The New Intimacy

Do you want to be single?

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Contributor: Not Here Anymore f/k/a Happy Lady Not Here Anymore f/k/a Happy Lady
The last few months have been really life changing for me, but the biggest change is that I stopped wanting to be in romantic relationships. I've been in a couple and it always comes back to wanting to be single - although I do enjoy a monogamous sexual relationship. I like my alone time and don't like feeling obligated to call someone or even answer his/her calls (close friends & family excluded.)

I'm wondering who else is at a point in life where you want to be single?
For the purpose of this poll, I am defining "romantic relationship" as more than just casually dating.
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
I am single, without a sexual partner, and I like it.
15  (9%)
I am single, with at least one sexual partner, but I'm not really romantically involved, and I like it.
3  (2%)
I am single, with or without a sexual partner, and I really want to be in a romantic relationship.
29  (16%)
I am involved with one or more persons romantically & sexually, but I'd rather be single.
6  (3%)
I am involved with one or more persons romantically & sexually, and I'm really happy that way (I don't want to be single.)
104  (59%)
I'm technically "single", although I'm involved with someone(s) who think it's more.
1  (1%)
I am casually dating and not really thinking about getting involved in a romantic relationship.
4  (2%)
Other (I'm sure there is something I'm missing.)
14  (8%)
Total votes: 176
Poll is closed
07/26/2009
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Contributor: Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
I am involved and relatively happy but I miss some things about being single.
07/26/2009
Contributor: removedacnt removedacnt
I've really never lived alone and I've never wanted to. My husband and I will be celebrating our 25th Anniversary in September. But I've been with him longer than that. And I was married for a few years before that.
07/26/2009
Contributor: Tuesday Tuesday
Quote:
Originally posted by Adriana Ravenlust
I am involved and relatively happy but I miss some things about being single.
Yes. I miss the frequent sex from being single. Sigh...
07/26/2009
Contributor: Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Tuesday
Yes. I miss the frequent sex from being single. Sigh...
Sex wasn't apart of being single for me. I just sort of miss feeling like everyone is an option.. It's so hopeful. And also being able to wield my sexual/attraction prowess as a weapon. LOL
07/26/2009
Contributor: Rocky LaFemme Rocky LaFemme
I am single, without a sexual partner, and I like it. My last was a horrible lover. I do not want to up my # to have sex with another guy who doesn't know what he is doing. I am sorry to say I have hang ups on my # of sexual partners, silly yes but I do. I wish I could have casual sex I just an not a casual person in particular when it comes to sex. But I am trying to get there cause damn it my body needs to feel the weight of a man!
07/27/2009
Contributor: Nashville Nashville
I've been with my husband for... oh god, a very long time.

There are so many things I miss about being single (how thin I was from stressful dating or from being to nervous to eat in front of dates), how my partners went down on me without knowing what my vagina looked like while pushing out an 8 lb baby... most of all I miss independence but that's not to say I don't have it now. For the most part, my husband really lets me do my own thing however, he backs off so much that I wish he'd get more involved with what I do. Sometimes you can feel so alone because your partner doesn't understand certain interests or "get" parts of your life that you try to have without them. And that's well and good, I like having some things that are just for me, but once in a while it would be nice if he stuck his nose in to see what I was up to.

I love him though, he's been a rock through some serious times. I never really saw myself as someone in a committed relationship after all the trial, error, and disasters I went through before I met him. Plans change in an instant though, I went from single and having horrific hookups to married with a very devoted husband.

Plus I can't imagine being single again... there are too many diseases out there to catch, it gives me a major case of the ickies.
08/17/2009
Contributor: Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
How's about, "I am single, but I really would like a sexual partner." It doesn't necessarily have to be a ROMANTIC relationship, although that's why I started fasting from sex in the first place (9 months! ::sobs:. I just miss having somebody physically there.
08/17/2009
Contributor: Red Red
I have been partnered since I was 18, and single for all the years before that.

I'm a loner. I cherish my alone time, and I like doing things on my own. And my husband fits in with that perfectly, in ways I can't really explain well - although there are times I wish I could have the house to myself for an evening.

I will probably always have so part of myself that I save for myself. So maybe, at heart, I am eternally single - yet have been fortunate enough to find a man that "gets" that and "gets" me.
08/17/2009
Contributor: Rockin' Rockin'
I don't feel smothered by my partner, and I think we allow each other enough alone time so that we can miss each other and enjoy the time we spend together. We also seem to get a good bit of joy out of the "menial" things we do together like grocery shopping or washing dishes.
08/17/2009
Contributor: Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
Quote:
Originally posted by Adriana Ravenlust
Sex wasn't apart of being single for me. I just sort of miss feeling like everyone is an option.. It's so hopeful. And also being able to wield my sexual/attraction prowess as a weapon. LOL
Pretty much ^

I love my boyfriend, but I liked being able to just flirt with strangers, y'know? Now I feel guilty when I smile too much at someone that isn't him.
08/17/2009
Contributor: Raven Raven
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Cinnamon
Pretty much ^

I love my boyfriend, but I liked being able to just flirt with strangers, y'know? Now I feel guilty when I smile too much at someone that isn't him.
So in agreement. But, although I miss things like flirting with strangers, I really would never want to give up my husband for any reason. There's nothing like having someone always there who knows you, loves you, laughs with you, cuddles with you, cooks for you, makes true love to you, and all the other little things that make up a loving relationship. The thought of ever losing him for any reason is very painful.
08/17/2009
Contributor: spicywife spicywife
Quote:
Originally posted by Raven
So in agreement. But, although I miss things like flirting with strangers, I really would never want to give up my husband for any reason. There's nothing like having someone always there who knows you, loves you, laughs with you, cuddles with ... more
Great point about having someone. You put it so well that I am not able to think of much of anything to add!

I couldn't imagine being single nor would I want to be. My husband and I are a part of each other. There's nothing quite like having someone that just wants to be with you because you're you.

I don't miss flirting with strangers though, not that I ever really did that but a few times. I never liked the idea of being with someone that I wasn't in love wiht.
08/17/2009
Contributor: Mrs. Sparks Mrs. Sparks
It's a cliche, but my husband is my best friend. There are times when I enjoy being alone, or fantasize about being single, but if I had my choice I'd stay right where I am.

I'd just get laid more.
08/17/2009
Contributor: Alan & Michele Alan & Michele
I've got the best of both worlds, because neither of us are the jealous type, so we both still flirt with strangers (and tease each other about it too!). Nothing beats having the right person waiting for you at home though, so I would never want to be single again.
08/18/2009
Contributor: Raven Raven
Quote:
Originally posted by spicywife
Great point about having someone. You put it so well that I am not able to think of much of anything to add!

I couldn't imagine being single nor would I want to be. My husband and I are a part of each other. There's nothing quite like ... more
Yes, ma'am. Knowing that someone loves you enough to stay with you year after year through all not-so-great times like illness or unemployment, and who wants nothing so much as to just be with you, is the greatest blessing I know.
08/18/2009
Contributor: gone77 gone77
I chose the first option, and while I'm usually happy being single sometimes I do get really lonely and wish I was with someone. And then it passes and I'm back to being happy again.
08/18/2009
Contributor: Liz2 Liz2
I am "single" with a steady b/f for about two years and committed to him. I am not interested in the dating scene now; too much work! I want marriage and children eventually. Our relationship is complicated by a g/f who I also have a relationship with. Where is this going????
I also have a two jobs and completing my doctoral thesis...
08/25/2009
Contributor: Sanjay Sanjay
I am an extremely monogamous person by nature and have a slightly clingy personality, so I'd have to say I'm the complete opposite. Lucky for me, my husband is the same way as I am in that respect (clinginess in a relationship isn't a good thing unless both people happen to like clinging to each other!) Even so, we try to spend some time apart because we realize that we can't be together every waking moment of our lives and it is important to have some "me time."
08/25/2009
Contributor: Avery Dragon Avery Dragon
I'm in a relationship that is long distance. We've been together for nearly 2 years now (oct 31), and are very happy with each other. He accepted a good job before we met and moved a month after we started dating. When we get to, we visit each other and have out together time.

He's in Washington state, I'm in Texas. He brings me pleasure like no one ever has before, both physically and emotionally, and we are in a monogamous relationship. The difference is that I have the streak that wants to have multiple partners, while he's a one man kinda guy.

I respect him for that and keep to that, but when it becomes 5+ months without any and your manager asks if she can peg you since her boyfriend wont let her do it to him, it becomes something you think about. In the end though, I know I'll keep waiting.
08/25/2009
Contributor: LiftedUp LiftedUp
I'm happily married, and wouldn't want to be single again. I mean, sure, there were times when being single was fun... but mostly it's for selfish reasons, or the "thrill of the chase."

However, being married, my wife and I share a strong established bond, that allows us the freedom and comfort to explore and indulge one another, in ways that I couldn't EVER imagine a casual sexual relationship could. I can't imagine sharing some of my deepest fantasies or fetishes with someone I wasn't married to.
08/25/2009
Contributor: Luscious Lily Luscious Lily
I'm happily in a committed relationship that's heading toward marriage, and I wouldn't change that for anything. When I was single, I was never really happy about it. We're both secure and trusting enough that flirting with others, within reason, is just a game that we tease each other about. So I can still wield my beauty and sexuality as a weapon when I have the balls to do so, within the bounds of our relationship.

Do I miss the freedom of knowing that everyone is an option? Not really, because I never felt like that in the first place. It's kind of ironic: I never felt confident enough to think I could get anyone I wanted, until I didn't need to any more. Now I know I can get under their skin any time I choose, but that just makes me more hot for the man I have. Going out together and watching each other flirt makes for some hot sex later that night.
08/25/2009
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Right now, I am in the longest happiest relationship I've EVER been in. Most of my previous relationships ended at 1 month, 2 months, 9 months, or 18, like clock work.

I wouldn't want to be single now for anything. I am totally in love with the girl of my dreams and fantasies. We'll be at the 2 year mark in Jan.
11/15/2009
Contributor: Raven Raven
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
Right now, I am in the longest happiest relationship I've EVER been in. Most of my previous relationships ended at 1 month, 2 months, 9 months, or 18, like clock work.

I wouldn't want to be single now for anything. I am totally in ... more
Congrats. Finding love and happiness is the greatest gift of all, IMO.
01/02/2010
Contributor: giggled giggled
I lucked out and found a great guy that I love living and spending time with. However long it lasts, we're enjoying the ride. Before we got together, we both really enjoyed being single. For both of us, it was a process, where we were unhappy with the options available to us, lonely and wondering why nothing worked, and finally, happy and content to be single. And what do you know? That's when we met.
01/02/2010
Contributor: Miss Jane Miss Jane
I love love. My guy and I have been together for over 3 years now, and there are of course the bad times like in any relationship but we're doing well.
01/02/2010
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Married Bliss - I never thought it would happen - so would never do anything to screw it up. Work'n on 21 years here's to ya!
01/03/2010
Contributor: Miss Jane Miss Jane
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
Married Bliss - I never thought it would happen - so would never do anything to screw it up. Work'n on 21 years here's to ya!
Congrats
01/03/2010
Contributor: *Country Girl Can Survive* *Country Girl Can Survive*
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
Married Bliss - I never thought it would happen - so would never do anything to screw it up. Work'n on 21 years here's to ya!
AMEN! I'll raise my glass to that!

Hubby & I have only been married alittle over a year but we have been together for almost 5 years. I wouldn't trade it for the world.
There are so many times when I was single where I wasnt "me" but to find someone that loves me for who I am and I can be completely myself around is the best feeling in the world.
01/03/2010
Contributor: seaofneptune seaofneptune
I am in a very happy and healthy relationship with a man - that is great romantically and sexually. I wouldn't want to give him up, it took me too long to find such a great person!
01/07/2010