The New Intimacy

Eden Flicks/Eden Kink Discussion: Secretary. January 17 at 8 PM EDT

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Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Quote:
Originally posted by lexical
Something I do not like about this movie isss...

There's not enough spanking. Just kidding I don't think there's much of anything I dislike. James Spader really does it for me. lmao

Although...I do feel terrible for her ... more
Yes, exactly that. Though somebody's gotta ask, what is normal anyway? lol (And James Spader is hot!)
01/17/2012
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by wrmbreze
I like tattoos, I only have one but I want many many more.
I... Have a lot more than one, lol. Total number is about 14 or so, but I have a few larger pieces. A big chunk of my left thigh and my entire left side up onto my shoulder.
01/17/2012
Contributor: lexical lexical
Quote:
Originally posted by Serenesub
Depending on who you talk to ALL kink is regarded as a harmful negative practice
I was referring to cutting in that post...not kink. lol I'm a kinkster myself and I think it's probably less harmful and negative than a lot of mainstream sex...We do so much discussion and negotiation and aftercare! As a sex educator, those are things that I'd like to encourage in all forms of sexuality.

Come to think of it, that is also an aspect of the movie that I dislike. She obviously consents to what happens, by way of allowing it to continue and actively participating in it...But the boss man never gains consent before doing what he does. In a fantasy, that's fine and dandy. In real life, there better be a discussion about things before this kind of stuff happens.
01/17/2012
Contributor: biancajames biancajames
Quote:
Originally posted by Serenesub
Or that it's all romanticized and ends picture perfectly and then new subs come in expecting this. They jump into things expecting the movie and get hurt or disappointed or numerous other things. That's one aspect I've always disliked ... more
Yeah, I don't believe that their relationship would become magically happy and healthy when it began on such abusive terms.
01/17/2012
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
brb
01/17/2012
Contributor: wrmbreze wrmbreze
Quote:
Originally posted by Jul!a
I... Have a lot more than one, lol. Total number is about 14 or so, but I have a few larger pieces. A big chunk of my left thigh and my entire left side up onto my shoulder.
My mom has issues with tattoos that have nothing to do with the pain factor. Issues from her own mother I believe.
01/17/2012
Contributor: AndroAngel AndroAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
Oh, I've been hanging onto these thoughts for a while. OK.

The story is very plausible. A guy who likes to dominate encounters a girl who likes/needs pain as a release. They meet. They test the boundaries of their relationship. People like ... more
I hate that stereotype... It makes it hard to talk to people about kink in a positive light, because then those who haven't experienced it want to paint me as either broken or abusive.
01/17/2012
Contributor: lexical lexical
Quote:
Originally posted by Tori Rebel
They simply had to show another weaker personality to show the viewer what Lee wasn't getting, etc. and I get that. But his weakness just...irks me. The way he sits on the couch facing her staring while she's talking to his parents on the ... more
See, I like him. Or maybe I just pity him and empathize in a way...Unrequited love is ROUGH, dude.
01/17/2012
Contributor: Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by lexical
I was referring to cutting in that post...not kink. lol I'm a kinkster myself and I think it's probably less harmful and negative than a lot of mainstream sex...We do so much discussion and negotiation and aftercare! As a sex educator, ... more
for most people. Some fall into it not knowing what it is or knowing you need to discuss it. Another thing I don't like.. no discussion. You take everything from this movie and apply it to a relationship chances are good you'll get hurt or end up somewhere you don't want to be. These things need newbie disclaimers!
01/17/2012
Contributor: Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by biancajames
Yeah, I don't believe that their relationship would become magically happy and healthy when it began on such abusive terms.
Can I ask what you're seeing as abusive terms?
01/17/2012
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
Oh, I've been hanging onto these thoughts for a while. OK.

The story is very plausible. A guy who likes to dominate encounters a girl who likes/needs pain as a release. They meet. They test the boundaries of their relationship. People like ... more
Yes, I remember the first time I watched this movie that left a bad taste in my mouth. But I don't think Lee is irreparably damaged. I think the fact that she can be controlled is evidence of that.
01/17/2012
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by lexical
See, I like him. Or maybe I just pity him and empathize in a way...Unrequited love is ROUGH, dude.
Honestly, part of the reason I think I don't like him is because I have an outlandishly strong personality and am a strict domme....his weakness and passivity just don't mesh well with me LOL
01/17/2012
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by Tori Rebel
There are some very intelligent, well educated people that I've seen write about cutting from an autobiographical stance that have determined it to be a coping mechanism. I'm not sure if I agree or not because it could be harmful if done ... more
I can totally see it as a coping thing. I have one friend who cut... and the way he described it the first time, I was thinking, oh, that's the same as me being upset with myself and doing four dozen pushups.
01/17/2012
Contributor: biancajames biancajames
Quote:
Originally posted by Serenesub
Can I ask what you're seeing as abusive terms?
To be fair, it's been a while since I've seen the film (Ive seen it twice but didn't rewatch it). I just recall thinking that the whole dynamic seemed a little codependent/not always consensual/emotionally abusive.
01/17/2012
Contributor: lexical lexical
Quote:
Originally posted by Serenesub
for most people. Some fall into it not knowing what it is or knowing you need to discuss it. Another thing I don't like.. no discussion. You take everything from this movie and apply it to a relationship chances are good you'll get hurt or ... more
Amen on the newbie disclaimers. But...I'm a firm believer that if you "fall into it not knowing what it is", you ought to quickly do some research and figure out what's up. A little common sense and a good set of library or internet search skills are key for survival...LOL
01/17/2012
Contributor: AndroAngel AndroAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by lexical
I was referring to cutting in that post...not kink. lol I'm a kinkster myself and I think it's probably less harmful and negative than a lot of mainstream sex...We do so much discussion and negotiation and aftercare! As a sex educator, ... more
Ah, that's what I thought might trigger me... That doesn't strike me well. There's no way to know if it's consent or complacence without communication. Even if it's just an agreement at the beginning and/or occasional check ins.
01/17/2012
Contributor: Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by biancajames
To be fair, it's been a while since I've seen the film (Ive seen it twice but didn't rewatch it). I just recall thinking that the whole dynamic seemed a little codependent/not always consensual/emotionally abusive.
Okay, can I also ask if you're kinky? If you mentioned and I missed it I'm sorry. I do have a point though, promise!
01/17/2012
Contributor: Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by lexical
Amen on the newbie disclaimers. But...I'm a firm believer that if you "fall into it not knowing what it is", you ought to quickly do some research and figure out what's up. A little common sense and a good set of library or ... more
Yeah but I think we've all met people that manage to survive without them. It's those people I mean
01/17/2012
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by biancajames
To be fair, it's been a while since I've seen the film (Ive seen it twice but didn't rewatch it). I just recall thinking that the whole dynamic seemed a little codependent/not always consensual/emotionally abusive.
They definitely don't show a lot of the ins and outs that would be present in a real life relationship because they don't go through discussions of what is consensual, and what the limits and boundaries are. That could easily give someone that doesn't know about the lifestyle the wrong idea of how things come about. But I personally give that part some wiggle room because it is a movie.
01/17/2012
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
I really loathed the scene with Mr. Grey where he is chastising himself for wanting to dominate Lee. It felt like something a serial killer would do to control his bloodlust and that did not sit well with me.

To be clear, I'm a kinkster and a top. We do not have a 24/7-D/s life.
01/17/2012
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
If you were Lee or Mr. Grey, what would you have done differently?
01/17/2012
Contributor: biancajames biancajames
Quote:
Originally posted by Serenesub
Okay, can I also ask if you're kinky? If you mentioned and I missed it I'm sorry. I do have a point though, promise!
Yes, I've been kinky for a good 18 years now. I want to make it clear I don't think their relationship is abusive because it's kinky, I just think some of the dynamics between them were kind of fucked up by the standards of any relationship.
01/17/2012
Contributor: lexical lexical
Quote:
Originally posted by biancajames
To be fair, it's been a while since I've seen the film (Ive seen it twice but didn't rewatch it). I just recall thinking that the whole dynamic seemed a little codependent/not always consensual/emotionally abusive.
I'd say that's accurate. I think there's definitely a level of...obsession going on there. But I also think that's the point. She's coming to learn that she NEEDs this. That it feeds something in her. And he's obviously a controlling, sadistic son of a bitch

I'd also like to talk a little more about James Spader's character. He is REALLY mean to her sometimes, and not in a fun way. Leading her on, neglecting her, making her feel like crap. I don't feel that it's really intentional on his part. I think he feels guilty for the way he is.

I think it's important to remember that this movie is about HIS transformation too.
01/17/2012
Contributor: Sapphire Pet Sapphire Pet
Quote:
Originally posted by AndroAngel
I hate that stereotype... It makes it hard to talk to people about kink in a positive light, because then those who haven't experienced it want to paint me as either broken or abusive.
Agreed!!!! I have had a wonderful life! I'm lucky to say the least but I still like being a "pet". I'm not broken or abused. I just enjoy the lifestyle and none of my Masters/Mistresses have ever "abused" me. Just because Lee's life started out abusive doesn't mean that everyone started out in the same situation. That is just part of her character profile.
01/17/2012
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by wrmbreze
My mom has issues with tattoos that have nothing to do with the pain factor. Issues from her own mother I believe.
My mom's come to terms with mine. I have a steady job, I graduated high school and college, I'm in a stable happy relationship, and my tattoos can all easily be hidden. As much as she doesn't like that they're permanent, she has acknowledged that the artwork is top notch at least.
01/17/2012
Contributor: Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by biancajames
Yes, I've been kinky for a good 18 years now. I want to make it clear I don't think their relationship is abusive because it's kinky, I just think some of the dynamics between them were kind of fucked up by the standards of any relationship.
Okay. I am submissive, and I am totally codependent. We live this lifestyle 24/7. Every sub I personally know that does live that way is codependent on some level. It seems to be a natural thing. I've also been thinking about it and they seem to have a consensual non-consent thing going. Which again should have required a discussion but it is a movie.
01/17/2012
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
I really loathed the scene with Mr. Grey where he is chastising himself for wanting to dominate Lee. It felt like something a serial killer would do to control his bloodlust and that did not sit well with me.

To be clear, I'm a kinkster ... more
Some dominants have a hard time reconciling their dominant personality with the person society expects them to be. Especially men. We spend most of their lives telling them no woman would ever enjoy being hurt or controlled. When they develop a propensity for it, and find women who enjoy it, it takes them a minute to really understand that it's not bad or wrong if they've been given consent.
01/17/2012
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
I really loathed the scene with Mr. Grey where he is chastising himself for wanting to dominate Lee. It felt like something a serial killer would do to control his bloodlust and that did not sit well with me.

To be clear, I'm a kinkster ... more
When I first saw it, that part made me think...huh, he wasn't trained. And then I got snobby for a moment and wanted to do it myself But I chalk it up to not everyone becomes fully educated and is trained on how to be a Dominant/Domme and a lot of people do struggle to find their role and aren't sure how to go about beginning in a relationship or progress in one. It can surely cause self-doubt.
01/17/2012
Contributor: Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by lexical
I'd say that's accurate. I think there's definitely a level of...obsession going on there. But I also think that's the point. She's coming to learn that she NEEDs this. That it feeds something in her. And he's obviously a ... more
Things like that also flip some peoples switches to be have done to them and do to their partner.
01/17/2012
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Quote:
Originally posted by Serenesub
Okay. I am submissive, and I am totally codependent. We live this lifestyle 24/7. Every sub I personally know that does live that way is codependent on some level. It seems to be a natural thing. I've also been thinking about it and they seem to ... more
I'm codependent, also. Master owns me. I give everything that belongs to me over to him. How could I not be dependent upon him?
01/17/2012