The New Intimacy

Have you ever fantasized about playing out a rape scenario, in private, as either the rapist or the victim? Assume both parties have consented of course.

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Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
I am comfortable with the rape fantasy mainly because in my fantasies no one gets hurt...I know that isn't real life and I also now that the fantasies are about sex where the actual act of rape is about power.
I am very quick to stress to my partners that it is a fantasy and I would NOT like to make it a reality.
02/07/2010
Contributor: KinkyShay KinkyShay
I answered that I'm completely comfortable with the fantasy. Was not so in my younger years. I remember fantasizing while watching the after school specials about rape. Then I'd feel like I was such a horrible person.

These days I hang out with people who not only fantasize about it, they act it out. I've watched takedown play too. Very hot.
02/11/2010
Contributor: olwen olwen
Quote:
Originally posted by Nickisonehere
Yeah, it definitely makes sense why someone would be upset in such a situation. I still kinda feel bad about it, but I guess I can't really be blamed (how was I supposed to know, right?)

Anyways, how old were you when you started having ... more
Some of my first sexual dreams which started when I was 11 or invovled rape. Not sure if it is typical but as i have never been sexually abused i suppose it is something natural.
02/11/2010
Contributor: Jill Ingoff Jill Ingoff
I picked the first... I do have fantasies about waking up to my BF having sex with me or having very rough sex that would border on rape. I was surprised by the poll results though.
04/11/2010
Contributor: AU AU
I seen this topic come up in a comment area at a news website a few months ago, and people were flipping out because a female said she had rape fantasies. Everyone jumped on her, saying she was sick, not really a female, ect. It's a pretty common fantasy. I played with the fantasy with my partner years ago and I'm a bit embarrassed about it now. My partner is very gentle and kind so it was a weird role for him. Acting out fantasies can be a little awkward for us.
07/25/2010
Contributor: Owl Identified Owl Identified
Quote:
Originally posted by J's Alley
I love it, we just shy away from calling it "rape" play. I can't handle that specific word, so he refers to it as forced sex. That is probably just to humor me. I dated a guy at 16 who raped me and I try not to downplay the severity ... more
I agree with this 100% - I totally think forced sex fantasies and scenes are legitimate and I know survivors of assault that cope with that trauma through them, even. I am not one of those survivors. I was assaulted when I was 14 and I find loss of control in a sexual setting very triggering most of the time. However, I understand that this kind of power exchange can be very empowering even if it looks disempowering.

On the other hand, I think it's VERY dangerous to combine the word "rape" with a word like "play" and never give it a second thought. In the United States (can't speak for other cultures from personal experience) rape is at best shrugged off and at worst openly encouraged and rewarded. Any language or attitude that makes light of rape really needs to be examined, because all of our actions, from the biggest gesture to the smallest, do impact our realities. As a survivor of sexual assault I really do beg that everyone think of the importance of language in these situations, as well as drawing the line between fantasy and reality firmly and boldly.
07/25/2010
Contributor: Misfit Momma Misfit Momma
Yes, and it's why I enjoy using the cuffs I have recently acquired so much...and I have had bad past experiences..thinking about them turns me on as much as any other fantasy does. In fact in my fantasy I elaborate on my experiences to make them worse than they were to really get me going, so I guess I am not very typical.

Though when I fantasize I do change the face/name of the offender so it is the act, not the person. My s/o has asked me to use this persons name while we play on occasion, and I have done it for him but it does nothing for me other than getting it over with so we can move on to something I enjoy.
07/25/2010
Contributor: Owl Identified Owl Identified
Quote:
Originally posted by Misfit Momma
Yes, and it's why I enjoy using the cuffs I have recently acquired so much...and I have had bad past experiences..thinking about them turns me on as much as any other fantasy does. In fact in my fantasy I elaborate on my experiences to make them ... more
I totally understand this. Like I said above, as a survivor of sexual assault, I really do beg those those on the outside of this experience to understand the line between fantasy and reality, and the importance of establishing it firmly and boldly. People may fantasize about scenarios that *look* like sexual assault, but no one actually wants to be raped because it defies the definition. Rape is unwanted sexual contact.

The key to the fantasy, and the reason it may appeal to so many women (a socially, economically and politically disempowered group in nearly all nations of the world) and survivors (physically, emotionally and mentally disempowered group) is that they are actually in control of a situation that *looks* like it is out of control. Claiming power over a situation that nearly all women in some part of their minds fear will happen or will happen again to them, can be incredibly powerful and profound. I hate when people blame women or survivors that enjoy this fantasy, fault them, call them sick, or suggest in some way that they want their power to actually, truly be taken away from them. Again, many people don't understand the difference between fantasy and reality and that scares me. I think this lack of understanding contributes to a rape culture that allows rapes to take place at the alarming rate that they do. 1 in every 4 women in the United States will be the victim of some form of sexual assault in their lifetime, and over 70% of those women will be assaulted by someone they know.

I also want to congratulate you, Misfit Momma, on finding a way of coping with this trauma that allows you to enjoy your life, your love and sex. It's a hard thing to do, and I'm still figuring it out, and I really, really love that you shared that.
07/25/2010
Contributor: Misfit Momma Misfit Momma
Quote:
Originally posted by Owl Identified
I totally understand this. Like I said above, as a survivor of sexual assault, I really do beg those those on the outside of this experience to understand the line between fantasy and reality, and the importance of establishing it firmly and boldly. ... more
It is very hard for the few people I have told this to understand the difference but I have met a few others who have been assaulted that think of it the same way as I do. When I first told my s/o he thought it was strange and we didn't actually bring it up again for a few years - he is ok with it now, but he still doesn't totally understand.

I have had to see this person a few times over the years and my s/o will ask if it turned me on to be around him - No, he makes me nervous as hell and I get shaky. But that is the control thing, I have no control in what this person did or might do.
07/25/2010
Contributor: Madeira Madeira
My girlfriend and I do enjoy play rape. It feels good in fantasy, and is entirely separated from the reality of rape (and I can assure you of that, I'm a survivor of sexual assault and attempted rape, and I had those fantasies long before, and the trauma didn't change them).

It can definitely be healing in an odd way, but only if you're the sort of person things like that work for.
10/05/2010
Contributor: Owl Identified Owl Identified
Quote:
Originally posted by Misfit Momma
It is very hard for the few people I have told this to understand the difference but I have met a few others who have been assaulted that think of it the same way as I do. When I first told my s/o he thought it was strange and we didn't actually ... more
Wow, it's really upsetting and surprising that your partner believes that it could somehow arouse you to be in the presence of your attacker. Again, this points to a serious lack of understanding of the difference between a consensual fantasy and the non-consensual reality. It frightens me that people can't understand this.
10/08/2010
Contributor: Illusional Illusional
This is a complicated... idea/topic.

When I was four, I was molested by a much older man.
When I was six, my female cousin raped me...

I lost my virginity by rape to an ex boyfriend.


However, I do see the fantasy side of it... and I do go to therapy every so often to try to sort out these feelings.


So, I'm stuck in middle being disgusted or being guilty of wondering of it.
10/09/2010
Contributor: Shellz31 Shellz31
I have fantasized about being a victim .... strictly role playing only!
10/21/2010
Contributor: Mocha98 Mocha98
YES! I loved it!
11/06/2010
Contributor: Kimbertrees Kimbertrees
Oh, if only I could find a partner that was into that fantasy. *sighs*
11/09/2010
Contributor: TitsMcScandal TitsMcScandal
Rape play is something that I really enjoy. It even says on my FetLife profile that for me the perfect amount of it would be weekly. I know that I is a bit of a taboo and more intense fantasy that offends some people- hence the flagging on most posts that have expressed an interest in it. Some people can be greatly offended by the mere thought of it. Personally, I was recently raped. It didn't change my desires and fantasies though. Like others before me have said- it can be cathartic. Healing can be hard to do. Obviously his method will not be for everyone. It might help that I was into rape play long before I was actually raped too.
  •   (1)
    I am personally offended by this
  •   (1)
    This is unacceptable / Against the Expectations of Conduct
11/09/2010
Contributor: guy4guyz420 guy4guyz420
Here's the thing i was raped it was the most awful experience of my life. I have however thought about the rape thing and would like to try it in a more controlled way.
  •   (1)
    I am personally offended by this
11/10/2010
Contributor: kitti kitti
I do it constantly and i like it...
11/10/2010
Contributor: KnK KnK
I can understand that rape play is a part of some people's sex lives, but I find it repulsive. I'm only okay with consensual pain, and rape involves fantasy violation, which disgust me. If someone wants to be my toy, I only want a willing one, a stubborn one would be fun, but regardless.
11/25/2010
Contributor: mariah mariah
i'm wondering why some people flagged this? or flaged a reply
12/11/2010
Contributor: LavenderSkies LavenderSkies
I have not done it, but I would like to. Although I am more comfortable calling it ravishment.
12/18/2010
Contributor: anonymouse anonymouse
Quote:
Originally posted by Nickisonehere
I'm going to put a number of questions about kink fantasies and whether or not people have done them. I'm just curious to be honest. Granted, the sample is clearly biased, since there could be a correlation between: those who visit adult toy ... more
Yes I have. It's not something I'd admit to anyone, but I'm not ashamed of it.
12/23/2010
Contributor: Xavier7 Xavier7
Quote:
Originally posted by Nickisonehere
I'm going to put a number of questions about kink fantasies and whether or not people have done them. I'm just curious to be honest. Granted, the sample is clearly biased, since there could be a correlation between: those who visit adult toy ... more
I think it's disgusting that anyone would. A scenario and rape are two totally different things.
01/07/2011
Contributor: Airekah Airekah
I am almost scared to post on here because of all the flagging, but anyway... I have had issues in my past that may prevent a normal person from wanting to experience or play out some sort of rape fantasy. However, I can't help but to fantasize about what it would be like to be in a controlled environment and play out a rape fantasy. Of course, there would have to be a safety word and the partner chosen to help would have to be trusted not to let things get out of control. BUT, I think it would be fun.
01/08/2011
Contributor: KatPawz2003 KatPawz2003
I had rape fantasys since before I was raped. My current one is to actually re-enact my rape as a way of helping me get past it.
02/04/2011
Contributor: jjonk jjonk
done it and very fun
03/04/2011
Contributor: Happy Camper Happy Camper
I think I started having rape fantasies when I was about eleven. Or at least that was the earliest I can remember. There are a lot of thoughts on why strong empowered women continue to fantasize about rape in an effort to make it clear that fantasizing about rape and actual rape are completely different things. I find that in times where I had cognitive dissonance over it, it was good to clarify that rape is largely about taking away someone else's control (a gross simplification but it suites the purpose of this thought). In reality, this is a crime against another human but in your head, you control all parties in the fantasy. You are both the rapee and the person being raped. You decide the time, the place, the what, the how, the rhythm, the image of the other person. We can't say those things about any woman who experiences rape in reality. But when it's in a fantasy or a scene, those elements are often talked about and respected.

Granted, my rape scenes have all been much tamer than my fantasies due to health reasons.
03/04/2011
Contributor: Eliza Eliza
Quote:
Originally posted by J's Alley
I love it, we just shy away from calling it "rape" play. I can't handle that specific word, so he refers to it as forced sex. That is probably just to humor me. I dated a guy at 16 who raped me and I try not to downplay the severity ... more
I think that's a really interesting construction. I've had what I've always known to be called rape fantasies, but as someone who works in gender and sexual violence prevention, I've always felt like a hypocrite. Relabeling it as forced sex for the sake of the fantasy seems to make a lot more sense to me. Thanks for that insight.
03/07/2011
Contributor: joja joja
The two "no" answers are not really adequate in my opinion. I have never fantasized about raping or being raped, and no it doesn't sound good on second thought, but I don't find it sickening that others do. As long as the fantasy is only carried out in a safe, sane, and consensual manner, I couldn't care less what it is.
03/07/2011
Contributor: NarcissisticLust NarcissisticLust
Quote:
Originally posted by SexyDuchess
I'm actually in the middle of writing an article/post about this very topic. It's quite common, yet taboo at the same time. I think there are a lot of reasons that people enjoy such a fantasy.
I can't wait to see your article. This is one of those fantasies that just keeps coming up but I'm not sure it's a good one to try and fulfill.
05/16/2011