The New Intimacy

If you found out years in to your relationship that your mate had cheated on you the first week you were together what would your reaction be?

Skip to last post
Set alerts
Updates
Forum search
Contributor: Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
One week into a "relationship"? I think it depends on when we start this clock. If it was one week into a marriage, then it is a problem. If it is one week after we first started having sex, then I really don't care.

The timing would be the big thing. And as for not telling me until 10 years later? Hell, I can't get my husband to even remember our anniversary, let alone something that happened 10 years ago.
12/26/2010
Contributor: joja joja
I would be upset if I found out from someone other than him. I knew when we got together that my partner cheated on his last girlfriend, but it would still be pretty shocking. I just ask that he's honest about it.
12/26/2010
Contributor: MrRainybowbow MrRainybowbow
I Would loose all trust in them for lieing to me for years. I wouldn't be able to say bye to them but they sure as hell wouldn't get off easy for it.
12/29/2010
Contributor: Pandahb Pandahb
I think it would be important as to how I found out. And more likely, why. If a friend waits years to tell me, is that a true friend or someone trying to break up my relationship? If he tells me, is he trying to break up with me? Obviously the relationship would need to be re-evaluated, but I most likely wouldn't break up with him if he cheated when we first started seeing each other.
01/07/2011
Contributor: guard083 guard083
I would be kinda irrateted no matter what but if I heard from another person I would be alot worse but if he told me I wouldnt be as mad. I would wanna know if he had cheated on me any more though
01/12/2011
Contributor: Dark Muse Dark Muse
Like previous posters have said, it depends on how "official" we were. In our relationship, I had a one night stand with someone soon after my current partner and I started seeing each other. However, we weren't an official monogamous couple yet. I told him about it, and he got pretty pissed and jealous after it had happened. That was one of the things that led us to become monogamous. If it was after we closed the relationship and became official, I would be pissed and worried about what else he was keeping from me. If it wasn't, I would be irritated and curious but it wouldn't be a big deal.
01/22/2011
Contributor: CPTInsanity CPTInsanity
Quote:
Originally posted by UnknownGirl
This actually happened to me. Except in my case I was the cheater. I hooked up with my recently broken up with ex-boyfriend just a week or two after I started dating my now husband. My husband has suspected as much for year and would always tease me ... more
Thats cool that you would even offer something like that after all those years. If I was your husband, I would be thinking that I was a pretty lucky guy that you were honest about everything, and made that kind of offer. Even though I might not take the offer, its cool that it would be there.
01/26/2011
Contributor: northstar northstar
Interesting question! Since we're talking about the first week after being 'official', it sounds like both people should/would want to be in a committed relationship. I'd be really pissed, but maybe could learn to forgive. Really depends on the circumstances - how/why he confessed and his reasons for cheating.
01/27/2011
Contributor: Airekah Airekah
it would be over. Lying and infidelity are both a major "no no" in my book.
01/27/2011
Contributor: KrissyRoro KrissyRoro
I guess I don't really know until it happened, but I think I would have to leave !
01/27/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
I guess this would depend on when the "clock was started," as Redboxbaby said. I couldn't hold any extracurricular activities against a partner if we hadn't had an agreement of exclusivity beforehand. Even if we had had an agreement of exclusivity which was broken, I would feel much more hurt by the nondisclosure than by the act. I'm not sure if I would feel gutsy enough to end a relationship over it, but I would probably wind up harboring distrust and I wouldn't be sure how to get over it... so maybe it would be better to end the relationship than to have a relationship with distrust in it?

I don't know. I'm glad I tend to be attracted to highly honest people.
07/21/2011
Contributor: sarki sarki
I would be very angry
07/21/2011
Contributor: Beck Beck
I'd be pist that he/she lied to me. It would depend on who, what, where. If it was like ex girlfriend/ex wife, full on passionate sex, and in my bed or something. Then bye! But if this was nothing then, it was nothing clearly he stuck with me after all. Although I would say whats fair is fair and I get one free pass!
07/22/2011
Contributor: arewehavingfun? arewehavingfun?
I would probably cry, but knowing who I am, I would probably be so into the man that, although I wouldn't get over it, I would stay with him. It would be hard to trust him though.

BECK--don't you think that after 10 years (assuming you were really into the guy and if not, as you say, BYE!) you wouldn't/couldn't do that one free pass thing? That just seems you would be heading down a path that you wouldn't want to go there...
11/14/2011
Contributor: arewehavingfun? arewehavingfun?
I would probably cry, but knowing who I am, I would probably be so into the man that, although I wouldn't get over it, I would stay with him. It would be hard to trust him though.

BECK--don't you think that after 10 years (assuming you were really into the guy and if not, as you say, BYE!) you wouldn't/couldn't do that one free pass thing? That just seems you would be heading down a path that you wouldn't want to go there...
11/14/2011
Contributor: SavingMyself SavingMyself
If he admitted it to me, I would be upset but I would eventually get over it. If I heard it from someone else, I'm not entirely sure I'd be able to get over it.
09/21/2012