The New Intimacy

You might be addicted to sex toys if...

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Contributor: gone77 gone77
OK, guys, another new game! This one was inspired by Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a redneck if..." routine. I thought we should see how many things we could come up with!

To start:

You might be addicted to sex toys if... your current collection numbers more than 100.
08/25/2010
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Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
If you've gotten rid of other possessions to make room for more toys!
08/25/2010
Contributor: Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
You have an entire dresser full of toys, categorized by materials from least safe (jellies, rubber) in the bottommost drawer to safest (silicone, glass) in the top drawer.
08/25/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
You might be addicted to sex toys if: you buy 5 packs of batteries for 2 remote controls and STILL have to look around for fresh batteries for your toys.
08/25/2010
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Cinnamon
You have an entire dresser full of toys, categorized by materials from least safe (jellies, rubber) in the bottommost drawer to safest (silicone, glass) in the top drawer.
Ok - I qualify! We do have a dedicated drawer that is organized much as you describe - busted!
08/25/2010
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
You do a double take when gazing at completely innocent items.Hair brushes (we have one which has a handle that looks just like a very high end vibe. I do a double take every time I walk into the small bathroom, where it lives.) Rubber duckies. Computer Mice. (Is that a Lelo? No, it's a computer mouse.) and other various things that have nothing to do with sex toys, but resemble them.
08/25/2010
Contributor: TheSexista TheSexista
You already know what new toy your gonna buy a week before payday!
08/25/2010
Contributor: ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
You spend more time with toy's than your significant other.
08/25/2010
Contributor: DeliciousSurprise DeliciousSurprise
You might be addicted to sex toys if...
You go shopping for innocuous things and think to yourself, "That would be great to store my toys in..."
08/25/2010
Contributor: Pleasure Piratess Pleasure Piratess
You spent more money on toys than the car you drive...
08/25/2010
Contributor: Illusional Illusional
XD, that was amazing.
08/25/2010
Contributor: Victoria Victoria
if... you plan which toys are coming with you on your next trip...a month in advance.
08/25/2010
Contributor: Liz Liz
You've seriously considered the possibility of dedicating an entire room to your sex toys and associated paraphernalia. Bonus points if you have such a room!
08/25/2010
Contributor: Gary Gary
None of the bed legs touch the floor.
08/25/2010
Contributor: Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
Quote:
Originally posted by Gary
None of the bed legs touch the floor.
HAHAHA.

You might be addicted to sex toys if... You actually budget part of your paycheck to buy new toys with every week/month/year.

Also:

You might be addicted to sex toys if... A tour of your home includes a visit to the Sex Toy Cabinet.

And don't forget:

You might be addicted to sex toys if... After a favorite toy of yours finally buzzes its last, you give it a proper burial and cry over it a little.
08/25/2010
Contributor: DeliciousSurprise DeliciousSurprise
You might be addicted to sex toys if you use a less favored toy more often because you don't want it to feel unloved.
not naming any names
08/25/2010
Contributor: ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
You steal battery's from you kids toys for yours.
08/25/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyTimeTim
You steal battery's from you kids toys for yours.
HA! Good one!

...you've looked into making a battery powered toy a wall socket powered toy
08/25/2010
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
... if you have to remind yourself of the everyday definitions of 'harness', 'plug', and 'sleeve'. (Double points if you remember that it isn't 'Throe' but 'throw'.)
08/25/2010
Contributor: Lady Venus Lady Venus
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyTimeTim
You steal battery's from you kids toys for yours.
HAHAHA! I just done that last week!
08/25/2010
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Cinnamon
HAHAHA.

You might be addicted to sex toys if... You actually budget part of your paycheck to buy new toys with every week/month/year.

Also:

You might be addicted to sex toys if... A tour of your home includes a visit to the Sex ... more
or if you've ever been more broken up over a dead vibrator than a break-up with a person.
08/25/2010
Contributor: ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
You do a product search every day to find a new/upcoming toy to try.
08/25/2010
Contributor: Annemarie Annemarie
You might be addicted to sex toys if...

You constantly have batteries/toys recharging.

You look for a certain scarf/bra/clothing item and find a dildo tucked away.

You have a dream involving sex toys. (No joke.)

You do a count one day and realize that you don't remember buying a particular toy.
08/25/2010
Contributor: Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
If you walk into a store and know more about sex toys than the salewoman.
08/25/2010
Contributor: Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
Quote:
Originally posted by Annemarie
You might be addicted to sex toys if...

You constantly have batteries/toys recharging.

You look for a certain scarf/bra/clothing item and find a dildo tucked away.

You have a dream involving sex toys. (No joke.)

You do a ... more
Hahaha, not remembering buying a toy. That one is good.
08/25/2010
Contributor: ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
Quote:
Originally posted by Kynky Kytty
If you walk into a store and know more about sex toys than the salewoman.
So true.
08/25/2010
Contributor: Andromeda Andromeda
... you scheme on how to get your toys from your dorm room, to your home, and then in your suitcase to go abroad WITHOUT your extremely nosy mother finding them... four months in advance.
08/25/2010
Contributor: Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
Quote:
Originally posted by Andromeda
... you scheme on how to get your toys from your dorm room, to your home, and then in your suitcase to go abroad WITHOUT your extremely nosy mother finding them... four months in advance.
Hahaha--guilty! Though my grand scheme ended up being just dumping them at the boyfriend's for the summer and only taking one discreet toy back home with me.
08/25/2010
Contributor: Envy Envy
If you spent more on toys than groceries or rent.

Or you actually hold off on paying for food, starve, and then use the saved money for a toy. (I know a few who have done this, too.)
08/25/2010
Contributor: Not here Not here
...your web history consists of Edenfantasys, edenfantasys, and more edenfantasys. and maybe a porno site or two.
08/25/2010