The New Intimacy

#EdenLit - Writers Club Meeting and Book Project Discussion Nov. 14, 2011

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Contributor: Cedarlooman Cedarlooman
Sorry all, haven't been active the last couple months. RL has been crazy. I will try to pop in after dinner. i was quite surprised to see my story ont he page when I logged into the community this afternoon. /blushing.

If I don't hop in again before it is done, i will read everything. Thanks for the great community!!
11/14/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
No comments on my entries?

After I bared my heart and soul?

Oh crap I missed a whole page! No worries my dear we'll tak about yours and the other's as well!
11/14/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
I can't remember when I wasn't trying to die growing up...I would go though periods where I did really crazy things and then just periods where I was on auto pilot. I didn't have a very happy childhood...BUT I have an amazing adutood and ... more
i'm glad you didnt succeed in that too! your kids, do you feel they saved you in a way? i always wondered if i had someone who needed me if i wouldn't think about taking 'the easy way out' any longer.
11/14/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Oh crap I missed a whole page! No worries my dear we'll tak about yours and the other's as well!


Its not really a big deal - but it sorta is. Coming to EF really really shook up my life and my marriage and in what I wrote - it really helped me start to accept myself (I'm 51 now) and to accept who I am, etc.

So those pieces were really big parts of me -and things I'd never shared really till I shared them here (and with my family who pushed me to share them here).
11/14/2011
Contributor: kadytheredpanda kadytheredpanda
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
My first memory of depression is looking at a pill bottle around the age of 10 or 12 or something and wondering if there were enough pills in there to let me die. I want to say it was Tylenol or something like that.

But I was too scared that ... more
I've thought about that so much myself.

I once was about to slit my throat when my family came home. I was so scared to explain what I was doing that I quickly put the knife away and lied that I had just finished washing the dishes.
11/14/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by kadytheredpanda
Depression since age 10 myself, though it's gotten much worse since I was 16. Attempted suicide three times, and obviously I've failed.

I was crying when I was writing that. I've had a very bad month (ID stolen, family almost ... more
gah! that sounds awful. are you seeing someone? i recently started seeing a new counselor, and she made me sign a 'suicide contract.' that, coupled with my boyfriend's undying love, have been pretty helpful. and sleep. dont forget the sleep.
11/14/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
i'm glad you didnt succeed in that too! your kids, do you feel they saved you in a way? i always wondered if i had someone who needed me if i wouldn't think about taking 'the easy way out' any longer.
My Sigel saved me...for all our problems he let me know that HE needed me and I couldn't be the next in a long line of people who left him. So I put that escape away for good years beforemy first cild was born.
11/14/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Oh crap I missed a whole page! No worries my dear we'll tak about yours and the other's as well!
where can we read it exactly? im a little lost.
11/14/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
where can we read it exactly? im a little lost.
link
11/14/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama


Its not really a big deal - but it sorta is. Coming to EF really really shook up my life and my marriage and in what I wrote - it really helped me start to accept myself (I'm 51 now) and to accept who I am, etc.

So those pieces ... more
It's a big deal to me....gimme a quick sec to reread them so they are fresh in my mind.
11/14/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by kadytheredpanda
I've thought about that so much myself.

I once was about to slit my throat when my family came home. I was so scared to explain what I was doing that I quickly put the knife away and lied that I had just finished washing the dishes.
jesus! thats so totally scary. does it scare the hell out of you when you think about those things now?

when you pass the point of not scaring yourself with those thoughts, you know you've crossed over. thats even scaryer.

sweetheart, if you ever need someone please PM me. i'm anonymous, far away, and you can bear your heart and soul out. if you'd like, i'll shoot you my phone number. you can call me anytime.
11/14/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
I think the "Who Am I?" is the one that is closest to my heart right now because my life is still being spun all around from changes in it (so much is due to EF - in a good way).
11/14/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
"I encourage you to go on a pilgrimage to “find yourself”. It is so freeing to finally accept who you are."

Amen, hotnSexy Texas Mama! great writing, seriously.
11/14/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
I'm also sorta curious if others are thinking about what they'll do for their free topic next month? I'm thinking of doing part of a poem I wrote - but as an essay. The lines I remember from it were:

We're two strangers, locked together
Playing games where grownups live


I don't remember the rest of what I wrote - but I thought I might title it "Playing Games Where Grownups Live"...
11/14/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
link
Thanks for the link
11/14/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
OMG I actually have tears in my eyes Sexy! Your gratitude list is sodamn similar to mine it's crazy. We went bankrupt 12 years ago and were absolved but not before total humiliation as it really wasn't our fault. I was infertile long enough to love my babies SO much more now! Our sex life has been tainted by early sexual molestation and guilt mongering.

Here's to getting stonger!
11/14/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
OMG I actually have tears in my eyes Sexy! Your gratitude list is sodamn similar to mine it's crazy. We went bankrupt 12 years ago and were absolved but not before total humiliation as it really wasn't our fault. I was infertile long enough ... more
Aw....thanks. I think that learning from those things and appreciating them helps to make my life happier and I struggle less from depression and beating myself up.
11/14/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
I'm also sorta curious if others are thinking about what they'll do for their free topic next month? I'm thinking of doing part of a poem I wrote - but as an essay. The lines I remember from it were:

We're two strangers, ... more
Sounds amazing! We have chosen the topics for next month already...I'll have to look them up right quick. We need to choose january's topics though.
11/14/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Awww, I wanna you all right now!
11/14/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
I'm also sorta curious if others are thinking about what they'll do for their free topic next month? I'm thinking of doing part of a poem I wrote - but as an essay. The lines I remember from it were:

We're two strangers, ... more
what does 'spleeny' mean!?
11/14/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Jul!a
Awww, I wanna you all right now!
me 2.

11/14/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Jul!a
Awww, I wanna you all right now!
me 2.

11/14/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Jul!a
Awww, I wanna you all right now!
me 2.

11/14/2011
Contributor: kadytheredpanda kadytheredpanda
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
gah! that sounds awful. are you seeing someone? i recently started seeing a new counselor, and she made me sign a 'suicide contract.' that, coupled with my boyfriend's undying love, have been pretty helpful. and sleep. dont forget the sleep.
Yes, I'm seeing a therapist at my college. She's the first therapist I've liked recently.

I really wish I could see my pen pal in real life now. We're each other's comfort buddy. He's the closest I have to a boyfriend or a friend for that matter at the moment. It's very hard to find people like him around here...

Thanks for the offer.
11/14/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
what does 'spleeny' mean!?
It was kinda an older term and it meant - didn't really have any backbone or stick-to-it-iveness. Would give up at the slightest problem...etc.
11/14/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
It was kinda an older term and it meant - didn't really have any backbone or stick-to-it-iveness. Would give up at the slightest problem...etc.
Almost like "had no character" but didn't mean bad character.

Just sorta a wimpy person...?
11/14/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
I had a Mother who was always worried about how her Mother would see me and judge me...your story helped me to put to rest the question of why she would humiliate me to my grandparents by telling them my secrets. She was actually seeking attention for herself without being the focus of disapproval. Thank you Sexy...I can let go of my hatred and pity her instead. That hatred was eating me alive, after reading your story I am full ~namaste
11/14/2011
Contributor: kadytheredpanda kadytheredpanda
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
jesus! thats so totally scary. does it scare the hell out of you when you think about those things now?

when you pass the point of not scaring yourself with those thoughts, you know you've crossed over. thats even ... more
The knife thing scares me a little. Mostly it's the fear of what comes after and disappointing my parents that's keeping me from offing myself.
11/14/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by kadytheredpanda
Yes, I'm seeing a therapist at my college. She's the first therapist I've liked recently.

I really wish I could see my pen pal in real life now. We're each other's comfort buddy. He's the closest I have to a boyfriend ... more
you're welcome! it stands for as long as you'd like it. write me any time.
11/14/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
It was kinda an older term and it meant - didn't really have any backbone or stick-to-it-iveness. Would give up at the slightest problem...etc.
ah gotcha. that makes sense.
11/14/2011