i try to be open-minded, but this is one area where i struggle. in my personal experience, guys that old who date girls that young have issues. (cannot speak for the girls, as i had known the guys, not the girls. gay men too, who were into "twinks.") society says it's ok, but society says a lot of things are ok that i disagree with personally. on a case to case basis it may be ok, but in general, it kind of disturbs me. for the record, my bf is 9 years older than me...and i don't think i could do much more of an age disparity than that. though, i think as one matures, age disparities matter less. 40 and 60, ok. 40 and 20, cause for concern. less

I'm going to be honest, guys my age piss me the fuck off. It was worse when I was in my early 20's. I lived with someone for two years who was six months younger than me. He grew up wealthy compared to how I grew up. He went to the best schools and had a shot at a nice career, if only he could keep his mouth shut. He blew it. All. Got into drugs. Got out of drugs. Then met me.



I had a nice two bedroom apartment, a good job, a nice car. I lost it all because that guy wouldn't get up and go to work every day. He refused to try to better himself at all. I had to teach him everything about how a household runs. It was freaking exhausting.



I don't want to train someone in the basic ways of life. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't understand that mistakes made now affect the entire future of both people involved.



And no matter where I turned my head, they were all the same. Guys my age, that is. Jobless. Druggies. Immature. Mama's boys. Still telling fart jokes in mixed company. That kind of crap. It quite literally infuriated me.



It's really really nice when a problem comes up in my household and I can turn to my man and say 'baby, I think we're screwed, yadda yadda yadda' and he comes back and says 'no, we just have to do this this and this'. Simple.



Relationship experts state that one person is always going to be more 'this' or less 'that' and that's what it takes to work. If you have two people on the same level or there is a vast difference in levels (a genius with a bona-fide idiot) it won't work for long. There's no challenge or the disparity is too great to overcome.



When it comes to a large age difference between a man and a woman I think you have to dig a little deeper and understand what it is both of those people value. For instance, the main reason my husband and I get along so well is because I am absolutely fascinated by music from the 60's, 70's and 80's. I enjoy listening to the stories of his youth and understand those are things that shaped him into who he is today. We share the same political, religious and family values.



I was never really given a childhood. Latch key kid by the age of 7, cooking and doing all house chores by age 10, and all of my siblings are a decade or more older than me. My earliest memory is being told I had an old soul at the age of 6 because I just didn't think like the other kids my age did. I wasn't interested in anything they were. I watched nature shows, not cartoons. I was practically groomed by my upbringing to fall for an older man.



Yes, there are some really lecherous men and really dumb girls that just go for the ass or the money, respectively. I really don't think any one can argue that being used for your body or your wallet is applicable only to relationships where there is a vast difference in age. less

No. Society does *not* say this is okay. You may think this, but you're wrong. One need only look above at multiple posts dismissing the older of the dyad as a "pervert," "creep," "loser," and so forth.



It is taxing if one permits.



And I would agree with you insofar as "milestone-based" age differentials. The big ones are leaving home, going to university, graduating from university, getting married, buying a house, having children, then perhaps having grand-children. The difference between these milestones typically increases exponentially with respect to years between them.



I think, however, the utility of this argument diminishes as the level to which both parties live in the "world of ideas" increases. That is to say, I believe that cerebral types will have an easier time of it--as far as connecting and really seeing who the other person is, and enjoying & responding to that--than people who live unexamined lives. I know that I certainly couldn't be with someone who didn't at least stop to think about The Big Questions. And finding this quality in people now is exceptional, no matter their chronological age. less

Your complaint seems common, especially in this day and age. Unfortunately, boys (not men) now seem to aspire to playing video games with their friends over the Internet and unlocking "achievements." This, while fine in and of itself, is being aspired to in lieu of making intellectual, physical, or spiritual progress into the world.



I'm sorry to hear that you played mommy to a boy. Some may think this fun in role-play, but as part of daily living, it will grow wearing.



I think you've hit several nails squarely on the head in this post. Specifically, you talk about a few dimensions:

* Openness and honesty in a relationship, even if the subject is distressing;

* Intellectual compatibility of the couple;

* Chronological age not always meshing with interests and maturation;

* This not being the case of an old horny pervert going after the girls. Not always, at least.



Finally, I will posit this: as long as everyone is informed and made fully aware of the other party's intentions, I think people who aren't minors and haven't been found to have diminished capacity can make a reasoned decision. They may make mistakes--and everyone will, given enough time to do so--but they'll know where their partner stands, and what s/he stands for. And this is considerably more than many people seem to have or expect.



That's my six cents worth. less