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How to approach a "crazy christian"?

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Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
I have never heard of Christians having this type of thinking-should never be alone together. I thought that was a Mormon thing? Anyways...take the chance. If he says no then maybe join the group and go that route if you like him enough.
Oh, no. MOST Evangelical and Pentecostal sects believe in this. It is VERY common.

"Courting" is gaining popularity with the Christian Right, and it no place for sex positive people to be, IMO. I KNOW people like this. All I know is, I wouldn't date a Pentecostal for all the sex toys in Eden's catalog.

Either they DO believe every bullshit thing that was shoved down their throats, and they are gonna be impossible to date normally or they don't in believe it, which makes them hypocritical for even being in a sect like that in the first place.

WHY go to a church, if you don't believe what they have to say? It's very disingenuous.
03/12/2011
Contributor: liilii080 liilii080
What can it hurt. Nothing ventured, nothing gained! Let us know what you decide!
03/12/2011
Contributor: DeliciousSurprise DeliciousSurprise
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
I think they're at 45 and counting now... I mean, it was 19 when I last watched, but that was almost a year ago!

(that may or may not have been heavy with sarcasm...)
You are terrible.
Don't dog one of my favorite shows.
03/12/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
Sometimes they hold different beliefs but are afraid to walk away from a church family that they've known their whole life. Just because they're scared doesn't mean you should write them off as a person to have a relationship with. ... more
Everyone has a different view of things, but for me, if a man can't be true to WHO is he, and make it clear to his family that he doesn't believe in their religion, he needs to grow a pair. Why does he care what "his family thinks?" Why can't he be a man and let them know he thinks for himself.

Sorry. I prefer men (people in general) who are honest about who they are. Belonging to a church whose beliefs one doesn't really believe in don't make sense, and is dishonest.

I've told MY family, "I don't believe in that bullshit." If a man I want to date doesn't have as many balls as I do, I certainly don't want him in my life or in my bed. Others may make different decisions, but if a man is dishonest about how he feels about his God what else will he be dishonest about?

My Man and I have both let our families know our "born religion" is bullshit, and both of us had the balls to do it when we were very young. One of the reasons I chose him was his honesty. And his strength to stand up to his family about something he KNEW wasn't right.

JMO. Mileage and all that.
03/12/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
I think they're at 45 and counting now... I mean, it was 19 when I last watched, but that was almost a year ago!

(that may or may not have been heavy with sarcasm...)
They are up to 19. The last baby was born severely premature, and the oldest boy had to take his younger sisters on courting with him, and didn't even KISS his bride until their wedding day.

UG.

And she forcibly weans those kids at 4 or 5 months, and lets them scream themselves to sleep, for no other reason that so her fertility will return. Cruel, IMO. I could never do that to an innocent baby.
03/12/2011
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
Sometimes they hold different beliefs but are afraid to walk away from a church family that they've known their whole life. Just because they're scared doesn't mean you should write them off as a person to have a relationship with. ... more
I agree - I attended a church that pushed courtship and all that as the *best* option, but it was not the only one they believed in. They of course were against pre-martial sex but I've never found a church that technically isn't. In addition, the best church I ever 'fit' in and loved dearly, believed women couldn't be ministers, while I personally do. Just because a person goes to a church doesn't necessarily mean they subscribe to ALL of the doctrine - sometimes it's just the right place for them at that time for other reasons.
03/12/2011
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Oh, no. MOST Evangelical and Pentecostal sects believe in this. It is VERY common.

"Courting" is gaining popularity with the Christian Right, and it no place for sex positive people to be, IMO. I KNOW people like this. All I know ... more
Because finding a church that you agree with 100% of the time on 100% of the issues is IMPOSSIBLE. I've tried for a decade. Sometimes you take the best fit if it feels right for other reasons.
03/12/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by DeliciousSurprise
You are terrible.
Don't dog one of my favorite shows.
I may be terrible, but I think it's what you love about me! *flirty smirk* Yeah, you know it's true.
03/12/2011
Contributor: DeliciousSurprise DeliciousSurprise
Quote:
Originally posted by Tori Rebel
Because finding a church that you agree with 100% of the time on 100% of the issues is IMPOSSIBLE. I've tried for a decade. Sometimes you take the best fit if it feels right for other reasons.
I agree with this completely; I chose my house of worship because they are the closest fit--but they are nowhere near perfect and nowhere near completely in line with all of my beliefs, or even all of my MAJOR beliefs.
03/12/2011
Contributor: DeliciousSurprise DeliciousSurprise
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
I may be terrible, but I think it's what you love about me! *flirty smirk* Yeah, you know it's true.
I can do bad all by myself. *s
03/12/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by Tori Rebel
Because finding a church that you agree with 100% of the time on 100% of the issues is IMPOSSIBLE. I've tried for a decade. Sometimes you take the best fit if it feels right for other reasons.
I think you'd love my church... you don't happen to live in Iowa do you???
03/12/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by DeliciousSurprise
I can do bad all by myself. *s
Okay, Madea.
03/12/2011
Contributor: DeliciousSurprise DeliciousSurprise
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
Okay, Madea.
Oh, come on, it's Mary J Blige.
03/12/2011
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
I think you'd love my church... you don't happen to live in Iowa do you???
*sigh* No, NJ. I gave up looking for the time being, he takes his kids to a Methodist church (what we were both raised in) but the average age of the congregation is like 98 and it's just not for me. We've actually found a few 'biker churches' we might try that are less conventional (meeting in rec halls and the like, not an actual church) but they seem to have built good community and they're very accepting.

I'll never find one that I agree with COMPLETELY and I'm ok with that - there's no such thing as a church that officially endorses pre-marital sex as far as I've found yet LOL. They accept that it happens, and some will support the decision, but on actual paper? still a no-no.
03/12/2011
Contributor: 0 0
I'm glad I could spur such fun debate haha. I really appreciate everyone's input...

@P'Gell: Thanks for the different point of view. I really do love this church, but I've been in a number of others in my life so this is just something I find strange. And at least I would finally be with a Christian guy And I would be more than happy if he DIDN'T want to have sex. There is so much more to a relationship than that.

@BBW and Delicious Surprise: You two are hilarious! Thanks for that

@Tori Rebel: No really, Meant for each other lol. I'm really appreciating your replies to others. It's good insight for me haha My last church was in a giant, green warehouse building and displayed the :for rent" number (666-...) on the roof until they moved back out. Good luck with the bikers Ugly churches are the best :p
03/12/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Tori Rebel
Because finding a church that you agree with 100% of the time on 100% of the issues is IMPOSSIBLE. I've tried for a decade. Sometimes you take the best fit if it feels right for other reasons.
Well, not 100%, but at least for me, if I can't at least subscribe to the general tenets that the church has at it's core ideas, it makes no sense to simply go and sit somewhere for an hour every Sunday. Maybe it's just me. I'd feel terribly unfaithful to myself, if I were to go and pay homage, tithe, worship with and act like I agree with a place that would hold me at arms length at best, and tell me I was going to hell at worst, IF I were to be honest with them about my lifestyle.

The Universal Unitarian Church actually takes no issue with pre-marital sex, homosexuality and has female clergy. It's all cool for them. Still, it's going and sitting somewhere for an hour once a week. IF I were to go to a church, I'd go there, but, my Spiritual beliefs are better upheld in my everyday life, rather than in a building with a bunch of people I have little in common with and in some cases, who would think my lifestyle is "sinful."

Again, mileage and all that.

03/12/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by 0
I'm glad I could spur such fun debate haha. I really appreciate everyone's input...

@P'Gell: Thanks for the different point of view. I really do love this church, but I've been in a number of others in my life so this is just ... more
I'm confused. You said: And I would be more than happy if he DIDN'T want to have sex. There is so much more to a relationship than that.

Uh....

Yeah, of course more than that. But, to a lot of us, a relationship is empty without it. I'm a little curious why you asked the members of a sex positive community filled with kinksters, BDSM players, polyamorous people, sex toy aficionados and such a question like this, if sex isn't on your agenda.

I mean, if you don't want sex, it's your business, yanno? But, why ask us? I doubt few of us here would be celibate by choice for anything in the world. Sex is kind of the operative word on Eden.

It certainly isn't up to me how you conduct your relationships, I don't even know you. Just wondering why you'd ask such a sex positive community this question if you aren't interested in sex.

More confusion than anything else. No judgment, I really don't care. But, I'm confused why you picked us to ask.
03/12/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I'm confused. You said: And I would be more than happy if he DIDN'T want to have sex. There is so much more to a relationship than that.

Uh....

Yeah, of course more than that. But, to a lot of us, a relationship is empty ... more
I would assume (and yes I realize the risk I take by assuming) that she means that she would find it refreshing if sex weren't the priority in building the relationship to begin with. Focus on getting to know each other, figuring out personality compatibility before adding the sex to the relationship. Relationships don't have to start with a sexual relationship, and many people enjoy being in a relationship where sex is the icing, not the cake.
03/12/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
I would assume (and yes I realize the risk I take by assuming) that she means that she would find it refreshing if sex weren't the priority in building the relationship to begin with. Focus on getting to know each other, figuring out personality ... more
She said "DIDN'T want to have sex." (with CAPS on the "didn't") NOT "I want to wait to get to know him to have sex with him." Two totally different things.

And again, I don't really care. I'm not dating her. Just WHY ask a sex positive community a loaded question, with the words "Crazy Christian" (hers, not ours) and then....

Am I barking up the wrong tree here?
03/12/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
She said "DIDN'T want to have sex." (with CAPS on the "didn't") NOT "I want to wait to get to know him to have sex with him." Two totally different things.

And again, I don't really care. I'm not ... more
I understand where you're coming from, I totally do. I'm just trying to present the other side of it. I highly doubt she meant that she'd be okay if he NEVER wanted to have sex, ever! But she might be willing to wait until they got married to have sex and that's her decision and is just as valid as jumping into the sack with him on the second date. IF they date and they decide to wait, it doesn't make her any less sex-positive.
03/12/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
My point is she hasn't even gone on a date with this guy, so it's hard to make presumptions of being not sex-positive. She doesn't even know.

I will offer the advice to her to be prepared to be met with the wall of him believing EVERY.SINGLE.TENET. of his church's beliefs. Don't be surprised.
03/12/2011
Contributor: 0 0
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
She said "DIDN'T want to have sex." (with CAPS on the "didn't") NOT "I want to wait to get to know him to have sex with him." Two totally different things.

And again, I don't really care. I'm not ... more
Ha...wellllll. BBW is correct, but, I don't consider toys and such to be "sex" and so there's still plenty for me to do without him. I LOVE sex, but I can respect if someone didn't want it. I suppose the point of asking a sex-positive community is to find out if you all thought a relationship could be had without being based around it, am I to think the answer from you is a resounding "no?" Like I said I am appreciating your different view in this convo.
03/12/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by 0
Ha...wellllll. BBW is correct, but, I don't consider toys and such to be "sex" and so there's still plenty for me to do without him. I LOVE sex, but I can respect if someone didn't want it. I suppose the point of asking a ... more
OK. Cool.

That's my opinion, but not everyone agrees. One of the cool things on Eden, we can disagree and still be cool with each other.

Hugs. I hope you can get what you need from this relationship.



As for toys being "sex" I personally consider them to be. The title of the woman's masturbation Bible "Sex for One" is called Sex for One. When I use my toys alone (although I prefer to use them with My Man) I consider it making love to and having sex with myself.

But again, that's me.

And mileage may vary and probably will.

03/12/2011
Contributor: 0 0
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
OK. Cool.

That's my opinion, but not everyone agrees. One of the cool things on Eden, we can disagree and still be cool with each other.

Hugs. I hope you can get what you need from this relationship.



As for toys ... more
I'll have to read that, sounds interesting...
03/12/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by 0
I'll have to read that, sounds interesting...
Here ya go. It's by Betty Dobson, the Godmother of female self love. It's really a classic.

Sex For One, Book
03/12/2011
Contributor: BadassFatass BadassFatass
Ask him. The worst he can say is that he's not comfortable with it and since you don't agree with the group's way of thinking then you're probably dodging a bullet.
03/12/2011
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Well, not 100%, but at least for me, if I can't at least subscribe to the general tenets that the church has at it's core ideas, it makes no sense to simply go and sit somewhere for an hour every Sunday. Maybe it's just me. I'd feel ... more
Thanks for the heads up - I was aware of that church but didn't know they didn't take issue w/ pre-marital sex. I'm used to the Methodist churches here being most liberal as they do have female clergy, homosexual members, and EVERY one of my Methodist ministers have actually been divorced - I'll look into this!
03/12/2011
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Here ya go. It's by Betty Dobson, the Godmother of female self love. It's really a classic.

Sex For One, Book
Oooh, I'll second this! Betty Dodson is genius - it's the first masturbation book I ever read and although there have been many more since that, it's still the best one.
03/12/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Tori Rebel
Thanks for the heads up - I was aware of that church but didn't know they didn't take issue w/ pre-marital sex. I'm used to the Methodist churches here being most liberal as they do have female clergy, homosexual members, and EVERY one of ... more
I do like their ads on TV, with obviously GLBT people being invited. "Not your gramma's Methodism."
03/12/2011
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
I say go ahead and ask him. The worst thing that can happen is he'll say no. But at least then you'll know. Life's too short to stand in the corner, grab the bull by the horns! And best wishes!
03/12/2011