Wow! What a horribly ignorant person. This is the problem. People don't realize that the only way to show someone else how to pleasure you, is to know how to pleasure yourself! If you don't know how to get yourself off, how can you expect a man to be able to?!?

That's exactly how I feel. I lost my virginity at 14 also, and honestly I do regret that. I didn't contract any diseases. My boyfriend at the time was a virgin, as was I. But we had unsafe sex, nonetheless. No condom, no birth control, and we seriously had no idea what the hell we were doing... Trying just about everything in the world.

I think that if girls are at least informed that masturbation (solo and mutual), or sex play with toys are options to having sex... they might just make the choice to stay abstinent. There are so many ways to enjoy sexual intimacy with someone, and pleasure yourself, without having actual intercourse. Whether they be straight, bi or lesbian. You can contract STD's all ways, and definitely get pregnant more easily than they think by having sex with a boy... even WITH a condom.

Just today I was so freaked out about how all these young boys with smaller genitals are using magnum sized condoms to impress their girlfriends/partners.. . and then their girlfriends/partners get an STD or get pregnant because when they remove their penis from the vagina the condom either slips off and leaks semen, or stays inside their vagina altogether dripping semen!

I think sexual education just isn't enough... When we go into high schools, we actually have guidelines for what we can and cannot say to the teens. We cannot promote safe sex half the time, we can only promote abstinence altogether. We can't hand out condoms. We can't talk about birth control at most schools. It's usually just "STD's blah blah blah... oh yeah, DON'T HAVE SEX".

I was lucky, in that when I lost my virginity, we did practice safe sex. We thankfully knew enough to use a condom. I was 14, he was 17, and we were both virgins. I regret the fact that I lost my virginity so young, as well. If it hadn't been such a "bad thing" for me to pleasure myself, maybe I wouldn't have felt the need to try ex.

I think it's horrible that so many schools won't allow the teaching of safe sex practices. Abstinence is not the only option, and most of the time, it's NOT the option that teens choose. They need to be educated on these issues, and I think it's great that you're trying to get that word out there!

I totally agree! I think that is the best way to go. I have seen this question on this forum before and had a struggle explaining my reasons for thinking it shouldn't be TAUGHT. I love how you said that. I really feel strongly about this issue and I don't think it should be taught.

My question to both of you is simple you both agree that masturbation "should be respected as self-exploration" . How exactly do you expect to achieve that goal without educating your target audience about it? Where will this respect for masturbation as self exploration come from.

I took a sex and religion class last semester it included reading an entire sexuality 101 textbook in addition to the actual sex and religion stuff. Why would she effective double the course load this way? Simple "because you can't teach sexual ethics without teaching about sexuality". You can't teach respect for sexual practices with out teaching about sexuality.

You can't have respect for masturbation with out teaching about masturbation.

Ug, SS, that's awful! My mother used to always try to catch me playing "naked games" with other kids when I was young. Ridiculous stuff.

I always knock on my kids' bedroom doors from an early age. They have a right to privacy.

I also agree about the "teaching." I have 3 kids, all girls, two of them considered adults. I know any or all of them would have wanted to curl up and DIE if I had tried to "teach" them to masturbate.

We do have a copy of Our Bodies Ourselves on the coffee table, and if the kids have questions they come to me. But, I think "teaching" a kid to masturbate is crossing a boundary that is inappropriate and may well break some trust. My kids were always free to look at the books, and I did tell them the names of their body parts, including their genitalia, when they were toddlers, along with fingers, toes, elbows and knees. I think most kids figure out their own masturbation strategy on their own.

There are some exceptions. Years ago, I used to work with severe to profoundly autistic children. There were also young adults and teens at the school. The teens were taught (not by me, but by the teachers who worked with the teens) to masturbate safely, as some of these young people would almost get violent and hurt themselves while masturbating or were masturbating in inappropriate situations. In a situation like this, I think teaching masturbation techniques is appropriate.

I am a proponent of teaching about sexuality. Part of teaching sexuality should include assurances that self-stimulation of the genitals is a perfectly normal and healthy activity. The anatomy of the genitals should be taught using diagrams, and the most sensitive areas of the genitals should be pointed out. Children should be reassured that they can ask their teacher/instructor/cou nselor/mentor/parent any questions they may have.

But other than explaining that self-stimulation of the genitalia is perfectly normal, I do not see how showing actual demonstrations on masturbation techniques would go over very well during kindergarten or first grade, which is when I first discovered masturbating on my own. I think it is perfectly fine for a college-level course (and if it could ever be okayed by enough parents to be taught in high school, it would be fine for high school students AS LONG AS each student is given the option to opt out of attending the demonstration).

But showing actual demonstrations of masturbation (or even just using a puppet to demonstrate masturbation techniques) is a bit explicit for young children because of their emotional developmental level. It could even be traumatizing. At that age, I would have been disturbed by such a demonstration because I was not mentally prepared or mature enough to process it---despite the fact that I had joyfully discovered a masturbation technique on my own that brought me great pleasure. If various masturbation techniques had been demonstrated to my class, I would have felt bewildered and abnormal because I never masturbated in "the normal fashion" (it has always been hands-free). I would have hated to have come to the conclusion at such a young age that masturbating with fingers or foreign objects was the "proper" way to masturbate because then I would have thought those were the only "right" ways to do it. (And no matter how open the instructor tried to make the environment at such a young age, I would never have been bold enough to describe to the teacher in front of my classmates---or even privately to her---how I "did it" to ask if it was "normal." And I know for certain that I wouldn't have been able to ask this during high school.)

If I had been taught techniques on how to masturbate, I would have never discovered something that worked so wonderfully for me. Other than my mother shaming me for it, I recall how joyful it was to have made this discovery on my own.

TOO much information too soon before a child is mentally and emotionally ready for it is not the antidote for giving misinformation or shaming children for something that is normal. That said, I think giving children the general assurance that self-pleasuring is normal and that, as soon as they are ready, there is an adult who is willing to answer any question they may have is the perfect amount of information they need at the grade-school level.

The bottom line is that to truly respect each child's individual development, you have to keep in mind that not all children wish to discuss or witness masturbation techniques. If they are not ready to seek out detailed information, explicit descriptions, re-enactments, or demonstrations of how to actually do it, then they should NEVER be forced to watch this in a classroom at any age.

As I mentioned before, this could be traumatizing for some children. I know it would have been for me. I had been sexually abused as a young child, and I know that watching such techniques would have been triggering for me. I never associated the pleasurable technique I had discovered with my abuse, but if I had seen how masturbation was typically done, I would have quickly linked the pleasure to my abuse because the "typical" techniques were similar to how I was unwillingly touched.

I did not have the maturity to process what had happened to me until I reached adulthood. I was what you would call a "late bloomer" sexually, and that's okay. There is no time line that we should be enforcing on children as far when they should be at a sufficient level of emotional maturity to process this information.

But, I think "teaching" a kid to masturbate is crossing a boundary that is inappropriate and may well break some trust.

I very much agree with this! Boundaries go both ways, and I feel it can be disrespectful to children to force this issue on them if they are not ready to receive this information. Taking a college course willingly as an adult is NOT the same as being forced to watch sexual demonstrations as a young child.

I also agree that there are exceptions to the rule: Children who have learned harmful ways of masturbating need direct intervention and should definitely be taught safe and pleasurable techniques.

1) I agree with this the and so does the originally poster despite being how this debate keeps revolving around no one is actually advocating teaching how to masturbation we are talking about teaching about masturbation.

Yet, even after it was clarified what is meant by "taught", kendra30752 who my comment was mostly aimed at, continues to shout "it shouldn't be TAUGHT." However, everything your saying IS being taught masturbation. The emphasize is still on the word "taught" instead of the words like how, when, and where.

2) There are two fundamental problem in this debate one is that people work backwards from a assumptions, to draw conclusions about if it should be taught. i.e. explicit demonstration at a young age. No one said we should do that, there are many ways to teach about masturbation (hell there are many ways to teach "how to" masturbate). In other words these are again issues of HOW, WHEN, and WHERE masturbation should be taught masturbation should not IF it should be TAUGHT.

3) The second problem when people say "children" we are talking about a massive age group combine that with the above and we get things like "actual demonstrations on masturbation techniques would [not] go over very well during kindergarten or first grade". Something now one has argued for or another words a straw man. It would be like me saying nutrition shouldn't be thought shouldn't be taught to young children because they are too young to understand the Krebs cycle, the notion that I would discuss something so advanced at that age is absurd. Yet replace nutrition with masturbation and absurd assumptions become the norm. Only when it comes to sex ed to we suddenly assume age inappropriateness as the default.

4) detailed information, explicit descriptions, re-enactments, or demonstrations of how to actually do it, then they should NEVER be forced to watch this in a classroom at any age.

Disagree, agree, agree, agree, agree. You made four statements there. You can not lump information in with things like "re-enactments";. The notion of doing so is silly. Well I do mostly agree regarding the no "how to" part but even then my point stands, this quote is lumping too many thing.

Regarding your point #1, I think the emphasis is more on "taught to masturbate" versus "taught about masturbation." That is where people are not seeing eye to eye. The subtleties in semantics of different word choices can actually be quite vast when their meanings are translated to real life.

Regarding people’s comments, keep in mind that not everyone reads through two (or more) pages of comments before commenting on the original post (or in response to the first comment or two on the original post). While it would be nice if everyone would always read every comment, people shouldn't feel required to read every comment on a thread before responding to the initial query. Therefore, I think a new poll with clearer phrasing would provide a clearer picture of people’s opinions.

As the first person to respond to this poll, I merely pointed out that I agreed with everything the following option said, with the exception of "should be taught."

"Yes, females should be taught and able to masturbate guilt free AND use sex toys if they want to. Even under the age of 18." Emphasis mine to show from where people's understanding of this option stems.

I agreed with almost everything in this statement and explained that I would have selected that poll option except for the fact that I was hesitant with point (a): according to the poll option, females should (a) be taught to masturbate and (b) be able to masturbate guilt-free and (c) use sex toys if they want to. (I seriously doubt that anyone at all here has a problem with (b) and that many would be in favor of (c) depending upon the type of toy and if the girl asked for the toy.) The option would be more clear if stated this way: "Yes, females should be taught about masturbation AND be able to masturbate guilt-free AND use sex toys if they want to. Even under the age of 18."

I wish had gone ahead and clarified in my original post what I meant a bit further by saying that I have nothing against teaching children about masturbation. In other words, that I feel it is fine to tell them what masturbation is and that it is normal and healthy to self-stimulate but that I do not, on the other hand, agree that they should be taught to masturbate, which implies that teaching techniques to actually do it should be mandatory. (To be fair to people's responses, this is what the original poll option specifically says, though it was later explained to be unintentionally phrased this way).

SecretToyLover kindly posted to clarify her statement by saying, “When I said taught, this is what I meant: something I come across a lot at the meetings with planned parenthood and other organizations is that girls don't know the anatomy of their lady garden. They don't know how to go about masturbation. You would be surprised how many young females do not know what their clitoris even is. If females do not know this information, they wouldn't know how to go about any of it. I have had several girls ask me for help on how to masturbate.” Emphasis mine to show where further misunderstanding might stem. Even though she stated that girls have asked her for help, there is no indication at this point that helping girls learn to masturbate is not being advocated on a public teaching level, given the prescriptive wording of the poll stating it should be taught. By saying females should be taught to masturbate, it implies a required curriculum and not a supplemental option that can be freely chosen.

Regarding her clarification, I most wholeheartedly agree with the teaching of anatomy part. She does state that she has had girls ask for help on how to masturbate. Since they are privately asking her for help, I have no problems with her helping them at all. I applaud her for helping them.

To dispel any further understandings, I do realize that she later made another post, providing further clarification by saying, “Yes, in reply to those who still didn't really understand what I meant by being "taught"... I don't mean teachers sitting your children down and showing them HOW to masturbate. Alls I mean is that children should be educated about masturbation, what it is, and who to talk to if they would like to further explore their choice to masturbate.”

This perfectly aligns with everything I support.

Regarding your point #3, I disagree that sexual education is the only subject in which age appropriateness/inappr opriateness is considered "by default." Education on any subject is tailored to children's developmental levels and mental readiness. As you yourself said, you teach children facts about nutrition that are appropriate to their developmental level; you don't try to force elementary school kids to learn the Kreb's Cycle—most of them are not ready to process that quite yet (there are always exceptions such as prodigies, though, so that is why there should be some flexibility and willingness to provide additional information on any subject to any child who expresses an interest). Basically, if you tried to teach them something on a level beyond their grasp or maturity level, they would come to hate and fear the subject. But you most certainly want to lay a foundation on a level they can understand and thus cultivate a healthy appreciation for the subject. So it is important to teach a child about sexuality at a level that is appropriate to his or her level of readiness.

To reiterate, I think teaching young students ABOUT masturbation is great, but I think teaching them TO masturbate (i.e., illustrating to them specific techniques via diagrams, pictures, puppets, and models) should be done only if they express a self-directed interest. Give them the basics ABOUT masturbation and sexuality and let them know that more information is available to them at any time when they feel ready. Therefore, children can self-direct their own level of education regarding techniques based upon their emotional readiness.

In your fourth point, you left out the first part of my statement, unfairly stripping my words of their context and meaning. Here is the entire quote: "If they are not ready to seek out detailed information, explicit descriptions, re-enactments, or demonstrations of how to actually do it, then they should NEVER be forced to watch this in a classroom at any age." Again, this is information about how to actually DO it (i.e., information on techniques). This is information that I was advocating being available to them on a requested basis AFTER they have already been educated about what masturbation is and given an anatomy lesson. By detailed information, I meant written information about specific masturbation techniques. When students voluntarily opt out of receiving detailed information about how to masturbate, I don't think it is respectful to them to force the information on them. How would this teach them to respect masturbation?

Aside from the detailed information in the form of written material beyond what is already covered in the curriculum, the requested information could include demonstrations (with a diagram), re-enactments of techniques (with anatomical models or puppets), and descriptions of bodily sensations they may experience with specific techniques (such as G-spot stimulation) so that they will know their experiences are normal. All of these methods provide a range of teaching aids that are quite useful in education. Why is it silly to include detailed information along with other teaching aids? It is offensive to call someone's logic and sincere explanations silly.

Do you believe the same should be applied to males, that they shouldn't uses masturbation sleeves so they can save their cherry?

All this talk of "cherry" is based on....you know what I just realized I'm using up perfectly good blog material in this thread so I'm just going to go write the wall of text on my blog and then come back.

I don't think what we do has anything to do with virginity. As you will read below, that isn't exactly what we're aiming for, so to speak. But if a masturbation sleeve will keep a 17 year old guy content enough not to spread disease or get a girl pregnant, then so be it. I would rather have that then a kid who has contracted herpes from a female all over his face, or AIDS/HIV... And nobody wants to see a girl go through an unintended pregnancy.