The New Intimacy

If your long term boyfriend wants you to have a relationship with his wife and you don't get along, can it work?

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Contributor: LittleA LittleA
I'm wondering if anyone has any personal experience they can enlighten me with...
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
No, you don't get along for a reason
GonetoLovehoney , Ghost , RonLee , Breas , TheSlyFox , ~LaUr3n~ , Shellz31 , Sex'и'Violence , A Closet Slut (aka nipplepeople) , ily , indiglo , pleasurehunter , DeliciousSurprise , lacybutton , LilLostLenore , eroticmutt , Talena , CutiePatootie , null , mudpie , aliceinthehole , badk1tty , Ash1141 , cburger , dks210 , chibi1091 , Siekarr , Caus , misskat , calliope , P'Gell , Nora , Tangles , geekkink , Nacht Stern , x203 , BlooJay , TheirPet , Stinkytofu10 , pix , Mrs. Tickle and Giggle , Katelyn , Scrawberry78 , Stagger13 , unfulfilled , Artishok , potstickers , Andrey2052 , thebest , Kirsten A , Ayumi , hall5885 , Feisty , SydneyScreams , Forever Hers!
55
Maybe, it takes work
MidnightStorm , SmutGeek , LadyRelentless , Strider , Trixxxy , mjtheprincess , KrissyNovacaine , Forever Hers! , bog
9
Yes, it can work
Airen Wolf
1
Total votes: 65 (64 voters)
Poll is closed
10/26/2011
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Contributor: ~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
There is something so wrong with that question... seems self explanatory.
10/27/2011
Contributor: Shellz31 Shellz31
Definately not. Why would ya even want to if ya can't get along with her....
10/27/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Dude is coming off as a really selfish person---a girlfriend AND a wife, and now he wants you two to be buddy-buddy when he knows you don't get along well? All kinds of red flags are popping up around this question.

Along those same lines, I think this is one of those situations where if you have to ask, the answer is probably "no".
10/28/2011
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
Yeah, ditto what everyone else said. Sounds like a bad situation, and a bad guy. If they don't have an open relationship, of course you aren't going to get along!
10/28/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
I will respectfully disagree with the pack on this one. I am assuming that your long term boyfriend's wife knows about you and that you and she just don't seem to be able to see eye to eye.
I was in the same situation, myself, with my current guys. BOTH guys loved me but couldn't be in the same room alone without a referee! what it took was me stepping out of the middle and telling them that I loved them both but I wasn't responsible for their relationship...they had to build that for themselves. It was a MAJOR leap of faith and tested all my patience and courage but we went from "I love you but HE drives me nuts" to a wonderful month long living arrangement where they started planning seriously how to make it permanent.
Get him out of the middle and really look to see why he loves this woman. He has the good taste to love you so chances are she is a wonderful person as well. If jealousy is the issue tackle it head on, if it's a personality clash look for the good in her and build on that foundation. Find SOMETHING that you two have in common and use that as a building block.

Now, mind you, if his wife is being cheated on by both of you then get out now and save yourself the heartache. That's a situation I have never seen work and I have seen it end in the ultimate tragedy....
11/04/2011
Contributor: pleasurehunter pleasurehunter
I think if she genuinely doesn't like you it will be a drama festival
11/05/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
I don't understand the question.

Does your boyfriend and his wife have an open polyamorous relationship? Do they have consent to have sex with other people? Or does he want you to be "friends" with her, while she doesn't know you and he have a sexual situation?

Consent is the key. If the three of you are having sex together then of course, you'll have to get along. If he is simply poly without his wife present, but she knows what is happening and if fine with it, then it's different.

I have NO idea if you get along with her. If he's cheating behind her back, I think it is a recipe for disaster. If the three of you have a poly relationship, then all of you will need to decide what relationship you and his wife will be in.
11/05/2011
Contributor: LilLostLenore LilLostLenore
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I don't understand the question.

Does your boyfriend and his wife have an open polyamorous relationship? Do they have consent to have sex with other people? Or does he want you to be "friends" with her, while she doesn't ... more
i agree with p'gell.
11/05/2011
Contributor: eroticmutt eroticmutt
Quote:
Originally posted by LittleA
I'm wondering if anyone has any personal experience they can enlighten me with...
No, this is only going to bring trouble and resentment
11/05/2011
Contributor: mudpie mudpie
I'd have to know why you don't get along, I guess.
11/09/2011
Contributor: MidnightStorm MidnightStorm
I think it really depends... I feel like if you both care for the guy, then you should be able to find some common ground--even if it's only the fact that you both love him. It's really an open ended question, though.. I guess it really depends on how YOU feel about it. Even if you don't "love" him (don't know what the situation is!) you have to decide if you feel like it's worth it.
I'd sit down and talk with his wife, then decide!
11/10/2011
Contributor: badk1tty badk1tty
You can't force yourself to like someone you don't.
11/19/2011
Contributor: Ash1141 Ash1141
Nope not if you already don't like her
11/19/2011
Contributor: chibi1091 chibi1091
This is a verrry interesting question. I don't think I'd be in that position in the first place lol.
01/12/2012
Contributor: Siekarr Siekarr
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I don't understand the question.

Does your boyfriend and his wife have an open polyamorous relationship? Do they have consent to have sex with other people? Or does he want you to be "friends" with her, while she doesn't ... more
THIS!
02/04/2012
Contributor: Caus Caus
That sounds like trouble waiting to happen.
03/12/2012
Contributor: SmutGeek SmutGeek
I think it depends on the individual situation. Such as why the wife and gf might not get along? What is the issue? Is it just a difference of personality? A bad first meeting?...there's just too much to consider for a yes or no answer.
03/14/2012
Contributor: sexystuffeve sexystuffeve
I am confused with the question

"If your long term boyfriend wants you to have a relationship with his wife and you don't get along, can it work?"

what are you seeing a married man? If so, thats a bad choice.
03/15/2012
Contributor: calliope calliope
Eh you lost me "wife" or exwife? Are they atleast separated? and what do you mean by "relationship"?
03/15/2012
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Aaaaaan the OP never returns to give us the lowdown on exactly what is going on..... sheesh....

So, I finally voted that it wouldn't work.
03/15/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Aaaaaan the OP never returns to give us the lowdown on exactly what is going on..... sheesh....

So, I finally voted that it wouldn't work.
No kidding! I do wish people wouldn't make a post that begs the backstory and then disappear.
03/16/2012
Contributor: badk1tty badk1tty
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
There is something so wrong with that question... seems self explanatory.
^ this
04/22/2012
Contributor: LittleA LittleA
Quote:
Originally posted by LittleA
I'm wondering if anyone has any personal experience they can enlighten me with...
Guess I forgot about this post....all 3 parties are aware of each other. Oddly enough, us two women have similar birthdays, and looks, so maybe too much similar in personality. Had been in the same click of friends but never hung out just the two of us by choice before him. We attempted to all go out together, 3 somes, etc, but no major chemistry between the ladies. More small talk and tolerance to see if it works for him. I'm attempting being more 3 oriented for him, but feel we're better as couples separately and sharing, of course that means he doesn't get his 2 women together, but I try to explain to him, that its just not as much fun when there is 'so much' in the room. Possibly because I'm just more comfortable with men then women, always have been, and I'm just not fond of her for several reasons, not super important why. I'm just trying to keep everyone comfortable including myself.
08/05/2012
Contributor: LadyRelentless LadyRelentless
Quote:
Originally posted by sexystuffeve
I am confused with the question

"If your long term boyfriend wants you to have a relationship with his wife and you don't get along, can it work?"

what are you seeing a married man? If so, thats a bad choice.
....this is the polyamory board.

Have some respect for other peoples choices. If "seeing a married man" is absolutly a bad choice for you, then maybe this isn't the right part of the forums for you.

polyamory=more then one consenting adult in a loving relationship.

pretty ridiculous to me that a bunch of people came into this thread to be like "married man! that'll never work!!!!"
08/16/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by LadyRelentless
....this is the polyamory board.

Have some respect for other peoples choices. If "seeing a married man" is absolutly a bad choice for you, then maybe this isn't the right part of the forums for you.

polyamory=more then ... more
I kinda thought that myself...but you have to realize that most people don't know to look at the forum heading and may not have realized that this was a poly forum.
Dating a married man is still such a bug-a-boo and yet it goes on ALL the time with or without the wife's consent.
I really chuckle at the whole "It'll never work because you don't like her" rationale.
Arch and Sigel did NOT start out as friends. They had a very adversarial relationship and more than once BOTH of them admitted they couldn't stand to be in the same room with each other. Now a days they play games for HOURS together and frequently discuss finances. They laugh and play with each other just like real friends do.
It CAN work out even if you are polar opposites OR just alike.
08/18/2012
Contributor: Nacht Stern Nacht Stern
Girlfriend *and* a wife.
Wow, lucky man. . . .
08/18/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Nacht Stern
Girlfriend *and* a wife.
Wow, lucky man. . . .
I have a boyfriend and a husband...and yes I am a VERY happy woman, luck has nothing to do with it.
08/18/2012
Contributor: x203 x203
Err a girlfriend and a wife? Nope, don't put yourself in that uncomfortable spot if you don't like her. That's selfish of him.
08/18/2012
Contributor: BlooJay BlooJay
I wouldn't think it would work. Sounds too complicated.
08/18/2012