The New Intimacy

Does fine ever really mean everything is fine?

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Contributor: Wondermom Wondermom
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
I said "other" because you didn't give me my option.

I'm a woman and when I say "It's fine," it can sometimes mean it's fine, or it can mean trouble. Often times, actually, MOST of the time... I mean ... more
*yeah this*

it can also be me covering up the fact that I'm in pain or emotional and dont want to talk about it.

DH knows if I yell in a growl that I am fine, that he should just shut up and leave me alone
05/30/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by Cedarlooman
Wow...great replies everyone. Good to see I am not alone. And I have seen where she has used it to mean: I want to talk about it later, but why not just say that? LOL
because (at least in my experience) women saying, "we'll talk about it later," pushes you guys even further into the "No, let's talk about it now and get it worked out as soon as possible so we can move on and continue our evening." Which then puts us over the top and we bring up shit you did 5 years ago. Because we have LOOOONG memories.
05/30/2011
Contributor: Wondermom Wondermom
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
because (at least in my experience) women saying, "we'll talk about it later," pushes you guys even further into the "No, let's talk about it now and get it worked out as soon as possible so we can move on and continue our ... more
mhmm even if we previously forgave you of that particular thing, you piss us off and we will throw it at you in spite just to piss you off.
05/30/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by Wondermom
mhmm even if we previously forgave you of that particular thing, you piss us off and we will throw it at you in spite just to piss you off.
all because you just couldn't leave well-enough alone.
05/31/2011
Contributor: Cedarlooman Cedarlooman
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
all because you just couldn't leave well-enough alone.
You know, I am almost ready to go gay just to avoid that happening ever again. But that just goes into my misogynist bag of women don't fight fair. I mean really, what man would ever withhold sex just to get their way?
05/31/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by Cedarlooman
You know, I am almost ready to go gay just to avoid that happening ever again. But that just goes into my misogynist bag of women don't fight fair. I mean really, what man would ever withhold sex just to get their way?
I *NEVER* withhold sex as leverage. I might not want to have sex with Mr because I'm angry, but that has to do with my being angry at Mr, not about "getting my way." That said, even when I'm pissed, if I'm horny, I'll have sex with him.
05/31/2011
Contributor: Wondermom Wondermom
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
I *NEVER* withhold sex as leverage. I might not want to have sex with Mr because I'm angry, but that has to do with my being angry at Mr, not about "getting my way." That said, even when I'm pissed, if I'm horny, I'll have sex with him.
yeah, no withholding of sex here either.
05/31/2011
Contributor: toxie m toxie m
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
I said "other" because you didn't give me my option.

I'm a woman and when I say "It's fine," it can sometimes mean it's fine, or it can mean trouble. Often times, actually, MOST of the time... I mean ... more
Same here. Fine is mostly actually fine, but on occasion there's more to it that I just don't want to get into at the moment. I'm not passive-aggressive enough to be actually mad when I say things are fine.
05/31/2011
Contributor: clp clp
I firmly believe that you need to air out grievances as they come up. Pretending to move on when you haven't strikes me as childish. Sure, you can say you need some time to think things over or to gather your thoughts but to just say 'its fine, forget it' is dismissive of the situation. I really don't tolerate to be spoken to that way, and I try deliberately not to do so to others.
05/31/2011
Contributor: Miss Anonymous Miss Anonymous
When I say I'm fine, It just means I'm okay.
06/02/2011
Contributor: IrishLassie IrishLassie
I think it depends on what's going on. If we are arguing and I say, that should be a big red flashing light and something is definitly NOT "fine". Instead of "fine", I usually just say: It's whatever. And I think that iritates him more.

When we are not fine and I say "fine" than it's what I mean and everything is fine. But I guess Im kind of an odd ball. hehe!
06/02/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by Cedarlooman
You know, I am almost ready to go gay just to avoid that happening ever again. But that just goes into my misogynist bag of women don't fight fair. I mean really, what man would ever withhold sex just to get their way?
I recently spent an evening with two fantastic gay men... who bickered the whole night like two biddies. I seriously almost took their pants off them and locked them into a room together telling them to "Either fight or fuck but get it out of your system already!" I them so much! Really!

This is how it went:

"Bitch, give me your car keys."
"What the fuck? I'm not giving you my car keys!"
"Listen, cunt, you've been drinking and you almost ran a light when we were driving to the store, so you're not fucking driving. Give. Me. Your. KEYS!"
"No, bitch. I won't. I almost ran the light because you were like this *hand motions an open mouth and yells 'ahhhh'* in my ear while I was trying to drive. I'm not drunk. Oh my God, why do you always do this shit!"
"Fine, you're not drunk, what-the-fuck-ever, you twat!"

Really? You want this? It was really amusing to watch, but it didn't make me think that two men in a relationship was an easy thing!
06/02/2011
Contributor: Sammi Sammi
It's all in the intonation. "It's fine." "It's FIIIIIIIIINNE." The last usually followed by a glare. He can tell the two apart
06/02/2011
Contributor: GNGenie GNGenie
Quote:
Originally posted by Cedarlooman
As a guy I cringe inwardly (and many times outwardly) when my SO says "it's fine". When I say something is fine I mean it is okay and there is nothing wrong with it. When she says fine, it usually means you are going to be fixing this ... more
I think the word "fine" is the key there. If your SO says it in that "It's FINE, just DROP IT JERK." tone of voice, it's definitely not fine. On the other hand, there are flavors of fine that really are actually fine. Some of these include: "fine" (I'm not really listening to you), "fine" (Yeah yeah, that's great, can I get back to my game/book/tv?), "fine" (ok, we've talked around this how many times?!), and "fine" (ok, next topic).
06/03/2011
Contributor: AngelicaU AngelicaU
I hardly ever say fine if I'm really fine. I use something to better express my mood. When I'm "fine" I mean, yeah I'm physically okay and mentally something is wrong but I'm just not gonna bother talking about it.
06/20/2011
Contributor: newfoundlust newfoundlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Cedarlooman
As a guy I cringe inwardly (and many times outwardly) when my SO says "it's fine". When I say something is fine I mean it is okay and there is nothing wrong with it. When she says fine, it usually means you are going to be fixing this ... more
I am the guy. If I say its fine it is. However, I know from many years that if my wife says it I am in trouble.
06/20/2011
Contributor: Screen Door Screen Door
Sadly, I am that woman who usually says things are "fine" when they're definitely not. When I say it, it's usually because I am just not ready to talk about what's bothering me at that precise moment. I ned time to gather thoughts and I need my partner to give me time before I flip out without thinking HAHA!

But on some occasions, I'm just in a very relaxed apathetic state and everything is just fine, I just don't cate about things at that moment.

Eh, fine is just a versatile word.
06/22/2011
Contributor: Shellz31 Shellz31
Sometimes when I say fine, things are fine. But other times when I say it in the negative way and a partner takes it as the good 'fine' and doesn't ask me questions to get to the bottom of it - it will hit him hard later when I can no longer deal with it on my own.

The trouble comes when a partner DOESN'T listen to the 'fine' tone. If he listened, he would know exactly how I mean it at the time.
I expect a partner to be able to read me. If he can't, we are gonna have BIG problems!
07/25/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
I said "other" because you didn't give me my option.

I'm a woman and when I say "It's fine," it can sometimes mean it's fine, or it can mean trouble. Often times, actually, MOST of the time... I mean ... more
That's about it for me, too. I usually mean things are fine when I say it. Other times, I am experiencing general irritability and I see no reason to bring him down with my shitty mood.

If it's something important, I tell him. Some things are so minor (like leaving his shoes in the bedroom or laying his socks on the arm of the furniture) that it doesn't seem right to make a big deal out of it. I don't nag. It isn't in my nature. So, I leave little things alone; if they bother me, I can get over it on my own.

I never play the "he has to guess what's wrong and I'll act like a stone cold bitch until he guesses" game, ever! But, I know a lot of women and a few men who do this.
07/25/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
because (at least in my experience) women saying, "we'll talk about it later," pushes you guys even further into the "No, let's talk about it now and get it worked out as soon as possible so we can move on and continue our ... more
YES! Dudes, (and ladies) please understand when people need to process things and need TIME to work on it by themselves, without having to give you a blow by blow of the process.

Jeez. I'm going through something right now with my mother, of all people. She's so neurotic, passive aggressive and insecure. I told her last week I NEEDED to be left alone to process some shit, (after she had called my house every half hour for 16 hours one day and then started at 7:00AM the next morning again) she left me alone for a few days, then SUNDAY MORNING first thing, she calls me and says "We need to meet and talk." What part of "Leave me alone and give me some space so I can work on this by myself." does she not understand? How my father put up with her passive aggressive shit for 18 years is a mystery.
07/25/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
YES! Dudes, (and ladies) please understand when people need to process things and need TIME to work on it by themselves, without having to give you a blow by blow of the process.

Jeez. I'm going through something right now with my mother, ... more
Feelin' you on the mom-drama. I haven't spoken to mine in a month due to her behavior and while I get that she's my mother and has the right to demand certain things of her children, she does not have the right to insult people who were originally trying to help her. It's pretty batshit but I'm tired of being run over. She'll have to call me this time to work it out, I'm certainly not going to go charging into the hornets nest.
07/25/2011
Contributor: Lady Nina Lady Nina
I am a woman and when I say fine, he/she is in trouble
07/27/2011
Contributor: Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
Sometimes when I say fine, I really mean it. I'll make sure I'll smile afterwards too so no one gets confused.

However, if I say fine and I suck my cheeks in and give my infamous death stare, things are NOT fine and I'm probably ready to blow up. If there's a "laugh" somewhere in my voice, I'm feigning amusement and things will NOT be fine in about thirty seconds.
12/30/2011
Contributor: deltalima deltalima
Quote:
Originally posted by MaryExy
I usually really mean fine, but every now and then I just say it because I don't feel like debating something at the time. I'll also say fine when I'm hormonal and know that it's probably just the hormones saying I'm not actually fine.
Yeah me too!
12/30/2011
Contributor: voenne voenne
Quote:
Originally posted by pixieluv
FINE: Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional

Mostly "fine" is different for me and my husband depending on how it is said. If casual and not threatening, it usually means fine. If it is said with a huff or tension in the voice ... more
Ha... accurate definition.

And I agree, you have to pay attention to how a person says it. Sometimes it's true, sometimes you just know it's not. It's hard to know sometimes whether it's a "fine" equaling "I don't want to tell you what's wrong," or, meaning "I don't want to burden anyone." In any case, I never know whether ask more, because I care a lot but am afraid of prying.

I say fine when I don't mean it quite a bit. Sometimes I try to tell people what's on my mind, but it always ends in the subject being changed, then I feel worse. :/
12/30/2011
Contributor: Undead Undead
Quote:
Originally posted by Cedarlooman
As a guy I cringe inwardly (and many times outwardly) when my SO says "it's fine". When I say something is fine I mean it is okay and there is nothing wrong with it. When she says fine, it usually means you are going to be fixing this ... more
Just depends on the situation
01/01/2012
Contributor: RavenWolf88 RavenWolf88
For me, it all depends on the tone of my voice.
01/01/2012
Contributor: Apirka Apirka
I'm a woman and when I say "fine", I truly do mean "fine". I'm definitely someone who means what they say. If something is wrong, I will say so. Frankly, I don't like that we as women all get labeled as "fine is not fine" and such. Just because some do it doesn't mean we all do.
04/11/2012
Contributor: PeaceToTheMiddleEast PeaceToTheMiddleEast
Depends on the situation. Usually when I say it I am ok. But if you notice a face change from me then something is wrong.
04/11/2012
Contributor: LavenderSkies LavenderSkies
Quote:
Originally posted by Cedarlooman
As a guy I cringe inwardly (and many times outwardly) when my SO says "it's fine". When I say something is fine I mean it is okay and there is nothing wrong with it. When she says fine, it usually means you are going to be fixing this ... more
Sometimes it means I'm really fine, sometimes it doesn't! Lol!
10/08/2012