The New Intimacy

EdenKink - Types of BDSM Relationships - Wednesday, November 16th, 2011 @ 8pm ET

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Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Quote:
Originally posted by Tessa Taboo
So, in a technical sense, BDSM is seperate from sex? And more of a way to describe a relationship, and not a type of sex? I guess in my own head, BDSM always had some kind of sexual connotation, or there was some sort of sexual gratification from ... more
For some people S&M is separate from sex. For others, it's very much intertwined.

For my owner and myself, kink is a part of our relationship, but our dynamic, while it includes sex, is not about the sex. If that makes sense.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Tessa Taboo Tessa Taboo
Quote:
Originally posted by Taylor
Sure, for a lot of people it's more about the power exchange than the sex. It doesn't have to be sexual
Ahhh... power. I get it now. Hence the soccer mom who secretly likes to be a sub
11/16/2011
Contributor: Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by Tessa Taboo
So, in a technical sense, BDSM is seperate from sex? And more of a way to describe a relationship, and not a type of sex? I guess in my own head, BDSM always had some kind of sexual connotation, or there was some sort of sexual gratification from ... more
BDSM is the play... the spanking the satisfaction of giving or receiving pain or the dynamic of a relationship. BDSM play can totally have sex involved and it can be really rough and always be a part of the play but right down to definitions.. no there isn't sex. It can be sensual or sexual based for sure but again.. it depends on the people. People always say there are different sides of a coin.. with BDSM I always say it's a ball because it's different for each and every person and couple. So for some it could totally be purely sexual I suppose.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Kitka Kitka
Quote:
Originally posted by Rayne Millaray
For some people S&M is separate from sex. For others, it's very much intertwined.

For my owner and myself, kink is a part of our relationship, but our dynamic, while it includes sex, is not about the sex. If that makes sense.
Great explanation, that's very much how it is for Daddy and I.
11/16/2011
Contributor: seaofneptune seaofneptune
Quote:
Originally posted by AndroAngel
That's true, with power exchange for me it's almost meditation.
That's a good way to put it - I feel the same way.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Starkiller87 Starkiller87
Im pretty sure Im just gonna stop talking now, because my lack of knowledge is being jumped on. And im here to learn not feel guilty and idiotic for not knowing. So ill just read from now on.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Elaira Elaira
Quote:
Originally posted by AndroAngel
That's true, with power exchange for me it's almost meditation.
For me, it's all mental. I like the power-exchange and being able to test my own boundaries of things like pain and tolerance. In fact, I did one of those flesh-hook suspensions that is kinda sorta like BDSM in a way because you get such a rush of endorphins and give up control. I knew a lot more about myself and what I could handle after that.

In other words, I like playing games with pain.
11/16/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Jobthingy
At Denny's? (I am convinced you live there )
lmao. i dennys.
11/16/2011
Contributor: AndroAngel AndroAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by Tessa Taboo
So, more role playing than sex? I feel like a need a BDSM 101 class, and we've been in here for 15 minutes...lol.
It can be role-play, it can be impact play, it can be bondage, or any other aspect of BDSM you participate in. It doesn't have to be about sex, it can be about control, or pain, etc. Everyone has different motivation.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Taylor Taylor
Quote:
Originally posted by Noira
I think that's a great use of the play partner dynamic.
Yeah it works for us, because we both like the power aspect of the relationship but it was making us both unhappy to try and make the other person into something we are not, so having him get is sadistic side taken care of with someone else seemed like the best thing to do.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by Tessa Taboo
So, more role playing than sex? I feel like a need a BDSM 101 class, and we've been in here for 15 minutes...lol.
It depends... for some people it is a role they put on. For others it's hardwired into their being. It's all individual
11/16/2011
Contributor: seaofneptune seaofneptune
Quote:
Originally posted by Rayne Millaray
For some people S&M is separate from sex. For others, it's very much intertwined.

For my owner and myself, kink is a part of our relationship, but our dynamic, while it includes sex, is not about the sex. If that makes sense.
That makes perfect sense to me and that is the same for my relationship - sometimes it includes sex but not always. Sometimes we just want the kink and sensuality of it and that is it.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Quote:
Originally posted by Starkiller87
Im pretty sure Im just gonna stop talking now, because my lack of knowledge is being jumped on. And im here to learn not feel guilty and idiotic for not knowing. So ill just read from now on.
I'm sorry you feel that way. :/ There's no reason for you to stop talking. You're opinions are welcome. And we're all here to learn.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Noira Noira
Quote:
Originally posted by Starkiller87
Im pretty sure Im just gonna stop talking now, because my lack of knowledge is being jumped on. And im here to learn not feel guilty and idiotic for not knowing. So ill just read from now on.
Aw, don't be silly. Asking questions is a good way to learn. No one's going to jump on you for not knowing things. We all started somewhere. I started on a forum for a jewelry site wondering what a 'collaring ceremony' was when someone ordered a custom collar for kinky purposes and from there started asking questions.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by Starkiller87
Im pretty sure Im just gonna stop talking now, because my lack of knowledge is being jumped on. And im here to learn not feel guilty and idiotic for not knowing. So ill just read from now on.
I don't think anybody is jumping on you. We're just explaining and sharing how we view things. You can totally keep sharing if you would like to.. we welcome it
11/16/2011
Contributor: Starkiller87 Starkiller87
Quote:
Originally posted by Serenesub
I don't think anybody is jumping on you. We're just explaining and sharing how we view things. You can totally keep sharing if you would like to.. we welcome it
No I dont mean anyone was being mean, I dont feel that way. But its easy to feel like a noob in situations like this so Id rather just keep quiet.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
The next rung in the ladder, from where I sit, would be the dominant/submissive dynamic. Don't get me wrong! There are all sorts of other dynamics in between play partners and big d/little s, but for clarity's sake (since we've got so many newbies - Y'all are awesome! Glad people are interested in learning about the subject!) I think we'd do well to come back to them another time.

In you're mind, what constitutes a D/s relationship? What makes it different from being play partners?
11/16/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by Starkiller87
Im pretty sure Im just gonna stop talking now, because my lack of knowledge is being jumped on. And im here to learn not feel guilty and idiotic for not knowing. So ill just read from now on.
Sorry that you're feeling left out!

I think a lot of people have really strong definitions for things that are very important in their lives, and for those of us on the edges who haven't invested as much, the strength of conviction can seem a little intense. I'm sure nobody means to hurt your feelings though.
11/16/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Tessa Taboo
So, more role playing than sex? I feel like a need a BDSM 101 class, and we've been in here for 15 minutes...lol.
its cool, you're not alone on this!
11/16/2011
Contributor: Elaira Elaira
For those of you who need a little BDSM 101, here is a link to a WONDERFUL article that explains the basics of it and is a really great read.

link

I love all the stuff on there. There's also wonderful information on Polyamory.

11/16/2011
Contributor: Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by Rayne Millaray
The next rung in the ladder, from where I sit, would be the dominant/submissive dynamic. Don't get me wrong! There are all sorts of other dynamics in between play partners and big d/little s, but for clarity's sake (since we've got so ... more
To me there is a commitment there. Being a dominant and having a sub is a huge commitment to that person. It's a lot of trust and it's very intimate but specifics... that's impossible. There are so many variations. Even my owner and I don't follow the terms.. we just are because we don't fit into any one category.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Tessa Taboo Tessa Taboo
Quote:
Originally posted by Noira
Aw, don't be silly. Asking questions is a good way to learn. No one's going to jump on you for not knowing things. We all started somewhere. I started on a forum for a jewelry site wondering what a 'collaring ceremony' was when ... more
A collaring ceremony? (First, before I get into this, I hope not to offend anyone, but I'm never going to learn if I don't ask, so I'm sorry....lol) I'm pretty sure I can imagine what a collaring ceremony is, but, are there a lot of people that are THAT serious about things? Are these relationships something that are part of every day life, 24/7? Or are there more casual type relationships as well (more of what I thought BDSM was... more of a role-playing in the bedroom type thing)?

I can't believe I'm this clueless....lol.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Taylor Taylor
Quote:
Originally posted by Rayne Millaray
The next rung in the ladder, from where I sit, would be the dominant/submissive dynamic. Don't get me wrong! There are all sorts of other dynamics in between play partners and big d/little s, but for clarity's sake (since we've got so ... more
I think a D/s relationhip implies that there is more of a connection and that there might be more emotional attachment between the two.

They might do all of the things that play partners do, but it might be a more of an ongoing thing.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Elaira Elaira
Quote:
Originally posted by Serenesub
To me there is a commitment there. Being a dominant and having a sub is a huge commitment to that person. It's a lot of trust and it's very intimate but specifics... that's impossible. There are so many variations. Even my owner and I ... more
This is totally true and why I only like play partners I can actually be friends with and feel good around, so like "play friends" instead of "play partners", I guess.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Quote:
Originally posted by Antipova
Sorry that you're feeling left out!

I think a lot of people have really strong definitions for things that are very important in their lives, and for those of us on the edges who haven't invested as much, the strength of conviction ... more
You always say what I wish I'd thought to say.
11/16/2011
Contributor: seaofneptune seaofneptune
Quote:
Originally posted by Starkiller87
No I dont mean anyone was being mean, I dont feel that way. But its easy to feel like a noob in situations like this so Id rather just keep quiet.
Asking questions is the way to learn, you are doing fine to me!
11/16/2011
Contributor: Jobthingy Jobthingy
Quote:
Originally posted by Starkiller87
Im pretty sure Im just gonna stop talking now, because my lack of knowledge is being jumped on. And im here to learn not feel guilty and idiotic for not knowing. So ill just read from now on.
Don't be silly. I don't know the first thing about the BDSM world.. I am here to learn something new for the day. Asking questions is the best way to learn.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Elaira Elaira
Quote:
Originally posted by Tessa Taboo
A collaring ceremony? (First, before I get into this, I hope not to offend anyone, but I'm never going to learn if I don't ask, so I'm sorry....lol) I'm pretty sure I can imagine what a collaring ceremony is, but, are there a lot of ... more
Check out that link I posted a couple posts back. It should answer some questions.

It's however you want it to be and varies from person to person.
11/16/2011
Contributor: macho99 macho99
Quote:
Originally posted by Rayne Millaray
The next rung in the ladder, from where I sit, would be the dominant/submissive dynamic. Don't get me wrong! There are all sorts of other dynamics in between play partners and big d/little s, but for clarity's sake (since we've got so ... more
again, from just watching kink.com preview clips (LMAO KIDDING!) it's more of power play. Someone relinquishes control to another person. Also, it doesn't necessarily have to be limited to couples/partners.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by Antipova
Sorry that you're feeling left out!

I think a lot of people have really strong definitions for things that are very important in their lives, and for those of us on the edges who haven't invested as much, the strength of conviction ... more
Exactly. For some people some of the definitions can be hurtful to them so when they try to explain otherwise they get really intense about it. I'm not going to lie about it.. I have absolutely bitten one of my friends heads off because they assumed I was an idiot for wanting to be owned ... they didn't understand what it meant. Nobody is trying to offend anybody or be intense.. some just feel passionately about it... because for a lot of people it is their lifestyle every single day vs. just something they're interested in.
11/16/2011