My boyfriend gets really offended and sometimes even angry when I masturbate. After a first few times of me doing it, I mentioned to him that it upsets me that he doesn't want me to find pleasure in/by myself (even when he fails to pleasure me, but I wouldn't say THAT to him). He said that it makes him feel inadequate but when I explained to him that sometimes - when he's not here, or asleep, or even with him here with me, I just like to have some sexual time by myself. He seemed okay with that, but he still gets offended if I masturbate. Have you ever had this problem? (comment with your opinion/solution)
Does your partner get angry or offended when you masturbate?
05/29/2012
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That seems like an unhealthy attitude, particularly given that there are so many women who find it much easier to orgasm during solo rather than partner sex. Even aside from that, though, I think that masturbation fills different needs than sex, and that one can't replace the other; sex (in the context of a relationship at least) has a whole emotional/social purpose that masturbation doesn't, while masturbation (to me at least) is about a) self-acceptance and b) satisfying a purely (or nearly purely) physical urge. I know you said you've already talked to him, but maybe you could try to explain in more detail why this is important to you?
05/29/2012
No, not at all. Neither of us would ever dream of being angry at the other for masturbating. In fact, my sweetie has been sick for maybe 2 weeks and just hasn't felt up to it, and since I was getting a bit backed up, he encouraged me to take care of myself next to him. I've encouraged him to do the same thing when I've been sick.
05/29/2012
My wife has never had a problem with masturbation.
05/29/2012
Nope, we understand it's more of a release thing then unhappiness, and distance does get in the way.
05/29/2012
I totally agree with pasdechat. It definitely seems like your partner is harboring an unhealthy attitude. Often, in our society, it seems as though the expectation is for partners to have some kind of possession of one another's sexualities (possession may be too strong a word) - as if all sexual energies should be spent on each other rather than on a person's own self. Maybe he's reflecting this expectation...? Either way, he doesn't necessarily have a say regarding whether or not you masturbate, and I think it's important to continue to communicate that his attitude makes you very uncomfortable.
05/29/2012
Upon dating my current girlfriend she had made it clear that she would rather me not masturbate. I don't mind that I can't because I have her, but sometimes I do get the "itch" to just masturbate and if I joke with her about doing it she gets upset. I don't see it as a huge issue in my case so I've never argued about it, but often wondered if other couples had this issue and if it affects them how so.
05/29/2012
When I first started considering buying sex toys after 8 years of marriage and being almost 30 without experiencing an orgasm my husband was all against it. We made a compromise that I wouldn't buy any realistic looking toys. He still calls all my toys dildo's even though I don't even own one.
05/29/2012
Masturbation has nothing to do with sexual gratification or lack of by a partner. It is a normal function of healthy people for times when they need gratification for themselves.
05/29/2012
I don't masturbate unless it's in front of my partner to please him. But if I choose a toy that is bigger than he is or if I choose to use the toy that I wouldn't use him normally use him for then he complains.
05/29/2012
My husband loves to hear about when Ive masturbated and the same goes the other way, its just another facet of our sexual life together. We even send pics of it to each other sometimes
05/29/2012
Quote:
Excellent response! I agree 100%. (And I don't think "possession" is a word too strong, I think it's just right in many situations.)
Originally posted by
palindromic
I totally agree with pasdechat. It definitely seems like your partner is harboring an unhealthy attitude. Often, in our society, it seems as though the expectation is for partners to have some kind of possession of one another's sexualities
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I totally agree with pasdechat. It definitely seems like your partner is harboring an unhealthy attitude. Often, in our society, it seems as though the expectation is for partners to have some kind of possession of one another's sexualities (possession may be too strong a word) - as if all sexual energies should be spent on each other rather than on a person's own self. Maybe he's reflecting this expectation...? Either way, he doesn't necessarily have a say regarding whether or not you masturbate, and I think it's important to continue to communicate that his attitude makes you very uncomfortable.
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Often younger or less secure men feel "threatened" when they find out their partner masturbates. Everybody masturbates. Some more than others. Being able to take charge of your sexuality and please yourself on occasion is a wonderful thing and should be celebrated, not condemned.
My Man finds it fascinating how I please myself, and on the occasion I tell him I have done so, he is always very happy, and often very turned on.
I know My Man does, not only does he tell me sometimes, but once in a while, while I'm sleeping, I hear that tell tale "twap twap twap twap" and I either just leave him alone to finish, or ask him if he wants a hand. If he wants to finish alone, that's OK with me. (As long as I've been pleased sexually by him recently.) Masturbation is simply a normal thing that people and most animals engage in.
I find it hard to believe the OP's partner doesn't masturbate, although he may not want to admit it. (A wise man once said, "98% of men say they masturbate, the other 2% are liars.")
Britanny, you have a right to please yourself. If it isn't interfering with your sex life with a partner, there is no reason to doubt that it is good for you. You may want to gather some research which shows that virtually all people please themselves, woman just as much as men.
05/29/2012
Quote:
double post.
Originally posted by
palindromic
I totally agree with pasdechat. It definitely seems like your partner is harboring an unhealthy attitude. Often, in our society, it seems as though the expectation is for partners to have some kind of possession of one another's sexualities
...
more
I totally agree with pasdechat. It definitely seems like your partner is harboring an unhealthy attitude. Often, in our society, it seems as though the expectation is for partners to have some kind of possession of one another's sexualities (possession may be too strong a word) - as if all sexual energies should be spent on each other rather than on a person's own self. Maybe he's reflecting this expectation...? Either way, he doesn't necessarily have a say regarding whether or not you masturbate, and I think it's important to continue to communicate that his attitude makes you very uncomfortable.
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05/29/2012
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She used to get a little mad if she thought I was doing it, unless she was watching! I think she felt like I did not need her, that she did not please me. I do not get get angry or offended if my wife,or anybody else's, masturbates. I think its a turn on. That's why we are here on Eden Fantasy. It would not bother me to come home and find her with toys out and a bunch of dead batteries.
Originally posted by
britanny0620
My boyfriend gets really offended and sometimes even angry when I masturbate. After a first few times of me doing it, I mentioned to him that it upsets me that he doesn't want me to find pleasure in/by myself (even when he fails to pleasure me,
...
more
My boyfriend gets really offended and sometimes even angry when I masturbate. After a first few times of me doing it, I mentioned to him that it upsets me that he doesn't want me to find pleasure in/by myself (even when he fails to pleasure me, but I wouldn't say THAT to him). He said that it makes him feel inadequate but when I explained to him that sometimes - when he's not here, or asleep, or even with him here with me, I just like to have some sexual time by myself. He seemed okay with that, but he still gets offended if I masturbate. Have you ever had this problem? (comment with your opinion/solution)
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05/29/2012
Master actually encourages me to masturbate, with her permission of course. Some people just need their 'me' time.
05/29/2012
No, she really never gets upset when I masturbate. She knows that sometimes I need my time, but of course she knows that she can join in anytime she wants.
05/29/2012
I have always hid it from partners until recently. Both of my partners don't care. I think it is a security issue because I used to get grumpy if I thought a partner was masturbating because I felt that they didn't really want me. I have learned that sometimes it's nice to just scratch the "itch" without the work of sex, or the partner isn't available.
05/29/2012
Quote:
Nope, no, my partner has not been offended.
Originally posted by
britanny0620
My boyfriend gets really offended and sometimes even angry when I masturbate. After a first few times of me doing it, I mentioned to him that it upsets me that he doesn't want me to find pleasure in/by myself (even when he fails to pleasure me,
...
more
My boyfriend gets really offended and sometimes even angry when I masturbate. After a first few times of me doing it, I mentioned to him that it upsets me that he doesn't want me to find pleasure in/by myself (even when he fails to pleasure me, but I wouldn't say THAT to him). He said that it makes him feel inadequate but when I explained to him that sometimes - when he's not here, or asleep, or even with him here with me, I just like to have some sexual time by myself. He seemed okay with that, but he still gets offended if I masturbate. Have you ever had this problem? (comment with your opinion/solution)
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05/29/2012
Quote:
Yes with a past partner...he couldn't get over me masturbating...mind you he did it daily. This is a key reason he's a PAST partner
Originally posted by
britanny0620
My boyfriend gets really offended and sometimes even angry when I masturbate. After a first few times of me doing it, I mentioned to him that it upsets me that he doesn't want me to find pleasure in/by myself (even when he fails to pleasure me,
...
more
My boyfriend gets really offended and sometimes even angry when I masturbate. After a first few times of me doing it, I mentioned to him that it upsets me that he doesn't want me to find pleasure in/by myself (even when he fails to pleasure me, but I wouldn't say THAT to him). He said that it makes him feel inadequate but when I explained to him that sometimes - when he's not here, or asleep, or even with him here with me, I just like to have some sexual time by myself. He seemed okay with that, but he still gets offended if I masturbate. Have you ever had this problem? (comment with your opinion/solution)
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05/29/2012
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Not at all! He begs me to do it, it gets him off.
Originally posted by
britanny0620
My boyfriend gets really offended and sometimes even angry when I masturbate. After a first few times of me doing it, I mentioned to him that it upsets me that he doesn't want me to find pleasure in/by myself (even when he fails to pleasure me,
...
more
My boyfriend gets really offended and sometimes even angry when I masturbate. After a first few times of me doing it, I mentioned to him that it upsets me that he doesn't want me to find pleasure in/by myself (even when he fails to pleasure me, but I wouldn't say THAT to him). He said that it makes him feel inadequate but when I explained to him that sometimes - when he's not here, or asleep, or even with him here with me, I just like to have some sexual time by myself. He seemed okay with that, but he still gets offended if I masturbate. Have you ever had this problem? (comment with your opinion/solution)
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05/30/2012
PSH if i ever had a lover who got mad at my masturbation, INSTANT BREAK-UP
05/30/2012
Quote:
He doesn’t mind at all.
Originally posted by
britanny0620
My boyfriend gets really offended and sometimes even angry when I masturbate. After a first few times of me doing it, I mentioned to him that it upsets me that he doesn't want me to find pleasure in/by myself (even when he fails to pleasure me,
...
more
My boyfriend gets really offended and sometimes even angry when I masturbate. After a first few times of me doing it, I mentioned to him that it upsets me that he doesn't want me to find pleasure in/by myself (even when he fails to pleasure me, but I wouldn't say THAT to him). He said that it makes him feel inadequate but when I explained to him that sometimes - when he's not here, or asleep, or even with him here with me, I just like to have some sexual time by myself. He seemed okay with that, but he still gets offended if I masturbate. Have you ever had this problem? (comment with your opinion/solution)
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05/30/2012
Unless someone is completely ignoring their partner's sexual needs then there is no reason to get angry ever at someone masturbating. That is ridiculous.
05/30/2012
No - she probably doesn't even know its happening - and she swears she never does. I almost believe her - I just wish it wasn't true.
05/30/2012
Haha, no, never. Actually, he encourages it.
I laughed at whoever said they don't masturbate...on EF that seems incredibly unlikely.
I laughed at whoever said they don't masturbate...on EF that seems incredibly unlikely.
05/30/2012
He BETTER not, seeing as it's usually the only way I can get off! He does make comments about how my masturbating as a young teen set me up to only respond to very specific stimulation (mine)....I don't say anything about that 'cause it's the truth.
05/30/2012
Quote:
Actually most people, women especially learn how to orgasm with a partner by masturbating.
Originally posted by
bayosgirl
He BETTER not, seeing as it's usually the only way I can get off! He does make comments about how my masturbating as a young teen set me up to only respond to very specific stimulation (mine)....I don't say anything about that 'cause it's the truth.
You don't set yourself up for ONLY your own stimulation when you please yourself, you learn what you like, then show your partner so he or she can do these things and others you may not have thought of, with you.
I know I never would have had an orgasm with My Man if I hadn't learned how on my own first. There's less pressure, when you are young, and learning on your own, and it isn't that hard to transfer what feels good by your own hand to what feels good from him.
Seeing as nearly everyone masturbates, and most people eventually learn to come with a partner, the whole "I can't come with my partner because I masturbated." thing is simply untrue. That's not how the human body works.
Show him what you do, and get yourself warmed up and then let him duplicate your actions with his mouth and fingers. It may not work the first time, but it should if he takes his time with you.
05/30/2012
No, he doesn't get mad.
05/30/2012
Quote:
Nah. He finds it sexy to see me. I was trying out a few toys by myself for reviewing and he got really turned on by watching me have fun by myself.
Originally posted by
britanny0620
My boyfriend gets really offended and sometimes even angry when I masturbate. After a first few times of me doing it, I mentioned to him that it upsets me that he doesn't want me to find pleasure in/by myself (even when he fails to pleasure me,
...
more
My boyfriend gets really offended and sometimes even angry when I masturbate. After a first few times of me doing it, I mentioned to him that it upsets me that he doesn't want me to find pleasure in/by myself (even when he fails to pleasure me, but I wouldn't say THAT to him). He said that it makes him feel inadequate but when I explained to him that sometimes - when he's not here, or asleep, or even with him here with me, I just like to have some sexual time by myself. He seemed okay with that, but he still gets offended if I masturbate. Have you ever had this problem? (comment with your opinion/solution)
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05/30/2012
Though when I was younger I was really insecure about my past partner watching porn. I would compare myself to the girls and feel like shit. Glad that's over with!
05/30/2012