I was around 10 or 11 and solo.
Females: At what age did you have your first orgasm? Or have you not had an orgasm yet? If so was it solo or with a partner? And was it during oral sex, or penetration?
08/11/2009
Reading these posts makes me realize I am not alone in starting early! I was 10 or so... my mom caught me masturbating, took me to the doctor (My family was a household where sex just did NOT occur, babies just appeared out of midair... thankfully, mom has loosened up a bit- I was with her when she bought her first sex toy! I was so proud!) and they both proceeded to lecture me about how bad it was. I continued to do it because it felt good, but suffice to say I had masturbator's guilt until my late teens/ early 20's when I came to the realization that it wasn't bad to do and was, in fact quite freeing. My husband and I certainly enjoy pleasing each other, but we are also very respectful of each other's solo time. We actually feel that it is a very important part of a relationship.
Also, as Newme21 states, a lot of pleasure comes with getting comfortable in your own skin. I used to be a skinny little thing with curves in all the right places. I have gained a lot of weight since then, but because I was so slender for so long, I have had a war with myself over the changes my body has gone through. Some days I accept it, some days I have a harder time with it, especially features I used to LOVE, like my ass. To me, it has seemed now that it is too big, too this, too that. A very dear male friend saw a photo of it recently and proceeded to announce that it was sexy as hell. Several times. Now, my husband has said this as well, but he's a bit biased.. But with someone else saying it as well, it makes me feel a lot better and I am more accepting of it as it is. The same friend has told me on more than one occasion to 'take a compliment, dammit!' and as I get older, I am learning to take them. Not just say 'thank you' and go on, but really take it to heart and to let the negativity roll off. I vividly remember being your age (I'm not that far from it) and some of the hardest times I had with being accepting of myself were right around that time and the sexual pleasure I had then really showed it. It was often, quite frankly, lacking. The point I am trying to make with this rather long winded post is that it can be a struggle to get beyond your upbringing and issues with your perceived flaws, but it can be done and once you start working on it instead of focusing so intensely on achieving a climax and are comfortable enough with yourself to lay back and enjoy yourself as yourself by yourself, I will not be surprised if that orgasm you are seeking doesn't just slip up on you as a very pleasant surprise.
If you feel comfortable with it, please let us know your progress. You have a forum full of cheerleaders here, just relax and go with it!
Also, as Newme21 states, a lot of pleasure comes with getting comfortable in your own skin. I used to be a skinny little thing with curves in all the right places. I have gained a lot of weight since then, but because I was so slender for so long, I have had a war with myself over the changes my body has gone through. Some days I accept it, some days I have a harder time with it, especially features I used to LOVE, like my ass. To me, it has seemed now that it is too big, too this, too that. A very dear male friend saw a photo of it recently and proceeded to announce that it was sexy as hell. Several times. Now, my husband has said this as well, but he's a bit biased.. But with someone else saying it as well, it makes me feel a lot better and I am more accepting of it as it is. The same friend has told me on more than one occasion to 'take a compliment, dammit!' and as I get older, I am learning to take them. Not just say 'thank you' and go on, but really take it to heart and to let the negativity roll off. I vividly remember being your age (I'm not that far from it) and some of the hardest times I had with being accepting of myself were right around that time and the sexual pleasure I had then really showed it. It was often, quite frankly, lacking. The point I am trying to make with this rather long winded post is that it can be a struggle to get beyond your upbringing and issues with your perceived flaws, but it can be done and once you start working on it instead of focusing so intensely on achieving a climax and are comfortable enough with yourself to lay back and enjoy yourself as yourself by yourself, I will not be surprised if that orgasm you are seeking doesn't just slip up on you as a very pleasant surprise.
If you feel comfortable with it, please let us know your progress. You have a forum full of cheerleaders here, just relax and go with it!
08/11/2009
fanarama
I was about 13 or 14, I hadn't really thought about it much till people were talking about sex more often. I had my first around 14 but couldn't get one again till I was about 15 going on 16. I just couldn't get the hang of it then I realized clitoral stimulation was the way to go for me and I haven't looked back.
10/15/2009
The first time I masterbated I had an orgasm and that was around age 12. I was exploring my bady and found that my clit being stimulated felt really good and continued and BAM, orgasm. So I continued trying differnt ways of stimulating myself until I found what works best for me.
10/15/2009
Started having sex at 17 and was about 20 when I had my first orgasm...was an FE too....surprising!
10/21/2009
I'm 21 and have never orgasmed, although I started masturbating at probably around 12 or 13. alas!
10/22/2009
I had full, accurate information about sex fairly early on, so when I started masturbating I didn't have any bad feelings about it. I was probably 9 or 10, and I remember that it would feel really good but that it would be so intense I'd have to stop. It wasn't until I was 13 and listening to LoveLine on the radio that I heard about using the water from the bathtub faucet to masturbate. I tried it and had an orgasm within 30 seconds. For years, until my parents replaced the faucet, I would lay in the tub most nights and pretend I was showering. Even though I now have a toybox full of fun toys and a wonderful partner eager to please, I still sometimes miss that faucet.
11/01/2009
I guess I don't remember my exact age when I started masturbating but I was about 12 when my mother spoke to me about it as I was sort of banging against the wall next to my bed and my mother figured it out. She was great, said to take it easy and not to hurt myself.
My first orgasm was some years later (alone) but my early masturbation sessions were very pleasurable.
My first orgasm was some years later (alone) but my early masturbation sessions were very pleasurable.
11/02/2009
JL
I was about 15 when I started to experiment solo after discovering porn. After feeling the first orgasm, I was hooked and never stopped. It's especially important to me now that I am living in a sexless marriage.
11/03/2009
Ten going on eleven, stream of water from the bathtub faucet. I think my mother had an idea, but she didn't say anything (she was absolutely clinical in my sex education - even used the proper latin names for everything, she's such a nurse).
I remember how nice it felt that first time, then the orgasm hit. I had a vague idea that's what it was, and I was always eager to explore it. It felt like I climaxed forever, the pulsing and tension just would not end. Fun times those were in the bathtub. ^_^
I've never believed masturbation was bad, either inside or outside a relationship. It's not hurting anyone and it's pleasing, all the power to you - you deserve to find out what your body can do.
I remember how nice it felt that first time, then the orgasm hit. I had a vague idea that's what it was, and I was always eager to explore it. It felt like I climaxed forever, the pulsing and tension just would not end. Fun times those were in the bathtub. ^_^
I've never believed masturbation was bad, either inside or outside a relationship. It's not hurting anyone and it's pleasing, all the power to you - you deserve to find out what your body can do.
01/03/2010
I was really young. Like three. I didn't discover my g-spot until I was about 9 or 10, and good lord, it was all over.
01/03/2010
I started printing sex stories from the internet when I was around eleven years old. I'd sneak them into my room and read them as manuals, following the author's words like instructions. After months of reading and rubbing, I finally had one: the earth shattered, my mind split in two and the raw aftermath left me so scared that I *must* have broken something down there. It took me a few panicked hours to realize that is what an orgasm feels like.
Since solo masturbation was my introduction to sex, I've come to find my involvement the most important component of any sexual experience. I cannot orgasm without help from myself; sex is nice and very fun but nobody knows my body like I do. Truthfully, I prefer to start a sexual relationship with masturbation: my partner can see my sensitive preferences and I get the cheat-sheet of how she needs to be touched; targets that make him shy away or rock-hard.
Since solo masturbation was my introduction to sex, I've come to find my involvement the most important component of any sexual experience. I cannot orgasm without help from myself; sex is nice and very fun but nobody knows my body like I do. Truthfully, I prefer to start a sexual relationship with masturbation: my partner can see my sensitive preferences and I get the cheat-sheet of how she needs to be touched; targets that make him shy away or rock-hard.
01/05/2010
started masturbating at early age, but at that time i didn't know what it was. i think most toddlers touch themselves for self-exploration. you just knew that it felt good, but you didn't know why. i didn't know what the word 'masturbation' was until like 12 or 13. that's when i actually tried 'masturbating.' at that time, even though i'd done it before then (as a toddler) as self-exploration, i hadn't done it since then. the last time i had touched "down there" i was like 2 or three. so i hadn't attempted to do it consciously knowing what it might be about. so, in a way, at 12 or 13, when i attempted it for the first time knowing what it was all about, it was like self-exploration all over again. But this time, i was more in-tune with my feelings. i felt like i had to really get to know my body before i was able to an orgasm. I think when you expect too much then you don't get it. my first orgasm was sort of like an epiphany moment. a eureka! i knew about masturbation being an imitation of sex, but i didn't know what an orgasm was. all i knew was that i had masturbated and gotten to a real sort of high. a moment of ecstasy like a user gets with a drug. i thought, "wow. so THIS is what all the fuss is about!" i would never have had it had i not done lots of personal exploration and experimentation. i think you shouldn't try to have your first orgasm with a sex toy. try creating your own sex toy first-as long as it is clean and not toxic. be creative, and don't try not to assume what the feeling is going to be like . just let it come to you. when i have a hard time getting an orgasm, it's usually because my mind is not in the right place or a hormonal reason. but usually it's because i'm too hell bent on getting the big O. too much pressure for it. if you make it all about getting to it you won't. a watched pot never boils. lol
i think it is horrible when a parent makes you feel like masturbation is evil or messed up or something. i think it is horrible when society makes women feel like they are nympho sluts if they masturbate, opposed to a man masturbating they make it into some teenage sex comedy like american pie. i went out with guys that would say "man, you are such a little nympho aren't you? " or you are freaky " when i told them that i masturbated and how i masturbated and how many times a week i did it. they couldn't understand why i would need to masturbate if i was having sex with them. like...they felt somehow insulted if i masturbated. so for foreplay it was like hard showing them where i wanted things because they made me feel like i was some oversexed love kitten. they didn't mind touching and getting me around down there, but i found that they weren't as good because they weren't really willing to listen to me and what i was asking for. i found sexual communication was horrible when the guy couldn't respect my comfort with my own sexuality and masturbation. it's like they grew up in the victorian era or something! lol. i also think it's terrible when parents tell their son that they will go blind if they masturbate. it's just so cruel. it's cruel. if i ever have kids i'm going to make sure that they know that masturbation is natural. it is healthy. it is as normal and necessary as brushing your teeth in my opinion. actually, teeth brushing is less natural since it was invented later on in history. masturbation has been going on since the dawn of humankind. ever since, the caveman left the cave to go hunt a mammoth with his buds, the cave woman was rubbing the fur around her labia. if i have a daughter, i'll buy her a vibrator if she wants one.
i think it is horrible when a parent makes you feel like masturbation is evil or messed up or something. i think it is horrible when society makes women feel like they are nympho sluts if they masturbate, opposed to a man masturbating they make it into some teenage sex comedy like american pie. i went out with guys that would say "man, you are such a little nympho aren't you? " or you are freaky " when i told them that i masturbated and how i masturbated and how many times a week i did it. they couldn't understand why i would need to masturbate if i was having sex with them. like...they felt somehow insulted if i masturbated. so for foreplay it was like hard showing them where i wanted things because they made me feel like i was some oversexed love kitten. they didn't mind touching and getting me around down there, but i found that they weren't as good because they weren't really willing to listen to me and what i was asking for. i found sexual communication was horrible when the guy couldn't respect my comfort with my own sexuality and masturbation. it's like they grew up in the victorian era or something! lol. i also think it's terrible when parents tell their son that they will go blind if they masturbate. it's just so cruel. it's cruel. if i ever have kids i'm going to make sure that they know that masturbation is natural. it is healthy. it is as normal and necessary as brushing your teeth in my opinion. actually, teeth brushing is less natural since it was invented later on in history. masturbation has been going on since the dawn of humankind. ever since, the caveman left the cave to go hunt a mammoth with his buds, the cave woman was rubbing the fur around her labia. if i have a daughter, i'll buy her a vibrator if she wants one.
02/06/2010
ordinaryak
Quote:
i have never been able to orgasm from sex alone i also need some sort of stimulation my boyfriend doesnt know that though simply becuase theres many positions were i get "bumped" like in missionary i pull my legs up high and i can rub myself against his stomach.
Originally posted by
Nashville
Write in vote: I was 14. I started masturbating at 11 or 12 but I remember it took 2 years to learn how to orgasm, go figure.
I still have NEVER had an internal orgasm caused by a penis alone (without clitoral stimulation).
I still have NEVER had an internal orgasm caused by a penis alone (without clitoral stimulation).
Actually i started having sex dreams when i was nine i never touched myself though not untill i was 19 and having sex with my boyfriend did i ever explore masturbation i grew up in a home where i learned about sex very early on me and my older sister were snatching porn from friends house and making dirty jokes about it when i was just 6 years old sex was always a big gross joke in our family. i found it strange later on in life that i orgasmed so early simply becuase i was later to mature (didnt have my first period untill i was 14 and didnt develop until i was 16)
i was routinly having "wet dreams" since 9. but then again i have always had an exceptionally high sex drive.
02/17/2010
My first orgasm was when I was around 10..I remember doing sth alone, then felt good, and felt really sleepy afterwards. It became my 'sleeping pill' lol. I still joke about it with my somebody ;P
02/17/2010
Inkblot
I didn't have a real clitoral orgasm until I was 25 (married, with kids). It was solo...I'd been masturbating for years and years, but somehow I was always more into penetration--still am--and even though I would rub the right spot, nothing ever happened and I moved on to other stuff. LOL I never got a vibrator until after I had that orgasm, either! I was always just too impatient, I think! (Or rushed because there was always a sister, roommate or husband in the same room while trying to, you know. LOL)
02/21/2010
There was no younger than 15 option so I didn't answer. I was probably 11 or 12 and it was solo.
02/22/2010
I voted for 15, but I think I was a little younger, just wasn't completely aware of what I was doing
03/03/2010
I guess I started masturbating when I was young, I just didn't know what it was. Didn't consciously start masturbating until age 13, and it took me 5 bloody years to finally orgasm. Granted, I really didn't understand my own anatomy until I was 18, in college, and had the time to explore my body. I also did a lot of reading online until I figured out what worked for me. And boy, that first one was a doozy!
04/10/2010
I was another 10/11, solo. Needless to say, I'd bought my first vibe by 13...
04/11/2010
I've got to write in too: I think I was 10 or 11 the first time I had an orgasm. All by my lonesome...
04/12/2010
Quote:
I'm glad to see I'm not the only person who's had that problem with birth control: unfortunately, while my sex drive was pretty high before, I seem to be just indifferent now with very few exceptions. If I wasn't so terrified of having it attack my uterus, I'd get one of those t-bars.
Originally posted by
Backseat Boohoo
I wasn't upset, so I hope it didn't sound that way; I'm just a very blunt person, and that's honestly the way I view masturbation (and many other things): my body, my choice.
I grew up in the same sort of household, so I ... more
I grew up in the same sort of household, so I ... more
I wasn't upset, so I hope it didn't sound that way; I'm just a very blunt person, and that's honestly the way I view masturbation (and many other things): my body, my choice.
I grew up in the same sort of household, so I understand. I recently had a sort of "coming out" to my parents about my sexual side, and while they aren't jumping through hoops about it, they're so loving that they do everything they can mental handle the support me. It may take some time, but with a little freedom and self-exploration, the grip your upbringing holds on you will eventually loosen up. (For me, the kicker was going away to college and being away from my family for weeks at a time.)
As for sex drive: a LOT of things effect your sex drive, including (but no limited to) your age, physical health, mental stability, when you hit puberty, your hormones, medication, and yes, how much you have sex/masturbate definitely has an effect on your sex drive. In general--and this is a VERY general statement, not representative of all men and women in any way--females tend to experience peaks and valleys in their sex drive, often in conjunction with their menstrual/ovulation cycles, whereas men tend to have one flat sex drive. It's kind of like a graph: the man's line tends to go straight across, the woman's line tends to jump up and down.
Personally, I want sex more when I'm NOT having it because I miss it and have all of that pent-up energy. Hormonal birth control has regulated and lessened my sex drive, although my sex drive was so high before I started taking BC that it's not an issue at all.
On top of that, I highly recommend browsing the EF forums for other threads related to sexuality; this place is loaded with information! less
I grew up in the same sort of household, so I understand. I recently had a sort of "coming out" to my parents about my sexual side, and while they aren't jumping through hoops about it, they're so loving that they do everything they can mental handle the support me. It may take some time, but with a little freedom and self-exploration, the grip your upbringing holds on you will eventually loosen up. (For me, the kicker was going away to college and being away from my family for weeks at a time.)
As for sex drive: a LOT of things effect your sex drive, including (but no limited to) your age, physical health, mental stability, when you hit puberty, your hormones, medication, and yes, how much you have sex/masturbate definitely has an effect on your sex drive. In general--and this is a VERY general statement, not representative of all men and women in any way--females tend to experience peaks and valleys in their sex drive, often in conjunction with their menstrual/ovulation cycles, whereas men tend to have one flat sex drive. It's kind of like a graph: the man's line tends to go straight across, the woman's line tends to jump up and down.
Personally, I want sex more when I'm NOT having it because I miss it and have all of that pent-up energy. Hormonal birth control has regulated and lessened my sex drive, although my sex drive was so high before I started taking BC that it's not an issue at all.
On top of that, I highly recommend browsing the EF forums for other threads related to sexuality; this place is loaded with information! less
04/12/2010
11 solo...in Disney World, where dreams come true! I discovered the jacuzzi jets in the hotel bathtub
04/12/2010
I was 20 (still am, it hasn't been long since it happened). I consider myself a sex-positive feminist and so while it didn't really bother me that I didn't experience anything I could pinpoint as an orgasm. I think it bothered my partner though, even if I didn't tell him I hadn't had an orgasm until we'd been dating for a long while.
It was bizarre when it happened because it was't exactly the end scene in beauty and the beast (fireworks and magic) but it was definitely not what I'd been experiencing before!
It was bizarre when it happened because it was't exactly the end scene in beauty and the beast (fireworks and magic) but it was definitely not what I'd been experiencing before!
04/15/2010
I don't remember what age I was, or the first time, but it was definitely under 15. 10 or so? I remember it helping me sleep. I've never had problems reaching orgasm, whether alone or with someone else, even when my sex drive's been crappy.
I can't imagine being able to have an orgasm with a partner if I hadn't learned about my body on my own first, though. I also find masturbation to be completely different from being with someone else. Usually it's not a substitute, it's just another kind of sexual experience. I do often fantasize about someone other than my boyfriend while masturbating, and I know he fantasizes too, but I feel that's a healthy part of a sex life, and even necessary for me if I want to remain monogamous. Also, the more I masturbate, the more I want sex with my boyfriend. I guess it heightens my awareness of myself as a sexual being. It turns him on to know I like to masturbate too. I also find sexual communication is an absolute must, and not just while we're having sex. Again, it's a turn on for both of us.
I think it's best to do whatever feels comfortable for you, and allow yourself to explore what that is without judging yourself. Maybe stop thinking about the "goal", and just enjoy what's going on. Perhaps your husband could buy a toy for you to use both alone and with him, something simple like a mild clitoral massager to start out with. That way you could still feel like he was with you, in a way, while learning about your body.
I can't imagine being able to have an orgasm with a partner if I hadn't learned about my body on my own first, though. I also find masturbation to be completely different from being with someone else. Usually it's not a substitute, it's just another kind of sexual experience. I do often fantasize about someone other than my boyfriend while masturbating, and I know he fantasizes too, but I feel that's a healthy part of a sex life, and even necessary for me if I want to remain monogamous. Also, the more I masturbate, the more I want sex with my boyfriend. I guess it heightens my awareness of myself as a sexual being. It turns him on to know I like to masturbate too. I also find sexual communication is an absolute must, and not just while we're having sex. Again, it's a turn on for both of us.
I think it's best to do whatever feels comfortable for you, and allow yourself to explore what that is without judging yourself. Maybe stop thinking about the "goal", and just enjoy what's going on. Perhaps your husband could buy a toy for you to use both alone and with him, something simple like a mild clitoral massager to start out with. That way you could still feel like he was with you, in a way, while learning about your body.
04/17/2010
sweet sally
I didn't vote because it was more like 12-13 solo. I didn't know what it was called, but I LOVED it! Still do. lol
Girl, get you a mirror, lock the door and explore your body. The easiest way to acheive an orgasm is by yourself. You are the only person fully in charge of your sex life and if you don't love yourself no one will fully satisfy you.
Also, note you may have a medical issue. Consult a Dr. just in case.
Girl, get you a mirror, lock the door and explore your body. The easiest way to acheive an orgasm is by yourself. You are the only person fully in charge of your sex life and if you don't love yourself no one will fully satisfy you.
Also, note you may have a medical issue. Consult a Dr. just in case.
05/11/2010
I was very young... Five or so? Not exactly sure since I don't really remember the first time or how I figured it all out. But I did and I was even having multiples at a young age... but I had zero clue about what it was I was actually doing until I was 12 or 13.
05/16/2010
Quote:
I had orgasms - teeny ones - when I was pre-pubescent, but the real ones came when I hit puberty (12). I didn't have sex until 15, You really need to overcome the aversion to masturbation - it's the only way you'll really know your own body, your own desires and your own needs. Him using toys on you is pointless unless he's getting direction about what gets you off - without that, he's just messing around for his own enjoyment. Which reminds me - your body is for YOUR pleasure.
Originally posted by
Cwhitten006
I'm very curious about asking other females about their first orgasm experience because I am soon to be 25, have 2 kids, am married and have never had an orgasm. I'm just wondering if I'm the only 25 year old female that has not yet
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I'm very curious about asking other females about their first orgasm experience because I am soon to be 25, have 2 kids, am married and have never had an orgasm. I'm just wondering if I'm the only 25 year old female that has not yet experienced one. Or if my husband and me are doing something wrong. If you have any tips or advice on how to achieve one, please feel free to share. I'd like to share a little about my sex life, to see if a few of you ladies out there to help me. I don't care to ride, because I'm insecure about my body like most female, but I have done it many times. My husband eats me out, I don't care to masturbate, I believe thats what I have him for. He pleases me not me please myself. However I have attempted it before and I felt awkward. If your wondering about the toys I get, he uses them on me. So any advice?
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05/18/2010
Age 12, with the bathtub faucet. Good times
05/26/2010
I have to be honest, the ONLY way I learned how to orgasm was to masturbate. I couldn't tell my then boyfriend what I liked, if I didn't know myself. We started having sex when I was about 16, and I somehow thought that orgasm would just "happen." It didn't. It felt good, I liked it, but I always felt like something was about to happen and I couldn't get where I wanted to be.
SOOOOO, even though I was getting plenty of sex, I realized I had to learn my own body, and how it worked. I started with simply plain manual stim of my clit, on my own. I found lying on my belly was easiest, and the first few times I felt CLOSE, but nothing happened, after about half a dozen or less times, I got really close. I realized I needed to fantasize, too. (And rarely about my boyfriend, my fantasies are nasty.) Then one day I just kept going (past the point where I would have given up previously) kept fantasizing and stimulating and I HAPPENED! I was so excited, I had NEVER felt so good in my life. I told my Boyfriend that I had finally figured out how to have an orgasm, so he said, "Let's try." The first few times (we always used oral sex, because that made me feel the best before or even after intercourse) The first few times after I started masturbating, I got really close when he gave me oral sex, but nothing happened, I realized I needed to fantasize even while we were together (he not only doesn't care, it really isn't his business. It's mine.) Then one day, he was going down on me, my mind was in the gutter and POW there it was! I was so happy, I almost cried, he was so proud and happy, and we have gone on from there for decades. (I am still with him, despite our relationship going through an Open Relationship period, separation while I was away at college and various stuff. We are now married, have a house full of kids, and sex nearly every day.)
I think you NEED to learn your own body so you can show him. Partner sex and solo sex are not mutually exclusive. My Man and I have sex nearly every day, yet we still both masturbate fairly frequently, sometimes together, sometimes on our own. Masturbation doesn't say to him, "You're doing it wrong." It says, "I'm a sexually mature functioning woman and I can Come in many different ways."
We didn't start using sex toys until into several decades into our sexual relationship. As I am in perimenopause, they are necessary now, (as some women have a reduced clitoral sensitivity when they begin perimenopause) but when I was in my 20s and 30s we hadn't yet discovered them yet.
IMO, learning your own body by loving yourself, physically and psychologically, is mature, healthy and the only way to learn to orgasm.
Good luck, read some good women's erotica, or watch your favorite adult video, think about what turns you on (and that is NO ONE'S business but yours) start flicking the bean and see what happens.
SOOOOO, even though I was getting plenty of sex, I realized I had to learn my own body, and how it worked. I started with simply plain manual stim of my clit, on my own. I found lying on my belly was easiest, and the first few times I felt CLOSE, but nothing happened, after about half a dozen or less times, I got really close. I realized I needed to fantasize, too. (And rarely about my boyfriend, my fantasies are nasty.) Then one day I just kept going (past the point where I would have given up previously) kept fantasizing and stimulating and I HAPPENED! I was so excited, I had NEVER felt so good in my life. I told my Boyfriend that I had finally figured out how to have an orgasm, so he said, "Let's try." The first few times (we always used oral sex, because that made me feel the best before or even after intercourse) The first few times after I started masturbating, I got really close when he gave me oral sex, but nothing happened, I realized I needed to fantasize even while we were together (he not only doesn't care, it really isn't his business. It's mine.) Then one day, he was going down on me, my mind was in the gutter and POW there it was! I was so happy, I almost cried, he was so proud and happy, and we have gone on from there for decades. (I am still with him, despite our relationship going through an Open Relationship period, separation while I was away at college and various stuff. We are now married, have a house full of kids, and sex nearly every day.)
I think you NEED to learn your own body so you can show him. Partner sex and solo sex are not mutually exclusive. My Man and I have sex nearly every day, yet we still both masturbate fairly frequently, sometimes together, sometimes on our own. Masturbation doesn't say to him, "You're doing it wrong." It says, "I'm a sexually mature functioning woman and I can Come in many different ways."
We didn't start using sex toys until into several decades into our sexual relationship. As I am in perimenopause, they are necessary now, (as some women have a reduced clitoral sensitivity when they begin perimenopause) but when I was in my 20s and 30s we hadn't yet discovered them yet.
IMO, learning your own body by loving yourself, physically and psychologically, is mature, healthy and the only way to learn to orgasm.
Good luck, read some good women's erotica, or watch your favorite adult video, think about what turns you on (and that is NO ONE'S business but yours) start flicking the bean and see what happens.
06/22/2010