The New Intimacy

#EdenLit - Writers Club Meeting and Book Project Discussion Nov. 14, 2011

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Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
I had a Mother who was always worried about how her Mother would see me and judge me...your story helped me to put to rest the question of why she would humiliate me to my grandparents by telling them my secrets. She was actually seeking attention ... more
Aw thanks.

My adopted mom felt like she had to raise me to be perfect...and while she always bragged about me to others - she always put me down to keep me humble.

I was shocked to hear from her a few years ago that when she was growing up - she was NEVER ever told "I love you" by either of her parents.
11/14/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Almost like "had no character" but didn't mean bad character.

Just sorta a wimpy person...?
from my favorite website (er, favorite website that I can't buy sex toys from):

spleen
c.1300, from O.Fr. esplen, from L. splen, from Gk. splen, from PIE *splegh- (cf. Skt. plihan-, Avestan sperezan, Armenian p'aicaln, L. lien, O.C.S. slezena, Lith. bluznis, O.Prus. blusne, O.Ir. selg "spleen"). Regarded in medieval physiology as the seat of morose feelings and bad temper. Hence figurative sense of "violent ill-temper" (1590s).
11/14/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by Antipova
from my favorite website (er, favorite website that I can't buy sex toys from):

spleen
c.1300, from O.Fr. esplen, from L. splen, from Gk. splen, from PIE *splegh- (cf. Skt. plihan-, Avestan sperezan, Armenian p'aicaln, L. lien, ... more
Well, I didn't have a bad temper - but I definitely was morose.

Then again - I really never thought anyone would love me...
11/14/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by kadytheredpanda
The knife thing scares me a little. Mostly it's the fear of what comes after and disappointing my parents that's keeping me from offing myself.
just saw you're from decatur from your EF profile... want to share this sufjan stevens song about decatur with you. hopefully it will make you feel happy.

link
11/14/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Aw thanks.

My adopted mom felt like she had to raise me to be perfect...and while she always bragged about me to others - she always put me down to keep me humble.

I was shocked to hear from her a few years ago that when she was growing ... more
This sounds really similar to my parents. I guess my dad would be upset if I discussed his story online... but thank you for sharing. Even if I can't share in response, reading about how you have been coming to peace is helpful for me too.
11/14/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Well, I didn't have a bad temper - but I definitely was morose.

Then again - I really never thought anyone would love me...
Yeah, until I looked it up I would have thought morose was the only definition.

(Is why I always look things up?)
11/14/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
just saw you're from decatur from your EF profile... want to share this sufjan stevens song about decatur with you. hopefully it will make you feel happy.

link
Sufjan can always make a person feel happy.
11/14/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Holy cow it's painful to read "Who Am I" and I appologize Hot 'N' Sexy I think I was subconsciously trying to skip that one. It hits so damn close to home. The iggest argument I got into with my Mom was when she said "I know you..." I cut her off and screamed "NO you don't because I don't exist!" I have been a sit com kid my entire life and God help meif I didn't act like one. All problems must be solved in 90 minutes or less and I can NEVER be ill. So much pain trying to live other people's lives!
11/14/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Holy cow it's painful to read "Who Am I" and I appologize Hot 'N' Sexy I think I was subconsciously trying to skip that one. It hits so damn close to home. The iggest argument I got into with my Mom was when she said "I ... more
That's ok Airen. That was so hard to write and when I wrote it - I was practically sobbing and still trying to accept that I don't have to compare myself to anyone.

Since coming to this site, learning about toys, reading about other people and learning to accept the different "menus" and "mileage" - I've discovered that I'm really ok and that I can stop trying to measure up to someone or compete with someone or even be like someone so that I can have others understand me.

I wrote a piece that I'm dying for Eden Cafe to publish (after I wrote this) - called "I Feel Pretty".

For the first time in 51 years, I feel pretty and I feel good about myself and my sexuality.
11/14/2011
Contributor: kadytheredpanda kadytheredpanda
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
just saw you're from decatur from your EF profile... want to share this sufjan stevens song about decatur with you. hopefully it will make you feel happy.

link
I've never heard of this song! It's really cute; thanks!
11/14/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
WOW what a powerful meeting this has turned out to be! We need some quick topics for January. December Chill and Last Chances are the themes for Nov/Dec. I'l post those in a bit after the meeting.
11/14/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
That's ok Airen. That was so hard to write and when I wrote it - I was practically sobbing and still trying to accept that I don't have to compare myself to anyone.

Since coming to this site, learning about toys, reading about other ... more
I will share a tidbit from the "I feel pretty" - not word for word or anything like that.

I had to come to the point of realizing that I had to allow myself to feel pretty about myself - before I could accept being pretty in the eyes of others.

I weigh 265 pounds - am 22/24 with a 44D bra size. I'm built with huge bones (like a man almost) and have a mannish face.

I never felt "pretty" and when I tried -I felt like no one understand.

Finally, I understood that I had to give myself permission to be pretty in ways that I like...and now I can accept my form of "Pretty".

And my husband feels like he's married to a whole new woman!
11/14/2011
Contributor: Cedarlooman Cedarlooman
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
That's ok Airen. That was so hard to write and when I wrote it - I was practically sobbing and still trying to accept that I don't have to compare myself to anyone.

Since coming to this site, learning about toys, reading about other ... more
I wasn't in the same sort of place, but I can agree with how being on here and some other sites and starting to write has really changed how I perceive myself and how I perceive others as well. Definitely some eye-opening going on!
11/14/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
January could be "starting over" or "starting fresh" or even (for those who have long winters) "in the middle of the dark" since it will be a while towards spring.
11/14/2011
Contributor: kadytheredpanda kadytheredpanda
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
That's ok Airen. That was so hard to write and when I wrote it - I was practically sobbing and still trying to accept that I don't have to compare myself to anyone.

Since coming to this site, learning about toys, reading about other ... more
I'm slowly learning more about myself as a sexual behavior because of EF too. My pen pal and I talk about my reviews and experiences and it's so cool to say something sexually without the other person going "eeewwww!!!" I promised to buy him a Fleshlight sometime in the future.
11/14/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
That's ok Airen. That was so hard to write and when I wrote it - I was practically sobbing and still trying to accept that I don't have to compare myself to anyone.

Since coming to this site, learning about toys, reading about other ... more
Awesome Lady...I am 41 and am starting to see myself as a 'real' person. It sucks at times and I have some stuff to work on...but it's REAL and it's me. The bigest revelation was my ability to love fully and completely more than one partner...talk about stunning I was raised in a Christian home as well (as much as they were able) and THIS wasn't a topic we ever discussed. It made me finally realize that my Mother didn't know me and I wouldn't curl up and die without her approval. It's a process but a really good one.
11/14/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by kadytheredpanda
I'm slowly learning more about myself as a sexual behavior because of EF too. My pen pal and I talk about my reviews and experiences and it's so cool to say something sexually without the other person going "eeewwww!!!" I promised ... more
He'll LOVE you for it! Both my guys love their Fleshlights. (pun intended)
11/14/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
January could be "starting over" or "starting fresh" or even (for those who have long winters) "in the middle of the dark" since it will be a while towards spring.
I love those ideas! New Beginnings or Anticipating New Beginnings is another traditional topic for the year that isn't all kitchy.
11/14/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Awesome Lady...I am 41 and am starting to see myself as a 'real' person. It sucks at times and I have some stuff to work on...but it's REAL and it's me. The bigest revelation was my ability to love fully and completely more than one ... more
My mom has Alzheimer's now and the hardest thing for me is to know that I'll never receive her "blessing" on my life and who I am.

I try to ignore it - and make the pain go away. I think, "I'll be glad when she's gone and its all over" but now that she's forgotten my birthday and holidays and stuff - it hurts all the more and makes it more real.

I need to reach the point where her blessing just doesn't matter at all. I'm not there yet. I may never be -I don't know.
11/14/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by kadytheredpanda
I've never heard of this song! It's really cute; thanks!
no problem. you'd like sufjan stevens if you like this song. he's simply amazing. written many albums and his thing is traveling across the US. he writes one album per state. it's pretty awesome.

the banjo and the horns tend to make every song sound like home to me.
11/14/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Antipova
Sufjan can always make a person feel happy.
amen! glad to hear someone else knows him!
11/14/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
I will share a tidbit from the "I feel pretty" - not word for word or anything like that.

I had to come to the point of realizing that I had to allow myself to feel pretty about myself - before I could accept being pretty in the eyes ... more
You are pretty because he sees you and loves you. He's no fool so live in his vision when yours fails. Arch told me that before we got involved when we were just pen pals.
11/14/2011
Contributor: kadytheredpanda kadytheredpanda
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
I love those ideas! New Beginnings or Anticipating New Beginnings is another traditional topic for the year that isn't all kitchy.
I like that idea, too.
11/14/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Ooh another topic could be "choices"
11/14/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
My mom has Alzheimer's now and the hardest thing for me is to know that I'll never receive her "blessing" on my life and who I am.

I try to ignore it - and make the pain go away. I think, "I'll be glad when ... more
One step at a time...It is possibly easier for me because I Am living something that I understand she can't approve of. I dunno...
11/14/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
OK
Starting over
New Beginnings
Choices

or we could go with Starting over/New Beginnings and Choices with our open topic as usual.
11/14/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Some other topic ideas (haven't read through past ones - sorry) - are "letting go" , "moving forward", "If I could I would...", My best memory, My worst nightmare - thats all I can think of for now.
11/14/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
I will share a tidbit from the "I feel pretty" - not word for word or anything like that.

I had to come to the point of realizing that I had to allow myself to feel pretty about myself - before I could accept being pretty in the eyes ... more
how inspiring@ thank you for sharing.
11/14/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
OK
Starting over
New Beginnings
Choices

or we could go with Starting over/New Beginnings and Choices with our open topic as usual.
I like these!
11/14/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
OK I have to turn the meeting to the book project, reluctantly. I have an iea that would make the voting fairly simple and allow people who only wrote for us once get their piece in the book.

My proposal is to vote by autor rather than by topic or story by story. That way EVERYONE will get one piece in the book.
11/14/2011