For me, I have no past trauma, no abuse, nothing of the sort. And yet, I crave the more extreme play. I'm fairly balanced. Everybody has parts that become unbalanced sometimes, it's just the way it is. However, for the most part everybody I personally know in the BDSM lifestyle are healthy, balanced individuals. Some of them were abused in their younger years, but while that is true for MOST of them they also showed the submissive or dominant tendencies before the age they were abused at. They enjoyed pain before that happened, it was just a horrible and unfortunate chapter in their life.


I personally am one of the people you'd want to save. I have a friend who is just like me, I have another who enjoys things even further up the extreme scale. But not one of us wants to be saved. We'd probably be upset if you tried to help and stop things.

Your view point isn't that rare. That's why most of us don't tell people in our lives what we're into. It's not a shame thing, it's worrying about what others are going to think, how they're going to treat us. Some people have actually lost their jobs and their children because people didn't understand their lifestyle. There are even people who are IN the lifestyle that have your viewpoint. They see all bruises, and everybody on the more extreme end of the play scale as wrong. They see them as abused, even if it's consensual they tell the sub they are abused and will always be abused because they are victims and need to realize what is happening. I've seen it. I've listened to subs cry because they're told these things. So a lot of people keep quiet.

The thing is, if you are uncomfortable with something you will most likely always be uncomfortable with it. But, that means you don't engage in it. I don't believe that anybody she be judged or condemned for these things. There are people that only like missionary style sex... there are people that need to be hurt in order to orgasm. It's just the way we're wired. I personally am absolutely bored to death with vanilla sex. It does nothing for me at all. But that doesn't mean others shouldn't do it.

When I have sex my pain and pleasure sensors get a little foggy. I can be bitten to the point of a small bruise and not even feel it. But I enjoy it. I need the dominance my owner has over me in day to day life and I need it in the bedroom. If I am in control I don't enjoy sex. If I don't have some pain mixed into things I don't enjoy it. It can be as little as pulling hair and spanking or as big as flogging and caning. When I'm hurt to the point of bruising it's like a release. I let go of everything. Does it hurt? Somewhat, but I like it. It's almost euphoric. Depending on the implement causing the bruise (teeth, paddle, etc) I can do anything from going completely passive and limp to struggling and squealing. But in that struggling and squealing is a release too.

I enjoy the bruises. I like looking down and knowing that I am his, and having reminders of so much pleasure and such a good night. I will absolutely sit and poke a bruise and smile. I can take pain. I enjoy the pain. I agreed it, I ask for it. For somebody like me, it is just another need like water, air, and food. Without it I get antsy, I get uncomfortable and restless. It really is a need. And unless you have that need it is almost impossible to explain or understand. If somebody didn't need air to breathe other than saying "I need it to live it keeps me going" there is no way to explain to that person because they themselves do not need it.

Social conditioning is fine. But when you(using you as a general term) were a child you were also taught that Santa Clause and the Easter bunny was real, and that stealing was wrong no matter what. As you grow up you learn that things aren't so black and white. There really isn't a Santa Clause or Easter bunny. You learn that sometimes stealing a loaf of bread to feed your children is the only option you have. Every single thing in the world has more than one side to it. Yes, it takes time to overcome that thinking... but it is wrong thinking. There are varying degrees of sadism just as there are varying degrees of submission. A pure sadist has no emotion and could absolutely kill somebody with no second thought. There are some dominants who say they are pure sadists but they aren't. They may be as close as they come without crossing that line, but they are not the same. There are submissives who cannot function without a dominant. There are some that when they are unowned run their lives into the ground and sometimes end up dead, sometimes they just can't get their shit together. But, again they are rare. You cannot take a small percentage of any group and apply it to the whole population of said group.


As far as being creepy? There are men and women, submissives and dominants in this lifestyle that are some of the nicest people you will ever meet. There are some of them that go out of their way to help anybody they can. You are categorizing them as creepy because you don't understand them. My owner will hurt me, absolutely. But, he is also one of the softest, sweetest men I have ever met. Looking from the outside in...if you don't understand things... it would look creepy. But so does vanilla life if all you've ever known is another way of life. I'm glad you're trying to learn and get rid of social stigma if only on how you see this. But, until you let go of that mindset it wont happen because we will always be creepy to you and seeing beyond that is hard. You don't know for sure what goes on in everybody's bedroom. You may have people you know that are into the harder BDSM that have never told you. If you randomly met me, you would have no idea unless I told you. If you've known somebody for 20+ years and suddenly found out that they liked to bruise and spank their partners would you find them creepy or would you just see them as your friend still?

I used to think that all subs were doormats, that nobody would ever control me and continue living. I used to think that dominants were abusive bastards. Until I had a boyfriend suggest it. And now? I am happier than I have ever been in my life. Some of the people in this lifestyle are my best friends that I would not have met if I had kept my views. I thought that way because I did not understand. Asking questions and reading is good. But, in order to completely erase that thinking I personally think that this lifestyle needs to be experienced or at least closely viewed via somebody deep into it that can help you understand. There is nothing creepy about it once you're in it. It's just day to day life.