The New Intimacy

#EdenLit - Club Meeting April 9, 2012 @ 7pm EST

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Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
My question is: Was this a personal recounting or pure fiction or a mixture of both? I loved the way you stayed in second perspective so amazingly well and the story did evoke feelings of nervousness, anger, hurt, embarrassment, as well as the happy ... more
*nods* It is very powerful Airen!
04/09/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Destri
I found it really difficult to write that story. The second-person perspective (or whatever it is) really threw me.
It is VERY difficult to stick to one perspective, isn't it? It kind of leaves you with a sort of flat feeling to the work. For me it leaves me saying, "But there's so much I want to show the reader, say to the reader, help them see and hear what is going on..."
04/09/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Destri
It was based on somethings that happened to me, yes. And thanks, it was hard work!
I love the way it was seamless and woven into a sort of dream like memory that I felt I should have already had!
04/09/2012
Contributor: Destri Destri
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
It is VERY difficult to stick to one perspective, isn't it? It kind of leaves you with a sort of flat feeling to the work. For me it leaves me saying, "But there's so much I want to show the reader, say to the reader, help them see and ... more
yes, true. But for me, I just couldn't really think of what has happening to this person... 'you did this' 'you did that' was rough
04/09/2012
Contributor: Destri Destri
probably why I told a story from personal experience
04/09/2012
Contributor: Kake aka PoeticErotica Kake aka PoeticErotica
Quote:
Originally posted by Destri
I found it really difficult to write that story. The second-person perspective (or whatever it is) really threw me.
I can relate. I just wrote a story in second person (completely a random coincidence) and it's all over the place. It's technically in the present tense too but I had a hard time with that and the tense is really all over the place. Second person is an unusually hard choice tense in general, which is why so little is written in in, generally speaking. Personally, I'm going to rewrite the story I wrote in 2nd person in 1st and change it to past tense. I admire you for writing such an effective story in second person. There's not really any extraneous info or tangents, the reader's attn is definitely held throughout the story, and the writing really hits you in the gut. It's heartbreaking but ultimately uplifting, in a way. I'm impressed.
04/09/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Destri
yes, true. But for me, I just couldn't really think of what has happening to this person... 'you did this' 'you did that' was rough
You know, I think that it almost forced you to dig deep into what you felt at those moments which is what makes second person perspective so very difficult and yet personal to an author. You REALLY have to feel what you are writing about or it just falls flat. It can be very painful to write in this perspective.
04/09/2012
Contributor: ScarletFox ScarletFox
I really liked it, I found that even though it was from that perspective the detail that I felt like I was witnessing it almost first hand. It was able to evoke a lot of emotion.
04/09/2012
Contributor: Destri Destri
thank you, Kake. I am a perfectionist, so I have to work until I feel like everything is exactly right. No wonder I have migraines LOL
04/09/2012
Contributor: Kake aka PoeticErotica Kake aka PoeticErotica
Quote:
Originally posted by ScarletFox
I really liked it, I found that even though it was from that perspective the detail that I felt like I was witnessing it almost first hand. It was able to evoke a lot of emotion.
I concur wholeheartedly.
04/09/2012
Contributor: Kake aka PoeticErotica Kake aka PoeticErotica
Quote:
Originally posted by Destri
thank you, Kake. I am a perfectionist, so I have to work until I feel like everything is exactly right. No wonder I have migraines LOL
you and me both. and you're very welcome. i related a lot to the story.
04/09/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Kake aka PoeticErotica
I can relate. I just wrote a story in second person (completely a random coincidence) and it's all over the place. It's technically in the present tense too but I had a hard time with that and the tense is really all over the place. Second ... more
If you want to try possibly moving your work to incorporate first and second perspective have you thought about moving it into third person? We'll be discussing the hallmarks of third person tonight. Next month the lesson will be on incorporating the perspectives into a cohesive story...and perhaps how to integrate a story for depth. Would you guys be interested in a short tutorial on tenses and how they can be used in writing?
04/09/2012
Contributor: Destri Destri
I do think about that guy from time to time. He was so sweet and handsome, and I was so young and horney... LOL
04/09/2012
Contributor: Destri Destri
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
If you want to try possibly moving your work to incorporate first and second perspective have you thought about moving it into third person? We'll be discussing the hallmarks of third person tonight. Next month the lesson will be on incorporating ... more
yes!
04/09/2012
Contributor: Kake aka PoeticErotica Kake aka PoeticErotica
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
If you want to try possibly moving your work to incorporate first and second perspective have you thought about moving it into third person? We'll be discussing the hallmarks of third person tonight. Next month the lesson will be on incorporating ... more
Sure!
04/09/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by ScarletFox
I really liked it, I found that even though it was from that perspective the detail that I felt like I was witnessing it almost first hand. It was able to evoke a lot of emotion.
That is one of the strongest proponents to writing in second person perspective or narration the ability to evoke lots of tender/painful and real emotion from the reader. It pulls the reader in and almost forces them to feel SOMETHING.
04/09/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Destri
I do think about that guy from time to time. He was so sweet and handsome, and I was so young and horney... LOL
LOL I think we can all relate!
04/09/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Kake aka PoeticErotica
Sure!
Right then I'll make a note and prepare a short lesson on tenses....that one should be fun and we can play with it. I find that sometimes the best way to learn is to turn it around and write it all wrong. Sort of like Gary teaching us all about the importance of what we were reviewing by writing silly April Fools reviews!
04/09/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Ok so our other second person perspective work was my own "You". Thoughts? Questions?
04/09/2012
Contributor: Destri Destri
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Ok so our other second person perspective work was my own "You". Thoughts? Questions?
I really, really liked it. I just love everything you write.
04/09/2012
Contributor: Destri Destri
It made me wonder about what had happened in the past that led to the story
04/09/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Destri
I really, really liked it. I just love everything you write.
I will admit that one was pure fiction. I meanI've had moments where I felt like I was asking my readers to feel but it was pure exploration of the evocative language for me.
By the end I was wishing I was writing from experience though....probably why it was so short.
04/09/2012
Contributor: ScarletFox ScarletFox
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Ok so our other second person perspective work was my own "You". Thoughts? Questions?
It was amazing, from the first few sentences I was just sucked into it. When I was finished reading I had that almost euphoric feeling like I was coming out of a trance almost, like it had all just happened in a hazy dream like state.
04/09/2012
Contributor: Destri Destri
"You watch my eyes as I strip you of your clothes feeling as though I am stripping away the hurt and pain of feeling like an outcast, a bitter, lonely teenager growing into a bitter and lonely adult."

VERY powerful, that!
04/09/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Destri
"You watch my eyes as I strip you of your clothes feeling as though I am stripping away the hurt and pain of feeling like an outcast, a bitter, lonely teenager growing into a bitter and lonely adult."

VERY powerful, that!
That part was painful for Arch to read as it was what he felt as a teenager and I think he was a bit taken aback because he is my lovely foot fetishist. The thing was it was more an exploration of a tender spot for me...like poking my tongue at a sore tooth. It was more about my teenage years than about his. That's when I knew I had done the job of second person narrative. I had a bit of explaining but in the end he was happy
04/09/2012
Contributor: Destri Destri
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
That part was painful for Arch to read as it was what he felt as a teenager and I think he was a bit taken aback because he is my lovely foot fetishist. The thing was it was more an exploration of a tender spot for me...like poking my tongue at a ... more
Yeah, that is how I felt as a teen, too, which is what makes it so powerful for me as well. It is excellent writing when so many can relate to your words.
04/09/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Ok then...deep breath Cedarlooman! Though his 'My Turn' has lovely elements of second person perspective even he admits that it weaves back and forth between first and second perspective. I bring that up because it illustrates why it is good to break down to the basics of perspective. You can see the way he integrated and shifted easily between the two without losing the reader's attention.
04/09/2012
Contributor: Destri Destri
'poking your tongue at a sore tooth' is a fantastic description of what I think good writers do!
04/09/2012
Contributor: Destri Destri
Cedarlooman excels at erotica! This one is soooo steamy!
04/09/2012
Contributor: Mistress Dragon Mistress Dragon
Hello everyone good to be here and learn from you all.
04/09/2012