The New Intimacy

Excuses vs. Reasons

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Contributor: PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
When you're not up for having sex, how often do you give your partner an excuse? Example: You say you have a headache when you really don't.

How often are your reasons actually honest?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
I always tell my partner the true reason
39  (68%)
I sometimes come up with an excuse
7  (12%)
I always come up with an excuse
It varies
2  (4%)
Other
9  (16%)
Total votes: 57
Poll is closed
04/14/2013
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Contributor: ShadowedSeductress ShadowedSeductress
I have no reason to lie to him. If I'm not in the mood for sex and he is, it's usually because I'm really tired or don't feel well anyway. Often times he's able to get me in the mood though
04/14/2013
Contributor: Real or memorex Real or memorex
I don't have a partner right now, so I am answering for when I did.

For my part, I tell the truth but I also don't always feel like giving a detailed explanation. Sometimes there isn't any explanation other than "I don't feel like it." Just saying I don't feel like it should be enough, imo, and in my last relationship it was.

He did sometimes sulk about it, though.
04/14/2013
Contributor: *Camoprincess* *Camoprincess*
Quote:
Originally posted by PropertyOfPotter
When you're not up for having sex, how often do you give your partner an excuse? Example: You say you have a headache when you really don't.

How often are your reasons actually honest?
Honestly with my current partner I haven't had this issue with my ex I never really lied either I would simply tell him I didn't want to have sex.
04/14/2013
Contributor: *Camoprincess* *Camoprincess*
Quote:
Originally posted by PropertyOfPotter
When you're not up for having sex, how often do you give your partner an excuse? Example: You say you have a headache when you really don't.

How often are your reasons actually honest?
Honestly with my current partner I haven't had this issue with my ex I never really lied either I would simply tell him I didn't want to have sex.
04/14/2013
Contributor: Gone (LD29) Gone (LD29)
If I just don't feel like having sex, I'll tell him as much. If there's a bigger reason, I'll be honest about that too. There's no reason for me to lie about it.
04/14/2013
Contributor: Rossie Rossie
I always tell him the actual facts why I can't have sex, but he sometimes think I'm making up excuses.
04/14/2013
Contributor: KinkyKatieJames KinkyKatieJames
I always tell the truth. 9 times out of 10, if i say no, its because I'm dead tired.
04/15/2013
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
He understand if I am not in the mood, or have a yeast infection or something. I rarely say no, and I often ask for sex, so it isn't a problem for us on the rare occasion one of us isn't in the mood.
04/15/2013
Contributor: MrWill MrWill
If I have a headache: Orgasm often makes it go away.
Feeling depressed: Nothing like endogenous morphine from an orgasm.
Stomach hurts: Having sex increases circulation, which often fixes it.
Hungry: After sex food is always better.
Thirsty: That first sip after a long sack session always tastes so much more satisfying.


Maybe I'm just a horny 24 year old... lol
04/15/2013
Contributor: Illusional Illusional
I have never denied my partner sex.
Maybe it's because we live long distance and whatever, but I try to make the most of our time.
Even when we lived in the same area, he likes to chill more than I do.
04/15/2013
Contributor: SneakersAndPearls SneakersAndPearls
A very rarely say no and am upfront about the reason if I am saying no. Usually it is because I'm sick, have a headache (sex makes mine worse), am exhausted, etc. Whatever the reason, I usually just come out with it.
04/15/2013
Contributor: joiedejouets joiedejouets
I just try to be honest. It's usually no big deal and they can be sympathetic.
04/15/2013
Contributor: Lioncub Lioncub
Honesty is always best.
04/15/2013
Contributor: jr2012 jr2012
I don't think in my entire sexual life I've ever turned down sex, actually! My partner has the lower sex drive so usually I'm the one being turned down....so I can say with confidence the HONESTY is the best policy. If a turn-down even has the faintest hint of a fib, it makes the other person feel like shit.
04/15/2013
Contributor: Munko Munko
Quote:
Originally posted by jr2012
I don't think in my entire sexual life I've ever turned down sex, actually! My partner has the lower sex drive so usually I'm the one being turned down....so I can say with confidence the HONESTY is the best policy. If a turn-down even ... more
This is me - I've never turned down sex! Even if I'm not totally up for it...I usually go for it and end up enjoying anyways. He is pretty good at reading me and knowing when I'm just not going to be in the mood, so he doesn't try those times.

Honesty is definitely the best policy...I have been turned down and my partner has thought he needed to give me a valid reason and often it would be things like "I don't feel well" etc, when I know he's just fine. I finally told him it's okay if he just doesn't want to, but I'd prefer if he was upfront about it instead of lying like he's trying to get out of work to do something better! He's been much better since then!
04/15/2013
Contributor: Feisty Feisty
I always tell my partner the true reason. Most of the time when we don't is because I am too exhausted.
04/15/2013
Contributor: evie.amor evie.amor
I haven't ever had to come up with an excuse with my current partner, past partners I may have used an excuse a few times but I've usually been very honest.
04/16/2013
Contributor: freeport freeport
Like other people on here, I don't think there needs to be an explanation for why you don't feel like having sex when you don't feel like having sex. If my partner wasn't understanding of the fact that I wasn't in the mood, I'd dump him.

I have two friends who have talked about how they were going through rough patches and didn't feel like having sex and they would each clarify that they weren't "withholding" it, and I had to keep stopping them and asking why they thought that even needed to be said. This idea that sex is something women give men and we have to have a "reason" for not "giving" it really disturbs me. And it's the kind of thing that led to another friend being repeatedly raped by her former partner, because he wouldn't accept that she wasn't in the mood and manipulated her until she just stopped saying no.
04/16/2013
Contributor: geliebt geliebt
I actually don't think I've turned down sex more than a TINY handful of times in my life. I just have a massive libido... but if I ever do, I'm truthful. No reason to lie!
04/16/2013
Contributor: bratcat bratcat
My partner and i are very honest with one an other, especially when it comes to the bedroom. There have been plenty of times when one of us tuned down sex because we just weren't feeling it or too tired (usually it being the latter).
04/16/2013
Contributor: marriedlady123 marriedlady123
Quote:
Originally posted by ShadowedSeductress
I have no reason to lie to him. If I'm not in the mood for sex and he is, it's usually because I'm really tired or don't feel well anyway. Often times he's able to get me in the mood though
Sometimes I do, because I don't want to make my hubby feel like I'm not interested in him
04/16/2013
Contributor: SaucyxGirl SaucyxGirl
I usually let my partner know the reason as to why I am not in the mood. I might tell a little white lie to soften the blow if it is for reasons that are outside of his control that I think he might take offense to.
04/16/2013
Contributor: cgartman1989 cgartman1989
im honest. if i dont want to then i dont want to
04/16/2013
Contributor: PeaceToTheMiddleEast PeaceToTheMiddleEast
If I am not in the mood I just say no and that is that. I don't need to make up a excuse not too.
04/16/2013
Contributor: falalena falalena
Quote:
Originally posted by PropertyOfPotter
When you're not up for having sex, how often do you give your partner an excuse? Example: You say you have a headache when you really don't.

How often are your reasons actually honest?
Why lie?
04/16/2013
Contributor: Rokmai Rokmai
I have given excuses but, thus far, she has always been able to change my mind a moment later.
04/16/2013
Contributor: snowminx snowminx
It's been a while since I wasn't in the mood and the guy was so I honestly don't really remember. I usually just have sex once a week so I just make myself in the mood at the time lol
04/16/2013
Contributor: VeganChick (is Gone) VeganChick (is Gone)
Honesty all the way!!
04/16/2013
Contributor: bayosgirl bayosgirl
I always tell the truth.
04/28/2013