The New Intimacy

#SummerPleasure - Celebrate YOUR Independence!

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Contributor: cassondra1987 cassondra1987
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
I still have a difficult time expressing to my husband exactly what it is I want in the bedroom. There are somethings I have no problem asking for but others I am too embarrassed. Even though my husband is completely open with me and can express exactly what he wants. Thankfully he is a patient man and is helping me get through this. It tends to help me the most when he says, "What is so embarrassing about it? All you are doing is telling the man you love exactly what it is you want to do to you!"
07/04/2012
Contributor: AliMc AliMc
I have some issues to work through regarding self esteem. I'm not entirely sure what it means to be sexually independent anyway though?
07/04/2012
Contributor: tweetyscute tweetyscute
Having a partner that is open and honest allows me to do the same
07/04/2012
Contributor: Vaginas Vaginas
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
get to know yourself. learn what makes you feel good and embrace it. love who you are. sex shouldn't feel shameful, so ignore it if anyone tries to tell you different. your opinion of yourself is the only one that matters. sexual freedom for all.
07/04/2012
Contributor: KyotoAngel KyotoAngel
Honestly, I think it was when I started really learning about sex in general and how it's not the dirty, shameful thing I used to think it was (in no way related to the way my mother tried to explain in though, she did a good job with that aspect) that made me feel more comfortable expressing my own desires. Granted, I've had little experience with that myself thus far but like everything in life, you learn as you go.

I can't really offer any tips except that it won't always be pretty, and no matter how much you do learn from the internet it can't fully prepare you for the real thing no matter how all knowing the internet may seem.
It's best to just trust your instincts, and learn to see life and sex in a more positive light.
07/04/2012
Contributor: Cougar in Training Cougar in Training
I actually wrote a blog post about How Sex Helped Me. link
07/04/2012
Contributor: sexykiss sexykiss
im shy when it comes to all of that
07/04/2012
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
I have become Independent from the abuse I suffered as a child. It doesn't control me, and I refuse to allow it to be a part of my life or my reactions to sex or anything else anymore. I am FREE from being a "victim" a "survivor" or any other label. I am too Independent to allow these labels to be used to trap me into a maze of bullshit and blame and excuses. I'm just me, a sexually free me.

I have Freedom to express my Kink, when I want to. My fantasies and my actions are Free and Good and I refuse to let convention tell me who I should be sexually.
07/04/2012
Contributor: cassondra1987 cassondra1987
Quote:
Originally posted by sexykiss
im shy when it comes to all of that
I am shy as well but it really helps having a partner that doesn't judge and is open with you. Heck I used to turn bright red just thinking about walking into an "adult toy store" now I have no issues with it at all. Its all because my husband encourages me to express myself.

There are still somethings that I am unable to express to him but I know one day I won't be shy anymore. And I'll have to thank for it. You'll get there too!
07/04/2012
Contributor: UrNaughtyaAngel UrNaughtyaAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
For me it was when I got my own place. The being able to walk around in the nude whenever I wanted as well as sleeping in the nude definitely made me more aware of my sexuality. Before that I was always covering myself up even if I was home alone due to the fact of been worried that someone would walk in.
07/04/2012
Contributor: llellsee llellsee
I've luckily never had any problems when it comes to being sexually confident or being able to voice what I like in the bedroom, It helps to have open minded partners though
07/04/2012
Contributor: Alyshia b Fykes Alyshia b Fykes
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
I still have a hard time in this area, but I belive your products could help with my confidence.
07/04/2012
Contributor: Loriandhubby Loriandhubby
For me my sexual indepandance was about a month after joining eden. lame right. i'm a 40 something mother, wife, and ex stripper. you would think my independance would have been much earlier in my life. but no.

now my kids are both in the Army. I have tried to talk to my daughter, but it seems to be to late. She does not want to hear any of it and feels it's creapy for me to talk to her. What a shame.

I love the posts I have read so far and look forward to seeing more advice shared. HUGS lori
07/04/2012
Contributor: Kitten has left the site Kitten has left the site
Sometimes it is hard to express your sexuality and what you need sexually. I find that if I let a little out every now and then it helps.
07/04/2012
Contributor: marrythenight marrythenight
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
I'm still working on my sexual independence. growing up in the purity culture really did a number on me and I'm still working through what aspects of that I want to adapt in my own sexuality and theology and what I want to reject (most anything regarding women who want/enjoy sex outside of marriage and the whole 'damaged goods'/slut shaming/women-need-to- protect-their-purity-o r-else-they've-failed- and-boys-will-be-hornd ogs double standard I've most definitely rejected). being here on eden and purchasing toys for the first time this year have helped me immensely
07/04/2012
Contributor: HusbandandWife HusbandandWife
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
Still working on it. I had a conservative upbringing and still have guilt for things that I find enjoyable.
07/04/2012
Contributor: FHeemz FHeemz
I have always been able to express myself quite openly with those I trust. I figured they will either accept me, or if they don't, they are not the kind of people I want in my life anyway. So I win either way. =)
07/05/2012
Contributor: wrmbreze wrmbreze
I think when you're picking the person you want to be in a relationship with, make sure they care as much about what you want and how you feel as you do. You should never sacrifice your happiness for anyone. That is what has helped me express myself and go for what I want in life, knowing that no matter what he is going to be there for me.
07/05/2012
Contributor: AriaRN AriaRN
I am still not completely comfortable telling my man what I do and don't like in the bedroom mainly because he likes vanilla sex and I like the more wild side of things.
07/05/2012
Contributor: Do emu Do emu
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
It was very recently, probably in the last two years. I think my involvement in Eden had a lot to do with that, because it made me feel comfortable talking about sex.
07/05/2012
Contributor: Christicatt Christicatt
God I love (: You guys have the best deals, amazing customer service!
07/05/2012
Contributor: mama2007 mama2007
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
Trust who you're with and gradually open up. I was assaulted in 2006, but my husband knew what happened before we met in person. We do not discuss it though
07/05/2012
Contributor: Tania B Tania B
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
I don't think I reached that sexual independence until my 30's or so. My advice to others struggling with expressing themselves sexually is to remember where you learned these hang-ups - it's THEIR hang-ups you are hanging on to, not your own!
07/05/2012
Contributor: GrandGouda GrandGouda
Never had any problems with it. I waited until I found the woman I was meant to spend the rest of my life with before having sex. And I've always been able to be open with her about what I want, and we have a great and adventurous sex life together. Monogamy and a sex life founded on true love allows you to be completely open with your partner and express yourself in the bedroom with no inhibitions.
07/05/2012
Contributor: loves6cats loves6cats
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
In my family, sex and sexuality was openly discussed...I was raised by my mother and her lesbian partner...my father is transgendered and I have a daughter who is also a lesbian...I raised my daughter to believe that everyone is to be accepted, what they do in the bedroom is of no one's concern. I will raise my son the same way.
I don't always talk about things that I want in the bedroom at the time but will talk about it after when I feel more comfortable. I think if you take time to assess how you feel, then you can talk to the person you're with. Communication is the biggest part of intimacy...start by talking about how you feel about small things then get in to how you feel about sex and sexuality.
07/05/2012
Contributor: naughtyspot naughtyspot
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
What allowed me to open up was being with women who, intentionally or not, somehow encourage me to be myself. And with that came great pleasure, which rolls on to this day.
07/05/2012
Contributor: oohlookasquirrel oohlookasquirrel
I've always known that I wouldn't get what I wanted if I didn't ask for it, and so asking for what I want has always seemed like a reasonable thing to do. I've never been shy about sex. Unfortunately, it took me many years before I figured out what I actually wanted and what worked for me. An active fantasy life and experimentation certainly helped. Knowing what gets me off, and that asking for it will lead to fun times, is all the incentive I need.

If you're shy about asking for what you want in bed, find yourself a partner with similar sexual interests! If your partner is unwilling to try the things that make you happy, you need to find someone who will.
07/05/2012
Contributor: ToyQuest ToyQuest
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
My parents were never open and still aren't open. I'd say I became independent in college. I learned a lot about myself and everything. And as I learn more about what I like, I feel free to tell a partner what I want.

For those still uncomfortable with expressing your desires, I'd say figure out what you like. It doesn't have to be big (start easy), and just say, "you know when you do...? Well, I really like it when you do that, will you do that for me today?" You could be asking for something as sweet and simple as kisses in a specific place or in a certain way. Start small and work your way up. Ask for one thing every time until you're comfortable and start moving your way up. Also, having an open and honest discussion about your likes and dislikes before even getting to the bedroom can be helpful.
07/05/2012
Contributor: Pi Pi
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... more
It was a slow process to get completely comfortable... a loving, accepting partner is the key.

I have been open for a long time however my wife is still a little more conservative. I bring things up, let them stew for a bit and then expand the conversation when I think she is ready. Sometimes nothing comes of it, but slowly she opens up to more and more adventurous things.
07/05/2012
Contributor: SexyStuff SexyStuff
I was raised with a positive view of sex, though it was to be saved for marriage. My first experiences were so painful, though, that I was left with a negative view that it took about a year to gain independence from. Even now I have to sometimes remind myself- you like this! You will be happy you chose to do it once you get started!
07/05/2012