The New Intimacy

Naked Reader Book Club Discussion: Opening Up and Three-Way Erotic Stories (December 28, 7-11 EST)

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Contributor: LicentiouslyYours LicentiouslyYours
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
I have not been able to find a copy of it....everytime I go to order it, the darn thing is out of stock! LOL
The secret is to make sure you've got the right one... the first edition is out of stock and the 2nd edition is... currently in stock as far as I can see.
12/28/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by staceejaxxx
Yes, jealously is such a horrible, horrible thing! I hate being this person!!
HAve you ever read anything about 'Toxic Shame'? It's a theory of John Bradshaw's that we invest ourselves with toxic shame that poisons our whole lives. He has some amazing ways of dealing with the effects.
I would suggest reading Opening up even if you are making a choice to be monogamous. Let's face it what you are really saying is you want to be sure he is CHOOSING monogamy with you and not telling you what you want to hear. This book can give you some guidelines for talking about just that!
12/28/2010
Contributor: clp clp
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Hey there CLP! I love that you say your 1 1/2 year relationship is still new...you are so correct! I think it shows great possibility when people understand that long term relationships tend to begin at the 5 years or so mark...doesn't mean they ... more
I remember reading a book when I was much younger that said infatuation can last even up to four years into a relationship. I bear that in mind when newness starts to fade and I have to make the daily commitment to my partner. Of course there is reward in the familiarity, but it seems most people never even get to that point of discovery--especially if you think your relationship is comfortable months into it.

Whats interesting in how both of us (my sweets and I) understand our relationship is divided in chapters: how we felt when we'd met online and carrying on that way. Meeting in person and spending time in the flesh. The commitment to the other over great distances (where we are now) and the next chapter coming up: learning how to live with each other. Each part is been very different than the others, even though it is with the same person with the same feelings and ideals.
It has been interesting and very very worthwhile.

(Hehehe, enough about me. Now back to the subject at hand!)
12/28/2010
Contributor: clp clp
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
HAve you ever read anything about 'Toxic Shame'? It's a theory of John Bradshaw's that we invest ourselves with toxic shame that poisons our whole lives. He has some amazing ways of dealing with the effects.
I would suggest reading ... more
Oooh, I like that suggestion. The commitment to monogamy could be that much more rewarding when you understand the alternatives!

Going to look into this book...
12/28/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by LicentiouslyYours
Yes... what you said.. all that stuff. I agree. (I am tired) lol

People who get into an open relationship thinking it's going to be so much more fun... oh they have no idea what they are in for. It's more work, no way around it. ... more
I think what ticks me off so much is the idea that this all came so easily for us while all these other sad people have struggled and toiled...blah It's never easy it's just worth the struggle, ya know?
12/28/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by LicentiouslyYours
The secret is to make sure you've got the right one... the first edition is out of stock and the 2nd edition is... currently in stock as far as I can see.
I will order it after the meeting then!
12/28/2010
Contributor: staceejaxxx staceejaxxx
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
HAve you ever read anything about 'Toxic Shame'? It's a theory of John Bradshaw's that we invest ourselves with toxic shame that poisons our whole lives. He has some amazing ways of dealing with the effects.
I would suggest reading ... more
I'll have to read that.
12/28/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by clp
I remember reading a book when I was much younger that said infatuation can last even up to four years into a relationship. I bear that in mind when newness starts to fade and I have to make the daily commitment to my partner. Of course there is ... more
I always hate the limerance state...I loathe feeling out of control and like I am floating on clouds. Dunno why it just irritates me. I like the state where you know your lover wants to be with you and all the insecurities start to fade.
12/28/2010
Contributor: LicentiouslyYours LicentiouslyYours
Quote:
Originally posted by staceejaxxx
Wow! You have said everything I am feeling. I have had days where I think if he's going to leave, he's going to leave. There's nothing I can do about it. Just don't be the jealous bitch that pushes him away. Then it's totally my ... more
Don't be hard on yourself. You are not all that different from many other people. It takes practice and some habitual examination of your feelings to train yourself to believe he wants to be with you because he finds reasons in you that make him stay.

Finding yourself constantly waiting for him to leave WILL like, eventually result in him doing just that. But having faith in him first requires that you come to understand why he wants to be with you..and believing it to be true.

Not an easy task, but absolutely imperative for you to be happy and content with anyone!
12/28/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by clp
Oooh, I like that suggestion. The commitment to monogamy could be that much more rewarding when you understand the alternatives!

Going to look into this book...
When you make a conscious commitment that has boundaries and a place for compromise in the future, monogamy becomes something transcendent. It is freeing and suddenly a place that feel secure, warm and exciting. It's the same for a well discussed poly relationship. It feeds the needs we have as humans to have clear purpose with flexibility.
12/28/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by LicentiouslyYours
Don't be hard on yourself. You are not all that different from many other people. It takes practice and some habitual examination of your feelings to train yourself to believe he wants to be with you because he finds reasons in you that make him ... more
There's the real trick...believing that he is telling you the honest truth! You have to accept and believe what your partner says.
12/28/2010
Contributor: Sammi Sammi
Hi all! Sorry I'm late
12/28/2010
Contributor: LicentiouslyYours LicentiouslyYours
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
I think what ticks me off so much is the idea that this all came so easily for us while all these other sad people have struggled and toiled...blah It's never easy it's just worth the struggle, ya know?
I know what you mean entirely. It's amusing to me sometimes when people who appear to be the "perfect couple" end up divorcing and people are shocked. They don't have it any easier than anybody else, they just don't share their private problems with the world. But people are under the impression that the ones who make it work have some magical formula or special fairy dust that makes their relationships easier than everybody else's. The reality is, they are willing to do the work and many others just are not.
12/28/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Sammi
Hi all! Sorry I'm late
Hey there Sammi!
12/28/2010
Contributor: Kristina Wright Kristina Wright
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
HAve you ever read anything about 'Toxic Shame'? It's a theory of John Bradshaw's that we invest ourselves with toxic shame that poisons our whole lives. He has some amazing ways of dealing with the effects.
I would suggest reading ... more
Oh wow, I've never heard that term before. What a great concept!
12/28/2010
Contributor: LicentiouslyYours LicentiouslyYours
Quote:
Originally posted by Sammi
Hi all! Sorry I'm late
Yay Sammi!
12/28/2010
Contributor: LicentiouslyYours LicentiouslyYours
Quote:
Originally posted by Kristina Wright
Oh wow, I've never heard that term before. What a great concept!
It's one of those things I'd wish someone told me about 8 years ago! lol
12/28/2010
Contributor: Sammi Sammi
I had to feed the hungry mob . Now I'm catching up on all the posts I missed.
12/28/2010
Contributor: staceejaxxx staceejaxxx
Quote:
Originally posted by LicentiouslyYours
Don't be hard on yourself. You are not all that different from many other people. It takes practice and some habitual examination of your feelings to train yourself to believe he wants to be with you because he finds reasons in you that make him ... more
He's very good to me and I believe he wants to be with me. But with my past negative relationships, I tend to compare the negative with the positive which doesn't compare.

Plus I once was in an abusive relationship and that person was very jealous and evil so I saw what kind of impact being jealous has on someone. I hated being accused of stuff I didn't do. It's not fair and I am not not being fair.
12/28/2010
Contributor: staceejaxxx staceejaxxx
Quote:
Originally posted by Sammi
Hi all! Sorry I'm late
Hi Sammi!
12/28/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Kristina Wright
Oh wow, I've never heard that term before. What a great concept!
It is a concept relating to loving the inner child but less fluffy. It deals more with rooting out and flushing the toxic shame which says "I am full of shame and worthless" and replaceing it with words like, "I have done things that I am ashamed of but I am a good person and worthy of forgiveness and love." I love the concept and have worked this program for years.
12/28/2010
Contributor: Sammi Sammi
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
It is a concept relating to loving the inner child but less fluffy. It deals more with rooting out and flushing the toxic shame which says "I am full of shame and worthless" and replaceing it with words like, "I have done things that I ... more
That really is a good concept - it makes a lot of sense!
12/28/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by staceejaxxx
He's very good to me and I believe he wants to be with me. But with my past negative relationships, I tend to compare the negative with the positive which doesn't compare.

Plus I once was in an abusive relationship and that person was ... more
Hun you are admitting you have a problem, that's the first step! Finding a solution is always easier when you know what the problem is!
12/28/2010
Contributor: clp clp
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
It is a concept relating to loving the inner child but less fluffy. It deals more with rooting out and flushing the toxic shame which says "I am full of shame and worthless" and replaceing it with words like, "I have done things that I ... more
I love that sentiment. Every day is a new opportunity to be a better person.
12/28/2010
Contributor: LicentiouslyYours LicentiouslyYours
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
It is a concept relating to loving the inner child but less fluffy. It deals more with rooting out and flushing the toxic shame which says "I am full of shame and worthless" and replaceing it with words like, "I have done things that I ... more
This sounds very rewarding. Is there a book?
12/28/2010
Contributor: LicentiouslyYours LicentiouslyYours
Sammi, what did you think of 3-way?


Also, who here has had one/wants one/has an opinion on them? lol
12/28/2010
Contributor: staceejaxxx staceejaxxx
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Hun you are admitting you have a problem, that's the first step! Finding a solution is always easier when you know what the problem is!
Is there a easy button on fixing my problem?
12/28/2010
Contributor: Sammi Sammi
Quote:
Originally posted by LicentiouslyYours
Sammi, what did you think of 3-way?


Also, who here has had one/wants one/has an opinion on them? lol
For the most part I liked it. There were some really, really good stories in there. Some of them I wasn't particularly fond of, but the good ones made up for them.

And haven't had, want one, but would never do one
12/28/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by LicentiouslyYours
This sounds very rewarding. Is there a book?
"Healing the Shame That Bind You", "Bradshaw On: The Family: A New Way of Creating Solid Self-Esteem", and "Family Secrets - The Path to Self-Acceptance and Reunion" All by John Bradshaw
12/28/2010
Contributor: clp clp
Quote:
Originally posted by LicentiouslyYours
Sammi, what did you think of 3-way?


Also, who here has had one/wants one/has an opinion on them? lol
I've never been involved in one, but I like the idea (haha, who doesn't like a fantasy?). I'd like to try it out at some point in life!
12/28/2010