The New Intimacy

What, if any, is your level of familiarity with the transgendered community?

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Contributor: Not Here Anymore f/k/a Happy Lady Not Here Anymore f/k/a Happy Lady
After my recent forum post asking for assistance in writing reviews involving my transgendered partner, I wondered how many Eden participants actually know a transgendered person - and if so, how.

This is something that is part of my daily life, but something I didn't really know much about until I joined Eden. Through Eden I found people of all types of genders online, which allowed me to meet my current partner. { Who is fabulous - thanks for asking. }

I realize many people have many different definitions of what "transgendered" means. I am just asking you to vote based on YOUR definition.

Answers are private so as to encourage honesty. I am not going to get my feelings hurt if a whole lot of people say they don't know a transgendered person.
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
I am transgendered.
100
I am/have been the lover of a transgendered person.
90
I have a transgendered family member.
17
I have a transgendered friend (more than aquaintances).
177
I know of transgendered people - but I don't know them personally.
108
There is at least one person I suspect is transgendered, but I don't know him/her well enough to ask
25
I don't know any transgendered people.
71
Total votes: 588 (400 voters)
Poll is closed
03/25/2009
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Contributor: Ciao. Ciao.
I checked a couple of those boxes. I'm transgendered myself, and (not surprisingly because of that) know a fair number of trans people of all types.
03/25/2009
Contributor: Viv Viv
I'm not sure if i qualify. I'm gender fluid. don't think you have to be either "male" or 'female" there's a bunch of stuff in between too!

i do identify as more male than anything but i don't have any desire to have surgery or transition legally because, to me, gender is psychological and there's no reason a guy can't have a clit. but like i said, it's fluid and changing- never set in stone. hope that made sense! ^_^
03/25/2009
Contributor: Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
I dated someone who was transgender (physically male and didn't want a sex change operation, but considered herself female) and have had transgender friends. I resisted the urge to check off the box that says I'm transgender, even though I'm a huge Judith Butler fan. =)
03/25/2009
Contributor: Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Hmm.. A friend's sister is transitioning to male, I believe. I know there was a legal name change but don't know more than that. We're maybe a bit more than acquaintances but it's hard to pick a status for that friendship.

But, other than that, not a lot of exposure to anyone who is (at least openly) transgendered.
03/25/2009
Contributor: sry sry
Hmm I want to know one personally and a hermaphrodite too. I'm weird that I always wanted to be female but I dunno, I don't want to be gay (I hate men they are pigs (i was abused by some growing up thats why i feel this way)).. so a intersexed person is perfect to fill in the blanks maybe. BTW I talked to my therapist about the female thing she says I have some kind of deeper connection to women and can relate to them better.. I kinda do women things though I never stand up to use the bathroom.. when i see groups of people i generally hang out with the women age 40-50 instead of people my age group.. i have nothing in common with them, a 20-30 year gap.. lol
03/26/2009
Contributor: Not Here Anymore f/k/a Happy Lady Not Here Anymore f/k/a Happy Lady
Quote:
Originally posted by Viv
I'm not sure if i qualify. I'm gender fluid. don't think you have to be either "male" or 'female" there's a bunch of stuff in between too!

i do identify as more male than anything but i don't have ... more
Saurou,
I truly meant to include you and anyone else who is gender fluid. A good definition of "transgender" to me is:

Transgender (adj.) An umbrella term for any person who noticeably and consistently crosses prevailing social sex-role boundaries, through any combination of:
• personal appearance (clothing and adornment),
• behavior (personality and mannerisms), or
• anatomy (body features).

I think that "transgender" includes all people who do not live as a male in a male body or as a female in a female body.

Also, this link is a pretty decent link for information for those interested in learning more.
03/26/2009
Contributor: Viv Viv
Quote:
Originally posted by Not Here Anymore f/k/a Happy Lady
Saurou,
I truly meant to include you and anyone else who is gender fluid. A good definition of "transgender" to me is:

Transgender (adj.) An umbrella term for any person who noticeably and consistently crosses prevailing social ... more
thanks, happy lady. I guess i voted correctly then ^_^ I usually just go by the term genderqueer since most people tend to assume if you are trans then you are planning on transitioning and I'm not. Thanks for the link! i'll go check that out.
03/26/2009
Contributor: Luscious Lily Luscious Lily
My father came out to my mother and I as transgendered in the past few months. (I'll continue referring to my dad as "him" for now, at his request) Unlike many similar situations I've heard about, their marriage didn't fall apart; amazingly, it became stronger. She's decided to stay with him (eventually her), even though it means that their marriage and sex life will eventually become lesbian. She's a preacher's daughter, so it's hard for her, but she shocked my dad when she didn't throw him out. He was terrified that he'd lose my mom: she's the center of his world. We're doing everything we can to help him, but it's hard having to hide it from my 12 year old sister for now, and from the rest of the extended family. His family has already cast out his cousin and her lover; if my grandparents find out, he may never see them again. He's starting hormone treatments next week, but even if we could afford it, he can't fully transition until he retires, or he'll lose his job.

We love my dad, and are happy that he doesn't have to deal with this alone any more, but some days its harder than others to deal with it. It's part of the reason I dropped off the map for a while. I'm embarrassed to say that my most recent review (first book review) was late because I got so caught up in life.
03/27/2009
Contributor: Firemeup Firemeup
I knew a number of transgendered people in college, and I was close friends with a couple of them. We've mostly lost touch, though. I'm pretty sure I don't have any transgendered non-college friends at the moment.
03/27/2009
Contributor: Femme Mystique Femme Mystique
Quote:
Originally posted by sry
Hmm I want to know one personally and a hermaphrodite too. I'm weird that I always wanted to be female but I dunno, I don't want to be gay (I hate men they are pigs (i was abused by some growing up thats why i feel this way)).. so a ... more
I don't know if you know this already, but "hermaphrodite" is considered to be an offensive term when referring to humans.
03/28/2009
Contributor: sry sry
Hmm didn't know that actually that is the only thing I know what to call them. What is the proper name?
03/29/2009
Contributor: Epiphora Epiphora
Quote:
Originally posted by sry
Hmm didn't know that actually that is the only thing I know what to call them. What is the proper name?
Intersex.
03/29/2009
Contributor: Not Here Anymore f/k/a Happy Lady Not Here Anymore f/k/a Happy Lady
Quote:
Originally posted by Luscious Lily
My father came out to my mother and I as transgendered in the past few months. (I'll continue referring to my dad as "him" for now, at his request) Unlike many similar situations I've heard about, their marriage didn't fall ... more
Transitioning isn't easy for the person doing it or the ones who love him/her. It's nice to see your family supporting your father.
03/29/2009
Contributor: Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
Quote:
Originally posted by Luscious Lily
My father came out to my mother and I as transgendered in the past few months. (I'll continue referring to my dad as "him" for now, at his request) Unlike many similar situations I've heard about, their marriage didn't fall ... more
I agree--it's wonderful that you and your mother are supporting him so much.
03/29/2009
Contributor: Perish Perish
It would be awesome to be a chick for a day lolz... Who wouldn't want to be able to have multiple orgasms? I don't think it's weird for a guy to want to be a chick in my opinion. I'm just a really open minded person i guess. I think no matter what gender they are Tran's or not, that they are normal people just like everyone else.
04/16/2009
Contributor: Gabe Gabe
Quote:
Originally posted by Perish
It would be awesome to be a chick for a day lolz... Who wouldn't want to be able to have multiple orgasms? I don't think it's weird for a guy to want to be a chick in my opinion. I'm just a really open minded person i guess. I think ... more
Hey Perish-
I totally like where your head is at, in terms of accepting people regardless of what gender they may identify with, and what body they may have been born with. A couple things, though--

First, being transgendered is pretty different from "wanting to be a chick for a day." For starters, I don't know a single trans person who transitions because they want to be a different gender; they transition because they feel that they are that other gender. No desire here, only reality--just, to be exact, a reality that is hard to see because it's a feeling, not a physical trait. Now, there are people who play with gender, and they also fit into the transgender umbrella term. But they, too, in my experience see it as a feeling--maybe they feel that they don't fit into any gender, or fit into many, so they forge a presentation that fits that.There are still others who play with gender in ways that don't signify a new gender identity, say, cross dressing occasionally but still feeling like a man inside. But in this case, the ones I know view it as an activity, not as a change of identity, each time they put on a skirt (though some certainly do see it as a new identity). It's hard to make generalizations because everybody defines their gender and their behavior in the way that makes them comfortable, so these labels and understandings are always shifting.

Second- not all women have multiple orgasms. Just a nitpick. Some have just one at a time. Others have none at all.
04/16/2009
Contributor: sry sry
Where does one go to meet transgenders and/or intersex, is there a meeting place that is common to all towns and cities other than a bar?
04/19/2009
Contributor: Luscious Lily Luscious Lily
Thanks for your kind words, Happy Lady and Backseat Boohoo. They really mean a lot to me. My dad started hormone treatments earlier this month, and while it's taken some getting used to, it's not as hard as we feared. It was actually a lot of fun taking my dad sports-bra shopping (since he's started developing a bit). And the look on his face when I told him I thought he should go ahead and get the lavender one, not just the white ones to wear under his work shirts, made it all worthwhile. I haven't seen him this happy in years.
04/23/2009
Contributor: Ciao. Ciao.
Quote:
Originally posted by sry
Where does one go to meet transgenders and/or intersex, is there a meeting place that is common to all towns and cities other than a bar?
Just FYI, transgendered people don't generally like to be referred to as "transgenders," not a big deal but just use "transgendered people" or "trans people" and you'll be a-okay.

Most trans people are pretty much like anyone else, there usually aren't particular meeting places in all towns where we hang out. You might see some bars that have a reputation for having trans women frequenting them, and certainly you'd probably meet some trans people if you went to a GLBT center, or other similar queer community space. If you're really interested in meeting trans people I'd suggest the internet as a starting point, probably your best bet. Just be respectful.
04/23/2009
Contributor: sry sry
Sorry, not familiar with anything yet.. still learning

Thanks
04/23/2009
Contributor: Naughty Student Naughty Student
I know no one who is transgendered.
I hope one day to be a couples coucelor and I want to work with all people no matter how they identify their gender or lack their of and sexual orientation. I think that being able to have a friend who is transgendered would be a lot more helpful understanding their mindset then a psychology course in sexuality.
It must be very hard to transition from one gender to another. The individuals who are ready to transition or identify themselves in the gender they feel they are regardless of societal values are so strong to come into themselves. I admire them tremendously.
04/28/2009
Contributor: stuck in the middle stuck in the middle
I'm transgenderd.Actualy diagnosed as TS a few years ago and am finaly looking at transition.I found out last week through a diversity meeting for my company that we not only support but encourage diversity including transgender.I've identifed as female since the age of 4 and I'm now 40.I did repress and fight it for ages .I did all I could to hide it most of my life but thanx to some great friends and now to my huge suprise an accepting job (we even recognize Transgender Day Of Rememberance on the company calender)I'm going to out myself to our district diversity mgr when he returns next month and lay out a plan for a full transition at work
04/29/2009
Contributor: Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Adriana Ravenlust
Hmm.. A friend's sister is transitioning to male, I believe. I know there was a legal name change but don't know more than that. We're maybe a bit more than acquaintances but it's hard to pick a status for that friendship. ... more
Not sister, brother.
05/16/2009
Contributor: Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
Not sister, brother.
Well, if the transition status is unknown, it's hard to say.
05/17/2009
Contributor: Gabe Gabe
Quote:
Originally posted by Adriana Ravenlust
Well, if the transition status is unknown, it's hard to say.
And, indeed, it would be confusing to say "a friend's brother is transitioning," which might be construed as referring to an MTF.
...phrasing is hard, in this crazily gendered language.
06/02/2009
Contributor: Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Gabe
And, indeed, it would be confusing to say "a friend's brother is transitioning," which might be construed as referring to an MTF.
...phrasing is hard, in this crazily gendered language.
You could say, "A friend's brother is transitioning to become male," which would be more appropriate and less confusing.
06/02/2009
Contributor: Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Naughty Student
I know no one who is transgendered.
I hope one day to be a couples coucelor and I want to work with all people no matter how they identify their gender or lack their of and sexual orientation. I think that being able to have a friend who is ... more
Honestly, it isn't something that you should "admire" someone for. It's hard for some to deal with, but it truly isn't that big of a deal. It's "nice," but unnecessary. We're all people, so admiring someone for being trans- is really just a bit odd. Because some trans- people truly don't struggle so much with that aspect of their life; they might have other problems completely unrelated to them being trans-. And also, some trans- people have felt that way their entire life and have always lived as their desired gender or non-gender, therefore it's not them really "transitioning" that's hard - it's them getting everyone else to ACCEPT them transitioning that's hard.

I do think though that what YOU'RE doing is admirable though, becoming a counselor. That's a great profession to go into.
06/02/2009
Contributor: CamrynDraik CamrynDraik
I checked three of those boxes. I have tranny family members, both my mom and my brother. I myself share that in common with them. All of us are gender "fluid" and tend to act as both. My 'girl'friend is a F-t-M transgender and has recently been talking about getting a G.R.S (Gender Reassignment Surgery). She's not sure if she wants to get it or not yet though. It's somewhat interesting when she seems upset that she doesn't have a penis though. If anyone is willing to talk to me about some of their experiences with their partner, if they are in a similar situation, I'd be more than willing to hear them out.
06/07/2009
Contributor: gisellerenarde gisellerenarde
My girlfriend happens to be the most beautiful trans woman in the world...or am I just a little biased? *grin*

gigi
06/09/2009