The New Intimacy

#SummerPleasure - Celebrate YOUR Independence!

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Contributor: ThriceDaily ThriceDaily
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
I grew up in a very conservative home and didn't have sex until I was married. However my husband was not into sex. Finally I divorced and eventually started dating someone into the BDSM lifestyle. Now there is nothing I won't do! Sex is fun!
07/06/2012
Contributor: Xxun Xxun
Making a list of things you want/need sexually before talking to your parent really helps, you can get your thoughts in order BEFORE HAND.
07/06/2012
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
I think it's really amazing that so many people have learned how to express themselves in ways that are appropriate for their own desires.

I think there is are two things happening in our society right now - women pushing for another sexual revolution and then are people pushing back on them for being so openly sexual.

Judging by the vast majority of tube porn sites on the internet these days, it seems that a lot more women are open about showing themselves off to the world because it makes them feel good, not because they are in financial straights and need help.
07/06/2012
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Xxun
Making a list of things you want/need sexually before talking to your parent really helps, you can get your thoughts in order BEFORE HAND.
Did you mean partner?
07/06/2012
Contributor: June Carter June Carter
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
I am doing much better since my divorce with expressing myself sexually. My advice is to read articles online or magazines. Do your research!
07/06/2012
Contributor: Strawberryshortcake123 Strawberryshortcake123
I think I was around 18 when I felt I could finally express myself openly and honestly in the bedroom. It took me my final and current relationship to find that trust in someone to be open and honest both ways.

Do you have any advice for those who still do not feel comfortable with expressing their desires?

I dont have too much advice for people looking for it in expressing their desires, Im sure enough has been said about it as it is. You more of need to experience it yourself, you can listen to all the advice in the world but you only really learn through your own experiences.
07/06/2012
Contributor: VampKitty VampKitty
When do you think it was that you were able to declare your sexual independence and express yourself honestly and openly in the bedroom?

I still am unsure about myself when it comes to what I want. I'm shy about what I like/want. I have gotten better about it, that is certain. Sex, sexuality and anything related wasn't ever talked about in my house. My mom just assumed I was already having sex by the time I was 16(even though I wasn't). It took me a long time to be comfortable ever saying the word sex. But once I found someone who was blunt when answering my questions I started to become more confident.
07/06/2012
Contributor: flowerstar flowerstar
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
My father never addressed sex with me and is still embarrassed to discuss it with me and I am 47 years old and have been pregnant 7x with 3 living children. My mother educated me on my body and to not be ashamed of it, but she didn't do a very good job educating me about sex. I pretty much taught myself by reading everything I could get my hands on, which wasn't much until after I left home. It was my husband, who I married in my 20's, who encouraged me to explore my sexuality and to not hold back. It helped me to explore and try things, but I still felt guilty about certain things I felt. I had a strong attraction to both men and women. I knew I was primarily attracted to men, (ie: the reason I married my husband) but I felt guilty about feeling attracted to women. I was taught that it was wrong and that God would punish me for pursuing a relationship with a woman. My husband felt completely different and said I should explore my feelings and find out if it was just a curiosity or a true attraction. I discovered that I am very much bisexual. There is a huge misconception that if you are gay or bi that you are attracted to *every* person of the same sex. That's not true. Just like I am not attracted to everyone of the opposite sex, I am not attracted to every woman I meet. But now that I am in my late 40's and have had a chance to explore, I have realized it's a part of me that I cannot help and it's not anything to be ashamed of. I am so thankful to my husband for encouraging me to explore and to be myself. In addition, it has taken me years to let go and enjoy sex the way it's meant to be and that too is due to my husband encouraging me to keep exploring, trying things, and letting go during sex.
07/06/2012
Contributor: Lilith Storm Lilith Storm
I was never really ashamed! But mainly at age 16 is when I was more open.
07/06/2012
Contributor: Lilith Storm Lilith Storm
I was never really ashamed! But mainly at age 16 is when I was more open.
07/06/2012
Contributor: butts butts
There is absolutely nothing unnatural about sex, no one should ever be afraid or embarassed of it. Masturbation is natural, sex is natural, love is natural!

This isn't what I was taught at home unfortunately, I was taught that it was sick and a shameful act that only men enjoyed. If you have children, please, please don't teach them that sex is wrong and one sided. It's so far from it and it's been difficult pulling out of that traumatic lesson.
07/06/2012
Contributor: Aria Uke Aria Uke
Quote:
Originally posted by Noelle
Sometimes I feel uncomfortable w/ expressing my desires, but I pick and choose who I talk to about things. I think u have to trust a person before you throw that intimate part of your life out there.
A big first step for me was just deciding to go ahead and buy myself some sex toys.
07/06/2012
Contributor: Leo.boi Leo.boi
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
I have become much more comfortable in my own desires by exploring them with my partner. Before her the entire atmosphere around sex that I experienced was of manipulation and power and now it's about mutual desires.
07/06/2012
Contributor: mellanhead mellanhead
I always felt comfortable discussing sex and my wants/needs with whoever i was with at the time.

My advice is to take it slow and talk about what you feel most comfortable with first. If you are really, really shy then try writing a letter and giving it to partner.
07/06/2012
Contributor: T&A1987 T&A1987
Don't listen to just about everything you've learned growing up. forget it all and learn anew, without influences of people who want to control your sexuality to make their lives better or easier.
07/06/2012
Contributor: WanderlustinGypsy WanderlustinGypsy
Being the daughter of a Baptist Pastor, in the sticks of Indiana, I was raised that sex was only preformed on your back, in a bed, with your husband, and only for procreation. Of course, naturally, I rebelled from this, but despite how much I wanted to enjoy sex I could not. I always felt like I was being sinful, dirty even. My skin would crawl after the act. Then... one day when I was helping my elderly parents move... I found my mother's dildo. At first I was in shock, then I was downright mad. It was then that I realized I had been punishing myself for no good reason... and when I decided I was going to start embracing my sex life. That was three years ago. Today, I very passionate about my sex life. I never hesitate to try new things, toys, experiences... sex with my husband can be both romantic and beautiful... and dark and seductive. I can also tell this shows in my daily life, because now my sisters, friends, and even some of my older cousins come to me for sexual advice. I seriously even considered pursuing a career in sex therapy... however, I think nursing has more job security.
07/07/2012
Contributor: CharmCity CharmCity
When do you think it was that you were able to .. express yourself honestly and openly in the bedroom?

Many years into the marriage, many years of trust.
07/07/2012
Contributor: KRD KRD
I've always been pretty open and comfortable expressing what I want in the bedroom. Growing up, my parents discussed sex with me and my siblings and let us know that if we had any questions at all, to ask them. I think it's important to know what you like and to be expressive to your partner and for them to be expressive back about their likes/wants.
07/07/2012
Contributor: LilLostLenore LilLostLenore
Ive been masterbating sense i was 12 and lost my v card when i was 19 and to this day i love sex with men or women.
07/07/2012
Contributor: Geogeo Geogeo
I think it was an ongoing process that's still occurring.
07/07/2012
Contributor: tasselcat tasselcat
I'm very reserved around people, but I actually am a very sexual gal and I know that. I'm not ashamed of it, even when much of my sexuality is rooted in things society considers taboo. I haven't had a boyfriend yet, though, so person-to-person intimacy is very intimidating when compounded by my body issues.
It's just a matter of time, I suppose. There's bound to be somebody out there for me, just like there is for everyone, right?

And since this thread is full of success stories, does anyone have great advice for feeling sexy and desirable in spite of being a big girl?
07/07/2012
Contributor: Blue Gransky Blue Gransky
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
me personal I sometime dont like to talk about my desires, but then I think to myself he tells me so screw him if he dont like it
07/07/2012
Contributor: tsunere tsunere
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
I didn't have any positive or negative views on sex. Was never talked to about it. Glad I decided to learn on my own or I could have made so many easy mistakes with this wonderful thing.
07/07/2012
Contributor: AnotherPrettyFace AnotherPrettyFace
It's going to be better for all parties evolved if you're both feeling good and having fun.
07/07/2012
Contributor: Dixiemomma Dixiemomma
when i turned 18 and left home i learned right off that i had no problem expressing my desires or enjoying my sexuality lol just have to let go
07/07/2012
Contributor: legna legna
I still don't feel all the comfortable with it but I am getting there thanks to a wonderful man that I met almost two years ago. Advice, I am not sure on that one. Not much I can really give to be honest. I am probably one of the worse people to give advice when it comes down to things like this, lol.
07/07/2012
Contributor: Kyoti Jess Kyoti Jess
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
If you can't say your desires aloud, write them down. Email/text them to your partner, leave a naughty note in their lunch bag or purse, and always be honest with what you want--don't be afraid to say you don't want to try something! Open and honest sex is good sex.
07/07/2012
Contributor: stlouisxxx stlouisxxx
After my divorce, I decided to voice what I wanted sexually with the ladies. I don't get everything that I want, but at least 80% is attempted.
07/08/2012
Contributor: Mistress Dragon Mistress Dragon
My mom did not hide that her and dad loved eachother. They always told us they loved us and eachother as well, sex was not open door but our mom did tell us that she would tell us anything we wanted to know when the time was right. All we had to do was go to her and ask. I am one of the lucky people to have a home that did not find sex was a sin or something to hide from everyone. It was not just to have children but it also was to be one with your partner and to enjoy the feelings it gave your body as well as your mind.
07/08/2012
Contributor: SamsDelight SamsDelight
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
Sex was not of limits to my parents but toys were a hush hush thing. I am open with my partner but to those around me most would never know I have bought anything other than pj's.
07/08/2012