The New Intimacy

Do you ever withold sex as "punishment"?

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Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by HevansS
No.
Shoot. Most of the time when I'm upset, it just puts me in a good mood.
My life partner is that way...we argue or fight and he is all ready to jump into the bed. He gets angry with anyone else and he's ready to jump into bed! I can't imagine what he'd do if I with held sex to punish him. He's a physically large man and yet he knows how to touch me with the most feather light touch sending me to my knees. He doesn't let me have the choice unless it suits his purpose, he is the quintessential Leo.
My other partner is a bit more damaged and he will at times punish by with holding but it hurts him more than it does me, so it's infrequent and is my clue to begin rebuilding the intimacy between us. Still he is the essence of Aries so I know that as long as I let him flame for a while he'll eventually come back to wanting to be close. It took a long time to get here and it would have happened so much faster if we had simply worked on our problems rather than having to be the "winner" everytime.
07/22/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
My life partner is that way...we argue or fight and he is all ready to jump into the bed. He gets angry with anyone else and he's ready to jump into bed! I can't imagine what he'd do if I with held sex to punish him. He's a physically ... more
Wait...you're with 2 fire signs!?!?! WOW!

This explains all the activity with you three!
07/22/2010
Contributor: clp clp
No. A previous partner pulled that shit on me all the time, and it only made me more resentful and us more unhappy. Of course, if you don't want to have sex, then don't, but to tell me that I don't deserve it for a reason completely unrelated is like telling me I'm an animal, unable to understand consequence and must therefore be punished by withholding my most basic needs. Which is fun in a D/s puppy way, but absolutely not cool when non-consensual.

I try to remind myself of that and never put anyone else in that same situation.
07/22/2010
Contributor: Dame Saphir Dame Saphir
Never in seriousness. I joke with him when he picks on my and I say "Hey. Remember that time we never had sex ever again? Yeah. That's now."

But I only joke Never when we're actually quarreling.
07/22/2010
Contributor: PonyPlay PonyPlay
When I am mad I tend to want to have sex more. This is really a strange reaction but it seems like every time we argue we do it and then feel much saner and talk it out afterwards. I don't really get why, but maybe we just get all our energy out and feel better.
08/01/2010
Contributor: Miss Naughty Kitty Miss Naughty Kitty
lol a bf and I kinda had a contest to see who could go the longest with out sex. I didn't know how he thought he could win? shit but know I would probably lose
08/01/2010
Contributor: Sera Sera
Quote:
Originally posted by BoomersGirl
I try not to, but I admit when I'm mad sometimes, I avoid it hoping it will upset him even more. Although "usually" I would if he approached me to, but he seems to know when not to bother.
Why would you do that as punishment. That's abusive. I've had people do that to me, and it's cruel. And all I did wrong was not paint my nails or refuse to not straighten my hair. That's really cruel.
08/01/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
Wait...you're with 2 fire signs!?!?! WOW!

This explains all the activity with you three!
LOL I'm virgo/libra I'm the earth that binds the fire...and could smother it which I nearly did with Sigel. Arch reignited everything. The worst part for me is our Son is also a fire sign, Sagittarius. Yup it's fire-y at home.
08/15/2010
Contributor: Latsyrc728 Latsyrc728
No, but if I am ticked at him, it isn't happening!
08/15/2010
Contributor: Yoda Yoda
Of course it doesn't make sense to have sex when two people are angry with each other. It's only natural. But to consciously withhold it in order to further "teach a lesson" to a spouse is bordering on sabotage. It is dangerous to regard marriage as a power struggle, and using sex as a lesson or reward is doing exactly that. Keep in mind that in some marriages, men are just as capable of withholding certain things in order to control their wives, but this is both cruel and unfair. If two people can't talk out their differences, than I would not advise them to get married in the first place.
08/20/2010
Contributor: A Lovely Aphrodite A Lovely Aphrodite
I don't withhold as punishment, but because I may not be in the mood :x
08/23/2010
Contributor: Gatita Gatita
Quote:
Originally posted by A Lovely Aphrodite
I don't withhold as punishment, but because I may not be in the mood :x
Ditto!
08/24/2010
Contributor: Joie de Cherresse Joie de Cherresse
I say I will, but I can't, lol... That would be more of a punishment for me than for him, lol... I just can't resist his charm and his sexy ass, lol... Sorry...
11/01/2010
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
As P'Gell and Sir are saying, if I'm upset and I'm not in the mood, it's different than punishing him for whatever I'm mad about. We rarely let anything linger over more time than a day, so we tend to not "Go to bed angry." Which means there's usually make up sex.

For us women, we have to be emotionally connected and feeling intimate to be aroused; whereas men often use sex to show us how emotionally connected and intimate they feel.
11/01/2010
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Even after he cheated I didn't withhold sex. We weren't having sex due to my not feeling "in the mood" for an extended time (about 3 weeks during my 2nd pregnancy) and he went barking up someone else's tree. I realized at that point that I needed to find a way to incite the mood and we worked really hard together on our own and in counseling to work on our marriage and to work on our intimacy.

Now, before we all get mad at My Mister, this was almost 4 years ago and believe it or not, it helped our marriage in the long run. We also both had fault in his decision to stray from the marriage, despite the fact that he made the choice, ultimately. We've learned that there's always a time in the marriage where things aren't as exciting... but that it never lasts long. We also really learned how to talk to each other effectively!
11/01/2010
Contributor: Sera Sera
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I agree with both Blinker and P'Gell.

Withholding sex is bad enough, announcing is worse, publicly announcing it is the worst! Sure, it's kinda funny in context, but that's it.

Withholding sex is very manipulative and is ... more
I agree with you completely, Mr. Sauce. Great thinking..
11/06/2010
Contributor: ZenaidaMacroura ZenaidaMacroura
I could never withhold sex. I want it more often than my boyfriend does, so it wouldn't work. I just wouldn't have the willpower. Haha. But we've joked like that before. Just last night, I said "okay, you're cut off." He said "no, you're cut off." We went back and forth like that for about five minutes. Then we had sex. Haha.

It's just not a good idea to withhold sex. It's mean and doesn't help anyone. My ex-husband and I used to go without sex for weeks just because one of us was mad or stubborn. Didn't work out well at all.
11/06/2010
Contributor: sweet seduction sweet seduction
haha I have a few times
01/06/2011
Contributor: DancerLove DancerLove
I dont like sex when I am anger or anything either, but he does. He thinks that it will make me forget why we argued but the reason why we argue is very serious. He won't kiss me. So I am thinking about not giving him sex until he gives me a REAL kiss with a lot of feeling.
02/01/2011
Contributor: Kitt Katt Kitt Katt
Quote:
Originally posted by Alan & Michele
I agree 100%, and for all the same reasons.
Ditto.
02/01/2011
Contributor: IrishLassie IrishLassie
Oh when we were 1st married, yes I hsve witheld sex as punishment. However I have quickly realized that if I withold it, I am just punishing myself too. So no, I dont do thst anymore.
02/02/2011
Contributor: PussyGalore PussyGalore
Arguing makes me horny, I'd only be punishing myself. Then you have the resentment that builds when people treat sex like a weapon.
02/02/2011
Contributor: liilii080 liilii080
If I'm upset I may turn my back to him and he knows what that means. It usually prompts the conversation that may end with make up sex or cuddling at the least. Emotions and sex are entwined and can be hard to separate.
02/02/2011
Contributor: Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
Ha! (that's what my husband would say) I tease him sometimes that I am not going to put out, but it is all in fun. My husband knows all too well that I can't hold out for any amount of time. He can definitely got without, longer than I can.

Sex should never be something to hold over someone's head. That kind of behavior can have negative, lasting effects for the relationship and fuck with other person's self-esteem among other things. I can totally understand not being in the mood because you are mad, but withholding as punishment seems sick to me.

Furthermore, to announce publicly that your husband is "cut off" is down right disrespectful to him and all those that have to hear it. The thought of doing that or even being witness to someone else doing it makes my stomach turn.
02/02/2011
Contributor: toxie m toxie m
Quote:
Originally posted by SexyySarah
LOL, I don't think so, but I've never done it on purpose if I have! Now, I've been mad and obviously not in the mood, but sometimes it heals those kind of situations!
Yeahh, being mad just takes me right out of the mood. It's clearly different than actively withholding as punishment, though.
02/02/2011
Contributor: Kaltir Kaltir
I would never use sex as a punishment! I love it too much
02/07/2011