I could never handle a poly relationship either. Not in my nature.
Jealousy
07/05/2012
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At least you have thought it out! There's nothing wrong with knowing you want your partner's attention and you want only to give your partner your attention. It's when people start declaring that something is wrong simply because they don't wish to participate that it sticks in my craw.
Originally posted by
Jaimes
I would be far too jealous to handle a poly relationship. I am a fiercely loyal person, but that means I can also be a very possessive person. I am okay with feeling selfish with my husband's attention, just as he is comfortable being selfish
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I would be far too jealous to handle a poly relationship. I am a fiercely loyal person, but that means I can also be a very possessive person. I am okay with feeling selfish with my husband's attention, just as he is comfortable being selfish with my attention. We are loyal to one another, and it works for us. I have plenty of friends who are able to juggle a swinging lifestyle, and I'm glad that it works for them, but I don't think it would be healthy for me.
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If you are happy then it's easier to not feel threatened by other people's happiness, I guess.
07/07/2012
I could never do it, I'd be way too jealous!
07/07/2012
I never get jealous.... theres no need to. He chose me and I trust him.
07/19/2012
i think so
07/21/2012
I would be very jealous. But I also like to think if the right person came along I'd be alright with it. Like if hubby loved him/her and I did as well or vice versa. It'd take a VERY special person.
07/22/2012
Jealousy is natural and totally fine. Its what you do with that jealousy that matters. As long as poly partners have open, honest communication I think things can work out.
07/23/2012
Being poly doesn't mean you don't feel jealousy. It means you get better at handling it than most people. I work through it most days.
What I loved about the Ethical Slut was how they pointed out that you can be jealous of hobbies, things, even animals. Everybody generally feels jealousy at some point in their life, if not everyday or every week, so we all need to learn to deal with it whether we're poly or not.
What I loved about the Ethical Slut was how they pointed out that you can be jealous of hobbies, things, even animals. Everybody generally feels jealousy at some point in their life, if not everyday or every week, so we all need to learn to deal with it whether we're poly or not.
08/22/2012
I've been jealous over various situations/people in the past, but at this point I feel really free and almost like I would be hard pressed to actually be jealous about something. I send off my partners on dates feeling legitimately excited for them, that's a really cool feeling!
08/27/2012
I am horribly jealous just to begin with. I guess you could call it territorial. But I am interested in the idea of being polyamorous. I just don't think I can get past my jealous.
08/28/2012
It wouldn't work for me, I'd be friggin jealous... Okay, not so much as jealous as just not gonna work with it.
08/31/2012
don't think I would handle a poly relationship well
09/10/2012
Being poly doesn't mean you don't feel jealousy. It means you recognize it, understand it, and know how to handle it better than most. But it doesn't mean it doesn't happen.
Being jealous is an outward projection of an inward feeling. I know I feel jealous and don't like sharing when I feel like crap. So I take care of myself and do things for me, and then sharing my wife makes me happy and sharing in the love multiplies our love exponentially.
Being jealous is an outward projection of an inward feeling. I know I feel jealous and don't like sharing when I feel like crap. So I take care of myself and do things for me, and then sharing my wife makes me happy and sharing in the love multiplies our love exponentially.
09/10/2012
I tend to not be jealous of people, and in fact was elated to see my husband come out of his shell and pursue some other ladies recently, but hobbies are another thing. That damn PS3 can drive me nuts, but I have worked out ways to manage my feelings and make sure we both have a good balance of me time, and us time :3
09/10/2012
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same
Originally posted by
Eliyahu
I can be intensely jealousy...there's no way I could ever do poly.
09/10/2012
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LOL Gamer Widow, eh? I have one of those myself....only way I have found to get him to log off is to arrange a power outage. 'Course mine is a rather submissive guy so I can order him to pay attention but I find joining him is a better solution or sitting there asking tons of stupid questions and suggesting idiotic solutions.
Originally posted by
PinkySt
I tend to not be jealous of people, and in fact was elated to see my husband come out of his shell and pursue some other ladies recently, but hobbies are another thing. That damn PS3 can drive me nuts, but I have worked out ways to manage my feelings
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I tend to not be jealous of people, and in fact was elated to see my husband come out of his shell and pursue some other ladies recently, but hobbies are another thing. That damn PS3 can drive me nuts, but I have worked out ways to manage my feelings and make sure we both have a good balance of me time, and us time :3
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09/14/2012
you learn that jealousy isn't a pure emotion- the true emotion is what ever is at the root of ur jealousy. it's important to discover what the real issue is and learn from it. reflecting on feelings of jealousy can really help you grow as an individual and deepen the relationship of all involved. i thnk in poly u are forced to face it because the jealousy begins to seem ridiculous if that makes any sense?
09/19/2012
I don't feel jealousy. But I've also dedicated a lot of time and energy into understanding and exploring what jealousy is in relation to polyships.
I differ jealousy and envy first. Jealousy being that I want something, for myself and only myself. Envy being I want something, but others can have it as well. You can think of it with material items the easiest. Lets say someone has a nice car that you want. Are you jealous or envious of their car? Do you want the car and for them NOT to have the car? Or do you want the car and it doesn't matter if they have one as well? That's really the first step to me in understanding some jealousy issues with regards to poly.
I differ jealousy and envy first. Jealousy being that I want something, for myself and only myself. Envy being I want something, but others can have it as well. You can think of it with material items the easiest. Lets say someone has a nice car that you want. Are you jealous or envious of their car? Do you want the car and for them NOT to have the car? Or do you want the car and it doesn't matter if they have one as well? That's really the first step to me in understanding some jealousy issues with regards to poly.
09/23/2012
Yes, and No. I'm new to this whole poly thing. I'm a submissive and my Dominant is polyamorous. He is currently married and has an open relationship with his long-time wife. I don't consider myself to be polyamorous, but I am slowly learning more about this sort of relationship type. The fact is, he spends more time with his wife because:
A. She's his wife
B. They actually live together
C. They have children together
D. We are currently not in the same city for the time being.
It is a long-distance relationship for now, so of course I don't get to spend as much time with my Dom because of that. He speaks with me everyday and takes good care of me even though he is not physically near me, so I understand that he still loves me very much. Sometimes, I feel jealous when he talks about his wife, but I squash it. It is just something I constantly have to deal with and over time, I'll truly learn if this is the type of relationship for me or not. So far, everything is going quite well between him and I, though, so let's hope that it stays that way.
A. She's his wife
B. They actually live together
C. They have children together
D. We are currently not in the same city for the time being.
It is a long-distance relationship for now, so of course I don't get to spend as much time with my Dom because of that. He speaks with me everyday and takes good care of me even though he is not physically near me, so I understand that he still loves me very much. Sometimes, I feel jealous when he talks about his wife, but I squash it. It is just something I constantly have to deal with and over time, I'll truly learn if this is the type of relationship for me or not. So far, everything is going quite well between him and I, though, so let's hope that it stays that way.
09/23/2012
I'd be insanely jealous.
09/23/2012
I am way to jealous to be able to share or be shared and I don't like it anyway. I want my hubby's attention and there does not need to be some other tramp trying to upstage me (lol) To each his/her own but I am so jealous there is no way it would ever allow another person in the relationship. whats mine is mine and whats his is mine.LOL
09/23/2012
it's interesting to me that most, if not all, of the people who are against the idea of polyamory assume that I "share" my lovers or that they "share" me. Honestly, I have never felt this way. I am not shared I am loved by both men, and they are, in turn, loved by me. I share time with them, sure, but even before we had a sexual relationship I spent large amounts of time with Arch. He was my friend and it wasn't our idea at first to take that anywhere else, it was Sigel's idea. He decided it would be great if I had some new experiences we could share. His thinking and motivations were naive and sweet but well meant. I'd never been with anyone else and he didn't want me to regret it later. He understood the fire he was playing with but was willing to see if the fire could be used to warm and provide comfort rather than kill us!
He has felt jealousy and so has Arch. Mostly because we live in two different Countries, it's hard for me to be away from either of them. I have also battled my fears that sprang out as jealousy. We have discussed it though, and none of us believe that we are sharing anything but our lives together.
I am all for knowing that you are very happy and have no reason to want to look outside your relationship dynamic for anything else, but I really wish it steamed from a place of contentment rather than fear of loss (aka Jealousy). If your desire to remain monogamous is based out of a deep contentment to, and with, the life you and your partner have carved out for yourselves why not celebrate that?
I dunno, but to me saying that you "own" your partner and his/her affections doesn't speak of love and isn't a wonderful thing to behold. Seeing someone PROUD of their choices and content with their lives is super sexxy, though.
Anger, fear, rage and jealousy should never be motivating desires that bind you to another person. If you love them you want them to be free and to know that when they chose to stay it's because they want to be there...not because they are jealous of you being elsewhere. Trust me when I say that knowing your partner COULD be elsewhere but is home with you is intoxicating in the extreme and a real warm place to be.
We three are free to come and go as we choose...and the real shocking thing to most people is we choose (more often than not) to stay at home being with each other. I am free to love others but I choose to love the two men in my life...if there was only one man then I would CHOOSE to love him. Jealousy or fear will not ever rule my decision making again. The freedom to choose, that I have right now, is way too precious to me.
He has felt jealousy and so has Arch. Mostly because we live in two different Countries, it's hard for me to be away from either of them. I have also battled my fears that sprang out as jealousy. We have discussed it though, and none of us believe that we are sharing anything but our lives together.
I am all for knowing that you are very happy and have no reason to want to look outside your relationship dynamic for anything else, but I really wish it steamed from a place of contentment rather than fear of loss (aka Jealousy). If your desire to remain monogamous is based out of a deep contentment to, and with, the life you and your partner have carved out for yourselves why not celebrate that?
I dunno, but to me saying that you "own" your partner and his/her affections doesn't speak of love and isn't a wonderful thing to behold. Seeing someone PROUD of their choices and content with their lives is super sexxy, though.
Anger, fear, rage and jealousy should never be motivating desires that bind you to another person. If you love them you want them to be free and to know that when they chose to stay it's because they want to be there...not because they are jealous of you being elsewhere. Trust me when I say that knowing your partner COULD be elsewhere but is home with you is intoxicating in the extreme and a real warm place to be.
We three are free to come and go as we choose...and the real shocking thing to most people is we choose (more often than not) to stay at home being with each other. I am free to love others but I choose to love the two men in my life...if there was only one man then I would CHOOSE to love him. Jealousy or fear will not ever rule my decision making again. The freedom to choose, that I have right now, is way too precious to me.
09/23/2012
Quote:
jealous is a big problem and y many cant do it
Originally posted by
Badass
This is for anyone in a poly relationship, do you ever get jealous?
I definitely see jealous being a big problem for me if I were in one. Anyone else have this problem?
I definitely see jealous being a big problem for me if I were in one. Anyone else have this problem?
09/26/2012
of course one experiences jealousy, but usually talks through it and it is a constant process to navigate jealousy in the relationship. jealousy is your problem, not your partner's.
09/28/2012
Itd be hard not too
09/28/2012
It all depends on the people. I had a three way relationship for a while and none of us felt jealous of the others. I am usually a jealous person in relationships, but I guess you just have to fine the right ones.
10/12/2012
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No it isn't it's a societal enforced one, there are many cultures that don't have words for want.
Originally posted by
Lizzy
jealousy is a natural human emotion at some point
10/19/2012
nah
10/28/2012
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Ditto. =)
Originally posted by
dhig
i've been jealous in the past, and am in a monogamous relationship now
10/31/2012
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So everytime she does it you get jealous and then you condition your mind to not get jealous?
Originally posted by
ac0313
Jealousy is not a problem in and of itself. In fact, I argue that it is healthy in a relationship, but needs to be kept in check. If one is not at all jealous, then possibly the concern and love for their partner is not genuine.
I feel a ... more
I feel a ... more
Jealousy is not a problem in and of itself. In fact, I argue that it is healthy in a relationship, but needs to be kept in check. If one is not at all jealous, then possibly the concern and love for their partner is not genuine.
I feel a little jealous when my SO hooks up with another guy, but only to the extent that it reminds me how much I love her and want her forever. After that, I feel happy for her since she wants to have trysts with others, but will always come home to me. Setting boundaries will help keep your feelings manageable, but only if you are truly able to have an open or poly relationship. less
I feel a little jealous when my SO hooks up with another guy, but only to the extent that it reminds me how much I love her and want her forever. After that, I feel happy for her since she wants to have trysts with others, but will always come home to me. Setting boundaries will help keep your feelings manageable, but only if you are truly able to have an open or poly relationship. less
10/31/2012