Wow I don't know what to say...well I do know what I'd love to say but I can't phrase it in a way that isn't overly emotional. I still choose to believe that the people here at EF truly care about each other and that the print medium isn't the best way to convey thoughts, still it is so hurtful to hear over and over "if you were more mature you'd realize you should 'keep it in your pants'." Hell I suppose I deserve it, I leveled it at Sigel for many years.
I have ALWAYS wanted intimate physical relationships with a multitude of people, I have ALWAYS been this way. I was a miserable, insecure person when I tried to change who I was to be "mature". I crave and need these two men, I enjoy other encounters with just the same maturity and wisdom as I do the occasional bottle of wine. It's not cut and dry, there is no easy answer where emotions are part of the equation.

Discipline comes in many forms but it isn't lack of discipline that built the lasting ties between me, my husband and our life partner. My husband and I aren't non-monogamous because we can't commit, aren't intimate or are addicted to adrenaline. We are non-monogamous because we choose to accept and embrace the joy that loving others brings into our lives.

I know we have beaten the odds many times over, Sigel and I...and now Sigel, Arch and I but I don't think that we are all that rare. We are as rare as committed couples, that last from that first minute of attraction to the grave and beyond. Real maturity comes from realizing who you are and making peace with it. Living with dignity, loving yourself so that you have love to freely give to others and being content with what you have are the real tests of maturity and wisdom. Not sleeping with only one partner. less

Setting aside the concept of biology as a defense for cheating, I think we are animals and while we certainly have many higher level abilities that make us clearly more than just animals, we do share appetites—lust, thirst, hunger—with animals and they exist for a reason.

We are designed to want to have sex, eat and drink to ensure survival, but these appetites are both psychological and physical and we really have very little actual control over "wanting."

That said, we certainly do have control over our own behavior and legitimate reasons for choosing not to eat, drink or fuck in a particular situation. That's not to say it isn't difficult to resist doing so and obviously anybody with an extra pound or two is wearing proof that they did not resist temptation on an occasion or two.

What I find really interesting is that giving into the temptation to eat or drink things we want, rather than need isn't viewed nearly as seriously as giving into the temptation to have sex where we shouldn't—while really, at a basic level, it's not all that different.

And now I've gone of to a place where I am just wandering around in my brain and typing it out as I think it..so I'll stop. less

I was watching a documentary a long time ago where they were discussing this, and the theory of the documentary was that humans males entirely as animals would stick around for about 2 years after the birth of a child. If the couple kept reproducing, it would continually extend this time frame. They also said that the female would mate with as many people as possible to ensure procreation. As an animal, our main priority beyond self preservation is preservation of the species. less

I was watching a documentary a long time ago where they were discussing this, and the theory of the documentary was that humans males entirely as animals would stick around for about 2 years after the birth of a child. If the couple kept reproducing, it would continually extend this time frame. They also said that the female would mate with as many people as possible to ensure procreation. As an animal, our main priority beyond self preservation is preservation of the species. less

You just can't put people into a box and declare that ANYTHING is 'natural' for all of them!
Everyone knows queen cats will breed with what ever tom happens to be in the area, right? They will begin when they are first able and continue till they die or get fixed. For most of them this is absolutely true to varying degrees. I owned a cat, however, who would only breed with one specific tom, who waited until her kits were a full year old to breed again and would suckle them until they quit coming to her. She was an intact queen until she went through menopause (she was the best mouser we had on the farm) and lived to be 18 years old. The point I'm making is just because a majority of any group of individuals does something doesn't mean they will ALL do it naturally. In nature the overwhelming evidence seems to be that whatever works is what's natural.
It's a choice and it's more than that, it's a driving choice but int he end it still takes work and commitment to the choice. What's natural is what makes you happy, and keeps you healthy. less

You just can't put people into a box and declare that ANYTHING is 'natural' for all of them!
Everyone knows queen cats will breed with what ever tom happens to be in the area, right? They will begin when they are first able and continue till they die or get fixed. For most of them this is absolutely true to varying degrees. I owned a cat, however, who would only breed with one specific tom, who waited until her kits were a full year old to breed again and would suckle them until they quit coming to her. She was an intact queen until she went through menopause (she was the best mouser we had on the farm) and lived to be 18 years old. The point I'm making is just because a majority of any group of individuals does something doesn't mean they will ALL do it naturally. In nature the overwhelming evidence seems to be that whatever works is what's natural.
It's a choice and it's more than that, it's a driving choice but int he end it still takes work and commitment to the choice. What's natural is what makes you happy, and keeps you healthy. less

I would think that a male would mate with as many females as possible to ensure procreation, while the female took on the role of nurturer. There is no way I'd want to have as many babies as possible. I would gladly tell my man to procreate with another woman if it was a matter of my health and sanity! less

There have been studies done and there is a large population of people who do not believe that monogamy is a natural function for humans. One of the most popular reasons given is that you very rarely see monogamy in nature and since humans are animals, why should we be wired differently in that capacity.

One of the most popular arguments is that humans are not just your typical animals, roaming about in a field or a jungle - that we function at a higher level (this could also be compared to Freud's id/ego/superego structure).

So what do you think? Were humans made to try and procreate as much as possible or are we designed for monogamy? less

There have been studies done and there is a large population of people who do not believe that monogamy is a natural function for humans. One of the most popular reasons given is that you very rarely see monogamy in nature and since humans are animals, why should we be wired differently in that capacity.

One of the most popular arguments is that humans are not just your typical animals, roaming about in a field or a jungle - that we function at a higher level (this could also be compared to Freud's id/ego/superego structure).

So what do you think? Were humans made to try and procreate as much as possible or are we designed for monogamy? less

If we were truly designed for monogamy we would have natural biological imperatives for BOTH genders that forced monogamy. It is found in nature, albeit rarely, that certain species cannot and will not mate again when their partner has died, or mate with multiple partners. If the human species were truly meant to be monogamous, it would not be a choice, it would be biologically programmed into us as a species.

This isn't to say that people don't have the option to choose any lifestyle they want (and I personally believe people should have the right to choose). However, if nature meant for humans as a species to be solely monogamous (which originally meant one partner, not one partner at any given time) we would have been hardwired for that lifestyle. less

Our ideas are the result of our social formation. What we think is "natural" or "unnatural" comes from our economic relations, so our emotional reaction is not a realible guide at all. If you want a better understanding of the the issue, read Frederick Engels's _Origins of the Family, Private Property, and the State_ (link)

That said, I am a one-woman man. She is gorgeous, smart, funny Marxist and loving. Who needs more than that? less