The New Intimacy

Please tell me if I'm wrong.

Skip to last post
Set alerts
Updates
Forum search
Contributor: Miss Anonymous Miss Anonymous
Okay, so my little brother moved in with me. It's been very good so far. Now my little brothers girlfriend is coming to visit. She's turning 17 and my brother just turned 18. When she gets her she will be a month shy of her 17th birthday. I've never met the girl, but we talk a lot. Now, heres the problem. She asked her oldest sister who's about 24 to get birth control. She can't go on her own because she's on her parents health insurance, so they will know if she goes to the docs and fill a prescription for BC. She wants to go to a free clinic, but doesn't know how. That is why she asked her sister. Well her sister told her "NO" because she should not be having sex. She asked her sister a couple of times and each time she told her "NO". She called and asked me if she comes can I please take her. I told her "YES" without thinking twice. I want them to be safe, and I'm not stupid. I know they are having sex, I asked my brother and he told me the truth that they have slept together already once before.

So, I was talking to my boyfriends sister about it. The first thing she said was "YOU SOULDN'T DO THAT, IT ISN'T YOUR PLACE!" "YOU AREN'T HER FAMILY". She told me how I was going to start problems.

I was trying to stress to her that this girl is 17 years old. If she gets pregnant, not only does it affect her but my brother as well. It would affect me and my boyfriend too. Her parents told her if she ever gets pregnant, they were going to kick her out. I'm too young to be raising a baby. hahaha

So what do you think? Should I do it? I feel like I should.
Am I wrong for agreeing to take her?
Do you think I'm crossing any type of line, because she isn't my blood family?
I look at her as if she is my family. My brother loves her and thats good enough for me.
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
No, You aren't wrong.
164
Yes, You are wrong.
3
Yes, You should take her.
135
No, You shouldn't take her.
3
Other [Please tell me below]
12
Total votes: 317 (192 voters)
Poll is closed
11/12/2011
  • Upgrade Your Hands-Free Play!
  • Long-distance pleasure set for couples
  • Save Extra 20% On Love Cushion And Toy Set!
  • Complete strap-on set for extra 15% off
  • Save 50% On Shower Nozzle With Enema Set
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
I don't agree that her parents would be able to see what happened during that visit or the prescriptions given to her. All she needs to do is go to Planned Parenthood and they can help her. But, if that's not an option someone should definitely help the girl, regardless of who it is.

And while I understand the desire for skin-to-skin contact during intercourse, condoms wouldn't be a terrible idea either.
11/12/2011
Contributor: Miss Anonymous Miss Anonymous
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
I don't agree that her parents would be able to see what happened during that visit or the prescriptions given to her. All she needs to do is go to Planned Parenthood and they can help her. But, if that's not an option someone should ... more
OKay, I wasn't sure about it either. When we talked she said her parents would know. I also thought even if they did and went to talk to the doc the doctor couldn't tell them anything. I told her to find her local planned parenthood, but shes scared she doesnt want to go alone. I then told her to bring a friend along, but she doesn't want too. That is why I decided to step in eventhough. My brother has plans on using condoms, but she wants to be on the pill as a back up plan. It just annoyed me that her sister's wouldn't want to help her. I could understnad her mother making a big deal out of it, but not her sister. You'd think they would be more willing to help knowing what would happen if she did get pregnant.
11/12/2011
Contributor: AndroAngel AndroAngel
I'd help a friend with something like that, so helping someone who's practically family is no big deal. You're definitely in the right with this one.
11/12/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Anonymous
OKay, I wasn't sure about it either. When we talked she said her parents would know. I also thought even if they did and went to talk to the doc the doctor couldn't tell them anything. I told her to find her local planned parenthood, but shes ... more
Is she scared because she thinks the friend will accidentally rat her out or because she's never been to a gyno before...

If she's just embarrassed, then I would have to have a long heart to heart talk with her about being ready in general. A woman should be willing to do whatever it takes to protect her body and her sexual health and well-being no matter how embarrassing it may be.
11/12/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Her parents are stupid, unless they want to be raising grandbabies. (Some people do, and IMO, they're idiots.)

It isn't hard to find a Planned Parenthood Clinic, you can find them online. Birth control is expensive, but not as expensive as a pregnancy! Does this girl have a job? She doesn't' expect you to pay for her doctor visits and her birth control, does she? I would make it clear immediately that she is responsible for any costs. Therefor, Planned Parenthood, which charges women and men on a sliding scale (and many people pay nothing if they have limited income) for their visits and their birth control. (In fact one of the reasons I WAS employed during my teen years was so that I could pay for my own doctor visits and birth control. It wasn't the only reason, but no one was going to give me free birth control, even Planned Parenthood expects you to pay something if you can at all afford it.)

I've done this for younger cousins. I've also done it for my own kids, although they usually take the initiative and get their own birth control, as I did when I was this girl's age.

Yes, you are doing the right thing, as they are going to have sex no matter what happens and then bad things may happen.

Nessa, sweetie, can I give you some advice? PLEASE don't tell anyone else what you are doing. Not your sister, not her sister, not your boyfriend's sister (honey, why in heaven's name would you involved HER? It's not her business, this young girl does have the right to her sexual privacy.) not ANY your friends or any family. Not anybody. (As you have your privacy on Eden, it's a little different.)

Not only is it NOT their business, but she is a minor and although I firmly believe minors should have full access to birth control, there is the matter of your brother being 18, and her being a minor. PLEASE don't tell anyone else. If her sister asks again, fib and say you decided to not do anything about it. You don't want her crazy family (and any family which doesn't educate their kids about pregnancy and disease prevention is crazy) may just come after you.

NO MORE TALKING ABOUT IT. OK?

Hugs and sweet kisses, darling. You are doing the right thing, but you do have to exert some discretion.
11/12/2011
Contributor: Eucaly Eucaly
There are charities that provide escorts to Planned Parenthood clinics; the walk can be very threatening and the escorts are professionals and really know how to handle hecklers. A few simple internet searches should allow you to find a charity that does this in your area.
11/12/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Eucaly
There are charities that provide escorts to Planned Parenthood clinics; the walk can be very threatening and the escorts are professionals and really know how to handle hecklers. A few simple internet searches should allow you to find a charity that ... more
Also, most Planned Parenthood clinics DO NOT have crazy people harassing women outside. This is rare.

Most of them, you simply walk in, see your GYN and get your birth control, pay your sliding scale and go home. It isn't usually a problem. In well over 20 years of dealing with PP, I've never seen a single protestor outside of one in any of the places I've lived.

Nessa, when I said "No talking about it." I meant to people you know and who know her. You know you are safe on Eden. Just keep this girl's privacy a priority with anyone you know in person. News travels fast and you would hate to be the person responsible for her parents finding out and taking action or hurting her.
11/12/2011
Contributor: Miss Anonymous Miss Anonymous
Quote:
Originally posted by AndroAngel
I'd help a friend with something like that, so helping someone who's practically family is no big deal. You're definitely in the right with this one.
I'd have to agree. I just wanted to see if other people shared the same views as my boyfriends sister.
11/12/2011
Contributor: Miss Anonymous Miss Anonymous
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Is she scared because she thinks the friend will accidentally rat her out or because she's never been to a gyno before...

If she's just embarrassed, then I would have to have a long heart to heart talk with her about being ready in ... more
A little of both. She's never been to a gyno before, so she wants someone older to go with her. She said she is a little worried one of her friends might slip up by honest mistake. She said she'd rather not take that chance. I completely agree with you about doing whatever it takes. Now that you said that, I will sit down and talk to her.
11/12/2011
Contributor: Miss Anonymous Miss Anonymous
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Her parents are stupid, unless they want to be raising grandbabies. (Some people do, and IMO, they're idiots.)

It isn't hard to find a Planned Parenthood Clinic, you can find them online. Birth control is expensive, but not as ... more
I too also think they are idoits, but I also think it has something to do with them being palestinian. I was surprised that they are okay with her even having a boyfriend let alone come and visit him. I've never gotten birthcontrol for someone who isn't me before.

I know now to keep my mouth shut. I'm slowly learning that my boyfriends sister is the wrong person to talk too. I came to her hopefully getting some advice and it turned into something else. I went to her because she know's what it's like to be a young mother. She had her first child at 14, and I thought she would have been supportive. I decided to post it here, because I know you guys aren't closed minded, and too none of you would ever meet.

I didn't even think about the age difference because she is only a year and a half younger, but I don't plan on telling anyone. I figure that if push comes to shove I would tell her family that me and her shared a room, and my brother and boyfriend shared a room when she was here. Thats what I was worried about too. It coming back to be in a bad way, when I just wanted to help her. Thats why I wanted to get some advice before doing it.

Thanks for your advice, and trust me next time I will.
11/12/2011
Contributor: Miss Anonymous Miss Anonymous
Quote:
Originally posted by Eucaly
There are charities that provide escorts to Planned Parenthood clinics; the walk can be very threatening and the escorts are professionals and really know how to handle hecklers. A few simple internet searches should allow you to find a charity that ... more
Thanks for advice! I only been to one clinic that had problems like that. The clinic also did abortions.
11/12/2011
Contributor: Miss Anonymous Miss Anonymous
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Also, most Planned Parenthood clinics DO NOT have crazy people harassing women outside. This is rare.

Most of them, you simply walk in, see your GYN and get your birth control, pay your sliding scale and go home. It isn't usually a ... more
I've never delt with protesters at a planned parenthood before. I have been to a clinic that was part planned parenthood and abortion clinic. That was the only time I've ever delt with protesters. I know what you mean. I don't plan on talking about it with anyone besides her. I would hope her parents wouldn't do anything that serious. If anything I'm worried about her family breaking them up. That would kill my brother, and it would be my faul.
11/12/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Anonymous
I too also think they are idoits, but I also think it has something to do with them being palestinian. I was surprised that they are okay with her even having a boyfriend let alone come and visit him. I've never gotten birthcontrol for someone ... more
You are doing such a good thing my helping this young woman. I know it's hard when something like this happens and you want feedback from someone. I've done the same thing in the past. I know you will be good for her.

Hugs and Love for you, Nessa!
11/12/2011
Contributor: WhoopieDoo WhoopieDoo
If she asks family for help, and they won't help her, she's very lucky to have someone like you looking out for her (and your brother's, etc) welfare.

It's sad when people just take the route of telling people to abstain when that's obviously NOT WHAT PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DO....and favor denial rather than look out for the health of those they love.
11/12/2011
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Her parents are stupid, unless they want to be raising grandbabies. (Some people do, and IMO, they're idiots.)

It isn't hard to find a Planned Parenthood Clinic, you can find them online. Birth control is expensive, but not as ... more
This totally sums up what I was going to say.

You know, I would suggest maybe getting your brother some condoms too. Unless he already has some and they're using them.

Best wishes!
11/12/2011
Contributor: GonetoLovehoney GonetoLovehoney
She's allowed to get birthcontrol/condoms from the free clinic WITHOUT needing her parent's permission at age 16.
11/12/2011
Contributor: LQ LQ
I think you're totally doing the right thing. And you have my respect for making sure this young woman is safe & getting proper medical care & protection rather than just saying "Well let her deal with it." It can definitely be overwhelming learning all the ins-and-outs of birth control & all, so she's really fortunate to have your support.

I agree with P'Gell that, at this point, there's really no reason to discuss it with anyone else.

And yes, Planned Parenthood is a godsend. I'm on disability right now & I pay nothing at PP. Otherwise the sliding scale is really reasonable. The docs are generally a lot more concerned with taking care of the patients than all the business crap. If you need something, they'll generally find a way to help you out. Even if you tell them you don't need condoms, you'll probably end up with a few "just in case." Hehe.
11/12/2011
Contributor: Eva Schwaltz Eva Schwaltz
I don't think you are in the wrong, but I think she should have her parent's support.
11/12/2011
Contributor: SaMiKaY SaMiKaY
She is trying to do the right thing. Whether or not she is on BC, she is going to have sex. Stopping her from protecting herself is ignorant. I am happy you are willing to do this for her...

And please, for people who disagree with me, I don't want to be bashed. I have my opinion you have yours.
11/12/2011
Contributor: Sunshineamine Sunshineamine
It's perfectly fine for you to take her. If you give her a ride to the clinic big darn deal. You are helping her to make a wiser decision than many teenagers make. Those programs/clinics are around to promote healthy family planning and if they are going to be having sex anyway then they should be doing it safely. If she knew where to turn to at seventeen she could take herself with no parental permission anyway. I started going to planned parenthood at sixteen on my own. I think it is awesome that you will take her. She needs someone responsible to help her out. Lord knows the rhythm / pullout method isn't what you want them to be doing!
11/12/2011
Contributor: poetprincess poetprincess
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Anonymous
Okay, so my little brother moved in with me. It's been very good so far. Now my little brothers girlfriend is coming to visit. She's turning 17 and my brother just turned 18. When she gets her she will be a month shy of her 17th birthday. ... more
I think its better to be safe then sorry, I had my first kid at 17 I am not saying she ruined my life, but it is not easy being a mom at that young age, people treat you way different then they would if you were a mom in your 30's
11/13/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
I've really struggled thinking about this situation ever since I first read your post.

I'm a Conservative Christian and we did talk to our kids about abstinence. That doesn't mean that they chose it (I wish they had) - the thing is - I hate the idea that kids can get birth control without their parents' knowledge or consent.

With that said - I also think its best for kids to get on birth control if they're going to be active.

My daughter had sex with condoms only - no other method of birth control and after I heard about it and thought about it - I freaked. So many things could've gone wrong and I wasn't there to get her someplace where she could get on birth control.

Since then, our relationship has developed where we can talk about things like that now and about getting her on birth control if she plans to be sexually active.

Looking back, while I personally prefer that parents be involved in decisions like this, I think it is great when someone the young person trusts will take them and help them get birth control.

So Kudos to you...
11/13/2011
Contributor: LilLostLenore LilLostLenore
1 they are gunna have sex either way they are horny teens and its just human nature for hormones and wanting to have sex, so 2nd yes u are right get her some birth control take her to a clinic get her a couple books or dvds on safe sex there is so much she probably doesn't know. also try and tell her there are many forms of bc. the best thing for me was the patch, the pill did not work for me it made me sick all the time, so give her an option pill, patch, shot, iud. what ever works best for her. but get her down to the clinic asap cause without protection shes bound to get pregnant. Also without a condom you are more prone to stds not saying she will get one but it could happen. I got hpv from my first partner and he didnt even know he had it. untill i got a check up. my hpv has gone away though, thank god.
11/13/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Anonymous
Okay, so my little brother moved in with me. It's been very good so far. Now my little brothers girlfriend is coming to visit. She's turning 17 and my brother just turned 18. When she gets her she will be a month shy of her 17th birthday. ... more
miss nessa! bless your heart. don't think twice, it's alright.

you are absolutely helping this girl out. if nobody offered condoms or BC, would kids not have sex? NO! they would have unprotected sex, and STDS and unwanted pregnancies would be more rampant.

it IS your place. he's your brother. you're doing them both a big favor. i commend you 100%. tell your boyfriend's sister to stay out of it. if she can't say anything nice, she should keep the trap door closed.
11/13/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Eucaly
There are charities that provide escorts to Planned Parenthood clinics; the walk can be very threatening and the escorts are professionals and really know how to handle hecklers. A few simple internet searches should allow you to find a charity that ... more
yes, i highly recommend planned parenthood. if there's one in your area, she can get BC there discreetly, i believe.
11/13/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by LilLostLenore
1 they are gunna have sex either way they are horny teens and its just human nature for hormones and wanting to have sex, so 2nd yes u are right get her some birth control take her to a clinic get her a couple books or dvds on safe sex there is so ... more
*books and DVDs on safe sex*

great idea! you could maybe both learn something from them. i know I personally could. or maybe she could watch them/read about it with her boy.
11/13/2011
Contributor: Miss Anonymous Miss Anonymous
Quote:
Originally posted by WhoopieDoo
If she asks family for help, and they won't help her, she's very lucky to have someone like you looking out for her (and your brother's, etc) welfare.

It's sad when people just take the route of telling people to abstain when ... more
Thank you for the kind words. I also too think it's sad that they would rather say no, than take the couple of hours to get her protected. I quess some people just don't want to admit, or realize that their child is a sexual human being.
11/13/2011
Contributor: Miss Anonymous Miss Anonymous
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
This totally sums up what I was going to say.

You know, I would suggest maybe getting your brother some condoms too. Unless he already has some and they're using them.

Best wishes!
Thank you! Yes, they plan on using condoms. My boyfriend even took my brother condom shopping. We both support my brother being open about sex, so that we can take steps to make sure he and his partner is protected. She want's to be on BC with the condoms as backup.
11/13/2011
Contributor: Miss Anonymous Miss Anonymous
Quote:
Originally posted by GonetoLovehoney
She's allowed to get birthcontrol/condoms from the free clinic WITHOUT needing her parent's permission at age 16.
That's what I thought, but I guess she talked to someone, and was told the legal age of consent in cali is 18. I've been looking into that statement. I just really think she's scared, thats why she doesn't want to go alone.
11/13/2011