The New Intimacy

I had a miscarriage.. I guess that is how life is.

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Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
My hands want to type something profound but my brain isn't letting it.

I know I just announced my pregnancy because I was so incredibly happy that I was starting my own little family, finally. I guess that is why pregnant woman don't share their good fortune till at least the 12th week.

I don't know what to say or how to say it, but I will try my best.

They recently took me off my many medications because it was bad for the baby, so my doctor said that we didn't even have time to wean me off.. just stop them. It made me kinda go crazy. Having severe depression, extreme social and general anxiety, multiple panic attacks each day, fainting, and insomnia issues.. going off these medications cold turkey really messed with my body and mind.

A few days ago, I had a lot of heavy bleeding. I had read that pregnant woman may have their periods during pregnancy (very small percentage) and I just thought that I had started my period and was part of the very small and unlucky few.

Then the pain came. I started fainting repeatedly. I was in so much pain that I literally started crying and shaking. Sharp pains. Lots of them, for hours. Something was wrong. This wasn't menstrual cramps anymore, this was full blown pain.

Boyfriend rushed me to the ER. I don't really remember my visit at the ER, but I'll tell you what I know. I heard "it is in danger" "what should we do" "it cannot survive" "we need to take it out" I remember I was so angry that they kept calling my baby.. "it". I'm fully aware that I was only 6 almost 7 weeks along.. but my baby is definitely not an "it".

Then I remember waking up.. and I didn't have a baby anymore, growing inside of me. It was gone. I knew instantly that it was gone. I cried. A lot. I've been crying. I keep on getting these lovely messages and wall posts about websites and what to do when you are pregnant ect ect, and I am so thankful for the people who PM'd me and posted it across my Wall.

I just can't deal with that anymore and needed to announce this. It is good to talk about things and get support.. or so says my therapist. I need to heal. I need to find my mind and not go crazy when I see a baby on TV. I need to stop dreaming.

I need words of wisdom. I need stories. I need you to comfort me and I need you to tell me that these things just happen. I need a lot right now and I can't seem to not be broken hearted about this.

Is it normal to be this upset..? Is it normal to love something so much already even though I barely just knew about him/her? Is it normal to classify this as a traumatic moment in my life? I know how common it is for women to miscarry.

How do I get through something like this? Am I going to get through this at all in one piece?

(thank you to Beck and Kira for talking to me the last couple of days, you are both incredibly amazing and I don't know how insane I would have got without you two, those were lovely gifts.)
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
I have stories, let me share them with you!
js250 , BG529 , SimpleHedonist , PropertyOfPotter , P'Gell , bayosgirl
6
I have words of wisdom, let me share them with you!
- Kira - , js250 , BG529 , PeaceToTheMiddleEast , P'Gell , BBW Talks Toys , Amber1w
7
I went through the same thing and know what you are going through!
js250 , BG529 , Talena , PeaceToTheMiddleEast , PropertyOfPotter , P'Gell , Sundae Sparkles , Peaches2000 , tami , Buttercup Green , LusciousLollypop , Gracie , FeKitten
13
I don't know what to say but I am thinking of you! All my love!
pootpootpoot , Kitka , Khanner , ghalik , Ryuson , KrissyNovacaine , funforall7 , pasdechat , vanilla&chocolate , Dixiemomma , asphyxia , SimpleTeaser , Apirka , wrmbreze , melissa1973 , dhig , solitudinarian , Taylor , Sammi , Mamastoys , Arch600 , Rossie , LovesAPoet , Nacht Stern , SMichelle , lovekink , link82 , darthkitt3n , mama2007 , LoveYouLikeThat , Antipova , DustBunny , RomanticGoth , Stinkytofu10 , VioletMoonstone , haley730 , bayosgirl , GONE! , quackbuster , Buttercup Green , Missmarc , Allison.Wilder , FHeemz , mpfm , brevado , (k)InkyIvy , HannahPanda , Lilith Bealove , Mwar , Petite Valentine , aliceinthehole , wwwww , Adriana Ravenlust , sexxxkitten , AshMegYo , booboo111926 , Anne
57
I don't have stories or words of wisdom, but you are in my thoughts! All my love!
pootpootpoot , Kitka , ghalik , Ryuson , KrissyNovacaine , funforall7 , caffeinated , M.O.'s Girl , pasdechat , vanilla&chocolate , asphyxia , Apirka , wrmbreze , Gone (LD29) , Masokisti , Terri69 , dhig , Taylor , Mamastoys , Arch600 , Nacht Stern , SMichelle , lovekink , unfulfilled , mama2007 , Antipova , RomanticGoth , Stinkytofu10 , VioletMoonstone , quackbuster , EdenUser , Allison.Wilder , Lilith Bealove , Mwar , Petite Valentine , Adriana Ravenlust , Stagger13 , sexxxkitten , myplasticheart , dv8 , wdanas
41
Other -- Please Explain!
*Camoprincess* , amazon
2
Total votes: 126 (86 voters)
Poll is closed
06/01/2012
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Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. (Even I'm crying at this.) *tight-tight hugs* Yes, it's okay and normal to love your baby so much before you even meet him or her. It's okay to mourn the loss. Yes, you will get through this. You won't be the same, but you will get through this. Give yourself time, and be kind to yourself.
06/01/2012
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
I've told you already, but it is totally normal to be this upset. Here's my story to prove it:

I actually found out I was pregnant in a hair salon. I went to get my hair dyed and the dye didn't take. We had been trying to have a baby for months. I asked if it was possible that the dye wouldn't take if I was pregnant. They said maybe and I just knew. I didn't even have to pee on a stick (although I did, just to check). I left that salon already in love with the baby that would be my son.

So, yes, it possible to fall instantly in love with an unborn child. It's in you and you can feel that somehow. I know some women go a whole pregnancy and say they don't feel attached to the baby until after s/he is born, but for others the love is there the second you know the baby is.

Because of that connection, it is also normal for you to grieve under these circumstances. You lost a child and you have EVERY right to mourn that loss. If anyone tells you otherwise, tell them to go to hell. For real.

Will you get through this? Of course. You're a strong person. I have every faith that you will come through this even stronger. Will it happen overnight? No. But it will happen, bit by bit, day by day. Keep talking to your therapist and other people about your feelings. Getting it out helps. Don't bottle it up and take on the weight of the world yourself. If you're sad, cry. If you get mad, punch a pillow and scream out loud until it passes. Just don't keep feelings welled up inside.

My thoughts are with you. And like I've told you, I'm here if you need me.
06/01/2012
Contributor: Kitka Kitka
Oh no, I'm so sorry hun *big hugs* I haven't experienced this or anything but I wanted to let you know that we support you. You're an awesome person and you need to worry about taking care of yourself now. If you go to therapy make sure you talk to them about it, it might help you process what happened. Again I'm sorry for your loss, wish I had more to say, but you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
06/01/2012
Contributor: *Camoprincess* *Camoprincess*

I am so sad to hear this sweetie. I don't have much to say or offer just know that you will get through this. If won't be easy in fact it will be very hard I have a girl on my Facebook who has female medical problems who lost a baby a year ago an still mourns its NORMAL to love something so small and tiny before you even meet him/her. I also know 2 ladies who a few months apart gave birth to twins resulting in one passing in both births However both of those ladies are stronger then ever. I wish you the best of luck on the healing process and hopefully conceiving again in the future to be able to carry full term!! Hang in there sweetie
06/01/2012
Contributor: BG529 BG529
PM Me Sweetie! It gets better trust me
06/01/2012
Contributor: js250 js250
I am so very sorry to hear your pain and loss in your sad and heartbreaking message. I fell in love with my baby the second I suspected I was pregnant, even knowing that with my endometriosis I might lose him or her. And yet I was still unprepared for the time when I actually did miscarriage. The pain you feel and the loss you are suffering is normal, not that that is much comfort right now.

I had a dear friend that really helped me and one of the things she told me really helped give me peace of mind and hope. "Our unborn babies are waiting as angels to guide us through our journey of life. They were placed with us temporarily to let us know they are with us and are waiting to help us in our time of need. The pain from losing them is to remind us of the pain they are saving us from in the future."

I still live by that even though it has been many years since I lost my babies. I know they are with me and are guiding me through my journeys....just as I would have guided them through life.

I am thinking of you, my heart goes out to you and if you need another friend let me know!! I am here for you anytime!
06/01/2012
Contributor: Khanner Khanner
Oh no, that's too bad. This recently happened to a good friend, she was on depression meds too. My thoughts are with you.
06/01/2012
Contributor: Ryuson Ryuson
(Review Program Mentor)
That's to terrible, but the thing is that some women just have trouble keeping children. I know that my Boyfriends mum had like 6 miscarriages before she had him and his sister, and his sister was deformed and died in the hospital. But you know what? She got her kid and she had her family.

I guess what I'm saying is don't stop trying! It's gonna be tough, but you're gonna have to get through this. This means that now you have time to wean off the medications before you conceive again, which will be better for both you and the fetus.

I know that we aren't real close, but I love seeing you around on here. Feel free to drop me a line if you ever need any help!
06/01/2012
Contributor: funforall7 funforall7
I'm close to tears reading your story. I'm so sorry this happened to you. You will need lots of support in the coming weeks and you will be in my thoughts and prayers. You will survive this. You will be stronger because of it. And I know there is a huge debate over when life begins, but I think you're right; your baby, not an "it", is in the hands of God now. This little life will be watching over you as you recover and I hope that is a comforting thought.
06/01/2012
Contributor: M.O.'s Girl M.O.'s Girl
So sorry to hear this news. Be kind to yourself; give yourself time to grieve and time to heal, and know that everything you are feeling is normal when a loss is suffered.
06/01/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. (Even I'm crying at this.) *tight-tight hugs* Yes, it's okay and normal to love your baby so much before you even meet him or her. It's okay to mourn the loss. Yes, you will get through this. You won't be ... more
I need some hugs, thank you.
06/01/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
I've told you already, but it is totally normal to be this upset. Here's my story to prove it:

I actually found out I was pregnant in a hair salon. I went to get my hair dyed and the dye didn't take. We had been trying to have a ... more
Thanks Kira. I totally just cried when I read what you posted. I'm sure i'll be harassing you in messages for awhile.
06/01/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by Kitka
Oh no, I'm so sorry hun *big hugs* I haven't experienced this or anything but I wanted to let you know that we support you. You're an awesome person and you need to worry about taking care of yourself now. If you go to therapy make sure ... more
Thanks, sweetheart. -big hugs back-
I love how EF just joins together when someone needs help.
Therapy<3
06/01/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by *Camoprincess*

I am so sad to hear this sweetie. I don't have much to say or offer just know that you will get through this. If won't be easy in fact it will be very hard I have a girl on my Facebook who has female medical problems who lost a baby a ... more
It makes me feel a little better that this is totally normal. My family, they just say that it was meant to be in some way and someday, it will get better. I hope they are right. Thanks for sharing that with me. xoxo
06/01/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
I am so very sorry to hear your pain and loss in your sad and heartbreaking message. I fell in love with my baby the second I suspected I was pregnant, even knowing that with my endometriosis I might lose him or her. And yet I was still unprepared ... more
I'm so sorry that you went through this as well. That is a beautiful quote. I cried. I so want to hug you right now. xoxo
06/01/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by Ryuson
That's to terrible, but the thing is that some women just have trouble keeping children. I know that my Boyfriends mum had like 6 miscarriages before she had him and his sister, and his sister was deformed and died in the hospital. But you know ... more
I really hope I won't have problems in the future with conceiving or being able to even carry a child to full term. I know my doctors have told me that I will always be in the high risk pregnancy category because of my damn fainting spells, but that is life. Thanks for the support. xoxo
06/01/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by funforall7
I'm close to tears reading your story. I'm so sorry this happened to you. You will need lots of support in the coming weeks and you will be in my thoughts and prayers. You will survive this. You will be stronger because of it. And I know ... more
Thank you for responding to my forum post. It really means a lot. I'm trying to gather wisdom and trying to be strong. I just can't do it. I can't get out of bed. Thank you for caring. xoxo I know we are strangers, but it means a lot.
06/01/2012
Contributor: vanilla&chocolate vanilla&chocolate
I'm sending ALL of my love, condolences, and hugs to you at this moment!!!
06/01/2012
Contributor: chantalgiardina chantalgiardina
Quote:
Originally posted by LusciousLollypop
My hands want to type something profound but my brain isn't letting it.

I know I just announced my pregnancy because I was so incredibly happy that I was starting my own little family, finally. I guess that is why pregnant woman don't ... more
I can't express my sympathy enough. I am sooo sorry for your loss!

May 2010 I had a miscarriage. --

I didn't even know I was pregnant and I felt HORRIBLE afterwards, mainly because for months before I had said I didn't want another baby ( i have two step sons who were 9 and 8 at the time- they drive me CRAZY and then my daughter who was a little over one at the time) So when i found out I had miscarried I blamed myself and shut down all together.

It's still hard to talk about for me and I wasn't attached or informed as you were.

sadly these things happen and it in no way is your fault at all. I am here if you need to talk.
06/01/2012
Contributor: Dixiemomma Dixiemomma
Hun i lost a baby several years ago and i can say it gets easier but you dont forget about them and you'll always wish they were with you ... but now i have a beautiful and healthy 5 yr old daughter that is my world. give yourself time to heal and then try again. you'll be ok
06/01/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by chantalgiardina
I can't express my sympathy enough. I am sooo sorry for your loss!

May 2010 I had a miscarriage. --

I didn't even know I was pregnant and I felt HORRIBLE afterwards, mainly because for months before I had said I didn't want ... more
Apparently, miscarrying is almost normal and common. I can't believe something that tremendous is just.. normal. You know? My doctor was telling me that it was so "normal" and that I should try again later. I don't even want to have sex right now. I don't want to even think about trying again right now. Last night, my boyfriend was turned on. I had to leave the room with tears in my eyes because I couldn't bear it. I felt like an awful person. I am trying not to completely shut down and am living off of sedation pills, just to SORT OF function.

I'm trying to talk it all out in my head and with people to not go completely insane.
06/01/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by Dixiemomma
Hun i lost a baby several years ago and i can say it gets easier but you dont forget about them and you'll always wish they were with you ... but now i have a beautiful and healthy 5 yr old daughter that is my world. give yourself time to heal ... more
I really, really just want to pretend it never happened and I want to forget so badly. That sounds SO awful even typing this or thinking it. I'm glad that it got easier for you, I wish it would get easier on me in time too. xoxo
06/01/2012
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Quote:
Originally posted by LusciousLollypop
Apparently, miscarrying is almost normal and common. I can't believe something that tremendous is just.. normal. You know? My doctor was telling me that it was so "normal" and that I should try again later. I don't even want to have ... more
How is he taking it and are you getting any support from him?
06/01/2012
Contributor: SimpleTeaser SimpleTeaser
I am so, so very sorry for your loss. I lost my middle child when she was 2 months old.
06/01/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
How is he taking it and are you getting any support from him?
He is being supportive. He didn't really want children so he was very relieved.. almost happy. Actually, he was happy. That is fine, though. If I need to talk, he is there. If I need to cry, he is there. He is just happy that we aren't having a child. I'm almost relieved too, in a sort of messed up way.
06/01/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by SimpleTeaser
I am so, so very sorry for your loss. I lost my middle child when she was 2 months old.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Two months old? I would have never recovered from that. I am ALWAYS around if you need to talk.
06/01/2012
Contributor: Apirka Apirka
I'm so very sorry to hear this, sweetheart! I can only echo what everyone else is saying-- early miscarriages are very common and how you're feeling is perfectly normal. I wish I could give you a giant, squeezy REAL hug... but I guess a virtual one will have to do. *HUGSHUGSHUGS*
06/01/2012
Contributor: ghent529 ghent529
I am so very sorry for your loss. My GF had a miscarriage at 6 months its uncommon but can happen. I shouldn't say uncommon it's less common than misscarrying early on. I'm here if you wanna talk
06/01/2012
Contributor: wrmbreze wrmbreze
I am very sorry to hear this. I don't have words to express how sorry I am for you. It won't ever be okay, but it will get better.
06/01/2012