Golly I don't think anyone here would blame you for needing to pull back a bit and regroup. Much love to your amazing mother and father, they are courageous in the extreme for tackling this problem together! Love knows no gender and I think their example proves that absolutely. less

Thanks Airen. Things are going really well for my family. My mom's side of the family all knows now, and they took it really well. Turns out my grandmother and uncle (Mom's brother) both met some of the doctors who did the early pioneering in Gender Reassignment Surgery: my grandmother interviewed one of them when she was in college, and my uncle attended a talk by one in med school. We told my sister recently, and she took it the best of all of us. I kid you not, when my mom asked if she was ok with everything that was going on, her response was a slightly confused "Why shouldn't I be? It's just who he is!" as if this was the most natural thing in the world to believe. Much as we may fight, I love my sister. less

Your poll fails to cover having transgendered acquaintances who are not really friends, or assuming that there are transgendered people around that you haven't even noticed as such -- it definitely seems like the kind of thing I'd fail to notice entirely unless someone told me. less

I'm confused. Some of you are using transgender in place of transsexual which is making me not sure of the question being asked. I have three transsexual relatives: an aunt, an uncle and a cousin. I also have several close friends that are trans and have dated a trans male. However, I don't know if this makes me "familiar" with the "transgendered community". It just makes me familiar with those people, who don't represent all of the entire trans community anymore than my black friends represent the entire black community.

Basically this question and poll confuses me and even irritates me a little. less

Many "trans" people I know use the term "transgender" and "transsexual" interchangeably. (I realize this is not technically correct.) Some people just use the prefix "trans" to include both "transgender" and "transsexual." For example, when you used the term "trans" there was no real indication to which type of transitioned person you were speaking.

Again, I will restate my intention of starting this poll was to allow transgendered people and those who care for them to see that they are not alone. I certainly did not imply that knowing a trans person means that anyone is familiar with the ENTIRE trans community.

Thank you for explaining why you don't understand the question. Maybe you could elaborate on your experiences with "trans" people instead of picking apart the word choices of the question. This could be an opportunity for you to educate us on why you believe "transgendered" and "transsexual" should not be interchangeable.

It would be nice to see this discussion continue on a positive note - especially when there have been so many posts supporting and explaining something that is not "mainstream" in the lives of many of us.

I am, quite frankly, floored that you and others have decided to tear apart my word choices on a discussion that has been going on for months and appears to have been such a valuable source of support and information to some. less

Happy Lady's original query in this thread begins:

"After my recent forum post asking for assistance in writing reviews involving my transgendered partner, I wondered how many Eden participants actually know a transgendered person - and if so, how."

If that scope isn't cutting it for you, perhaps just starting a fresh thread discussing these finer issues would be appropriate. less

I would definitely encourage you to revisit my comment. I wasn't "tear[ing] apart" anything, I was just saying that that kind of terminology can be confusing and obscuring. If the aim here is to "educate" then we should be careful with the terms we choose.

Transgender and transsexual simply do not denote the same thing. Gender and sex are completely different notions.

Also, I think I was just a little irritated by what the thread turned into. Basically everyone is just listing off all the trans people they know. How is that illuminating or "educational"? It sounds more like people trying to prove how "progressive" they are instead of talking about something substantial. Similarly, if I saw a thread that sound "how familiar are you with the black community?" and people posted with things like "well my neighbor is black and they seem pretty nice! I think it's really brave to be black!" I would have to roll my eyes.

I don't say these things out of malice, I say them because if the purpose of this thread is really to educate then let's educate. Let's talk about real issues: affordable top and bottom surgeries, more legal protection for transitioning persons at work, cissexual privilege, etc. Let's not pat ourselves on the back for all the trans people we know, because that's not progress to me. less

Thank you, Red. This has been a wonderful thread for those of us who are or are the families and friends of trans people to talk about what we've faced, and give each other support and encouragement. It means a lot to be able to talk to other people in similar positions, even if we're not talking about how to change the world. When you or your family is going through something as emotionally intense as this, moral support is always a boon.

There was no need to question the choice of wording for the poll: most of the "missing" options were missing because they weren't part of the issue at hand. It is, quite simply, do you personally know any transpeople. She wasn't trying to insult you if you don't. She was in no way belittling you for not "knowingly" knowing a transperson. She was trying to show us all how many of us (trans and the friends and family of trans) there really are in this community.

It's been heartwarming. Why does it have to be anything more than that? Why does it have to be a crusade? less

Again, I hope everyone can see that my comments were not meant to be offensive. Happy Lady responded to me saying that this thread was a source of "support and information". I'm coming with information and the perspective of a cissexual person that has grown up with and continues to live her life very close to many trans people.

I found this thread well-intentioned but also very alienating and "othering" toward trans people. It offended me and I tried to express that intelligently without letting my emotions get the best of me. If I did offend someone, I apologize. The original poster also encouraged me to "educate" on why I took issue with the word choices, which I tried to do. She said this thread was acting as a source of "support and information" and so I think that my responses fit that purpose and are not off topic.

I don't think it's the place of cissexual people to sit around defining trans-ness for trans people. That was the point though. That was what I was trying to communicate. I also don't think we need to mystify trans people and their experiences. Trans people are just people. They face a unique set of challenges, but we ALL face unique sets of challenges. When the original poster asked me to "elaborate on [my] experiences" with trans people I find that a very strange question. My experiences with trans people are not fundamentally different than my experiences with cis people. less