The New Intimacy

Jealousy

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Contributor: Badass Badass
This is for anyone in a poly relationship, do you ever get jealous?

I definitely see jealous being a big problem for me if I were in one. Anyone else have this problem?
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
Yes
solita , js250 , leelee , dhig , Airen Wolf , Lizzy , Siekarr , LacyRogue , freda , Riki , ac0313 , Curiouscat , Tangles , Zombirella , hall5885 , Sugarfina , SMichelle , CadmiumKitty , sexxxkitten , Heatherbipoly , SkinFlute , thisisadeletedaccount , finnimbrun , Phosphorous Tick , KrissyNovacaine , Stinkytofu10 , ginainohio , Steveyb , quantumspork , thekindthorn , iluvPHSfh9 , Noelle , sexykiss , Calypso05 , Billie Bones , xilliannax , Incendiaire , blackbunny , ajansen , JRabbits , pleasurehunter , smlove , tortilla , lovebites , sXeVegan90 , tami , richsam , Marie Hanna , thebest , MidnightStorm , CS2012 , anonymoustwit , heartsandrainbows , Ayogirl230
54  (71%)
No
VelvetDragon , LadyJiyae , Mistress Sassy , Stagger13 , Missmarc , geekkink , Wolfenisa , Strider , markwashere , rmiles124 , WhoopieDoo , Genderfree
12  (16%)
Ill explain in text.
badk1tty , Emerlyn , TheirPet , Modern^Spank^Anthem , brevado , fernwehh , VanillaFreeSex , LadyDarknezz , potstickers , Mrs.Intensity
10  (13%)
Total votes: 76
Poll is closed
01/23/2012
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Contributor: js250 js250
Neither my husband nor I would be capable of having a healthy poly relationship. He can be insanely jealous with no provocation and I can be jealous if I think he is crossing the familiarity boundaries with another woman. We have no problems with watching porn, voyeurism, exhibitionism and will eventually act on some of our fantasies regarding some of these, but have definite boundaries on what is and isn't acceptable.
01/23/2012
Contributor: leelee leelee
I'd have a huge problem with being jealous.
01/23/2012
Contributor: dhig dhig
i've been jealous in the past, and am in a monogamous relationship now
01/23/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Badass
This is for anyone in a poly relationship, do you ever get jealous?

I definitely see jealous being a big problem for me if I were in one. Anyone else have this problem?
The jealousy we feel is our compass that points to imbalances in our relationships. Mostly it relates to time and precieved affection imbalances (She's spending more time with him than me, He's talking all sweet to her and we've been fighting all day...ect.)
We use it as a way to guagge whether we are meeting our negotiations or whether it's a time to reassess what we need and want.
01/25/2012
Contributor: Lizzy Lizzy
jealousy is a natural human emotion at some point
01/25/2012
Contributor: Siekarr Siekarr
Quote:
Originally posted by Lizzy
jealousy is a natural human emotion at some point
I was going to say exactly this!
02/04/2012
Contributor: Eliyahu Eliyahu
I can be intensely jealousy...there's no way I could ever do poly.
02/15/2012
Contributor: freda freda
Quote:
Originally posted by Badass
This is for anyone in a poly relationship, do you ever get jealous?

I definitely see jealous being a big problem for me if I were in one. Anyone else have this problem?
im not in a poly relationship and could never be in one .jealousy would play a big role
02/22/2012
Contributor: ac0313 ac0313
Jealousy is not a problem in and of itself. In fact, I argue that it is healthy in a relationship, but needs to be kept in check. If one is not at all jealous, then possibly the concern and love for their partner is not genuine.

I feel a little jealous when my SO hooks up with another guy, but only to the extent that it reminds me how much I love her and want her forever. After that, I feel happy for her since she wants to have trysts with others, but will always come home to me. Setting boundaries will help keep your feelings manageable, but only if you are truly able to have an open or poly relationship.
02/25/2012
Contributor: Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
I know insanely jealous people that are in monogamous relationships. It's not exclusive for poly couples.

I love how, as a culture, we're supposed to keep anger, love, passion, or any kind of emotion in check; however, for some reason, jealousy is totally exempt. We can display our "love" for someone by expressing an unreasonable amount of jealousy. Jealousy CAN be controlled just like any other emotion and it shouldn't control us or the ones we love. If it's that big of an issue, a self analysis and a possible trip to a therapist might be in order.

Sorry, I had to rant. But yeah, I think anyone who has been in a relationship has experienced jealousy of some sort. It's not exclusive to poly couples.
02/25/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Ms. Spice
I know insanely jealous people that are in monogamous relationships. It's not exclusive for poly couples.

I love how, as a culture, we're supposed to keep anger, love, passion, or any kind of emotion in check; however, for some reason, ... more
So very much agree with you on that one. To me jealousy is not the most attractive way of telling or showing someone you love them. It is negative and destructive when it is allowed to make your decisions for you, as is any other emotion.
Jealousy is a tool just like a gun is a tool and in the hands of someone who isn't in control of their emotions both can kill...often with jealousy being the causal factor in the shooting!
Knowing you are not prepared nor do you desire to have another person involved in your love life is making a clear choice based on your current needs, desires, religious beliefs or economic feasibility. Saying that you are too jealous to have or allow others into your lovelife is just unbalanced and very manipulative. "I am jealous of you being with anyone else" is not the same thing as saying "I have no desire to see you with anyone else because I value monogamy and I love you."
Honestly, it really scares me that it is so perfectly acceptible for people to announce, often unsolicited, that they are jealous in nature and would hurt their lover if they caught them with anyone else. This should be as taboo as announcing that you think it's ok to physically assault your partner when they are disrespecting you.

To quote from the same Book I get beaten with for chosing to be polyamorous: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." Where in all of that does it say that love should be jealous and that that which we love should be guarded jealously?

...and my rant is over now too. I appologize if I offend anyone with my quote I mean no disrespect.
02/27/2012
Contributor: Kirsten A Kirsten A
Quote:
Originally posted by Ms. Spice
I know insanely jealous people that are in monogamous relationships. It's not exclusive for poly couples.

I love how, as a culture, we're supposed to keep anger, love, passion, or any kind of emotion in check; however, for some reason, ... more
This!! I totally agree.
04/18/2012
Contributor: Sugarfina Sugarfina
Quote:
Originally posted by Badass
This is for anyone in a poly relationship, do you ever get jealous?

I definitely see jealous being a big problem for me if I were in one. Anyone else have this problem?
Yeah, my fiancee is extremely extremely jealous of my boyfriend. He's very opposed to it but giving it a try because he loves me.
04/18/2012
Contributor: Sugarfina Sugarfina
Quote:
Originally posted by Badass
This is for anyone in a poly relationship, do you ever get jealous?

I definitely see jealous being a big problem for me if I were in one. Anyone else have this problem?
Yeah, my fiancee is extremely extremely jealous of my boyfriend. He's very opposed to it but giving it a try because he loves me.
04/18/2012
Contributor: badk1tty badk1tty
Quote:
Originally posted by Badass
This is for anyone in a poly relationship, do you ever get jealous?

I definitely see jealous being a big problem for me if I were in one. Anyone else have this problem?
While it's a completely pointless emotion, I think most people experience jealousy sometimes, poly or not.
04/20/2012
Contributor: VelvetDragon VelvetDragon
I don't seem to feel jealousy. At least not what I would call jealousy. I feel left out sometimes, or worried that I'm inadequate, but when I have those emotions I address them for what they are, not as "jealousy".

I've been in a poly triad for 9 years. I get more jealous of my partner watching a lot of sports, or eating the last of the cookies, than of any relationship issues.
04/21/2012
Contributor: K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
Neither my husband nor I would be capable of having a healthy poly relationship. He can be insanely jealous with no provocation and I can be jealous if I think he is crossing the familiarity boundaries with another woman. We have no problems with ... more
Well that's only natural.

We're monogamous. No way in heck we could ever involve anyone else in our relationship. For one, there's probably nobody on this earth that could understand us. We're strange! Lol. But no, that type of lifestyle is not what we choose to engage in. We don't watch porn or do anything that would involve others in our intimacy/sex lives. That's private, for us only.
04/21/2012
Contributor: Emerlyn Emerlyn
I'm not in a poly relationship- though I'd like to be- but I just know that I would feel extremely insecure unless I was... in the middle, so to speak.
05/11/2012
Contributor: SkinFlute SkinFlute
I'm open to others being in a poly relationship. Whatever floats your boat! I could never handle a poly relationship, though. I would get stupid jealous!!
05/25/2012
Contributor: thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
I've gotten jealous and so has my primary partner, but for both of us jealousy tends to spring from being sad that we missed out on sharing a fun experience with our secondary partner, not simply being jealous that our partner is also with someone else. For instance, when my primary was really stressed out and overwhelmed by final exams and I had a better handle on my work, I had more sex with our secondary than she did, and that bummed her out a bit. It's a very handelable, not deepset sort of jealousy, though. Talking about it and getting some hugs and reassurance is all it really takes to make either of us feel better.
05/26/2012
Contributor: thekindthorn thekindthorn
Quote:
Originally posted by Badass
This is for anyone in a poly relationship, do you ever get jealous?

I definitely see jealous being a big problem for me if I were in one. Anyone else have this problem?
Jealousy isn't the problem. Jealousy is a valid emotion, just like anger, annoyance, and sadness. The problem is when it is not treated as such and the underlying issues are not addressed. Jealousy can be an indicator that you're not feeling totally secure, or that perhaps you need to discuss time management or the amount of attention each partner is getting. IT's a good indicator that everyone involved needs to take some deep breaths and have a grownup conversation. Jealousy happens, it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong or that you're not cut out for poly relationships.
05/28/2012
Contributor: finnimbrun finnimbrun
Oh, yeah. Jealousy is natural. You just have to deal with it in a healthy manner. Jealousy stems from not feeling appreciated or adequate, so you kind of have to approach that to approach the jealousy. It's not always easy, but being jealous is a part of any relationship, poly or not, and it's not a bad thing.
05/31/2012
Contributor: Phosphorous Tick Phosphorous Tick
I feel jealous only when I can't see her as often as her other partner- other than that I'm usually fine.
It's different in bars though when people are always flirting with her and I kind of get ignored; but that's jealousy outside of the relationship ha ha
06/07/2012
Contributor: TheirPet TheirPet
My partner and I are pretty accepting of each other. I'm a shameless flirt. I flirt with anything that moves. However, I only have eyes for my partner. Flirting is more a sport and I do it all in innocent fun. It never leads to anything (save for maybe an extra scoop of ice-cream if I flirt with a waitress/waiter).

My partner flirts as well but I know that they don't mean it and it's all in good fun as well.

That being said we are not completely without jealousy. Or I should say, envy. There have been times when I go out with friends and they wish they were with me having fun instead, and vice versa. We're always mindful to bring up feelings of jealousy/envy when it does happen because we believe the key to a healthy relationship is open and honest communication. We usually feel lighter afterwards.
06/07/2012
Contributor: KrissyNovacaine KrissyNovacaine
I get jealous when I haven't interacted with my partners other partners. I get jealous of the idea of someone. Once I get to know them, it goes away.
06/07/2012
Contributor: ginainohio ginainohio
i could not do it i am a very jealous person
06/08/2012
Contributor: Heatherbipoly Heatherbipoly
I get jealous over my bf and he's not into poly but is okay that i see other people. Idk how he can handle it.
06/10/2012
Contributor: Steveyb Steveyb
I think I'd be a little jealous, but I'd get over it quick.
06/29/2012
Contributor: Jaimes Jaimes
I would be far too jealous to handle a poly relationship. I am a fiercely loyal person, but that means I can also be a very possessive person. I am okay with feeling selfish with my husband's attention, just as he is comfortable being selfish with my attention. We are loyal to one another, and it works for us. I have plenty of friends who are able to juggle a swinging lifestyle, and I'm glad that it works for them, but I don't think it would be healthy for me.
07/05/2012