Oh my...what memories. The NO CHEMISTRY moment. I am a shy guy, in college, and next to me is the most gorgeous girl on earth in the next lab space. The kind that even GIRLS turn heads to watch as she walks in a room. After three months I work up the nerve to ask her out. She says "oh...I'm busy this weekend (of course)..so I shrug "I understand"...and as I walk away, shrunken, she said "but I am free NEXT weekend"! I was floored. I had a DATE with my DREAM girl!!!!

A week of planning. Car SPOTLESS, Dozen roses for girl. White rose for her mom when I pick her up. Tickets to a play we both thought sounded cool. GREAT seats too. Reservations at a NICE restaurant (first I had ever really been too). Hair cut, shoes shined...EVERYTHING ready.

Pick her up. She is in a slinky black dress. Ohhhh Laaahhhh Lahhhhh. I actually asked her to let me take a picture of her (odd moment 1).

Gave her roses...she gets thorn in finger and starts bleeding profusely (odd moment 2). (Damned florist).

Bandaid finger and all, we drive to the restaurant, and, in that hour drive, realize we have almost NOTHING to talk about. Beyond that chemistry class conversation (three minutes), it is SILENCE. Okay...put on radio. She likes VERY different music then me, and so it is her choice, but I am at a loss for words.

It gets WAY better.....

We get to the place and as she is getting out of the car, I, being the gentlemen, have the door. Which I shut...on her dress. No tears...okay.

I'm simply too nervous. Be cool. Make this work.

SOOOOOO.....inside, they wheel around carts, with a BIG bowl of lettuce and smaller trays around with the different items to add to the salad and you say I want that and that. Very elegant waiters in black suits and everything is polished wood and steel.

So I order wine (we are old enough by Michigan law at the time), and I figure it is time to make my COOL move. I decide to say "I AM FRENCH, so we do NOT cut bread,we TEAR IT". I grab the bread on our table, and RIP.....except in that "act" I 1. Smash my elbow into the waiter at the table behind me, making one of those salads and he FLINGS lettuce and fixings onto the people at the next table. 2. I knock BOTH glasses of wine...mine AND hers directly into my "dates" lap....black dress and all. 3. I spring to my feet and actually knock over the poor waiter behind me and he falls INTO the lap of the lady at the next table covered in lettuce!!!! NO COMEDY MOVIE has ever had this many prat falls and disasters in ten seconds, believe me!!!!!!

I don't recall the waiter even saying a word when we simply walked out of the place. No one even came to grab the nice napkins my date was using to try and address the wine leaching out of her dress and dripping in red rivulets down her leg and into her nice, new shoes with.

We got into the car with me saying, for the thousandth time...IM SO SORRY.

Once in the car, I said "I think I should take you home, eh? This is just not working". She said "please" and that is the last words EVER spoken between us.

I would love to say, after that there was a relationship and we laughed about it for years or some such crap....but NO....that was IT. We had ZERO in common. ZERO chemistry, and a level of disaster unmatched on any date the rest of my life. Honestly was SO glad to get out of that night that I didn't feel bad about those expensive tickets going to waste even.

SO...at least I got to date my "visual" Dream Girl, and it was a gift....showed me that what I THOUGHT I wanted and what I did want or need were NOT the same!!!!! I wonder what ever happened to her?????? less

Oh my...what memories. The NO CHEMISTRY moment. I am a shy guy, in college, and next to me is the most gorgeous girl on earth in the next lab space. The kind that even GIRLS turn heads to watch as she walks in a room. After three months I work up the nerve to ask her out. She says "oh...I'm busy this weekend (of course)..so I shrug "I understand"...and as I walk away, shrunken, she said "but I am free NEXT weekend"! I was floored. I had a DATE with my DREAM girl!!!!

A week of planning. Car SPOTLESS, Dozen roses for girl. White rose for her mom when I pick her up. Tickets to a play we both thought sounded cool. GREAT seats too. Reservations at a NICE restaurant (first I had ever really been too). Hair cut, shoes shined...EVERYTHING ready.

Pick her up. She is in a slinky black dress. Ohhhh Laaahhhh Lahhhhh. I actually asked her to let me take a picture of her (odd moment 1).

Gave her roses...she gets thorn in finger and starts bleeding profusely (odd moment 2). (Damned florist).

Bandaid finger and all, we drive to the restaurant, and, in that hour drive, realize we have almost NOTHING to talk about. Beyond that chemistry class conversation (three minutes), it is SILENCE. Okay...put on radio. She likes VERY different music then me, and so it is her choice, but I am at a loss for words.

It gets WAY better.....

We get to the place and as she is getting out of the car, I, being the gentlemen, have the door. Which I shut...on her dress. No tears...okay.

I'm simply too nervous. Be cool. Make this work.

SOOOOOO.....inside, they wheel around carts, with a BIG bowl of lettuce and smaller trays around with the different items to add to the salad and you say I want that and that. Very elegant waiters in black suits and everything is polished wood and steel.

So I order wine (we are old enough by Michigan law at the time), and I figure it is time to make my COOL move. I decide to say "I AM FRENCH, so we do NOT cut bread,we TEAR IT". I grab the bread on our table, and RIP.....except in that "act" I 1. Smash my elbow into the waiter at the table behind me, making one of those salads and he FLINGS lettuce and fixings onto the people at the next table. 2. I knock BOTH glasses of wine...mine AND hers directly into my "dates" lap....black dress and all. 3. I spring to my feet and actually knock over the poor waiter behind me and he falls INTO the lap of the lady at the next table covered in lettuce!!!! NO COMEDY MOVIE has ever had this many prat falls and disasters in ten seconds, believe me!!!!!!

I don't recall the waiter even saying a word when we simply walked out of the place. No one even came to grab the nice napkins my date was using to try and address the wine leaching out of her dress and dripping in red rivulets down her leg and into her nice, new shoes with.

We got into the car with me saying, for the thousandth time...IM SO SORRY.

Once in the car, I said "I think I should take you home, eh? This is just not working". She said "please" and that is the last words EVER spoken between us.

I would love to say, after that there was a relationship and we laughed about it for years or some such crap....but NO....that was IT. We had ZERO in common. ZERO chemistry, and a level of disaster unmatched on any date the rest of my life. Honestly was SO glad to get out of that night that I didn't feel bad about those expensive tickets going to waste even.

SO...at least I got to date my "visual" Dream Girl, and it was a gift....showed me that what I THOUGHT I wanted and what I did want or need were NOT the same!!!!! I wonder what ever happened to her?????? less

Oh my...what memories. The NO CHEMISTRY moment. I am a shy guy, in college, and next to me is the most gorgeous girl on earth in the next lab space. The kind that even GIRLS turn heads to watch as she walks in a room. After three months I work up the nerve to ask her out. She says "oh...I'm busy this weekend (of course)..so I shrug "I understand"...and as I walk away, shrunken, she said "but I am free NEXT weekend"! I was floored. I had a DATE with my DREAM girl!!!!

A week of planning. Car SPOTLESS, Dozen roses for girl. White rose for her mom when I pick her up. Tickets to a play we both thought sounded cool. GREAT seats too. Reservations at a NICE restaurant (first I had ever really been too). Hair cut, shoes shined...EVERYTHING ready.

Pick her up. She is in a slinky black dress. Ohhhh Laaahhhh Lahhhhh. I actually asked her to let me take a picture of her (odd moment 1).

Gave her roses...she gets thorn in finger and starts bleeding profusely (odd moment 2). (Damned florist).

Bandaid finger and all, we drive to the restaurant, and, in that hour drive, realize we have almost NOTHING to talk about. Beyond that chemistry class conversation (three minutes), it is SILENCE. Okay...put on radio. She likes VERY different music then me, and so it is her choice, but I am at a loss for words.

It gets WAY better.....

We get to the place and as she is getting out of the car, I, being the gentlemen, have the door. Which I shut...on her dress. No tears...okay.

I'm simply too nervous. Be cool. Make this work.

SOOOOOO.....inside, they wheel around carts, with a BIG bowl of lettuce and smaller trays around with the different items to add to the salad and you say I want that and that. Very elegant waiters in black suits and everything is polished wood and steel.

So I order wine (we are old enough by Michigan law at the time), and I figure it is time to make my COOL move. I decide to say "I AM FRENCH, so we do NOT cut bread,we TEAR IT". I grab the bread on our table, and RIP.....except in that "act" I 1. Smash my elbow into the waiter at the table behind me, making one of those salads and he FLINGS lettuce and fixings onto the people at the next table. 2. I knock BOTH glasses of wine...mine AND hers directly into my "dates" lap....black dress and all. 3. I spring to my feet and actually knock over the poor waiter behind me and he falls INTO the lap of the lady at the next table covered in lettuce!!!! NO COMEDY MOVIE has ever had this many prat falls and disasters in ten seconds, believe me!!!!!!

I don't recall the waiter even saying a word when we simply walked out of the place. No one even came to grab the nice napkins my date was using to try and address the wine leaching out of her dress and dripping in red rivulets down her leg and into her nice, new shoes with.

We got into the car with me saying, for the thousandth time...IM SO SORRY.

Once in the car, I said "I think I should take you home, eh? This is just not working". She said "please" and that is the last words EVER spoken between us.

I would love to say, after that there was a relationship and we laughed about it for years or some such crap....but NO....that was IT. We had ZERO in common. ZERO chemistry, and a level of disaster unmatched on any date the rest of my life. Honestly was SO glad to get out of that night that I didn't feel bad about those expensive tickets going to waste even.

SO...at least I got to date my "visual" Dream Girl, and it was a gift....showed me that what I THOUGHT I wanted and what I did want or need were NOT the same!!!!! I wonder what ever happened to her?????? less

My most awkward and most comical experience was when a guy I liked wanted to cuddle with me while he was wearing a snuggie. I was very lonely and on the rebound so I agreed. It was actually very cozy, but extremely embarrassing the more I think about it. less

On my first date with my boyfriend, we went to see Zack and Miri Make a Porno. Probably a bad choice for a first date movie, but we both wanted to see it. At one part, a girl and guy are doing anal while another guy is under them filming, then the door slams and the girl has diarrhea all over the guy who is filming. Who laughs the loudest and longest? Of course, my date does...

Then on our way home, we passed a liquor store. There was a break in our conversation and he just said, "LICK HER? I BARELY KNOW HER!" I was a bit weirded out, though not to the point of not wanting to see him again. He doesn't even remember saying that to me and seems embarrassed that he said it on our first date. less

Too many!! I don't even want to think about them! I guess the worse would include the guy that told me (while in bed getting hot and heavy) that he was saving himself for his ex girlfriend who had moved to Florida with his ex best friend....he knew should would be back...yeah..ok. Or the one that asked me if I had had a vaginal birth or C-section and was so happy to hear I had had vaginal because that meant that I didn't have any horrible STD because they would have made me do a C-section if I had....and he also pulled out his camera and I thought he was just taking a picture which he was....of my boobs. less

The most awkward time I ever had was with a guy I met for coffee one night off OkC, just on a whim as he was from out of town and I had nothing better to be doing. He was mediocre looking but I let it slide because I'm a sucker for mutton chops and he had 'em. Well, we're chatting and it's not bad, but we soon finish our coffee and he offers that we go hang out at his hotel room. Yes, I'm an idiot for not realizing that is totally a signal for sexin', but it felt really, really platonic up to this point and there literally nowhere else to go in the area to keep hanging out.

So yeah, empty hotel room, I make forced smalltalk about EVERYTHING I see to put off what I have now realized now is inevitable, but eventually he makes an awkward laying-me-back-onto-th e-bed move and starts kissing me. Horribly. I should have left right then but I'm terrible at being assertive so the best I could do was, "Okay but I'm meeting a friend at 11, I'm only staying for 15 minutes." Well, we make out some more and nothing improves. He starts rubbing up on me and moaning loudly while I'm silent and counting the seconds. Eventually he stops and pulls back, puts his hands to my belt, looks into my eyes and asks, "Can I touch you?" Nice of him to ask but oh man, just the least sexy scenario ever. I said no thanks and got the hell out of there immediately. less

Oh my...what memories. The NO CHEMISTRY moment. I am a shy guy, in college, and next to me is the most gorgeous girl on earth in the next lab space. The kind that even GIRLS turn heads to watch as she walks in a room. After three months I work up the nerve to ask her out. She says "oh...I'm busy this weekend (of course)..so I shrug "I understand"...and as I walk away, shrunken, she said "but I am free NEXT weekend"! I was floored. I had a DATE with my DREAM girl!!!!

A week of planning. Car SPOTLESS, Dozen roses for girl. White rose for her mom when I pick her up. Tickets to a play we both thought sounded cool. GREAT seats too. Reservations at a NICE restaurant (first I had ever really been too). Hair cut, shoes shined...EVERYTHING ready.

Pick her up. She is in a slinky black dress. Ohhhh Laaahhhh Lahhhhh. I actually asked her to let me take a picture of her (odd moment 1).

Gave her roses...she gets thorn in finger and starts bleeding profusely (odd moment 2). (Damned florist).

Bandaid finger and all, we drive to the restaurant, and, in that hour drive, realize we have almost NOTHING to talk about. Beyond that chemistry class conversation (three minutes), it is SILENCE. Okay...put on radio. She likes VERY different music then me, and so it is her choice, but I am at a loss for words.

It gets WAY better.....

We get to the place and as she is getting out of the car, I, being the gentlemen, have the door. Which I shut...on her dress. No tears...okay.

I'm simply too nervous. Be cool. Make this work.

SOOOOOO.....inside, they wheel around carts, with a BIG bowl of lettuce and smaller trays around with the different items to add to the salad and you say I want that and that. Very elegant waiters in black suits and everything is polished wood and steel.

So I order wine (we are old enough by Michigan law at the time), and I figure it is time to make my COOL move. I decide to say "I AM FRENCH, so we do NOT cut bread,we TEAR IT". I grab the bread on our table, and RIP.....except in that "act" I 1. Smash my elbow into the waiter at the table behind me, making one of those salads and he FLINGS lettuce and fixings onto the people at the next table. 2. I knock BOTH glasses of wine...mine AND hers directly into my "dates" lap....black dress and all. 3. I spring to my feet and actually knock over the poor waiter behind me and he falls INTO the lap of the lady at the next table covered in lettuce!!!! NO COMEDY MOVIE has ever had this many prat falls and disasters in ten seconds, believe me!!!!!!

I don't recall the waiter even saying a word when we simply walked out of the place. No one even came to grab the nice napkins my date was using to try and address the wine leaching out of her dress and dripping in red rivulets down her leg and into her nice, new shoes with.

We got into the car with me saying, for the thousandth time...IM SO SORRY.

Once in the car, I said "I think I should take you home, eh? This is just not working". She said "please" and that is the last words EVER spoken between us.

I would love to say, after that there was a relationship and we laughed about it for years or some such crap....but NO....that was IT. We had ZERO in common. ZERO chemistry, and a level of disaster unmatched on any date the rest of my life. Honestly was SO glad to get out of that night that I didn't feel bad about those expensive tickets going to waste even.

SO...at least I got to date my "visual" Dream Girl, and it was a gift....showed me that what I THOUGHT I wanted and what I did want or need were NOT the same!!!!! I wonder what ever happened to her?????? less

I had a guy bring an other woman on a date with me.

He picks me up and this other chick is in his car. "Oh, J was lonely and wanted to come with us." What... the.. Fuck?

WTF he was trying to set up? I have NO idea. The other woman (who was a friend of mine from High School, no less) gave me the Stink Eye the entire time, and kept cuddling up to him. I kept my hands off and was glad to be dropped off at home first.

What was this guy thinking? The other woman was a confirmed virgin. She was known to be very jealous of him, despite the fact that he told everybody they were just friends.

I still have no idea what the date was about. less