
Contributor: danellejohns danellejohns
With alot of us being new to this - how would someone go about approaching this topic? Any good suggestions?
02/16/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
For those of you who are interested, I log my journey in submission as well as my relationship with Gimla over at my personal blog if you're interested in reading my musing and such.

So, what all would you like to discuss in future forum discussions?
02/16/2011
Contributor: ID42 ID42
See, I don't live in a D/s relationship with my husband. We are just a sexually playful couple. I didn't realize when I was younger where all my likes and dislikes would lead me and sometimes I feel as if he just doesn't get it. I crave the structure of the "living the lifestyle" aspect and some days just have no clue what to do with myself. I am a submissive living in a very vanilla household when it comes to BDSM.
02/16/2011
Contributor: Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
Quote:
Originally posted by danellejohns
With alot of us being new to this - how would someone go about approaching this topic? Any good suggestions?
I actually just cracked the spine on The New Bottoming Book today.
02/16/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
Now that we've identified some of the basic roles in the BDSM world, I'm opening the forum for questions and topic ideas that you all would like to discuss in future forum meetings!

If there is one subject you are dying to talk about ... more
I think it's important to talk about some of the misconceptions of BDSM. There are too many people who think that the spankings or the rough talk is abusive and/or insulting. Also about the fact that the Dom/Domme is usually using his/her love for their sub and creativity to give their sub exactly what they want. About hard/soft limitations.
02/16/2011
Contributor: Gimla Gimla
Quote:
Originally posted by ValuptuousVirgo
hhhmmm okay...usually I am just called a strong A type personality...would that be different?
I personally found in my research (I'm a psychology major with a specialization in dominate and submissive relationship dynamics)that a strong A type personality, while perfecting the be in control doesn't HAVE to have it in their lives. For the majority of dominants the control aspect of the relationship is a must have. It's a fetish.
02/16/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by danellejohns
With alot of us being new to this - how would someone go about approaching this topic? Any good suggestions?
There are a lot of books on the subject matter, but I would first go about discussing this with your partner. If your partner really isn't all that into this type of play then it may not work in the bedroom.

Some books I would recommend are the following:
SM 101 (even though I find it dry and redundant)
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns
The Loving Dominant

Does that answer your question?
02/16/2011
Contributor: UrNaughtyaAngel UrNaughtyaAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by ID42
See, I don't live in a D/s relationship with my husband. We are just a sexually playful couple. I didn't realize when I was younger where all my likes and dislikes would lead me and sometimes I feel as if he just doesn't get it. I crave ... more
Well I say the first step is to talk to your husband about sexual role play and take it from there.
02/16/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by ID42
See, I don't live in a D/s relationship with my husband. We are just a sexually playful couple. I didn't realize when I was younger where all my likes and dislikes would lead me and sometimes I feel as if he just doesn't get it. I crave ... more
That can be a challenge a lot of the time. Have you talked to your husband about it?
02/16/2011