The New Intimacy

Interracial dating

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Contributor: Owl Identified Owl Identified
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
I was raised Baha'i - meaning you see people, not colors.
I understand that, but just because *you* don't notice your color or someone else's doesn't mean that you don't receive privilege because you are white. Furthermore, it doesn't mean that people of color are not routinely and systematically denied these privileges. Unfortunately, you cannot "opt out" of privilege or race via religion.
07/10/2010
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Quote:
Originally posted by Owl Identified
I understand that, but just because *you* don't notice your color or someone else's doesn't mean that you don't receive privilege because you are white. Furthermore, it doesn't mean that people of color are not routinely and ... more
I thought we were discussing interracial dating, and I was commenting on the fact that my own experiences were that I never cared what the skin tone was due to being raised blind to color. That's all I was applying it to.
07/10/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
I can see where you're coming from S,L &L, but it don't think that's Chilipepper girl's point.

I believe people should be free to step out of their perceived religion/race/social strata/etc and express individual viewpoints.

If someone tries to put someone back in a perceived group and believes that said group is subjugating that person or group, that's just a form of racism and classism as well. I don't see where the concept of "privilege" even fits into this.

When I started this thread, this was what I wanted to avoid.

Please, lets keep negativity out of this thread and discuss this as a case-by-case situation.
07/10/2010
Contributor: Tuesday Tuesday
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
That's the same way here too. We were raised in VERY different types of households. I thought the look on her face the first time I told her I didn't have any rice was sooo funny!

"How could you NOT have rice!?!" She ... more
That's so funny. I remember an Asian coworker telling me that she has rice with dinner every night. And I thought "Even when you have spaghetti?"
07/10/2010
Contributor: Tuesday Tuesday
My husband is white like me. We learned just a few years ago that he is 1/16th Native American. You'd never know. Maybe that explains his thick, luxurious hair. He's very proud of those few drops of Native American blood.

I've dated black men. Once a waitress came to our table and showed an obvious startled reaction once she realized we were a black/white couple.
07/10/2010
Contributor: Owl Identified Owl Identified
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I can see where you're coming from S,L &L, but it don't think that's Chilipepper girl's point.

I believe people should be free to step out of their perceived religion/race/social strata/etc and express individual ... more
Well, I'm afraid that discussing race is something that can arouse quite a lot of anger and frustration, and I don't think it's productive to label the voice of someone that is frustrated or annoyed by someone else's language as "negative". What you're asking is for anyone offended by a comment to remain silent lest they be "negative". When a Latina person expressed annoyance earlier in this thread at a comment that she felt was ignorant, was that "negative" and therefore not welcome in this thread? You also seem to be asking for everyone to be in agreement on this subject, and anyone that comments in a way that doesn't affirm the "truth" that has already been agreed upon, they are "negative".

I think the fact that my tone is being policed in a race thread is a perfect example of why race still matters, and why interracial dating is still an issue. I'm not sure how you can attempt to isolate racism and race-based privilege from a discussion about interracial dating. The reason that interracial dating is an issue is because of racism and race-based privilege. I'm not sure how you could possibly find that those are "off topic" subjects, in fact, that seems fundamentally misguided.

I responded to Chilipepper's comment, which said "I don't see color". I responded by saying sometimes it's easy to not see color when you are not routinely denied privilege based on your race. I certainly was not being malicious and I am not being so now. It was not an attack, I did not call names, I did not accuse, I merely offered my point of view. If that is "negative" then perhaps I should stick to reviewing and not offer my unwelcome opinions in these forums.
07/10/2010
Contributor: petite-n-sweet petite-n-sweet
I am in a relationship with someone of mixed heritage who is olive complexioned and has been assummed to be hispanic, middle eastern or white depending on the day. I am African American (sometimes assumed to be Carribbean) and since the beginning of our relationship I have noticed problems...

On a date, while using the pay phone, a Hispanic man walked up to my guy looked at me, looked at him, turned his back to me and began speaking to him in Spanish. .... (my guy is bilignual)

Or my favorite.. he takes me to his favorite mexican restuarant.. and they give him horrible service. Afterwards he responds "I dont understand sweety, they normally are so cool to me!" .. I tell him it was my being there, and felt bad for ruining his fav... place

But it wasnt just Hispanics.... On another date, a black man muttered under his breath while my guy and I walked by, holding hands: "Whats the matter? You couldnt find a good black man?" Of course my guy didnt hear it.. LOL

And then there was the time he was at a bar.. and some white people in it began making black jokes... yeah that didnt end well... for them LOL

My guy and I find the whole situation hilarious because culturally we are the same, and if we were to do some DNA testing, probably pretty durn close racially too.. (Most African Americans are of mixed heritage) But because we LOOK so different people treat us like we are an interacial couple..

OH well. Good thing we are blindly in love =) And that is what it takes to put up with all the crap.
08/10/2010
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I know this could be a sticky issue, but I hope everyone can be cool with it.

Not only is there an age difference between Cyn and I, there's also ethnicity too. I'm about as white as a bleached grain of rice in the middle of a snow ... more
Both of my older daughters are dating men of other races. I am Mediterranean, but am considered "white" by most people. My Man is Eastern European and IS white.

One dd is engaged to a Latino man, and the other dates a very nice Asian young man. I am proud that they look at the MAN and not the race. I guess we done good as parents in some ways.
08/10/2010
Contributor: Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
The funny thing about an interracial relationship (I personally prefer the term "inter-cultural", because it just makes more sense to me), is that even if I'm not making a big deal out of it, and he's not making a big deal out of it, our families make a big deal out of it. My parents keep saying "It's not because he's White that we dislike him," but I can see in their eyes that they're fearing that their grandchildren will never know a word of Mandarin or hold chopsticks properly. Other times, the cultural differences do make themselves apparent. I mean, there's the rice thing (no, we don't eat rice when we have spaghetti--one main carbohydrate per meal is enough ), but there's also the filial duty thing, and the wasting food thing. But in the end, we do have more in common than not, and our differences find a way to mesh, and that's what matters to any couple that works out in the long term, anyway. If others are determined to stay stuck on the "interracial" part of the equation, then let 'em. I'm not overly concerned about people like that.
08/10/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I know this could be a sticky issue, but I hope everyone can be cool with it.

Not only is there an age difference between Cyn and I, there's also ethnicity too. I'm about as white as a bleached grain of rice in the middle of a snow ... more
While I have never experienced this first hand, mainly because of who I fell in love with not any prejudice on my part. I was told by my Mother when I was a teenager that if I decided to date or marry a black man I shouldn't ever bring him home to meet the family...especially my GrandFather! Try to remember that SHE has no problem with prejudice but it is her fervent belief that black people have different "standards" and our "worlds" just don't mesh. It would only lead to heartache, especially for the kids. I have never bought into this line of thinking and told her that whomever I fall in love with will be accepted by my family or they could all go to hell.

In a side note Sigel is considered to be reprehensible and totally unacceptable and my relationship with Arch is tolerated as a means to drive a wedge between Sigel and I. So ya my family is fucked up beyond what is normal.

YOu love her, she loves you so I say revel in it, love doesn't come around often enough to throw away because of what other people believe!
09/15/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by kck
Yep. I'm Latina and my boyfriend is as white as a bottle of Elmer's glue.

We, too, are just a couple of crazy kids in love. I'd say the difference in ethnicity isn't a big deal; it's most noticeable when we're talking ... more
They will value what YOU value. Teach them and let them belong to both equally. My girls don't have this issue much because their father and I are very homogenous but my son's grandparents don't speak english easily, they are polish. So he has been learning both cultures in the best way possible, he lives them both. His father is Catholic and I am Pagan, so he lives both of those worlds as well. When he is older he will carve out his own way fully steeped in his rich heritage and religious difference will be easy for him to accept. I really believe this way of life enriches children rather than strips them of something vital.
09/15/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
Yea I'm German and Irish plus a tag Norweigian. He is German and Cherokee. He tans like a friggin tatter tot! He kinda looks Native American sometimes which I think is so cool, plus his hands are HUGE . He also has dark and beautiful ... more
Heh and we all know what they say about a guy with big hands, he also has......







Big gloves!
09/15/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Cinnamon
The funny thing about an interracial relationship (I personally prefer the term "inter-cultural", because it just makes more sense to me), is that even if I'm not making a big deal out of it, and he's not making a big deal out of ... more
Oh honey the wasting food thing and the familial duty thing isn't just your heritage speaking...Arch's family is just as rigid in that respect and they are 100% polish! Thee peas left after dinner, SOMEONE eats them or they will be in the refrigerator for the next meal. I think it has to do with whether the family has ever starved, that value gets passed down.

My family has pulled the whole "It's not because his parents didn't raise him right, or it's not because he doesn't go to Church..." thing too. Rest assured it's a rare family that actually LIKES a beloved child's beloved. My family are Eastern European decent on both sides as is Sigel's and they STILL find fault with him.

Raise your children as you see fit, but teach them mandarin and proper table ettiquette. It builds better children when they learn things that are challenging. My son is learning Polish from his grandparents and father, and he is a bit slower in his vocalizations than his sisters were (my father flat out refused to teach me french or my girls) but he shows much more flexibility in sounds. It's amazing to watch!
09/15/2010
Contributor: Loveless Loveless
I've dated quite a few races...

The Asian guy that I dated was very, very sweet most of the time. He took every single one of his bad days out on me, though.

The white guys that I dated felt that I was just a "sidekick" or that I was there to "assist them" in being awesome or whatever.

The mexican/latin guys that I dated were either controlling or promiscuous...or both. One of them even got physically abusive for almost no reason.

The only black guy that I've ever dated (dated him twice) is extremely sweet to me and is very supportive. I'm marrying him soon. <3
05/08/2011
Contributor: Woman China Woman China
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
That's the same way here too. We were raised in VERY different types of households. I thought the look on her face the first time I told her I didn't have any rice was sooo funny!

"How could you NOT have rice!?!" She ... more
LOL!!! I know that feeling!!!!

My family when I visit, know that they have to get proper long grain rice in their homes for when I visit.

This made me laugh!!!
04/12/2012
Contributor: lilys lilys
the outside is only the color. color should never matter. the inside is what makes someone special
04/22/2012
Contributor: Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
I dated a Chinese man for a little while - he was born in China, but spent almost his entire life in the U.S.A. When my mom told my grandmother about it, my grandmother's first question was, "Does he speak English?" My mom basically facepalmed and told her that he did speak English, and that in fact if you spoke to him on the phone, you'd never guess he wasn't white. The possibility of such a thing hadn't crossed my grandmother's mind.

My grandmother cracks me up at times - she's so tolerant about some things (she's totally fine with sex before marriage) but so old-fashioned on others (though to be fair, she didn't care at all that my best friend is black).
04/26/2012
Contributor: lilys lilys
non of that matters, this should never be an issue
05/13/2012
Contributor: gorgeous gorgeous
Quote:
Originally posted by lilys
the outside is only the color. color should never matter. the inside is what makes someone special
Completely agree with this! I just found out that my dad said he would not like it if I brought home a black guy. I'm white, and guess what? I'm dating a guy who is half black, but looking at him everyone considers him black by all his features. Just have to find a way to tell my dad about him.
Color of the skin doesn't mean anything to me.
09/04/2012