I've been in many relationships where I was cheated on and forgave the person but was unable to recommit to them when the feelings of betrayal made me suspicious of their every action. Some say "Once a cheater always a cheater" while others say "forgive and forget. How do you feel? less

Cheating can be forgiven, and relationships can recover from it. Nothing is entirely black & white.

Does that mean that people will always be able to forgive and move on? No. Does that mean that people should always forgive and move on? No.

Forgiveness is a choice that we can make at any time, and then choose to risk trusting the person again. It's up to us if we think it's the right choice for us in a particular instance.

This just isn't a black & white issue to me. To me it would totally depend on how it happened, why it happened, how frequently it happened, etc. less

That's like saying, "once a liar, always a liar." Well, technically, I guess that's true. Once you've done that thing, then you get the label. But that doesn't mean that cheating is a part of someone's pattern all the time when they do cheat, just like lying isn't always the pattern of a person who told a lie. There are serial cheaters, and there are notorious liars. But We ALL are capable of lying, and under the right circumstances, we are all capable of cheating. But the circumstances are what the issue is, not what is inherent in the person's behavior, anymore than anything else that is human nature. Don't put your SO on a pedestal; they are human, just like you, and like all of us humans, they make mistakes. Most people who cheat or who have been the other woman/man don't expect that they would ever be in that situation. It's something that sneaks up on most people, and most of us have a hard time being honest enough to say, "well, I'm capable of doing this really awful thing that could hurt so many people..." but, well...don't put yourself on a pedestal, either. It makes falling from it so much harder and much more painful.

I personally wish our culture tried to understand infidelity in a much more human light, and didn't vilify it to the degree that it does. Yes, it's awful, yes, it's selfish, and yes, you are responsible for your own choices and actions, and you need to be held accountable for them and to deal with the consequences. But people don't need to to be branded with a scarlet letter every time. Most people don't even bother to understand the circumstances before they judge, and most of them act like they're a lot better than that person when in reality...I don't think that infidelity is all that uncommon, unnatural, or beyond humanity. It should be looked down upon, but I get the feeling that some relationships could be salvaged from infidelity, if our culture didn't feed us so much about how awful the people are who commit it, when in reality...most of them are just normal people. less

I've been in many relationships where I was cheated on and forgave the person but was unable to recommit to them when the feelings of betrayal made me suspicious of their every action. Some say "Once a cheater always a cheater" while others say "forgive and forget. How do you feel? less

That's like saying, "once a liar, always a liar." Well, technically, I guess that's true. Once you've done that thing, then you get the label. But that doesn't mean that cheating is a part of someone's pattern all the time when they do cheat, just like lying isn't always the pattern of a person who told a lie. There are serial cheaters, and there are notorious liars. But We ALL are capable of lying, and under the right circumstances, we are all capable of cheating. But the circumstances are what the issue is, not what is inherent in the person's behavior, anymore than anything else that is human nature. Don't put your SO on a pedestal; they are human, just like you, and like all of us humans, they make mistakes. Most people who cheat or who have been the other woman/man don't expect that they would ever be in that situation. It's something that sneaks up on most people, and most of us have a hard time being honest enough to say, "well, I'm capable of doing this really awful thing that could hurt so many people..." but, well...don't put yourself on a pedestal, either. It makes falling from it so much harder and much more painful.

I personally wish our culture tried to understand infidelity in a much more human light, and didn't vilify it to the degree that it does. Yes, it's awful, yes, it's selfish, and yes, you are responsible for your own choices and actions, and you need to be held accountable for them and to deal with the consequences. But people don't need to to be branded with a scarlet letter every time. Most people don't even bother to understand the circumstances before they judge, and most of them act like they're a lot better than that person when in reality...I don't think that infidelity is all that uncommon, unnatural, or beyond humanity. It should be looked down upon, but I get the feeling that some relationships could be salvaged from infidelity, if our culture didn't feed us so much about how awful the people are who commit it, when in reality...most of them are just normal people. less