Finding someone you trust is always important. If you can't open up to your partner about your desires, it may be time to rethink your relationship.
#SummerPleasure - Celebrate YOUR Independence!
07/05/2012
I often get very embarrassed talking about sex, especially with my HUSBAND! I tend to get very red in the face and the funniest thing is I can talk to my mother about sex like its nothing, My Family had always been VERY Open about talking about sex(Obviously to an extent and when it was appropriate). We live with a room mate so I still dont really feel like I have full sexual Independence, I guess that will come when we get our own place!
07/05/2012
While sex was never a common subject in my house growing up, we were taught that it was a wonderful thing, and nothing to be ashamed of. I feel that I have a pretty high sex drive compared to others and am so happy to have a wife with the same. Our relationship is one of trust and communication, with neither of us expecting something of the other that we ourselves are not willing to try or do. Hooray for sexual independence!
07/05/2012
Everything I learned about sex growing up was from movies and tv and books. And the painful sex-ed classes in school. I have only recently become more open and EF and the review program has helped me on that journey.
07/05/2012
I oscillate between being totally assertive, and still being shy. It helps to have partners that are really open with me, but mostly I have to be comfortable expressing what I want. I just make myself own it. If I don't judge others, I can't judge myself.
07/05/2012
I was lucky to start my teen years with a pretty good outlook about my sexuality... no things to my upbringing.
07/05/2012
My parents never discussed it and so I do not like to either. With my ex husband he was open and liked to try things so I was OK with it as he was gentle and we worked on it together. Now that I am remarried we do not talk about sex and he does it the same way on the same day of the week and I am starting to hate it but he refuses to discuss sex or try new things as he says you should not do that.
07/05/2012
We're still working on it. It's still difficult for me to believe that I have just as much rights as my husband, but we're getting there.
07/05/2012
I think I've always kind of been open and honest in the bedroom, from my very first time and even now after 4 babies. I think it's so important to an enjoyable sexual experience, for both people to be open and honest and especially to communicate - and so, I insist on it.
I was also really lucky and didn't receive a lot of societal shaming where sex was concerned. My Mom talked to me openly about it when I was really young and we continue talking openly about it today (sometimes too openly... *smiles*) and I went to really great schools that offered comprehensive sex education, where all my childish questions about sexuality got answered without a second thought. And sexuality has been an extreme interest of mine since I was about 11, so researching it has become a part of my daily routine. And when you know the science behind sex, it's kind of hard to have hang ups or mixed feelings.
I would say the 2 most important pillars for a great sex life are most definitely education and communication. After that, it's all just bodies. And really, the only person who cares about that last 10 pounds or those really noticeable stretchmarks or the saggy boobs or any other "flaw" is the person with the "flaw" themselves. The person on the other side of the bed, is probably just happy to be getting action.
I was also really lucky and didn't receive a lot of societal shaming where sex was concerned. My Mom talked to me openly about it when I was really young and we continue talking openly about it today (sometimes too openly... *smiles*) and I went to really great schools that offered comprehensive sex education, where all my childish questions about sexuality got answered without a second thought. And sexuality has been an extreme interest of mine since I was about 11, so researching it has become a part of my daily routine. And when you know the science behind sex, it's kind of hard to have hang ups or mixed feelings.
I would say the 2 most important pillars for a great sex life are most definitely education and communication. After that, it's all just bodies. And really, the only person who cares about that last 10 pounds or those really noticeable stretchmarks or the saggy boobs or any other "flaw" is the person with the "flaw" themselves. The person on the other side of the bed, is probably just happy to be getting action.
07/05/2012
I first felt truly sexualy independent in the last year( which was hell.) My husband and I were pretty close to separating and one of our major issues was the bedroom being so "him"centric. It was only after I had stopped caring if we stayed together that I was able to express myself and our sexlife has taken off!
My husband had never been very open too kink in the past and part of that confidence was standing up to him and telling him he needed to try something at least once. The funny thing is, he loves it more than I do now!!!
My husband had never been very open too kink in the past and part of that confidence was standing up to him and telling him he needed to try something at least once. The funny thing is, he loves it more than I do now!!!
07/05/2012
Edenfantasys was the biggest help in my exploration of myself. It made me realise that I was fairly normal and that hiding what I wanted was pointless.
07/05/2012
Quote:
Well, I still have some trouble expressing my desires, but I try to be pretty honest anyhow. If you're not open, there's no chance of getting what you want, and that's a poor way to live, innit? ;D
Originally posted by
Ansley
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the relationships that were supposed to be models for our own behaviors.
For those of us who were lucky enough to have parents that engaged us in conversation on the matter, the road to adulthood and expressing our sexuality came a little easier.
For many of us it was difficult to get over the negative things we learned about sex as we were growing up and it seems that we have a large community here that has decided enough is enough and did something about it.
When do you think it was that you were able to declare your sexual independence and express yourself honestly and openly in the bedroom?
Do you have any advice for those who still do not feel comfortable with expressing their desires? less
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the relationships that were supposed to be models for our own behaviors.
For those of us who were lucky enough to have parents that engaged us in conversation on the matter, the road to adulthood and expressing our sexuality came a little easier.
For many of us it was difficult to get over the negative things we learned about sex as we were growing up and it seems that we have a large community here that has decided enough is enough and did something about it.
When do you think it was that you were able to declare your sexual independence and express yourself honestly and openly in the bedroom?
Do you have any advice for those who still do not feel comfortable with expressing their desires? less
07/05/2012
I was raised where sex was a natural part of life, but that it wasn't wise to discuss your sex life with your parents in anything other than really general info. In private, it's always been easy for me to express myself, since I was raised that sex is natural and nice, not sinful
07/05/2012
Rob Verrelli
you have to be comfortable with your desires...because if there is something you want in life then you should get it or try it out atleast
07/05/2012
I think it's great to promote sexual independence and let people know that they don't have to be ashamed of their bodies or feelings and can freely express themselves without being judges.
07/05/2012
Quote:
I have this problem on occasion with my significant other. I find it best to just say the things on my mind without second guessing myself or thinking too hard about how to say it. Once its out there its out there and i feel better for having shared it.
Originally posted by
Ansley
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the relationships that were supposed to be models for our own behaviors.
For those of us who were lucky enough to have parents that engaged us in conversation on the matter, the road to adulthood and expressing our sexuality came a little easier.
For many of us it was difficult to get over the negative things we learned about sex as we were growing up and it seems that we have a large community here that has decided enough is enough and did something about it.
When do you think it was that you were able to declare your sexual independence and express yourself honestly and openly in the bedroom?
Do you have any advice for those who still do not feel comfortable with expressing their desires? less
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the relationships that were supposed to be models for our own behaviors.
For those of us who were lucky enough to have parents that engaged us in conversation on the matter, the road to adulthood and expressing our sexuality came a little easier.
For many of us it was difficult to get over the negative things we learned about sex as we were growing up and it seems that we have a large community here that has decided enough is enough and did something about it.
When do you think it was that you were able to declare your sexual independence and express yourself honestly and openly in the bedroom?
Do you have any advice for those who still do not feel comfortable with expressing their desires? less
07/05/2012
Quote:
I grew up in a home where sex was taboo and not talked about, so I still have some trouble with expressing my wants. But it gets easier with time and as you get more used to your partner. Self esteem has a lot to do with it and as I have seen other people put, it helps after a weightloss, so I have been more open since losing 40lbs. too.
Originally posted by
Ansley
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the relationships that were supposed to be models for our own behaviors.
For those of us who were lucky enough to have parents that engaged us in conversation on the matter, the road to adulthood and expressing our sexuality came a little easier.
For many of us it was difficult to get over the negative things we learned about sex as we were growing up and it seems that we have a large community here that has decided enough is enough and did something about it.
When do you think it was that you were able to declare your sexual independence and express yourself honestly and openly in the bedroom?
Do you have any advice for those who still do not feel comfortable with expressing their desires? less
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the relationships that were supposed to be models for our own behaviors.
For those of us who were lucky enough to have parents that engaged us in conversation on the matter, the road to adulthood and expressing our sexuality came a little easier.
For many of us it was difficult to get over the negative things we learned about sex as we were growing up and it seems that we have a large community here that has decided enough is enough and did something about it.
When do you think it was that you were able to declare your sexual independence and express yourself honestly and openly in the bedroom?
Do you have any advice for those who still do not feel comfortable with expressing their desires? less
Its hard for some people to express themselves, but I assure you it will get easier with time, and the benefits of being open about your sexuality are good too!
07/05/2012
Quote:
Both me and my spouse are shy in this regard, and dabbling in toys has helped opening up about the subject for both of us.
Originally posted by
carebear712
I grew up in a home where sex was taboo and not talked about, so I still have some trouble with expressing my wants. But it gets easier with time and as you get more used to your partner. Self esteem has a lot to do with it and as I have seen other
...
more
I grew up in a home where sex was taboo and not talked about, so I still have some trouble with expressing my wants. But it gets easier with time and as you get more used to your partner. Self esteem has a lot to do with it and as I have seen other people put, it helps after a weightloss, so I have been more open since losing 40lbs. too.
Its hard for some people to express themselves, but I assure you it will get easier with time, and the benefits of being open about your sexuality are good too! less
Its hard for some people to express themselves, but I assure you it will get easier with time, and the benefits of being open about your sexuality are good too! less
07/05/2012
It can be good to develop a culture of communication with your partner first. Start small, like talking about how frustrating work can be, or how awesome you feel when you work out or complete a project. Once you talk about everything else, talking about sexual needs and desires becomes much easier.
07/05/2012
Quote:
LOL, to be honest, I don't know why...I still don't feel 100% comfortable.
Originally posted by
Ansley
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the relationships that were supposed to be models for our own behaviors.
For those of us who were lucky enough to have parents that engaged us in conversation on the matter, the road to adulthood and expressing our sexuality came a little easier.
For many of us it was difficult to get over the negative things we learned about sex as we were growing up and it seems that we have a large community here that has decided enough is enough and did something about it.
When do you think it was that you were able to declare your sexual independence and express yourself honestly and openly in the bedroom?
Do you have any advice for those who still do not feel comfortable with expressing their desires? less
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the relationships that were supposed to be models for our own behaviors.
For those of us who were lucky enough to have parents that engaged us in conversation on the matter, the road to adulthood and expressing our sexuality came a little easier.
For many of us it was difficult to get over the negative things we learned about sex as we were growing up and it seems that we have a large community here that has decided enough is enough and did something about it.
When do you think it was that you were able to declare your sexual independence and express yourself honestly and openly in the bedroom?
Do you have any advice for those who still do not feel comfortable with expressing their desires? less
07/05/2012
Sex and Sexuality... Hmm seems there are still lots of hang ups.
I think sex is something we are meant to experieicne and enjoy, it brings us closer to our significant other. Trust, yes by all means is most important in order to express true love.
While I was growing up Sex was so taboo, I was almost completely oblivious to it when I started dating. I knew that boys wanted it, by their actions, but feared exploring and thus remained uncomfortable. When I met my hubby, I trusted him and that trust led me to embrace my own sexuality, but it was not a quick transition. He was patient, and taught me how to enjoy a simple touch and eventually far more. Thirty years later my view of sex is much different. He still loves to explore and continues to be creative, I remain his willing accomplace and have learned to be more adventurous, we enjoy every minute of it.
I think sex is something we are meant to experieicne and enjoy, it brings us closer to our significant other. Trust, yes by all means is most important in order to express true love.
While I was growing up Sex was so taboo, I was almost completely oblivious to it when I started dating. I knew that boys wanted it, by their actions, but feared exploring and thus remained uncomfortable. When I met my hubby, I trusted him and that trust led me to embrace my own sexuality, but it was not a quick transition. He was patient, and taught me how to enjoy a simple touch and eventually far more. Thirty years later my view of sex is much different. He still loves to explore and continues to be creative, I remain his willing accomplace and have learned to be more adventurous, we enjoy every minute of it.
07/05/2012
Quote:
It wasn't until I left home and found a partner who was willing to be open and talk frankly about his sexuality that I found myself being more willing to open up about mine.
Originally posted by
Ansley
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the relationships that were supposed to be models for our own behaviors.
For those of us who were lucky enough to have parents that engaged us in conversation on the matter, the road to adulthood and expressing our sexuality came a little easier.
For many of us it was difficult to get over the negative things we learned about sex as we were growing up and it seems that we have a large community here that has decided enough is enough and did something about it.
When do you think it was that you were able to declare your sexual independence and express yourself honestly and openly in the bedroom?
Do you have any advice for those who still do not feel comfortable with expressing their desires? less
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the relationships that were supposed to be models for our own behaviors.
For those of us who were lucky enough to have parents that engaged us in conversation on the matter, the road to adulthood and expressing our sexuality came a little easier.
For many of us it was difficult to get over the negative things we learned about sex as we were growing up and it seems that we have a large community here that has decided enough is enough and did something about it.
When do you think it was that you were able to declare your sexual independence and express yourself honestly and openly in the bedroom?
Do you have any advice for those who still do not feel comfortable with expressing their desires? less
07/05/2012
Quote:
I was an adult. This was not a topic that was talked about in my house at all. I plan to make it a topic (age appropriate) for my children though. I don't want to have them "curious" and end up in a messy situation. I wish my parents HAD talked to me about it, but they didn't and I married my high school sweetheart, so we learned along the way.
Originally posted by
Ansley
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the relationships that were supposed to be models for our own behaviors.
For those of us who were lucky enough to have parents that engaged us in conversation on the matter, the road to adulthood and expressing our sexuality came a little easier.
For many of us it was difficult to get over the negative things we learned about sex as we were growing up and it seems that we have a large community here that has decided enough is enough and did something about it.
When do you think it was that you were able to declare your sexual independence and express yourself honestly and openly in the bedroom?
Do you have any advice for those who still do not feel comfortable with expressing their desires? less
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the relationships that were supposed to be models for our own behaviors.
For those of us who were lucky enough to have parents that engaged us in conversation on the matter, the road to adulthood and expressing our sexuality came a little easier.
For many of us it was difficult to get over the negative things we learned about sex as we were growing up and it seems that we have a large community here that has decided enough is enough and did something about it.
When do you think it was that you were able to declare your sexual independence and express yourself honestly and openly in the bedroom?
Do you have any advice for those who still do not feel comfortable with expressing their desires? less
07/05/2012
TRUST.
I don't know, it seems like a really stupid thing, but if you don't trust the person you're with, you're probably not gonna get anywhere. Have a little faith in them, and if it doesn't work out... maybe you need to move on to something better. (but no pressure)
I don't know, it seems like a really stupid thing, but if you don't trust the person you're with, you're probably not gonna get anywhere. Have a little faith in them, and if it doesn't work out... maybe you need to move on to something better. (but no pressure)
07/05/2012
Quote:
When I realized that I do not identify as a heterosexual was when I gave myself permission to like what I like and talk about it openly. That, and a lot of therapy! This happened in the past couple of years, in my 30s. I have found that lovers and friends alike are generally relieved to hear direct talk about sex. I have found that my speaking plainly in turn helps those around me to give themselves permission to be freer about sex. Viva la revolucion!
Originally posted by
Ansley
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the relationships that were supposed to be models for our own behaviors.
For those of us who were lucky enough to have parents that engaged us in conversation on the matter, the road to adulthood and expressing our sexuality came a little easier.
For many of us it was difficult to get over the negative things we learned about sex as we were growing up and it seems that we have a large community here that has decided enough is enough and did something about it.
When do you think it was that you were able to declare your sexual independence and express yourself honestly and openly in the bedroom?
Do you have any advice for those who still do not feel comfortable with expressing their desires? less
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the relationships that were supposed to be models for our own behaviors.
For those of us who were lucky enough to have parents that engaged us in conversation on the matter, the road to adulthood and expressing our sexuality came a little easier.
For many of us it was difficult to get over the negative things we learned about sex as we were growing up and it seems that we have a large community here that has decided enough is enough and did something about it.
When do you think it was that you were able to declare your sexual independence and express yourself honestly and openly in the bedroom?
Do you have any advice for those who still do not feel comfortable with expressing their desires? less
07/05/2012
Quote:
I think it wasnt until I was married for over a year and felt very comfortable telling my wife what I really liked and didnt like. I think the biggest thing is to be brave and know that if the person doesnt accept you for who you are, then are you sure you want to be with them?
Originally posted by
Ansley
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the relationships that were supposed to be models for our own behaviors.
For those of us who were lucky enough to have parents that engaged us in conversation on the matter, the road to adulthood and expressing our sexuality came a little easier.
For many of us it was difficult to get over the negative things we learned about sex as we were growing up and it seems that we have a large community here that has decided enough is enough and did something about it.
When do you think it was that you were able to declare your sexual independence and express yourself honestly and openly in the bedroom?
Do you have any advice for those who still do not feel comfortable with expressing their desires? less
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the relationships that were supposed to be models for our own behaviors.
For those of us who were lucky enough to have parents that engaged us in conversation on the matter, the road to adulthood and expressing our sexuality came a little easier.
For many of us it was difficult to get over the negative things we learned about sex as we were growing up and it seems that we have a large community here that has decided enough is enough and did something about it.
When do you think it was that you were able to declare your sexual independence and express yourself honestly and openly in the bedroom?
Do you have any advice for those who still do not feel comfortable with expressing their desires? less
07/05/2012
I think everyone comes about it in their own way and time
07/05/2012
Even after 7 years of marriage, it's sometimes hard to relax and tell my husband what I'm thinking, wanting or needing. It does get easier, but so many factors play into relaxation. My own body image is a huge one.
07/05/2012
I lost my virginity at 17, but I wasn't very "open" in the bedroom as far as being comfortable enough to let myself go and enjoy myself and such until my current relationship. I've just never been comfortable before him, like that, before. Comfortable about my body and such, you know?
07/05/2012
For me it depends on the partner. I like partners that I can be sexually open with about my preferences but that doesn't translate to every relationship. Sometimes I'm open and honest about taking control right away and other times I need to slowly introduce things.
07/05/2012