The New Intimacy

Is Writing Erotica (Erotic Fiction) a Form of Cheating?

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Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
I think writing for the general market or for Eden Lit or something like that is certainly NOT cheating.

However, if an individual asks you to write them a personal erotic story just for them, it might be crossing a line. What is this person who would pay you for a personal story getting out of it? It would creep me out a bit if someone asked me to write them a story.

If I were a published author of fiction and I was asked to write for an anthology, by an editor, that would be completely different. But, writing for ONE person could be considered a little iffy, depending on the situation.
07/09/2012
Contributor: Envy Envy
Thanks for all your input, guys. This is all really interesting to hear everyone's opinions on this matter!
07/09/2012
Contributor: Badass Badass
I dont think it is even remotely the same thing
07/09/2012
Contributor: SexyRayne SexyRayne
I dont think it i cheating at all, is it cheating if he dreams about another woman? Is it cheating if he looks at someone else? WRITING IS NOTHING! If he is that insecure talk with him, work on how you both feel. If you really love doing it than do it.
07/09/2012
Contributor: wes wes
no its not cheating
07/09/2012
Contributor: xilliannax xilliannax
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
I had a discussion with a few people about this and would like to see what you all thought as well.

If you're in a relationship and think about writing erotic fiction to make a few extra bucks and your significant other/spouse doesn't ... more
Thats like in WOW if you character fucks another character "its cheating" NO ITS NOT! Its a game and NOT you
07/09/2012
Contributor: Hibangel Hibangel
I think in some situations it could be considered cheating. But it can also be a healthy way for couples to share fantasies!
07/09/2012
Contributor: Envy Envy
Quote:
Originally posted by xilliannax
Thats like in WOW if you character fucks another character "its cheating" NO ITS NOT! Its a game and NOT you
That would be called RPing or sexting, and I do think that's cheating as it involves another, actual person.
07/09/2012
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
Your scenario actually presents 2 questions, so I'll answer each of them.

Do I consider writing erotic fiction (where the author is not involved in the story) a form of cheating? - No, I do not.

Would I go ahead and write erotic ... more
This!!
07/09/2012
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by xilliannax
Thats like in WOW if you character fucks another character "its cheating" NO ITS NOT! Its a game and NOT you
I think this might be one exception to that rule since WoW players tend to create characters which embodies aspects of themselves - not that writers don't...but an e-book doesn't have a chat function like WoW does. So I think there is definitely a line there...somewhere.
07/09/2012
Contributor: Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
I think this might be one exception to that rule since WoW players tend to create characters which embodies aspects of themselves - not that writers don't...but an e-book doesn't have a chat function like WoW does. So I think there is ... more
I'd agree with this. When there's another, actual person involved in some capacity, that's where I think it could reasonably be considered cheating. Perhaps not physically, but I'd liken it to having phone sex.
07/09/2012
Contributor: amazon amazon
I really find the question here a bit odd.
07/09/2012
Contributor: HannahPanda HannahPanda
Quote:
Originally posted by Ryuson
If it goes against the ground rules you and your partner have set up for your relationship, it's cheating. If you didn't set ground rules about that when you first got together? Sit down with him NOW and set some ground rules. Let him tell ... more
I agree with this. It's situational.
07/09/2012
Contributor: J5ive J5ive
nope
07/09/2012
Contributor: oneeyedoctopus oneeyedoctopus
Cheating is whenever you transgress boundaries that you have both established.

In this case the question is whether the money you receive is worth the hurt you cause your partner.
07/17/2012
Contributor: mrs.mckrakn mrs.mckrakn
Dont understand how it can be considered cheating
Maybe if you put yourself in it.that I can see maybe making ur partner uncomfortable
07/18/2012
Contributor: GONE! GONE!
Why would it be cheating? It's just writing. As someone who both writes and enjoys erotica, I can honestly say that often when I'm writing it's not even arousing, I just want to finish the damn thing. And even when it is hot, it's still nothing more than masturbation.
If my partner didn't want me to, I would really want them to explain to me why.
07/18/2012
Contributor: eeep eeep
I don't think writing erotica is cheating at all. I don't see how it would bother a partner so long as you aren't using your real name or actual info about time spent with them in it. Its just another way of fantasizing.
07/18/2012
Contributor: hybridinsurge hybridinsurge
I don't see it as cheating. Writing is an art form.
07/19/2012
Contributor: TheirPet TheirPet
I don't really think it is. As for erotic textual role-play with another person--I'm still on the fence about that. I don't feel right doing it and neither does my partner so we usually just ...don't.
07/20/2012
Contributor: KRD KRD
No. I consider cheating to be a physical or emotional bond or act with another individual. Fantasies, books, movies are not cheating in my book.
07/22/2012
Contributor: Voir Voir
That would be like calling porn and or masturbation cheating; or fantasizing cheating. If I wanted to make more money and a spouse or significant other said not to because it was cheating I'd tell them flat out to take a fucking hike.

No time for petty crap like that because someone is so insecure with themselves they are afraid of the images in their partner's own mind. :|
07/23/2012
Contributor: thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
Nope, that doesn't sounds even vaguely like cheating to me. I would never regulate my partners' freedom to write stories about whatever they want. I'd only be concerned if I featured prominently in stories they were selling, and that still wouldn't be cheating, just an inappropriate use of my image/character if they hadn't checked with me first.
08/03/2012
Contributor: FallFire FallFire
Quote:
Originally posted by Beck
I'd seriously consider my relationship with a person who is that possessive. If writing erotica is cheating, reviewing sex toys is cheating, and porn. The list can go on. A serious talk would have to be made. Writing literature about anything at ... more
Basically what I was going to say. If writing fiction is cheating, that would open Pandora's Box about other things...
08/06/2012
Contributor: joelb42 joelb42
I voted no that it is not cheating. I do not think that on its own that it is. How ever the question that you pose is much deeper than just writing erotic fiction. The fact that it bothers your partner and that they would consider it cheating makes it a much more difficult question to answer. If you want your relationship to continue then don't do it. If you do you will either have to lie and tell him that you are not doing it or tell him you are going to do it anyway. Either way it will end bad.
08/06/2012
Contributor: bayosgirl bayosgirl
No way.
08/08/2012
Contributor: Leather & Lace Leather & Lace
No, it's not even remotely a form of cheating
08/11/2012
Contributor: ToyGeek ToyGeek
It's art, it's nothing even remotely related to cheating, and if a partner wanted to push that issue I'd have a problem with it, because that's far too controlling in my opinion. If someone I was dating tried to get between me and my fanfiction, or any other art form or hobby that was meaningful or enjoyable to me, I'd likely dump them, because I wouldn't want to end up in a committed relationship with someone who wanted to prevent me from having those things in my life, or who had a problem with who I am as a person.
08/11/2012
Contributor: MrsHouseWife MrsHouseWife
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
I had a discussion with a few people about this and would like to see what you all thought as well.

If you're in a relationship and think about writing erotic fiction to make a few extra bucks and your significant other/spouse doesn't ... more
What a interesting question! I have just started writing a few erotic stories (more for fun then publishing) and mentioned them to a friend, who's immediate response was "you're married".
I don't consider it cheat and my stories are a little more personal than the story types you have suggested, getting my inspiration from a extended glance of the train or the man that makes my coffee in the morning. My husband knows about the stories and doesn't mind, he is quite supportive really. He knows that basic topic of my story and where the inspiration comes from but we haven't decided if he wants to read them yet. And yes I mean "We", as I am just as unsure as he is whether I want him to read them.
To the next part of the question would I stop if he ask - of course! And he would do the same. I completely agree with indiglo's comment "just because you can, doesn't mean you have too". If it makes my husband uncomfortable then it makes me uncomfortable.
08/11/2012
Contributor: crazycouple7281 crazycouple7281
No it's not.
08/19/2012