The New Intimacy

Banish? Stalk? Or Stay Friends?

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Contributor: LilyLust LilyLust
I'm the type of person to say fuck it and cut who ever it is completely out of my life. I don't care if it pisses people off. We obvious broke up for a reason. I also use my blog as a diary of sorts. I type out all my feelings and move on.

Which is starting to bite me in the ass. A few ex's girlfriends are cyber stalking me, saying I want there man. I find it hilarious! Every time I just say "I had that honey, you keep it"
07/24/2009
Contributor: Envy Envy
I was lucky, my ex wasn't connected to any of my friends. Found all these profiles of his online talking and flirting with women. Would make sense why he never rutned calls and all, too busy swinging (and I'm not a swinger, I stick with one.) He stood me up for lunch one time, I waited 4 hours and went hungry. And it was actually my friends that told me to block him from everything online and on my phone! Luckily I never lost my virginity to him, so he never got a damn thing from me, the bugger!
08/17/2009
Contributor: Owl Identified Owl Identified
Quote:
Originally posted by Victoria
Doooood, I have you all beat - my hubby's ex stalks him *and me* online! Hahaha...and after 3 years, she still "blogs" on her myspace about him/us (as recent as TODAY). WTF? Even better is that she writes in the most error-ridden ... more
VERY interested in this, maybe a web zine?
01/02/2010
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
I unfriended after I figured out he was definitely stalking my page to find out as much info as he could and using my friends to get info as well. I tried to be adult about it and let my friends make their own decisions but I did tell them they weren't to give out any info of any kind..

And I think the idea of a stalker ex web zine would be fantastic! lol
01/04/2010
Contributor: sbremer sbremer
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
Related to Exes & Sexes: The Twits of Splitsville

I haven't had to worry about it in a longggg time but I can't help thinking about it after this article. These days we're ALL connected via our blogs and Twitter and messengers ... more
I typically take a few days or weeks to work through all my issues with it, and then I can still be friends with him (unless he turned out to be a complete ass), though it is often very awkward for the first few months.
03/05/2010
Contributor: Darling Dove Darling Dove
It does depend on the situation, but I usually stay friends with people.
03/15/2010
Contributor: Domineight Domineight
It depends. I'll admit with how easy the internet makes things, if my boyfriend and I split up I'd totally stalk him. He knows I'm bonkers and would be doing it, and he is the type to just never see his exes again so he'd likely unfriend me.

I'd never be that type to publicly go into detail about stuff all "woe is me" on any page though. That stuff is always so uncalled for to me. Secret stalking, however...
03/15/2010
Contributor: Andromeda Andromeda
Depends on the person.

I've had a bad break up and initially ignored the guy only to become good friends with him later.

I've had another bad break up where I wanted nothing to do with the guy, and he wouldn't leave me alone. Tried to be nice about it, but he'd post these long rants online that were clearly about me. Blocked him on everything. He STILL tries to email me >.<

Then I've had a few flings... we gradually stopped hanging out but remained on good terms.

So I'm definitely open to being friends, but some people just aren't worth the trouble.
03/19/2010
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by Domineight
It depends. I'll admit with how easy the internet makes things, if my boyfriend and I split up I'd totally stalk him. He knows I'm bonkers and would be doing it, and he is the type to just never see his exes again so he'd likely ... more
See, my thinking is that if it takes less than 5 minutes to find using Google and you don't have to pay for it, it isn't stalking.

And I'll admit, I do the secret stalking from time to time, lol. I've found a few posts my fiance's ex has made where she's basically throwing out a very obscure reference that's really just a pot shot at me. I laughed hysterically knowing that she still feels the need to trash me, lol
03/29/2010
Contributor: Gardenvy Gardenvy
Quote:
Originally posted by Victoria
Doooood, I have you all beat - my hubby's ex stalks him *and me* online! Hahaha...and after 3 years, she still "blogs" on her myspace about him/us (as recent as TODAY). WTF? Even better is that she writes in the most error-ridden ... more
Victoria, I have a crazy ass letter to add to the 'zine from my guys ex chick... Shes a friggin government family counselor and she even used the governments info system to get our address! She's so f*d up in the head, and she's supposed to help our countries lower income families, with their emotional issues. WTF?!? I wish I'd have sent the psycho letter to her boss or something, instead we moved.. an 8 hour drive away! If she wants to waste gas like that to stalk him, LOL, more power to her!
03/30/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Victoria
Doooood, I have you all beat - my hubby's ex stalks him *and me* online! Hahaha...and after 3 years, she still "blogs" on her myspace about him/us (as recent as TODAY). WTF? Even better is that she writes in the most error-ridden ... more
*Raises hand "Interested..."
04/29/2010
Contributor: JustYourAverageGuy JustYourAverageGuy
Burning Bridges is never a good idea. I try to be civil about it, regardless how the now "ex" is acting. I take the high road. Granted, I may not talk to them for a while (or ever), but I am not going to be an asshole just because I can.
However, depending on what the reason for the break up was, I may voice that when asked what happened, I am not going to lie, but I am not going to get caught up in the drama and backstabbing and all that.

I believe that Karma is a bitch and it all comes back to us at some point, so if they did something horrible, it will come back to haunt them somehow, someway sometime.

If I am simply removing someone from my "friends" list or whatever that I haven't talked to or seen or had any contact with and probably never will again, i just remove them, most people don't notice that since you are just acquaintances anyways...
04/29/2010
Contributor: ~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
I block and don't care. I'll block their mothers if I have to. I have more problems with ex's getting new delusional gf's that need lives that don't involve stalking and trying to emulate me. I don't think you can get more pathetic than that. But finding out that they do it is a compliment and it is quite amusing when you know they are lying through their teeth. It's interesting that most often the things others accuse you of that you are not doing are actually the things they are doing.

Some people should get better at stalking though. They suck at it.
04/29/2010
Contributor: Sera Sera
Usually I just stay to myself. I've gotten dumped just for being Goth and not changing my ways! (IE dumped for not wearing pink) So whatever. I found the love of my life and I'm never going back!
08/12/2010
Contributor: Blinker Blinker
You're friends with JohnnyBoogerPicker, too? Isn't he just an asshat.
08/12/2010
Contributor: Not here Not here
Quote:
Originally posted by Nashville
I rely on the rules of Bitchery 101. Everything is HIS fault- I'm innocent, I'm perfect, and I deserve a medal for staying with him for so long.

Now, I keep him on my list but I then create a fake profile to harass him with, or to ... more
HAHAHAHA. I love you. That is fricken hilarious!
08/12/2010
Contributor: Not here Not here
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
You're friends with JohnnyBoogerPicker, too? Isn't he just an asshat.
LOL this too! You guys are crackin me up tonight. And he IS an asshat!
08/12/2010
Contributor: deltalima deltalima
If it's an ugly split, I would unfriend in a second. But I usually keep the details to myself.
08/13/2010
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Other. I haven't been able to find a single old boyfriend on Facebook. Maybe that is for the best.

But, D. was SOOOOO cute.......stop it....
08/13/2010
Contributor: Timaree Timaree
tough territory, especially if the relationship was significant. some of my best friends are exes, but i was never super serious with them. here's a column on maintaining the delicate balance link

but staying friends with your ex can be rough on future partners link
08/24/2010
Contributor: alayamae alayamae
Some I'm friends with now. but not most. I've deleted all the other ones.
08/24/2010
Contributor: Trashley Trashley
Quote:
Originally posted by Nashville
I rely on the rules of Bitchery 101. Everything is HIS fault- I'm innocent, I'm perfect, and I deserve a medal for staying with him for so long.

Now, I keep him on my list but I then create a fake profile to harass him with, or to ... more
I... I think I love you? New hero!!!
09/26/2010
Contributor: onehotmomma onehotmomma
As far as my ex, we aren't friends on any social networking sites, although we do still talk through them. We email back and forth every once in a while, we dated for 4 years, so we have a lot of connected friends, and our friends knew what had happened so they didn't really cause drama at all. Honestly if they did I would just delete them from my friends, we're too old for that shit.

As far as friends go..I had a few people on facebook who I just couldn't stand. The only thing they ever posted about was farmville, or they'd personally go and leave me a message about farmville, or they'd leave like 25 posts a day so I just wiped them off of my friends list. One to my knowledge hasn't noticed ( I see her in person from time and time and no mention of it) the other one had asked about it, and I told her I was having computer problems and I lost a lot of friends and whatnot. She never thought twice about it
09/27/2010
Contributor: clp clp
I dont use (m)any social media sites, and this is just another reason why. I don't like people knowing my business unless I tell them, and vice versa. Most of the time, it just isn't that interesting to start with.
09/27/2010
Contributor: mrs.mckrakn mrs.mckrakn
Quote:
Originally posted by Nashville
I rely on the rules of Bitchery 101. Everything is HIS fault- I'm innocent, I'm perfect, and I deserve a medal for staying with him for so long.

Now, I keep him on my list but I then create a fake profile to harass him with, or to ... more
lol
10/03/2010
Contributor: darthkitt3n darthkitt3n
I have people who add me on Facebook who annoy the crap out of me. This one girl in particular uploads at least 200 pictures of her kid every day and posts status updates about her every five minutes. I don't even know her, she knows my brother. So I just deleted her. I go on Facebook for more than looking at her kid's pictures.

As for boyfriends, I left him on my friends list, though we broke up. When he started talking about my current boyfriend and was like stalking our pictures, I told him off and deleted him.
12/09/2010
Contributor: cherryredhead88 cherryredhead88
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
Related to Exes & Sexes: The Twits of Splitsville

I haven't had to worry about it in a longggg time but I can't help thinking about it after this article. These days we're ALL connected via our blogs and Twitter and messengers ... more
I should have put other as well, because when I answered this poll I was thinking about my ex lol. He is a major dousche, we had domestic violence issues, etc so I really had to just cut his ass off of everything. He still tries to call me sometimes.. -_- So freakin annoying. I have had tons of numbers blocked, he won't quit coming over, cops won't help, can't get a PPO, he is a pain in my ass.


Anyways... got off on a banter there
I don't care about stigma from unfriending someone because frankly, it is not my problem if someone else doesn't like it. It is my life and I have the right to choose who I do and don't want to associate with.

But really it depends on the person and what type of relationship we had. I am still good friends with one of my exes. We don't talk often but we get along very well. Probably helps that we were good friends to begin with and the "relationship" part was short lived due to him being in the Navy and all.
12/09/2010
Contributor: northstar northstar
If it's a nasty breakup then I'd just delete them. A mutual one, maybe mutually delete if it was for the best for a while. A crap 'friend', I'd just delete them. Wouldn't ever publicise the events though, just seems petty.
12/09/2010
Contributor: Lady Neshamah Lady Neshamah
almost all of my ex's i am still close with, closer now than when we where dating with a few. but a few went totally nuts on me.....
12/09/2010
Contributor: Bunnycups Bunnycups
I don't use social networking sites with my friends or for my personal life. I made a twitter and a facebook just for EF contests. I deleted my twitter because It was just too much. I'd rather not display my life so lurkers know anything about me.
12/09/2010