The New Intimacy

Have you ever had a partner who actually checked your body for signs of cheating i.e. hickeys?

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Contributor: K101 K101
OK. I wanted to ask this question right now as I know someone who does do this to his girlfriend of 6 years and I just wanted to know what you guys think about it. Is it OK? Is it wrong? Has it ever happened to you? Would you be angry?

Thanks for voting and feel free to discuss/share your ideas and opinions.
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
No I have never had a partner who checked me for signs of cheating i.e. hickeys.
83
Yes I have had a partner who checked my body for signs of cheating.
12
I have checked a partner's body for signs of cheating.
6
I am not OK with my partner checking my body for cheating signs.
41
I wouldn't mind my partner checking my body for cheating signs.
6
Other?
2
Im unsure/it depends.
Total votes: 150 (99 voters)
Poll is closed
08/31/2011
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Contributor: Ryuson Ryuson
(Review Program Mentor)
He never has, but if he was suspicious I'd let him; there'd be nothing for him to find!
08/31/2011
Contributor: froggiemoma froggiemoma
Never happened to me before, i think it might make me a little angry and hurt my feelings a little but if he needed to for his own piece of mind would let him.
08/31/2011
Contributor: mandiegk mandiegk
If my boyfriend tried to check me for signs of cheating that would be the end of the relationship. I am not okay with being in a relationship with someone who clearly doesn't trust me, especially if we had been together for 6 years. I would think there was a serious problem with the relationship if my boyfriend was that suspicious of me.
08/31/2011
Contributor: sexyintexas sexyintexas
I got married when I was 15. My first husband used to want to check my panties when I came in. I divorced him at 18. I would never put up with that now. If you don't trust me then why are you with me?
08/31/2011
Contributor: Liz2 Liz2
If my partner was suspicious and checking my bod, he would be history! The element of trust is so ever important in relationships.
08/31/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
Wow... I've never been in a situation even close to that trustless. As sexyintexas says, "If you don't trust me, why are you with me?"

I don't want to judge other people---maybe if there has been some infidelity in the recent past, and the couple decides that they're going to try to work through it, maybe they would make an agreement where the cheated-on partner could check the cheater's phone, or body, or whatever, in order to satisfy their concern. But I would hope that would be just as a bridge-crossing measure, for a limited time, until trust was re-established. If that was a continuing pattern I would think it would be very destructive to the relationship.

Personally I would not remain in a relationship where the trust level was that low.
08/31/2011
Contributor: Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
the moment that happens, the relationship is over. trust is so essential and i think that's absolute shit to be honest.
08/31/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
I've never been in a relationship with a man like that. I would move on if a man acted that immature.

Even if there was "reason" to be distrustful, there are better ways to handle it than treat her like a showdog.
08/31/2011
Contributor: Sunshineamine Sunshineamine
My ex husband turned out to be a little crazy and if I had a bruise or something he automatically began to think and accuse me of it being from having sex with another guy. CRAZY. That's why he is an ex. Turns out he was cheating on me the stupid insecure bastard. If that happened in my relationship now I would help him out the door.
08/31/2011
Contributor: Kkay Kkay
I've never been in a relationship where that was considered normal, and I have difficulty believing that a relationship could be healthy when one partner felt the need to regularly check for signs of infidelity.
08/31/2011
Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
I had a boyfriend a long time ago, before I was dating my husband, who was very controlling. He constantly checked to see if I was cheating in several ways. He checked through the contact list on my phone to see if I was calling any other man. He checked my text messages to see if I was texting any other man.

If I had a bruise on my neck, which I often did because I have anemia, he always accused it of being a hickey. If I wore men's antipersperant (which I have always done. it just works better.) then he thought the smell was from some other guy that I was with.

It was awful, I didn't like it, but I guess I can understand in a way. There were times when I wondered if my husband was cheating - back when we were only dating. Sometimes his clothes smelled of perfume and I wondered if I should have worried. I would smell him hard each time I hugged him.

Other than that I never really "checked" for anything. I knew he was faithful, it was just insecurity.
08/31/2011
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
Um, eeewwwwwwwww! That is so creepy to me, and extremely controlling. I am not a cheater, I have never cheated, etc so there would be nothing to find, but I could never be with someone like that. Not in a million years.
08/31/2011
Contributor: Naughty Student Naughty Student
That is a sign of abuse to me. If your partner is checking your body, what doesn't say he isn't following you around or obsessively checking your phone.e-mail, etc.

That is extreme, I would never stay with someone so jealous and obsessed, red flags just pop up when I hear about this type of behaviour.
08/31/2011
Contributor: PuddlePuppy PuddlePuppy
I would be lying if I said there wasn't a time or two I scrutinized over my girlfriends neck for signs of bruising.
But I never threw any accusations in with it.
And the few times I've ever cheated on anybody at all I wasn't dumb enough to let myself get a hickey.
But I've been broken up with over discoloration.
08/31/2011
Contributor: Naughty Student Naughty Student
Quote:
Originally posted by Naughty Student
That is a sign of abuse to me. If your partner is checking your body, what doesn't say he isn't following you around or obsessively checking your phone.e-mail, etc.

That is extreme, I would never stay with someone so jealous and ... more
Also, often times ppl who are that insecure with their partner cheating have cheated on their partner themselves. I would be suspicious of this guy
08/31/2011
Contributor: Starkiller87 Starkiller87
Id leave immediately and not look back. Why would you be with someone who you didn't trust. I'm at that age where I'm not in relationships just for fun but Im also trying to find my companion to settle down. So I wouldn't stay with an untrustworthy guy when I could be dating someone else and searching for the one if you will.
08/31/2011
Contributor: Ace <3 Ace <3
It's never happened to me. And I probably would feel a little offended if my girlfriend decided to check me like that. I would be upset that she didn't trust me and our relationship. However, I could probably understand why the boyfriend in this scenario did it. If the girl he was dating is known for cheating it would make sense that he is a little more defensive about her. If that is the case I just wouldn't suggest being with her in the first place then. The other scenario is that he is cheating himself and is doing it from guilt by his own actions.
08/31/2011
Contributor: That Man from Mars That Man from Mars
I would be very offended if she even thought I was cheating. She can check me any time she wants and certainly would never find any marks that weren't left by her.
08/31/2011
Contributor: Sarah <3 Sarah <3
Nope I havn't
08/31/2011
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by sexyintexas
I got married when I was 15. My first husband used to want to check my panties when I came in. I divorced him at 18. I would never put up with that now. If you don't trust me then why are you with me?
Wow, that's messed up!

Glad you got out when you did!
08/31/2011
Contributor: Sex'и'Violence Sex'и'Violence
No never have. That seems really controlling to me so I wouldn't like it. In my current relationship though I think I'd just make it a game. Sort of a "can you find what he did to me" thing lol
08/31/2011
Contributor: AndroAngel AndroAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by mandiegk
If my boyfriend tried to check me for signs of cheating that would be the end of the relationship. I am not okay with being in a relationship with someone who clearly doesn't trust me, especially if we had been together for 6 years. I would ... more
I agree entirely. Trust is important to a healthy relationship.
08/31/2011
Contributor: Yaoi Pervette (deleted) Yaoi Pervette (deleted)
I've never been checked, and I've never checked anyone else. However, a hickey was how I figured out that my high school boyfriend was cheating on me. He tried to say it was irritation from shaving, but I am not an idiot. Then, I talked to one of his friends, and the friend told me about an encounter he had with another girl.
08/31/2011
Contributor: RonLee RonLee
Sadly, my Ex did exactly that. From years of living with her, I've come to believe that the kind of suspicion that drove her to do that was a sign of mental illness.
08/31/2011
Contributor: BellaDonna2884 BellaDonna2884
No. The only time I've heard of this was when a friend of mine did cheat on his girlfriend. When the girlfriend called his house his mom told the girlfriend he was out with another girl and that she gave him a massive hickey. Of course the girlfriend came to his house the next day to see if the story was true, it was and they broke up.
08/31/2011
Contributor: mcl272 mcl272
i've never done it & it's never happened to me. that's a serious trust issue!
08/31/2011
Contributor: Breas Breas
No I've never had that done to me.. but my last boyfriend was always accusing me of cheating and I was 100% faithful. He had a LOT of insecurity issues and it eventually got so unbearable... Anytime I left his place he would assume I was going to go "do someone else".... wtf? lol.. It was a seriously messed up relationship that I am thankful I am out of.

I could see someone being like this more so if their partner had previously cheated on them.. but if your friend has been faithful for 6 years then I dont see why the partner would need to check..
08/31/2011
Contributor: GravyCakes GravyCakes
if my bf started checking me for signs of cheating, i would start to wonder if he wasn't cheating himself & just hoping to catch me at it 1st or something to make himself feel better about what he was doing. lucky for me, my bf values his life, lol.
08/31/2011
Contributor: sarki sarki
No that would seem a little strange to me
08/31/2011