The New Intimacy

How long would it take you to forgive your partner for meanly calling you a whore?

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Contributor: Collogue Collogue
Quote:
Originally posted by Sunshineamine
Here's the story. My boyfriend and I were best friends for about five years before we got together and have been in a relationship for two years. We rarely fight but lately he's been edgy and moody and in a tiff he called me a whore. I ... more
Either of you can bring it up--he doesn't have to apologize first. but i think you should explain how it hurt you, and if he's really close to you, he probably already understands that. He just might not be able to think of a way to show you how sorry he is, you know? But you should be able to take time for yourself as well.
01/08/2012
Contributor: Boobs and Lubes Boobs and Lubes
I think you should figure this one out on your own. Too much at risk for a poll.
11/23/2012
Contributor: Beautiful-Disaster Beautiful-Disaster
I'd be pissed for a long time.
12/04/2012
Contributor: quinceykay quinceykay
Honestly, I think that even at your most angry, there is a line that you just shouldn't cross. I can see forgiving a partner - after having time to cool off - if they sincerely apologized for saying something really hurtful like that, and they were truly sorry. But if it happened again, I would think that they weren't sincere the first time, or they just didn't respect me enough to not hurt me. But it depends on where they were coming from when they said it. For example, if they blew up over a skirt that was slightly too short, that sounds abusive to me.
12/04/2012
Contributor: burtnuh burtnuh
I don't think anyone could tell you how long YOU should be mad for. It's however long it takes you to forgive him. I know I say things I don't mean in arguments and I need time alone to get over things, but that's just me. My boyfriend on the other hand needs to talk things out to get over them. So whatever works best for you!
12/05/2012
Contributor: Martiniman Martiniman
I'd wait for him to apologize first, then I'd have a very long and serious discussion with him about expectations. You might also want to find out what led him to call you a whore, if he really views you that way and what your future together looks like after the conversation.
12/05/2012
Contributor: MsDrProfKitty MsDrProfKitty
Quote:
Originally posted by Sunshineamine
Explanation, if he thinks a comment or something I say in an argument is a little stupid he'll tell me and the same goes for me, I'll tell him. He doesn't typically call me names or he would not be in my life. Or if I'm being bitchy ... more
I'm glad you sat down and talked to him You had every right to be hurt and outraged at his comment! That was so not okay. Since this is not his usual behavior I agree that sitting down and talking about it was a good idea. Seriously though (and it doesn't seem like I need to tell you but I'm going to anyway) he doesn't deserve another chance if he makes the same mistake again!
12/05/2012
Contributor: butts butts
Forgiveness is a really important thing, but he does need to know that words like that are really hurtful for you. I'd say, stop ignoring him, that's a childish way to deal with it. Sit him down and tell him that it hurt your feelings and it's not acceptable, even if he's angry, to call you something like that. Communication is key!
12/06/2012
Contributor: KrazyKandy KrazyKandy
He should apologize. I would ignore him until he said Sorry in a real meaningful way.
12/06/2012
Contributor: EdenG EdenG
Quote:
Originally posted by Sunshineamine
Here's the story. My boyfriend and I were best friends for about five years before we got together and have been in a relationship for two years. We rarely fight but lately he's been edgy and moody and in a tiff he called me a whore. I ... more
I think there are always boundaries in any relationship that have to be set and it is good you made your point that you weren't going to tolerate that kind of treatment. If this is one of those boundaries that crosses a line for you, then you have to stand by that for the sake of your own integrity. Now, for how long you should be upset or what to do about it, that's up to you. What matters is, you set your boundary and follow through when/if the person cant' live up to that. "if you do x, y or z to me...then that is grounds for .....(time a part, breaking up, counseling, etc etc) Personally, I have witnessed too much in my life where one person in a relationship says they have a boundary, but allows their partner to continue to disrespect them over and over (not saying this is your situation at all!), but it is sad.
12/07/2012
Contributor: libbyv libbyv
Quote:
Originally posted by Sunshineamine
Here's the story. My boyfriend and I were best friends for about five years before we got together and have been in a relationship for two years. We rarely fight but lately he's been edgy and moody and in a tiff he called me a whore. I ... more
move on
01/24/2013
Contributor: mjtheprincess mjtheprincess
Here's my stance...people always say mean things when they fight. Well, almost always. It takes an incredibly self-aware person to watch every single thing they say. I got in a fight with my boyfriend once, and the only thing I am insecure about is his ex girlfriend that he dated for four years. Why am I insecure about it? Because she actively tries to steal him away from me! Once when we were fighting, he told me he was going to leave me to be with her. But, to his defense, I told him he deserved to be with someone like her (she is a total crazy bitch). Although what he said hurt me more, I was still the first to apologize. Why? Because I was wrong too. And even if I wasn't wrong, I would have apologized. It's not supposed to be a game. It's not supposed to be about making him suffer. I love my man, and if I know he's sorry and I am partly to blame (which I always am...it takes two for a fight to get that personal), then I am going to apologize asap. It's not worth being angry over. It happened once. He didn't mean it. The end. That's what I would do.

After that, you should really try to talk to him in a non-threatening way. Clearly something is up if he is acting funny and saying things that are mean.
01/24/2013