The New Intimacy

Naked Reader Book Club Discussion: She's On TOp (May 10, 8-10 PM EST)

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Contributor: Sacchi Sacchi
Quote:
Originally posted by Sacchi
When it comes to men or women on top, if it comes to very psychologically dominant play, there are things I might take from a woman that I wouldn't from a man (and yes, I've had plenty of experience with men...I'm old enough to have been ... more
As an editor, I should go back and tweak that comment so it wouldn't use the word "come" (or "coming") four times in two sentences. But what the heck, I'm a civilian at the moment.
05/10/2011
Contributor: Kristina Wright Kristina Wright
Quote:
Originally posted by Sacchi
When it comes to men or women on top, if it comes to very psychologically dominant play, there are things I might take from a woman that I wouldn't from a man (and yes, I've had plenty of experience with men...I'm old enough to have been ... more
That's very interesting. In my introduction to this discussion I threw out the question about the popularity of fiction featuring dominant women-- is it a feminist response? A response to a world still mostly controlled by men? Something else?
05/10/2011
Contributor: Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Quote:
Originally posted by Sacchi
When it comes to men or women on top, if it comes to very psychologically dominant play, there are things I might take from a woman that I wouldn't from a man (and yes, I've had plenty of experience with men...I'm old enough to have been ... more
I was just reading about pro sex feminism the other day, and the contrast between traditional feminism and pro sex feminism. Very interesting stuff. Although I have to say, I don't think segregation within a cause is a positive move.
05/10/2011
Contributor: Kristina Wright Kristina Wright
Quote:
Originally posted by Emma (Girl With Fire)
My brain seems to be popular today
It's the biggest sex organ, after all...
05/10/2011
Contributor: removedacnt removedacnt
Quote:
Originally posted by Sacchi
As an editor, I should go back and tweak that comment so it wouldn't use the word "come" (or "coming") four times in two sentences. But what the heck, I'm a civilian at the moment.
LOL! I totally get the "I'm a civilian". Sometimes, I just don't feel like writing correctly.
05/10/2011
Contributor: Kristina Wright Kristina Wright
Quote:
Originally posted by Sacchi
As an editor, I should go back and tweak that comment so it wouldn't use the word "come" (or "coming") four times in two sentences. But what the heck, I'm a civilian at the moment.
Civilian! I like that!
05/10/2011
Contributor: removedacnt removedacnt
Quote:
Originally posted by Kristina Wright
That's very interesting. In my introduction to this discussion I threw out the question about the popularity of fiction featuring dominant women-- is it a feminist response? A response to a world still mostly controlled by men? Something else?
Possibly there are less women who get to be the top, so that makes being one a fantasy. And who wants reality in their erotica?
05/10/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by Kristina Wright
LOL... sounds like a personal ad! (Another good anthology theme? Stories around personal ads?)
Yes! That could be potentially very very awesome! Sort of like Letters to Penthouse, but like, Craigslist or something.
05/10/2011
Contributor: Kristina Wright Kristina Wright
Quote:
Originally posted by removedacnt
LOL! I totally get the "I'm a civilian". Sometimes, I just don't feel like writing correctly.
Am I the only one that spell checks text messages?
05/10/2011
Contributor: removedacnt removedacnt
Quote:
Originally posted by Kristina Wright
Am I the only one that spell checks text messages?
Yes lol
05/10/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by Kristina Wright
Am I the only one that spell checks text messages?
No, you're definitely not. If it's the difference between ending up sending a second text with like, 3 characters in it, I'll shorten stuff to be incorrect, but otherwise my texts are almost always grammatically correct, lol.
05/10/2011
Contributor: Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Quote:
Originally posted by Kristina Wright
It's the biggest sex organ, after all...
Mine tends to work against me. Damn thing, it's got everything backwards. Part of the reason I like to be topped, takes thinking out of the equation to some degree.
05/10/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by Jul!a
No, you're definitely not. If it's the difference between ending up sending a second text with like, 3 characters in it, I'll shorten stuff to be incorrect, but otherwise my texts are almost always grammatically correct, lol.
And when I'm shortening, I usually just drop spaces between sentences if I can. I never go into "civilian mode" for spelling---but for sentence flow, there are times when I care, and times where I have Thomas-Jefferson-esque run-ons, and I don't do a thing about it.
05/10/2011
Contributor: Kristina Wright Kristina Wright
Quote:
Originally posted by removedacnt
Yes lol
I suspected as much...
05/10/2011
Contributor: Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Quote:
Originally posted by Kristina Wright
Am I the only one that spell checks text messages?
No I do it all the time. I also don't shorten words to fit more into my texts. i think that is just pure laziness.
05/10/2011
Contributor: Sacchi Sacchi
Flipping the Switch

Liz makes a good point. Being on top is more of a fantasy for women. I was going to say that men don't need to enhance their sense of dominance, but of course they do at times--anybody would.
05/10/2011
Contributor: Kristina Wright Kristina Wright
Quote:
Originally posted by Emma (Girl With Fire)
Mine tends to work against me. Damn thing, it's got everything backwards. Part of the reason I like to be topped, takes thinking out of the equation to some degree.
Oh, I agree... I think too much. I like to be taken out of my head for awhile-- in whatever way I can be!
05/10/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by Emma (Girl With Fire)
Mine tends to work against me. Damn thing, it's got everything backwards. Part of the reason I like to be topped, takes thinking out of the equation to some degree.
How much more present do you need to be when topping? I enjoy sex best when I can get so into it that my eyes are rolled back in my head and I have very little conscious idea what my body's doing (my boyfriend loves it, though, so my instincts must be good enough)... but I assume you need to be quite aware when you're running the show. Does anyone have any advice for me?
05/10/2011
Contributor: Kristina Wright Kristina Wright
Quote:
Originally posted by Emma (Girl With Fire)
No I do it all the time. I also don't shorten words to fit more into my texts. i think that is just pure laziness.
Oh, I can't stand it when people use u for you. Drives me crazy!!
05/10/2011
Contributor: Sacchi Sacchi
I wish someone would invent a way to edit e-mails after they're sent but before they're read. Come to think of it, that would be useful in more dramatic ways than pandering to anal editor-types.
05/10/2011
Contributor: Kristina Wright Kristina Wright
Quote:
Originally posted by Jul!a
No, you're definitely not. If it's the difference between ending up sending a second text with like, 3 characters in it, I'll shorten stuff to be incorrect, but otherwise my texts are almost always grammatically correct, lol.
Yay! We should start a club. Another club, I mean...
05/10/2011
Contributor: Kristina Wright Kristina Wright
Quote:
Originally posted by Antipova
How much more present do you need to be when topping? I enjoy sex best when I can get so into it that my eyes are rolled back in my head and I have very little conscious idea what my body's doing (my boyfriend loves it, though, so my instincts ... more
To me, it's like acting. Role playing someone I'm not. I think there's more responsibility in the moment for the top, but you definitely go to a happy place when it's working and become the role you're playing.
05/10/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by Sacchi
I wish someone would invent a way to edit e-mails after they're sent but before they're read. Come to think of it, that would be useful in more dramatic ways than pandering to anal editor-types.
Gmail has an emergency "undo sending message" feature that I've used a time or two (attachments that I forgot to send, and the like), but it's only good for 90 seconds or so.

They also have an optional feature that makes you solve a few simple math problems before you can click send, so you can prevent yourself from sending emails when you're half-asleep, or worse.
05/10/2011
Contributor: Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Quote:
Originally posted by Kristina Wright
Oh, I agree... I think too much. I like to be taken out of my head for awhile-- in whatever way I can be!
Yes, exactly.


I think women are dominant in far more areas of our lives than we let on. I think this is in part why many women like to be topped because they have to have quiet control in so many ways, many times in order to elicit a particular reaction from their partners. It is like an accepted manipulation because many men do not like to be told what to do, women have to find a way of impressing the importance upon them without directness.
05/10/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by Kristina Wright
To me, it's like acting. Role playing someone I'm not. I think there's more responsibility in the moment for the top, but you definitely go to a happy place when it's working and become the role you're playing.
That makes good sense. Thanks, I'll bear that in mind.
05/10/2011
Contributor: DeliciousSurprise DeliciousSurprise
Quote:
Originally posted by Antipova
Gmail has an emergency "undo sending message" feature that I've used a time or two (attachments that I forgot to send, and the like), but it's only good for 90 seconds or so.

They also have an optional feature that makes you ... more
AOL use to have an 'unsend' feature. It's just about the only AOL thing I miss.
05/10/2011
Contributor: Sacchi Sacchi
How often do you find yourself describing the sex you're having in your head, as though you were writing it?

Personally, I'm not telling.
05/10/2011
Contributor: Kristina Wright Kristina Wright
Quote:
Originally posted by Antipova
Gmail has an emergency "undo sending message" feature that I've used a time or two (attachments that I forgot to send, and the like), but it's only good for 90 seconds or so.

They also have an optional feature that makes you ... more
Oh wow, I had no idea! That last one-- solving math problems-- would be good for those emails written in the heat of the moment that maybe shouldn't be sent.
05/10/2011
Contributor: Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Quote:
Originally posted by Antipova
How much more present do you need to be when topping? I enjoy sex best when I can get so into it that my eyes are rolled back in my head and I have very little conscious idea what my body's doing (my boyfriend loves it, though, so my instincts ... more
You have to be very aware of your partner in order to ensure that you are not going to far, and are going far enough to give them what they need as well.
05/10/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by Kristina Wright
Oh wow, I had no idea! That last one-- solving math problems-- would be good for those emails written in the heat of the moment that maybe shouldn't be sent.
Yeah, I know! Check it out in "labs," if I remember right it's called mail goggles.

I have cursed it a time or two when I was working right to the skin of a deadline's teeth, but in general it keeps me in practice at arithmetic while letting me make sure I'm not sending things I don't really want to send.
05/10/2011