if i really want it i pull a toy out
Ladies, what is your reaction if you want to have an orgasm but can't/don't?
11/28/2010
Quote:
I'm the same way. It's really rare for me to orgasm with a partner, unless I'm insanely horny (like, literally haven't had sex in a full month horny) or if we're doing anal. But even then it's not a for sure. It takes me forever to get there and I end up wearing us both out with trying so I usually just do it myself for optimal speed (which is still 15 minutes! Bah.) It does make it all the more special on the odd time I do manage to get off with someone, though
Originally posted by
tigerkate
Hm, when I'm with someone, I don't usually even consider orgasm as a possible factor... just enjoy the sensations and don't get upset over not orgasming.
But every now and then, outside of the bedroom, I'll start to feel flawed ... more
But every now and then, outside of the bedroom, I'll start to feel flawed ... more
Hm, when I'm with someone, I don't usually even consider orgasm as a possible factor... just enjoy the sensations and don't get upset over not orgasming.
But every now and then, outside of the bedroom, I'll start to feel flawed because I don't ever orgasm when someone else is present. It's frustrating, because I enjoy everything as it's happening, but somehow I never get there.
However, on my own, I can do just fine! If I don't finish alone, it's usually because I'm too tired or ran out of time (if it's the middle of the day lol). Those moments, I just shrug my shoulders, feel frustrated physically but get over it. less
But every now and then, outside of the bedroom, I'll start to feel flawed because I don't ever orgasm when someone else is present. It's frustrating, because I enjoy everything as it's happening, but somehow I never get there.
However, on my own, I can do just fine! If I don't finish alone, it's usually because I'm too tired or ran out of time (if it's the middle of the day lol). Those moments, I just shrug my shoulders, feel frustrated physically but get over it. less
11/28/2010
Try and try and try again and again until you do or are to exhausted to care.
11/29/2010
Well, I find it more frustrating than anything. I don't worry about not being able to have one and just keep trying!
You can't always expect to orgasm when you're with someone. You have to enjoy the sensations that person is providing you with.
You can't always expect to orgasm when you're with someone. You have to enjoy the sensations that person is providing you with.
11/30/2010
No issues with the mister, but there will be those once-in-a-blue-moon moments where I'm ALMOST there and then I lose it. My usual reaction is I cry a little because I felt that I didn't please HIM (since that's his main goal, and I am NOT one in favor of faking it). He always reassures me, calms me down, and then we try again though so I love that about him =)
12/05/2010
Quote:
It is really crazy, but I have experienced that once before and I thought I was going to explode, but nothing happened
Originally posted by
P'Gell
Yeah, I guess I have issues.
12/06/2010
I don't generally get upset. I only get upset when I know I could, and nothing happens.
12/08/2010
If we are having sex and it doesn't seem to be working out for him, I will get frustrated and roll back over to my side of the bed. I usually get pretty whiny and annoyed, too, like a little kid who needs a nap.
12/10/2010
Depends on whether I didn't orgasm because I'm not really in the mood or if the boyfriend just isn't it well enough. If I'm not in the mood and after a while, I'm still not, I'll just tell him to stop (or fake it, depends on how generous I'm feeling) and ask for cuddles. If I'm looking for an orgasm and just not getting their, I have to keep trying. I know he can do it, he just must not be working hard enough. ;3
12/13/2010
I usually don't make a big deal out of it. If it doesn't happen, it wasn't for lack of trying.
12/14/2010
I orgasm almost every time, and if I dont, he will keep on trying until I do. That being said, if it's one of those nights where its just not going to happen, I end up all crampy..is that normal?lol
12/15/2010
Quote:
Thank you.
Originally posted by
C4ss
Well, I find it more frustrating than anything. I don't worry about not being able to have one and just keep trying!
You can't always expect to orgasm when you're with someone. You have to enjoy the sensations that person is providing you with.
You can't always expect to orgasm when you're with someone. You have to enjoy the sensations that person is providing you with.
I am well aware of that. I've been having sex and orgasms for decades. Peri-menopause is wreaking havoc with my body, and after decades of never having any problem with orgasm, and even on the very very rare occasion I couldn't, not really caring. (My Man would be more upset than I would be back then) My body decided to surprise me with a suddenly high orgasmic threshold.
After years, YEARS of no problems. I took orgasms for granted. They just happened. I would even ask him to stop and do something else, because I wanted to wait, because I used to come so easily.
It sucks when your body changes. And, many women, during peri-menopause, become aroused all the time (more than usual, and that's saying something) I get actual PAIN if I can't orgasm and need to.
The HRT has helped some (I always said I was never going to take it, I'm probably too young for it, I hate taking it, but it WORKS) as has using strong sex toys like the Hitachi and the Wahl, but I'd like to be able to orgasm as reliably without toys as I did when I was only a few years younger.
The HRT really helps. Evidently, my hormones were so out of whack that it was nearly impossible for me to respond properly. But, that linked to nearly out of control arousal levels was driving me literally insane.
I'm just hoping it's keeps getting better.
Cherryredhead, I know how you feel. I do the same thing, and then when he goes out, he buys me candy and flowers. He's so sweet sometimes. (I don't pout for the candy and the flowers, he just knows it makes me feel better.)
We also found that twice daily sex, every single day was actually aggravating the problem. (Shit.) We've reduced our frequency slightly (to his releif, the poor guy is in his early 50s and I am running him ragged) and having to wait a day or so, and let it build, or having sex every other time without expecting to come helps build up the need and contributes to helping the next time.
12/15/2010
Quote:
P'Gell - my wife is also on HRT but doesn't take equine estrogen. She uses a bio-identical progesterone cream on specific days and an estrogen cream on a different set of days (they overlap some). Just curious - is that what you are doing?
Originally posted by
P'Gell
Thank you.
I am well aware of that. I've been having sex and orgasms for decades. Peri-menopause is wreaking havoc with my body, and after decades of never having any problem with orgasm, and even on the very very rare occasion I ... more
I am well aware of that. I've been having sex and orgasms for decades. Peri-menopause is wreaking havoc with my body, and after decades of never having any problem with orgasm, and even on the very very rare occasion I ... more
Thank you.
I am well aware of that. I've been having sex and orgasms for decades. Peri-menopause is wreaking havoc with my body, and after decades of never having any problem with orgasm, and even on the very very rare occasion I couldn't, not really caring. (My Man would be more upset than I would be back then) My body decided to surprise me with a suddenly high orgasmic threshold.
After years, YEARS of no problems. I took orgasms for granted. They just happened. I would even ask him to stop and do something else, because I wanted to wait, because I used to come so easily.
It sucks when your body changes. And, many women, during peri-menopause, become aroused all the time (more than usual, and that's saying something) I get actual PAIN if I can't orgasm and need to.
The HRT has helped some (I always said I was never going to take it, I'm probably too young for it, I hate taking it, but it WORKS) as has using strong sex toys like the Hitachi and the Wahl, but I'd like to be able to orgasm as reliably without toys as I did when I was only a few years younger.
The HRT really helps. Evidently, my hormones were so out of whack that it was nearly impossible for me to respond properly. But, that linked to nearly out of control arousal levels was driving me literally insane.
I'm just hoping it's keeps getting better.
Cherryredhead, I know how you feel. I do the same thing, and then when he goes out, he buys me candy and flowers. He's so sweet sometimes. (I don't pout for the candy and the flowers, he just knows it makes me feel better.)
We also found that twice daily sex, every single day was actually aggravating the problem. (Shit.) We've reduced our frequency slightly (to his releif, the poor guy is in his early 50s and I am running him ragged) and having to wait a day or so, and let it build, or having sex every other time without expecting to come helps build up the need and contributes to helping the next time. less
I am well aware of that. I've been having sex and orgasms for decades. Peri-menopause is wreaking havoc with my body, and after decades of never having any problem with orgasm, and even on the very very rare occasion I couldn't, not really caring. (My Man would be more upset than I would be back then) My body decided to surprise me with a suddenly high orgasmic threshold.
After years, YEARS of no problems. I took orgasms for granted. They just happened. I would even ask him to stop and do something else, because I wanted to wait, because I used to come so easily.
It sucks when your body changes. And, many women, during peri-menopause, become aroused all the time (more than usual, and that's saying something) I get actual PAIN if I can't orgasm and need to.
The HRT has helped some (I always said I was never going to take it, I'm probably too young for it, I hate taking it, but it WORKS) as has using strong sex toys like the Hitachi and the Wahl, but I'd like to be able to orgasm as reliably without toys as I did when I was only a few years younger.
The HRT really helps. Evidently, my hormones were so out of whack that it was nearly impossible for me to respond properly. But, that linked to nearly out of control arousal levels was driving me literally insane.
I'm just hoping it's keeps getting better.
Cherryredhead, I know how you feel. I do the same thing, and then when he goes out, he buys me candy and flowers. He's so sweet sometimes. (I don't pout for the candy and the flowers, he just knows it makes me feel better.)
We also found that twice daily sex, every single day was actually aggravating the problem. (Shit.) We've reduced our frequency slightly (to his releif, the poor guy is in his early 50s and I am running him ragged) and having to wait a day or so, and let it build, or having sex every other time without expecting to come helps build up the need and contributes to helping the next time. less
12/15/2010
Quote:
I use the horrible Premarin creme. I don't do well with "bio-identicals." They don't seem to work for me, and I have tried them. Both estrogen and progesterone made from plant products. Neither helped me at all.
Originally posted by
Gunsmoke
P'Gell - my wife is also on HRT but doesn't take equine estrogen. She uses a bio-identical progesterone cream on specific days and an estrogen cream on a different set of days (they overlap some). Just curious - is that what you are doing?
I always said I would never take this stuff (being a nurse and knowing some of the possible side effects) but my sex life and my orgasms are non-negotiable. If it was for any other reason, I'd ditch the hormones completely.
I'm glad they work for your wife. Was she having orgasmic issues, too? I had NO problem with libido, none, just horny all the time (even more than usual, scary) and couldn't get relief.
12/15/2010
I think it is important to remember that sex does not always have to lead to orgasms for either partner. The sexuality,closeness, and pleasure is a treat within itself. Not focusing on orgasms being the "end goal" of sex actually makes sex more intense for me. It also allows for hours of playtime. Getting to know each other and ourselves more intimately. Which ironically can build up to intense multiple orgasms at times.
12/15/2010
It doesn't happen often, but I'll keep going all night if I have to.
12/31/2010
Quote:
Some days I don't care, others its really frustrating
Originally posted by
P'Gell
As women, some of us don't have orgasms every time we have sex, or every time we want to. What is your reaction to NOT being able to come?
It never used to bother me, as I knew it would happen next time. Now, it's more difficult and I ... more
It never used to bother me, as I knew it would happen next time. Now, it's more difficult and I ... more
As women, some of us don't have orgasms every time we have sex, or every time we want to. What is your reaction to NOT being able to come?
It never used to bother me, as I knew it would happen next time. Now, it's more difficult and I cry, like a baby, sometimes or worry my ass off until the next time it happens. less
It never used to bother me, as I knew it would happen next time. Now, it's more difficult and I cry, like a baby, sometimes or worry my ass off until the next time it happens. less
01/03/2011
I normally dont have any problems at all with orgasms
01/23/2011
Quote:
Me too I just cannot orgasm during sex, no matter how close I get. I can only orgasm by myself or if my husband's using my vibrator on me.
Originally posted by
aleong
Well this is embarrassing, but I can only orgasm when I'm using my vibrator and watching porn at the same time. I just can't orgasm when I'm having sex. There are times where I'm really close, and I can feel it, but it just disappears.
01/24/2011
I try to remain in the moment, and just focus on how good it feels, without worrying so much about the orgasm. I figure, if I don't come, I'll just enjoy the sensations. But, once I relax about it, it usually happens anyway. I dread the peri-menopause days which are drawing ever closer!!!
01/25/2011
Quote:
I used to be the same, I have only managed to O during sex about 4 times now, I thought it was just me.
Originally posted by
aleong
Well this is embarrassing, but I can only orgasm when I'm using my vibrator and watching porn at the same time. I just can't orgasm when I'm having sex. There are times where I'm really close, and I can feel it, but it just disappears.
02/03/2011
Quote:
I get frustrated at the moment take a deep breath and do it next time. Fortunately it rarely doesn't happen.
Originally posted by
P'Gell
As women, some of us don't have orgasms every time we have sex, or every time we want to. What is your reaction to NOT being able to come?
It never used to bother me, as I knew it would happen next time. Now, it's more difficult and I ... more
It never used to bother me, as I knew it would happen next time. Now, it's more difficult and I ... more
As women, some of us don't have orgasms every time we have sex, or every time we want to. What is your reaction to NOT being able to come?
It never used to bother me, as I knew it would happen next time. Now, it's more difficult and I cry, like a baby, sometimes or worry my ass off until the next time it happens. less
It never used to bother me, as I knew it would happen next time. Now, it's more difficult and I cry, like a baby, sometimes or worry my ass off until the next time it happens. less
02/18/2011
Quote:
For me, it's not even the "during sex" thing. I really don't care about that. I just want to have an orgasm WITH him by any means!
Originally posted by
MaryA
Me too I just cannot orgasm during sex, no matter how close I get. I can only orgasm by myself or if my husband's using my vibrator on me.
My Orgasmic Threshold changed when I started peri-menopause early, and I used to orgasm really easily (although almost always from oral for the first one) now it is difficult and I have to use a strong massager like a Hitachi or a Wahl. Subsequent orgasms are easier, but not as strong as those first 2 or 3 that I have to work so hard for.
It's freaking frustrating, because when I "miss" one, not only is it painful for me, but I have NO guarantee that I will Come next time. Before peri-menopause, I had the attitude "Oh, well, we're going to have sex again in a day or so. No big deal." That, and I usually used to come about 99% of the time, from oral, no problem. Now, I get so upset, because sometimes it's so easy and other times it doesn't happen at all (and then I am physically miserable and an emotional mess) or it takes a long time. I experience physical pain if I get aroused and don't orgasm.
It sucks when something that was once so easy and so beautiful is taken away from you. And, nobody talks about it. I've worked in Women's Health, and no textbook I ever read said this would happen. But, it's common with peri-menopause.
Then, I'll have months where it's easy again, and I never know when I'm going to be having a difficult time again.
02/18/2011
Quote:
I get angry and start getting emotional only when I am not able to have an orgasm several times in a row.. Like several different sessions. When I always have to finish everything on my own, it is a pain in the ass.
Originally posted by
P'Gell
As women, some of us don't have orgasms every time we have sex, or every time we want to. What is your reaction to NOT being able to come?
It never used to bother me, as I knew it would happen next time. Now, it's more difficult and I ... more
It never used to bother me, as I knew it would happen next time. Now, it's more difficult and I ... more
As women, some of us don't have orgasms every time we have sex, or every time we want to. What is your reaction to NOT being able to come?
It never used to bother me, as I knew it would happen next time. Now, it's more difficult and I cry, like a baby, sometimes or worry my ass off until the next time it happens. less
It never used to bother me, as I knew it would happen next time. Now, it's more difficult and I cry, like a baby, sometimes or worry my ass off until the next time it happens. less
02/18/2011
usually will come from oral, but if not use my toy with or without him in room.
03/08/2011
There are times when I just can't because I'm just too tired. Also times when there is just one little something I need and I don't know what it is.
I usually end up crying or keeping at it until we both almost pass out.
I usually end up crying or keeping at it until we both almost pass out.
03/08/2011
I really don't have this problem. I orgasm every time. But if I was to be in that situation I wouldn't think it was a big deal, and I surely wouldn't get mad at him.
03/09/2011
I have definitely never gotten upset at a partner for not being able to get me off. That just sounds unreasonable. I have, however, given instructions and worked through it with them, or been frustrated with partners who had no interest in mutual satisfaction.
04/08/2011
Quote:
Glad to hear I'm not the only one that resorts to the uber-toy. *laughs*
Originally posted by
Serendipity
yeah, if it ever comes down to i want an orgasm and it's not happening any other way, the hitachi comes out and i'm happy in short order.
I usually don't get terribly frustrated when I don't get off during "sex" - my SO is almost always willing to take time to help get me off afterwards if he hasn't gotten me off before...often with all sorts of toys when he gets tired.
05/13/2011
Actually, me and my lovie have been together for 5 years and I've never not came. There was one time recently where I was soo exhausted for weeks and we were tying to have sex and I was taking a lot longer than normal and had a hard time coming. It was so new to me I thought I was broken! Lol. But, I finally did come and everything was back to normal. I figured out shortly that it was just pure exhaustion, other than that I've never had problems coming with him. He's one damn determined man!Lol
05/18/2011