wow. see i dont even know anyone (to my knowledge! who's to say they're not keeping it underwraps) who participates in BDSM.

why is it so underground and hush hush? this type of lifestyle for sex to me seems, now that i'm learning about it, as universal and commonplace as being hetero, homo, pan, bi or transsexual. but i know plenty of trans, bi, hetero and homosexual people. how come people dont talk about their BDSM play? or i guess, how come they dont talk about it with ME!?
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wow. see i dont even know anyone (to my knowledge! who's to say they're not keeping it underwraps) who participates in BDSM.

why is it so underground and hush hush? this type of lifestyle for sex to me seems, now that i'm learning about it, as universal and commonplace as being hetero, homo, pan, bi or transsexual. but i know plenty of trans, bi, hetero and homosexual people. how come people dont talk about their BDSM play? or i guess, how come they dont talk about it with ME!?
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wow. see i dont even know anyone (to my knowledge! who's to say they're not keeping it underwraps) who participates in BDSM.

why is it so underground and hush hush? this type of lifestyle for sex to me seems, now that i'm learning about it, as universal and commonplace as being hetero, homo, pan, bi or transsexual. but i know plenty of trans, bi, hetero and homosexual people. how come people dont talk about their BDSM play? or i guess, how come they dont talk about it with ME!?
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Hello everybody, I just joined in. Today's my first meeting! (Hopefully not the last. )

I'm already amazed at the array of different views and opinions mentioned. I personally have zero experience with BDSM, except a few times when we tried out blindfolding and some power-shift roleplay.

I'll be leaning back, gathering information. Generally do what I do best; lurking forums. :p less

wow. see i dont even know anyone (to my knowledge! who's to say they're not keeping it underwraps) who participates in BDSM.

why is it so underground and hush hush? this type of lifestyle for sex to me seems, now that i'm learning about it, as universal and commonplace as being hetero, homo, pan, bi or transsexual. but i know plenty of trans, bi, hetero and homosexual people. how come people dont talk about their BDSM play? or i guess, how come they dont talk about it with ME!?
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wow. see i dont even know anyone (to my knowledge! who's to say they're not keeping it underwraps) who participates in BDSM.

why is it so underground and hush hush? this type of lifestyle for sex to me seems, now that i'm learning about it, as universal and commonplace as being hetero, homo, pan, bi or transsexual. but i know plenty of trans, bi, hetero and homosexual people. how come people dont talk about their BDSM play? or i guess, how come they dont talk about it with ME!?
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Because it can be dangerous. There are people that have lost jobs over it, lost their children, been exiled from friends and family and so on. It's not socially accepted. You really have to watch who you tell if you have something to lose. Even somebody who you think would accept it may be the one with the biggest issue. less

wow. see i dont even know anyone (to my knowledge! who's to say they're not keeping it underwraps) who participates in BDSM.

why is it so underground and hush hush? this type of lifestyle for sex to me seems, now that i'm learning about it, as universal and commonplace as being hetero, homo, pan, bi or transsexual. but i know plenty of trans, bi, hetero and homosexual people. how come people dont talk about their BDSM play? or i guess, how come they dont talk about it with ME!?
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wow. see i dont even know anyone (to my knowledge! who's to say they're not keeping it underwraps) who participates in BDSM.

why is it so underground and hush hush? this type of lifestyle for sex to me seems, now that i'm learning about it, as universal and commonplace as being hetero, homo, pan, bi or transsexual. but i know plenty of trans, bi, hetero and homosexual people. how come people dont talk about their BDSM play? or i guess, how come they dont talk about it with ME!?
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I don't talk to a lot of people about it because I think in some ways it scares them. There has been too much in the media that blurs the line between BDSM and abuse, and I think people tend to think you're fucked up in the head if you're into anything "kinkier" than they are. less

Because it can be dangerous. There are people that have lost jobs over it, lost their children, been exiled from friends and family and so on. It's not socially accepted. You really have to watch who you tell if you have something to lose. Even somebody who you think would accept it may be the one with the biggest issue. less

Well, at least in Canada it's illegal to consent to abuse, which is probably some of the reason it's kept under wraps. Sadism and masochism does occasionally bring up questionable legality if you assume that someone's psychologically damaged (something that seems to be assumed a lot!) and therefore incapable of making a rational consensual decision...

Of course as a kinkster I believe people are completely able to make the rational decision that they want a good spanking, but not everyone thinks that way, soooooo... hence the undergroundness for that, at least. And for a male submissive, well, heaven forbid he admits he wants to submit! He's not man enough. And for the female submissive? Heaven forbid, she's a bad feminist. And for the male dominant? He's being abusive and misanthropist! Female dominants? COMPENSATING.

Not what I believe. But it's the public opinion. Why do you think BDSM (and almost always F/m) is often used as a joke in media? And of course M/f is used as abusive in media. And gay and lesbian kinksters are pretty much ignored by the spotlight. There's a wrong impression given out that makes it pretty well necessary to keep kinkiness closeted... you can't be sure how someone will react. less

Hello everybody, I just joined in. Today's my first meeting! (Hopefully not the last. )

I'm already amazed at the array of different views and opinions mentioned. I personally have zero experience with BDSM, except a few times when we tried out blindfolding and some power-shift roleplay.

I'll be leaning back, gathering information. Generally do what I do best; lurking forums. :p less

SO, I guess, all this new knowledge raises one question for me. Is this something that just kind of... happens? Or can I turn to my hubby and say "I want a BDSM relationship." And we work it out from there. Like, is someone just naturally a dom or sub? Or is it/can it be a learned behavior? less