I share porn with my partner. <3
Do you think you should be upset if your lover watches porn?
06/27/2012
we watch together
06/27/2012
Quote:
My partner and I often watch together as well.
Originally posted by
ejrbrndps
we watch together
06/27/2012
I would not date someone that was jealous that I watch porn. That's a ridiculous form of jealousy.
06/27/2012
no reason to be upset, they aint sleeping with them, but u! its just getting them all hot and bothered and ready for u, plus it can always give u new and exciting new tricks to try!!!!
06/27/2012
Quote:
These are my sentiments!
Originally posted by
PropertyOfPotter
If it's being hidden, oh yes! If we've talked about it first, than no. NOTHING should be hidden from each other in a relationship.
06/27/2012
Only if he watches without me!!!!
06/27/2012
I personally don't feel upset but how someone feels is dependent pn them as an individual not how I think they should feel
06/27/2012
Not at all.
06/27/2012
Quote:
Yes! It is not wrong to be upset, it really depends. In the past, I have been in situations where it was lied about, hidden from me, and a number of other things that made it so that I was hurt by it and it became a real problem in the relationship. It is something that should be discussed at the beginning of a relationship. I had always gone into relationships saying "If that's what you're into, it's fine I don't care at all." However, since being in a relationship in which pornography became a very damaging issues, I get uncomfortable with the idea of my partner watching porn. Still, if I really care about someone I say that I would like to know if that is something they like, and to be assure that it is not something that will get between us in any way.
Originally posted by
K101
Well, it depends on how both parties feel. There's really no "right" or "wrong" way that a person SHOULD feel. However, my partner and I are intensely against pornography. It's not a question of would one of us be upset if
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more
Well, it depends on how both parties feel. There's really no "right" or "wrong" way that a person SHOULD feel. However, my partner and I are intensely against pornography. It's not a question of would one of us be upset if the other watched it. It's more like how hurt the other will be and well, we wouldn't be together if either was OK with pornography. Yes, I have very intense feelings against it and I have so many reasons for those that I won't get into. It's not foolish to be upset if your loved one watches another naked person, not you have sex. It's betrayal to some of us. Some of us feel that it's cheating, and that it isn't "monogamous." In our opinions, when you love someone, you aren't interested in pornography or sexual thoughts/acts/desires with any other person. It's dangerous. It desensitizes the viewer and eventually they need harder and harder images/acts to "get off." When they actually do have sex with a real human, it can begin to be a problem even having orgasm.
So, people aren't wrong for the way they feel. If someone does or does not get upset with their partner's usage or lack therof of pornography, it is not wrong. You can't help what hurts you deeply.
Pornograpy is something that should be discussed at the very beginning of a relationship. Both parties need to know how the other feels and where they stand with it. That way, there's less of a chance of one person getting destroyed over it. That's not to say it can't happen if you're careful, but if you would be upset over it, it's important to get it out in the open BEFORE you begin to develop feelings. There's nothing like getting hurt, being betrayed, having your own self image destroyed by someone else. It should be taken seriously and you should be careful about who you allow that "power".
You asked do we think someone should be upset if their partner watches pornography. Well, my answer is, if they ARE upset, then yes, they should be. If they feel upset or hurt, they are not wrong. less
So, people aren't wrong for the way they feel. If someone does or does not get upset with their partner's usage or lack therof of pornography, it is not wrong. You can't help what hurts you deeply.
Pornograpy is something that should be discussed at the very beginning of a relationship. Both parties need to know how the other feels and where they stand with it. That way, there's less of a chance of one person getting destroyed over it. That's not to say it can't happen if you're careful, but if you would be upset over it, it's important to get it out in the open BEFORE you begin to develop feelings. There's nothing like getting hurt, being betrayed, having your own self image destroyed by someone else. It should be taken seriously and you should be careful about who you allow that "power".
You asked do we think someone should be upset if their partner watches pornography. Well, my answer is, if they ARE upset, then yes, they should be. If they feel upset or hurt, they are not wrong. less
06/28/2012
I said "no," but I'd like to change that to, "it depends."
It depends, because if they find something good and don't share it with me, I'd be upset.
It depends, because if they find something good and don't share it with me, I'd be upset.
06/28/2012
Quote:
Nice response--I would just say that there are so many variables and, as Kendra30752 wrote, the right response is the response that you have. I have read that, particularly for younger adults, porn can give the viewer unrealistic expectations of "how to have sex" and how (usually the women) you should react, what you should want....on and on and on...
Originally posted by
K101
Well, it depends on how both parties feel. There's really no "right" or "wrong" way that a person SHOULD feel. However, my partner and I are intensely against pornography. It's not a question of would one of us be upset if
...
more
Well, it depends on how both parties feel. There's really no "right" or "wrong" way that a person SHOULD feel. However, my partner and I are intensely against pornography. It's not a question of would one of us be upset if the other watched it. It's more like how hurt the other will be and well, we wouldn't be together if either was OK with pornography. Yes, I have very intense feelings against it and I have so many reasons for those that I won't get into. It's not foolish to be upset if your loved one watches another naked person, not you have sex. It's betrayal to some of us. Some of us feel that it's cheating, and that it isn't "monogamous." In our opinions, when you love someone, you aren't interested in pornography or sexual thoughts/acts/desires with any other person. It's dangerous. It desensitizes the viewer and eventually they need harder and harder images/acts to "get off." When they actually do have sex with a real human, it can begin to be a problem even having orgasm.
So, people aren't wrong for the way they feel. If someone does or does not get upset with their partner's usage or lack therof of pornography, it is not wrong. You can't help what hurts you deeply.
Pornograpy is something that should be discussed at the very beginning of a relationship. Both parties need to know how the other feels and where they stand with it. That way, there's less of a chance of one person getting destroyed over it. That's not to say it can't happen if you're careful, but if you would be upset over it, it's important to get it out in the open BEFORE you begin to develop feelings. There's nothing like getting hurt, being betrayed, having your own self image destroyed by someone else. It should be taken seriously and you should be careful about who you allow that "power".
You asked do we think someone should be upset if their partner watches pornography. Well, my answer is, if they ARE upset, then yes, they should be. If they feel upset or hurt, they are not wrong. less
So, people aren't wrong for the way they feel. If someone does or does not get upset with their partner's usage or lack therof of pornography, it is not wrong. You can't help what hurts you deeply.
Pornograpy is something that should be discussed at the very beginning of a relationship. Both parties need to know how the other feels and where they stand with it. That way, there's less of a chance of one person getting destroyed over it. That's not to say it can't happen if you're careful, but if you would be upset over it, it's important to get it out in the open BEFORE you begin to develop feelings. There's nothing like getting hurt, being betrayed, having your own self image destroyed by someone else. It should be taken seriously and you should be careful about who you allow that "power".
You asked do we think someone should be upset if their partner watches pornography. Well, my answer is, if they ARE upset, then yes, they should be. If they feel upset or hurt, they are not wrong. less
I am not saying that we are 100% opposed to porn, it is an individual choice. If it upsets you and it is something that your partner won't discuss, or knowingly deceives you by watching it behind your back, it is a relationship problem and not a porn problem, per se.
It is so nice being young...we have so much time to make mistakes and time enough to learn, grow and fix any mistakes. I hope you can work things out to your satisfaction.
06/28/2012
Quote:
I have to disagree. "Just watching porn should not be a problem in a relationship." No relationship is the same. So that's very untrue. Maybe it's NOT a problem for you and your relationship, but saying how every person should feel and be is not OK.
Originally posted by
<3BF
Just 'watching porn' should not be a problem in a relationship. You can work out whether or not you want to watch it together, how much is too much, which fetishes are not okay to watch in your relationship, or if someone is feeling ignored
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more
Just 'watching porn' should not be a problem in a relationship. You can work out whether or not you want to watch it together, how much is too much, which fetishes are not okay to watch in your relationship, or if someone is feeling ignored by talking it out together and agreeing on something that works. Why should just the fact of someone 'watching porn' be a problem in itself?
less
For one, if you're going to be brave enough to stand up and take the hate of being a person (male or female) who says "hey, I don't like porn. SO WHAT!" You are going to HAVE to be ready for some abuse. I've dealt with it for several years. I don't mean abuse by a partner, although it can happen. I mean abuse by any one and most who learn that you don't want their porno filled cell phones crammed into your face. It's about speaking up and getting what you want. You should never have to force down pain because "he will cheat" or because other people say it shouldn't be a problem. Some of us actually have reasons we dont like it. You saying that porn shouldn't be a problem in any relationship is like saying that rape should not be a problem in any relationship. Believe it or not, porn actually does hurt some people. People viewing porn actually does have negative affects and some of us choose to say "hey, I don't HAVE to put up with this if I do not want to."
I just think every relationship is different, just like every person and it's not OK to ever tell someone what is right or should be right in their relationship. If it makes you feel like shit, say so! The way I see it, I'm a woman who knows what I want and knows that I can have any thing that I want. I know I do not have to settle for being treated less than or being degraded or any of those things. You should never have to give in because he might cheat. If you ever catch yourself saying "well, I guess I'd rather him watch porn so he doesn't cheat" but you're hurting over his watching it, then you're only harming yourself. Also, if you feel your partner has such uncontrollable urges that if he doesn't watch porn he might go commit adulterey, then the relationship truly needs re-thinking.
If it's OK with both you and your partner, fine. If it isn't, fine. It's YOUR relationship, YOUR feelings. It's nobody else's place to tell you what your relationship SHOULD be like.
I can promise you one thing though, this idea that "all men do it" is false. My partner does it. No, I'm not perfect looking, but he loves me and in his mind, he's only attracted to me. Same for me. I just hate that society has this idea that all men do it and that all women will either have to settle and "shut up and get over it" or be single. Another thing, just because you don't like porn in your relationship, that does not make you bad.
06/28/2012
Quote:
Thank you Oldman! I like that you brought that up. You're correct. I work with a group that has everything to do with the effects of pornography and it does, in fact desensitize and give younger people the wrong, twisted idea of what sex between two lovers truly is. There are plenty of heartbreaking stories we're told each day about "my 11 year old is sick. He won't come out of his room and we didn't know why he'd stopped eating and being sociable until we checked his laptop." BINGO! One kid had lost so much weight he needed treatment because he was addicted to porn and lost himself. That particular kid, he was so broken. He was scared and said he had begun having terrible thoughts about his female friends and it scared him, so he locked himself in his room with his porn. "I didn't want to end up actually hurting them. They're my friends" THAT is what he said.
Originally posted by
oldman
Nice response--I would just say that there are so many variables and, as Kendra30752 wrote, the right response is the response that you have. I have read that, particularly for younger adults, porn can give the viewer unrealistic expectations of
...
more
Nice response--I would just say that there are so many variables and, as Kendra30752 wrote, the right response is the response that you have. I have read that, particularly for younger adults, porn can give the viewer unrealistic expectations of "how to have sex" and how (usually the women) you should react, what you should want....on and on and on...
I am not saying that we are 100% opposed to porn, it is an individual choice. If it upsets you and it is something that your partner won't discuss, or knowingly deceives you by watching it behind your back, it is a relationship problem and not a porn problem, per se.
It is so nice being young...we have so much time to make mistakes and time enough to learn, grow and fix any mistakes. I hope you can work things out to your satisfaction. less
I am not saying that we are 100% opposed to porn, it is an individual choice. If it upsets you and it is something that your partner won't discuss, or knowingly deceives you by watching it behind your back, it is a relationship problem and not a porn problem, per se.
It is so nice being young...we have so much time to make mistakes and time enough to learn, grow and fix any mistakes. I hope you can work things out to your satisfaction. less
It also gives young girls a warped idea of what they should look like. Living up to some unrealistic expectations doesn't usually equal a very confident young female.
I think like you said, it is an individual choice. For me, the only thing I see when it comes to pornography is pain and resentment. I have my reasons for that just as you other people have your reasons for feeding off of it or using it before being able to make love to your partner.
Some of us simply have different preferences and why is that viewed as "wrong?" It isn't. I just hope to open people's eyes up to the fact that there's no "right" or "wrong" when it comes to relationships.
Yes, hiding the pornographic material is a relationship or trust or personal problem, not necessarily an addiction to porn, but if one would go to such great lengths to keep it secret, it often is very close to addiction if not already. Not necessarily though. Every case is different.
Had most of you who say that not liking porn in your relationship is wrong or it's not Ok to get upset, had you been asked the question "is not wanting anal sex in your relationship wrong?" You probably would've said that no, it isn't wrong if you do not want sex, it's not wrong to refuse it." Same should go for all things like this. It's up to the person and noone has it wrong. We just have it different.
Like Oldman said, about working things out to your satisfaction. It's possible. You have a choice. If you truly don't want pornography in your relationship, don't let somebody say you're wrong. If you don't want it there, it does not have to be. There are plenty of choices for girls like this/me. You can either end up blessed enough to find a man who doesn't even want the porn, but only wants you. Or you can be single. Or if you're already with someone, you can simply come to an agreement. If porn is so important in a person's life that they'll let you leave them before giving it up---well, that should tell you everything. If you simply don't care, you won't have to worry with finding someone who fits you. It's easier to shove your hurt feelings down, believe me, but it's much more fun when you don't have to because your partner wants only you. It is possible to have someone like that.
06/28/2012
Quote:
Whooops! Supposed to say my partner DOESN'T. LOL. I was totally not makin' a lick of sense.
Originally posted by
K101
I have to disagree. "Just watching porn should not be a problem in a relationship." No relationship is the same. So that's very untrue. Maybe it's NOT a problem for you and your relationship, but saying how every person should feel
...
more
I have to disagree. "Just watching porn should not be a problem in a relationship." No relationship is the same. So that's very untrue. Maybe it's NOT a problem for you and your relationship, but saying how every person should feel and be is not OK.
For one, if you're going to be brave enough to stand up and take the hate of being a person (male or female) who says "hey, I don't like porn. SO WHAT!" You are going to HAVE to be ready for some abuse. I've dealt with it for several years. I don't mean abuse by a partner, although it can happen. I mean abuse by any one and most who learn that you don't want their porno filled cell phones crammed into your face. It's about speaking up and getting what you want. You should never have to force down pain because "he will cheat" or because other people say it shouldn't be a problem. Some of us actually have reasons we dont like it. You saying that porn shouldn't be a problem in any relationship is like saying that rape should not be a problem in any relationship. Believe it or not, porn actually does hurt some people. People viewing porn actually does have negative affects and some of us choose to say "hey, I don't HAVE to put up with this if I do not want to."
I just think every relationship is different, just like every person and it's not OK to ever tell someone what is right or should be right in their relationship. If it makes you feel like shit, say so! The way I see it, I'm a woman who knows what I want and knows that I can have any thing that I want. I know I do not have to settle for being treated less than or being degraded or any of those things. You should never have to give in because he might cheat. If you ever catch yourself saying "well, I guess I'd rather him watch porn so he doesn't cheat" but you're hurting over his watching it, then you're only harming yourself. Also, if you feel your partner has such uncontrollable urges that if he doesn't watch porn he might go commit adulterey, then the relationship truly needs re-thinking.
If it's OK with both you and your partner, fine. If it isn't, fine. It's YOUR relationship, YOUR feelings. It's nobody else's place to tell you what your relationship SHOULD be like.
I can promise you one thing though, this idea that "all men do it" is false. My partner does it. No, I'm not perfect looking, but he loves me and in his mind, he's only attracted to me. Same for me. I just hate that society has this idea that all men do it and that all women will either have to settle and "shut up and get over it" or be single. Another thing, just because you don't like porn in your relationship, that does not make you bad. less
For one, if you're going to be brave enough to stand up and take the hate of being a person (male or female) who says "hey, I don't like porn. SO WHAT!" You are going to HAVE to be ready for some abuse. I've dealt with it for several years. I don't mean abuse by a partner, although it can happen. I mean abuse by any one and most who learn that you don't want their porno filled cell phones crammed into your face. It's about speaking up and getting what you want. You should never have to force down pain because "he will cheat" or because other people say it shouldn't be a problem. Some of us actually have reasons we dont like it. You saying that porn shouldn't be a problem in any relationship is like saying that rape should not be a problem in any relationship. Believe it or not, porn actually does hurt some people. People viewing porn actually does have negative affects and some of us choose to say "hey, I don't HAVE to put up with this if I do not want to."
I just think every relationship is different, just like every person and it's not OK to ever tell someone what is right or should be right in their relationship. If it makes you feel like shit, say so! The way I see it, I'm a woman who knows what I want and knows that I can have any thing that I want. I know I do not have to settle for being treated less than or being degraded or any of those things. You should never have to give in because he might cheat. If you ever catch yourself saying "well, I guess I'd rather him watch porn so he doesn't cheat" but you're hurting over his watching it, then you're only harming yourself. Also, if you feel your partner has such uncontrollable urges that if he doesn't watch porn he might go commit adulterey, then the relationship truly needs re-thinking.
If it's OK with both you and your partner, fine. If it isn't, fine. It's YOUR relationship, YOUR feelings. It's nobody else's place to tell you what your relationship SHOULD be like.
I can promise you one thing though, this idea that "all men do it" is false. My partner does it. No, I'm not perfect looking, but he loves me and in his mind, he's only attracted to me. Same for me. I just hate that society has this idea that all men do it and that all women will either have to settle and "shut up and get over it" or be single. Another thing, just because you don't like porn in your relationship, that does not make you bad. less
06/28/2012
No I would not be upset. As long as it is not loli-con porn.
06/28/2012
I am not upset by my husband watching porn, but if it becomes a 'compulsion' or something that negatively affects our sex-life, then I would have to talk to him about it and find out why it got to that point. I don't have a problem with porn at all, I think it's fun to watch with and without my hubby. It's like most enjoyable stuff, it's great in moderation.
I don't judge people that choose not to watch porn, for whatever reason. I don't think it makes people "bad", just like people aren't "bad" because they DO like it.
I will say that if a man told me he didn't like/watch porn, I would have a very time believing him. Honesty is so important to me. If my husband wanted to do anything that I wouldn't "approve" of, I would much rather he tell me he was going to do it, than lie to me and say he wasn't, and do it anyway. I'm not trying to say that I think it's impossible for a man to NOT watch porn because I'm sure there are men out there that don't... I just don't think I've ever met any of them.
I don't judge people that choose not to watch porn, for whatever reason. I don't think it makes people "bad", just like people aren't "bad" because they DO like it.
I will say that if a man told me he didn't like/watch porn, I would have a very time believing him. Honesty is so important to me. If my husband wanted to do anything that I wouldn't "approve" of, I would much rather he tell me he was going to do it, than lie to me and say he wasn't, and do it anyway. I'm not trying to say that I think it's impossible for a man to NOT watch porn because I'm sure there are men out there that don't... I just don't think I've ever met any of them.
06/28/2012
We have to watch it together.
06/29/2012
For us personally, I answered no, though there are so many different variables to everyone ELSE'S relationships that can change this.
For us it isn't an issue because neither of us has anything against it, we don't consider it "cheating", and we both understand that it's just acting, just like anything else you watch on TV or online. A lot of people tend to get an idea from porn that things just "are" a certain way based on what they see in porn, but we both understand that it's just acting. No expectations should happen from watching porn and thinking they'll happen in the bedroom, but we like that it gives us ideas to try one one another.
Mostly, though, we just watch porn bloopers. We don't really watch a lot of porn for the purpose that most people might. We use it for ideas, or just for fun (like with the bloopers).
For us it isn't an issue because neither of us has anything against it, we don't consider it "cheating", and we both understand that it's just acting, just like anything else you watch on TV or online. A lot of people tend to get an idea from porn that things just "are" a certain way based on what they see in porn, but we both understand that it's just acting. No expectations should happen from watching porn and thinking they'll happen in the bedroom, but we like that it gives us ideas to try one one another.
Mostly, though, we just watch porn bloopers. We don't really watch a lot of porn for the purpose that most people might. We use it for ideas, or just for fun (like with the bloopers).
07/09/2012
Doesn't bother me. Most of the time, we watch it together.
07/09/2012
We don't watch porn unless it's together, usually. I don't get really upset, but if it goes against the ground rules of your relationship, of course.
07/09/2012
nope
07/09/2012
Not at all! I'll join him
07/10/2012
Since I'm sure I watch more porn than my boyfriend, I have no reason to be upset.
07/13/2012
we watch it together and I watch it on my own, I bet he watches it while I am at work on night shift. I don't have any problems with it. I don't feel that it is cheating.
07/13/2012
There's nothing wrong with it as long as it doesn't interfere with our relationship or sex life.
07/13/2012
Quote:
Most likely I'd say "no" unless it was something illegal O_O. Otherwise, at the most I'd probably only be jealous, but that can be dealt with.
Originally posted by
Anne
Just wondering.
07/14/2012
We watch it together and neither of us minds if the other watches alone
07/23/2012
Quote:
I would watch it with him... why would i be mad? the only reason i think for someone to be upset is if their partner was to hide it from them.
Originally posted by
Anne
Just wondering.
07/23/2012
It's not my place to be mad if he does or doesn't I don't own him as a person and I'm sure I do things he doesn't like. Just because one is sexual amd the other isn't doesn't mean anything.
07/25/2012