The New Intimacy

When do you consider yourself "married"? (public poll)

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Contributor: Peggi Peggi
Quote:
Originally posted by poetprincess
I was reading this and I thought it was interesting about how you basically are married just not with the little piece of paper, I consider it to be in your own opinion you dont have to have that paper to say you are. I am glad things are going good ... more
Really, we do function as a married couple. I would love to marry him, but I'm in no rush. I've been married previously, and I really don't feel it changes the relationship itself, but it would still be nice! But he had been set to marry someone who really hurt him and he has this fear that if we were to marry I would run. Sometimes fears aren't logical but they control our thinking.

Hopefully one day you two will work things out so that you can marry him, since that is what you really want! It's too bad that he's been turned against it by two bad experiences.
10/19/2011
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
I consider it marriage when it's recognized by the state. (And I also appreciated the "despite how I feel about gay marriage" addition there too.) To me, that's the big plus of the actual marriage - and I think why it's so important to some same-sex couples. It gives you legal rights, privileges and protections you don't have otherwise.
10/19/2011
Contributor: Errant Venture Errant Venture
To keep things simple, I define it as simply one that is recognised by the state. And, luckily, gay marriage is recognised by the state.
10/19/2011
Contributor: null null
I feel that you should have legal documents stating it, or, failing that because of legality issues, some sort of ceremony.
I also feel that if you have legal documents coupling you together, like a deed to a house you both own, without a marriage license, you should be considered married.
11/01/2011
Contributor: MidnightStorm MidnightStorm
I feel like you can be in the same situation as someone who is "married" without using that exact terminology. So, to me, being married is probably decided by law or last names. I don't know that I necessarily consider a purely emotional attachment to be "marriage," though. It's not that I consider it less important--it can, and should hold as much weight as "marriage" does--but I think it's definitely something separate/different.
11/14/2011
Contributor: Sex'и'Violence Sex'и'Violence
I think it's a matter of personal feelings. But I don't put that much weight in either the government or the church, so....
11/15/2011
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by Sex'и'Violence
I think it's a matter of personal feelings. But I don't put that much weight in either the government or the church, so....
Common law marriage is accepted by the state (conditions vary) - although not by most church's.
11/15/2011
Contributor: Badass Badass
Quote:
Originally posted by Peggi
After reading a question about marriage, this struck me! I realized that I have a different view of "marriage" than a lot of my friends, or at least I have a different view of how to refer to things. The (legally) boyfriend and I refer to ... more
i bet there is so many gay and lesbian couples who feel you, but wish like hell things were different and they would get hitched..
01/29/2012
Contributor: Harpina is gone Harpina is gone
If you feel like your married (whether legally or not), then you are.
02/18/2012
Contributor: Aberrant Aberrant
I am not a huge fan of the institution of marriage, but for me the commitment of legally binding yourselves together is what does it to me. I don't feel the need to have a paper telling me I am committed to someone, but I think that being able to trust someone enough to legally make the commitment is nice.
02/18/2012
Contributor: Tuesday Tuesday
Quote:
Originally posted by null
I feel that you should have legal documents stating it, or, failing that because of legality issues, some sort of ceremony.
I also feel that if you have legal documents coupling you together, like a deed to a house you both own, without a marriage ... more
Oh dear. That would make my mom, whose children-in-law are also on the deed to her house, married to them.
02/18/2012
Contributor: Tuesday Tuesday
Quote:
Originally posted by Kkay
I view marriage as a legal entity.
This.
02/18/2012
Contributor: hspence hspence
interesting situation... i would think in your case you're considered married
02/25/2012
Contributor: Sir Sir
I think that marriage, in general, is a pretty strange concept. I wouldn't consider one form of marriage to be different from another, but people use those little names for each other (such as "husband" or "wife") without really understanding the implications of that. To me, I would personally prefer to be legally married, but at the same time, there are tons of reasons why that's not the smartest or most intelligent idea.
02/26/2012
Contributor: MissCandyland MissCandyland
Making it legal makes it official in my opinion.
02/26/2012
Contributor: Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
For us marriage is a religious rite joining a couple 'as one'. Civil institutions got into the act long ago to mimic the rite without the religious overtones.

I'm a little confused why so many people talk about how marriage is ... more
Marriage is becoming obsolete because the marriage rate has plummeted in the Western world, or if they are married, and then about 50% get divorced. It's something worth Googling, at the very least.
02/26/2012
Contributor: Toy Fiend Toy Fiend
I am in a long term relationship with my girlfriend but because gay marriage is illegal in NC we consider ourselves married. We have a joint account and all that good stuff.
01/05/2013
Contributor: Gone (LD29) Gone (LD29)
Whether it's legally recognized or not, I think marriage needs to have the conscious act of getting married. Some sort of public commitment in front of witnesses, be it at a church, the town hall, or just a party you throw with your friends. Some sort of vows should be exchanged regarding what marriage means to you and what you expect from your marriage. It just doesn't make sense to me to just randomly say "well, we've been together a while so I guess we're married."

As far as using the same last name? I've been in the same relationship for 15 years, the past 5 of which we've been legally married, and I still have no intention of changing my name. Just because I'm in a committed marriage doesn't mean I need to give up my own identity.
01/05/2013
Contributor: KinkyNicki92 KinkyNicki92
Me and my lover are engaged but we still recognize as husband and wife. similar to you we function as a married couple
01/06/2013
Contributor: Living Doll Living Doll
I'll consider myself married when I'm legally married.
01/06/2013
Contributor: chantalgiardina chantalgiardina
Quote:
Originally posted by Peggi
After reading a question about marriage, this struck me! I realized that I have a different view of "marriage" than a lot of my friends, or at least I have a different view of how to refer to things. The (legally) boyfriend and I refer to ... more
if you feel that you are married, go for it
01/06/2013
Contributor: chicmichiw chicmichiw
From a personal point of view (not political), you're married if you've been living together for more than 3 years! You've tackled many of the same issues, your relationship can probably hold up.
01/07/2013