The New Intimacy

#EdenLit - Club Meeting - May 14, 2012 @7pm EST

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Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Now on to my own humble offering...first off let me apologize for the mess of italics and weird spellings. I had some issues with going back and correcting work that caused some odd happenings. However, they are all fixed now!

My third person perspective was The Change. What do you guys think of the perspective? Did it stay where it was supposed to?
05/14/2012
Contributor: DeliciousB DeliciousB
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Have you noticed how many layers the critiques have added to what ScarletFox thought was a simple story about something that happened to her? Notice how each reader took something different away from the story.
I agree because I felt that the story was more about her feeling hurt for disappointing her lover.
05/14/2012
Contributor: Kake aka PoeticErotica Kake aka PoeticErotica
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Exactly. Short stories are often the pages that launched a thousand more.
Well, that's always an option but I think sometimes the bits and pieces, the glimpses, the restrictions on length, etc, work in favor of the short story, as they force us to boil down what we're workin' w/ to the bare essentials, the most pertinent, necessary, relevant details. Not a word is wasted, ideally, like in Hemingway's, "Snows of Kiliminjaro."
05/14/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by ScarletFox


Normally, I wouldn't say no to a good one. But with everything this was certainly crossed that line from a fun one to a punishment.
Ahhh the plot thickens! Actually I got that from the emotional way you described her feelings. You really felt horrible, I think even when it was just a compulsion, before you actually did the deed, so to speak. That really came through.
05/14/2012
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Kake aka PoeticErotica
Well, that's always an option but I think sometimes the bits and pieces, the glimpses, the restrictions on length, etc, work in favor of the short story, as they force us to boil down what we're workin' w/ to the bare essentials, the most ... more
Bare essentials of events in one's life are the foundation of a novel. It's expertly weaving them together that is a challenge, and in my opinion, the most rewarding part of it. You don't sit down and just write a novel. You plot points and flesh out those points then glue it all together.
05/14/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Kake aka PoeticErotica
Well, that's always an option but I think sometimes the bits and pieces, the glimpses, the restrictions on length, etc, work in favor of the short story, as they force us to boil down what we're workin' w/ to the bare essentials, the most ... more
Great point! It can be trickier to write a short story because you don't really have time to write reams of back story. It can also be freeing as well, you know it is just a blip so it can be a bit more vague and even dreamlike.
05/14/2012
Contributor: Cedarlooman Cedarlooman
If anyone would be interested in pre-posting feedback and/or grammar and editing suggestions (I will leave out female perspective ideas ), feel free to contact me on here.

Enjoy the rest of the evening ladies. I will do some reading in the next 24 hours!
05/14/2012
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Airen, the only trouble I had with your story was the name Carolana. It just didn't roll off my tongue naturally, but that's more nitpicky than helpful.
05/14/2012
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Cedarlooman
If anyone would be interested in pre-posting feedback and/or grammar and editing suggestions (I will leave out female perspective ideas ), feel free to contact me on here.

Enjoy the rest of the evening ladies. I will do some reading in the ... more
Have a great night!!
05/14/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Bare essentials of events in one's life are the foundation of a novel. It's expertly weaving them together that is a challenge, and in my opinion, the most rewarding part of it. You don't sit down and just write a novel. You plot points ... more
Very frequently that is exactly how it works. LOTS of authors work with a list of points and then a time line. It's the rare book that just sort of flows from a writer's pen....and the sequel can be a nightmare!
05/14/2012
Contributor: Kake aka PoeticErotica Kake aka PoeticErotica
Quote:
Originally posted by ScarletFox
I wrote this from personal experience actually, so its more coming from the viewing ones self as a screw up. It was a one time thing that happened in my past. I couldn't find a job for months it seemed it was a momentary lapse of better judgement ... more
Oh, honey... *hugs* I know ALL about being a screw-up so I can relate. I've got boxes & boxes full of "screwed-up girl poems."
05/14/2012
Contributor: pitona pitona
super excited
05/14/2012
Contributor: Lickable Lollie Lickable Lollie
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Now on to my own humble offering...first off let me apologize for the mess of italics and weird spellings. I had some issues with going back and correcting work that caused some odd happenings. However, they are all fixed now!

My third person ... more
It flowed nicely in my opinion. I was a little confused at first, until I really got into the story. I couldn't tell which form each character was in at the beginning but I figured it out!
05/14/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Airen, the only trouble I had with your story was the name Carolana. It just didn't roll off my tongue naturally, but that's more nitpicky than helpful.
It's a salient point since my intent was for that character to be easily liked. With a bit more back story I could have explained that her name was slightly unpronounceable by Aline when she was a child and that was the shortened version...or some such. I'll consider that for future rewrites
05/14/2012
Contributor: DeliciousB DeliciousB
Quote:
Originally posted by Lickable Lollie
It flowed nicely in my opinion. I was a little confused at first, until I really got into the story. I couldn't tell which form each character was in at the beginning but I figured it out!
My thoughts exactly I had to just let go and get into the story.
05/14/2012
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
It's a salient point since my intent was for that character to be easily liked. With a bit more back story I could have explained that her name was slightly unpronounceable by Aline when she was a child and that was the shortened version...or ... more
I just keep thinking of Carol Anne from the Poltergeist movie.
05/14/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Lickable Lollie
It flowed nicely in my opinion. I was a little confused at first, until I really got into the story. I couldn't tell which form each character was in at the beginning but I figured it out!
Ahhhhh hmmmmm that is a problem then, again it was easy for me to picture it but my reader didn't have that knowledge. I should have included the first installment as a precursor to this story. The first person story was the first part of this one. link if you are interested
05/14/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
I just keep thinking of Carol Anne from the Poltergeist movie.
ergh NOT what I intended!
05/14/2012
Contributor: Kake aka PoeticErotica Kake aka PoeticErotica
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Probably not all that but I MIGHT tap you to give us a lecture on how to properly write Haiku!
I could do it in my sleep and would be most honored and grateful for the opportunity. TY! <333
05/14/2012
Contributor: Lickable Lollie Lickable Lollie
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Ahhhhh hmmmmm that is a problem then, again it was easy for me to picture it but my reader didn't have that knowledge. I should have included the first installment as a precursor to this story. The first person story was the first part of this ... more
I'm getting an error with that link
05/14/2012
Contributor: ScarletFox ScarletFox
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Now on to my own humble offering...first off let me apologize for the mess of italics and weird spellings. I had some issues with going back and correcting work that caused some odd happenings. However, they are all fixed now!

My third person ... more
I really liked it, I was able to catch on to the perspective quickly. As a fan of anything that has to do with shifters of any kinds I really got into this one. I think it stayed where it was supposed to and it really drew me into just feeling that change as well.
05/14/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Kake aka PoeticErotica
Oh, honey... *hugs* I know ALL about being a screw-up so I can relate. I've got boxes & boxes full of "screwed-up girl poems."
Ok now I KNOW who is going to teach our poem lessons....
05/14/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
CRAP ok here link I so suck at HTML
05/14/2012
Contributor: Lickable Lollie Lickable Lollie
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Ok now I KNOW who is going to teach our poem lessons....
I can't wait for that. I have been writing poems since I was like...12. I'm not good at any forms, but I enjoy doing it.
05/14/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by ScarletFox
I really liked it, I was able to catch on to the perspective quickly. As a fan of anything that has to do with shifters of any kinds I really got into this one. I think it stayed where it was supposed to and it really drew me into just feeling that ... more
I really like the story it is just sort of flowing like ones I LOVE writing. Seems to almost write itself.
05/14/2012
Contributor: Lickable Lollie Lickable Lollie
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
CRAP ok here link I so suck at HTML
I'll definitely read it after the meeting
05/14/2012
Contributor: Kake aka PoeticErotica Kake aka PoeticErotica
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Bare essentials of events in one's life are the foundation of a novel. It's expertly weaving them together that is a challenge, and in my opinion, the most rewarding part of it. You don't sit down and just write a novel. You plot points ... more
Indeed. Well-put.
05/14/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Lickable Lollie
I can't wait for that. I have been writing poems since I was like...12. I'm not good at any forms, but I enjoy doing it.
Pffffft you're doing fine...best advice is KEEP WRITING!!
05/14/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Now some fun and then some lessons! Our subject was five words: Did you all nearly pee yourselves when you read Destri's take on the subject in "The real Miss Piggy?"
05/14/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Now some fun and then some lessons! Our subject was five words: Did you all nearly pee yourselves when you read Destri's take on the subject in "The real Miss Piggy?"
It was ridiculously hot and totally scandalous at the same time!!
05/14/2012