The New Intimacy

Things You Would Never Hear or Say if You Didn't Review Sex Toys

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Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
I'll start.

"Honey, do you think we could eat without the giant blue cock on the table?"

Backstory: my boyfriend and I were sitting down to a cheap/easy dinner last night, in the living room so we could watch Sons of Anarchy on DVR. I'd gotten one of the UR3 ballsy dildos a day or two before and wanted to rinse, dust, and put it in a bag before putting it away and hadn't gotten to it yet so it was just kind of hanging out on the coffee table and apparently I no longer notice these things - but he does.
09/09/2010
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Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
I'm following up Tori's with "Oh, you don't want to see Watchmen later?"

"You didn't wash that with soap did you?"

Some products should never be exposed to soap.
09/09/2010
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I'm following up Tori's with "Oh, you don't want to see Watchmen later?"

"You didn't wash that with soap did you?"

Some products should never be exposed to soap.
LOL, that was a little frightening in the theater seeing that humongous blue penis coming at you on a giant screen....not unpleasant, but still a little frightening. I kinda have a thing for Dr. Manhattan....
09/09/2010
Contributor: ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
Hey honey, you should try this silicone lube for shaving, it really works good.

No sex tonight, I have a review to write.
09/09/2010
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
"New air freshener."

(In reference to a family member catching wiff of a sil-a-gel product that I had taken out of its storage bag earlier and them asking about the smell.)
09/09/2010
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Tori Rebel
I'll start.

"Honey, do you think we could eat without the giant blue cock on the table?"

Backstory: my boyfriend and I were sitting down to a cheap/easy dinner last night, in the living room so we could watch Sons of ... more
Waking up in the morning and saying, "There's a butt plug in the bed somewhere. I couldn't find it in the dark last night. We'd better find it."
09/09/2010
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
"I don't care if you're 'tired.' I have to review this toy tomorrow and I've already tested alone and I need partner input. Back in the saddle, Big Boy!"
09/09/2010
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
"I don't care if you're 'tired.' I have to review this toy tomorrow and I've already tested alone and I need partner input. Back in the saddle, Big Boy!"
LOL, I've done that.
09/09/2010
Contributor: Jenn (aka kissmykitty) Jenn (aka kissmykitty)
(EdenFantasys)
"I need to get this review posted, so don't whack off today -- save it for tonight!"

"Can you move that dildo so I can see the TV better?" (in reference to a dildo I was allowing to air-dry on our dresser)
09/09/2010
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Tori Rebel
LOL, I've done that.
Hahahaa. they love when you call them "Big Boy!"
09/09/2010
Contributor: Envy Envy
"Can I see, too?"

In reference to any new toy I get and am about to test, my bf pokes me about wanting to take pictures so he can see, too. (We live states away, so webcam, pictures, and phone for us.) He also asks for in-use pictures, that little horndog.

I'm sure it'd be the same if together, he always wants to see.
09/09/2010
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Hahahaa. they love when you call them "Big Boy!"
Lately my boyfriend has been trying out 'big daddy' for himself - mostly jokingly but I think a little part of him is serious... LOL
09/09/2010
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
"Can I see, too?"

In reference to any new toy I get and am about to test, my bf pokes me about wanting to take pictures so he can see, too. (We live states away, so webcam, pictures, and phone for us.) He also asks for in-use ... more
Mine does the same.
09/09/2010
Contributor: Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
"Hey, mom, I'm bringing Devon over to show him my new shoes. Can you make sure there are no dicks laying out?"

(My son is nearly 18 and has absolutely no issues with seeing the occasional new product laying on my desk, fresh out of the shipping box - since they help me buy him new shoes - just so people don't freak out and go on a tangent about kids seeing sex toys.)
09/09/2010
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
"Hey, mom, I'm bringing Devon over to show him my new shoes. Can you make sure there are no dicks laying out?"

(My son is nearly 18 and has absolutely no issues with seeing the occasional new product laying on my desk, fresh out ... more
See, now there's one I haven't heard or said myself!
09/09/2010
Contributor: Selective Sensualist Selective Sensualist
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
"Hey, mom, I'm bringing Devon over to show him my new shoes. Can you make sure there are no dicks laying out?"

(My son is nearly 18 and has absolutely no issues with seeing the occasional new product laying on my desk, fresh out ... more
LOL! Now that is hilarious!
09/09/2010
Contributor: Alicia Alicia
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
"Hey, mom, I'm bringing Devon over to show him my new shoes. Can you make sure there are no dicks laying out?"

(My son is nearly 18 and has absolutely no issues with seeing the occasional new product laying on my desk, fresh out ... more
Heheh that's too funny. My kids are way too young for them to know, but we do have to run and put stuff away before one of our parents come over.

We will sometimes leave lube around since the kids don't know what it is..or a VERY discreet toy that won't lead to questions of "what's that?" and sometimes we have to yell "quick grab the lube off my desk and throw it in a drawer..my mom is here!"
09/09/2010
Contributor: Darling Jen Darling Jen
"So how does that feel?"

"Mmmmm..."

"No, honey, use your words. It's for a review."


Aaaand since I'm single now everything else is more a conversation to myself now.

"Oh I better not through that box away yet. I have to describe the packaging."
09/09/2010
Contributor: Jesyra Jesyra
My Mother (holding up my Nexus Maximus): "Is this what they're teaching in Sex Ed now?"

Me: "No Mom, that's from the Internet."

(My mother came down to visit during X-mas, and somehow we got into a conversation about Sex Ed in schools. I was cleaning the guest bathroom and told her to use the master bath, and appearently I'd forgotten to put up the toy after it dried.)
09/09/2010
Contributor: Not here Not here
"Eww, you STILL smell like dildo!"

(My man wore a shirt that was in the same backpack as a giant jelly dildo that reeks of Kool-Aid, and the smell would NOT go away!)

"Hmm, I think I'll wear my balls today. It's been a while"

(Referring to my SmartBalls)
09/09/2010
Contributor: Kindred Kindred
"So, does the dildo have a taste?"

A question my wife asked when I was writing a review of the Tantus Acute after I told her that many reviews I read mentioned product taste.
09/09/2010
Contributor: Waterfall Waterfall
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
"Hey, mom, I'm bringing Devon over to show him my new shoes. Can you make sure there are no dicks laying out?"

(My son is nearly 18 and has absolutely no issues with seeing the occasional new product laying on my desk, fresh out ... more
LOL thats a great one!
09/09/2010
Contributor: Waterfall Waterfall
"Have you ever broken your tooth on a glass one?"

One of my previous partners asking about oral practice on glass toys.
09/09/2010
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
As some of you have read my discussion recently:

"What the hell does this have to do with a dog harness? Oh. Not that kind of harness ... "
09/09/2010
Contributor: Jenniae09 Jenniae09
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
"Hey, mom, I'm bringing Devon over to show him my new shoes. Can you make sure there are no dicks laying out?"

(My son is nearly 18 and has absolutely no issues with seeing the occasional new product laying on my desk, fresh out ... more
Haha that is absolutely hilarious!
09/09/2010
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
"Hey, mom, I'm bringing Devon over to show him my new shoes. Can you make sure there are no dicks laying out?"

(My son is nearly 18 and has absolutely no issues with seeing the occasional new product laying on my desk, fresh out ... more
That is hilarious indeed, lol
09/09/2010
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
"Oh, I was wondering what that smell was" from my fiance in reference to the 9 inch long sil-a-gel dildo I had suction cupped to the wall after cleaning it. He didn't even notice it was there until I moved it to a different wall. Then I got "Your penis keeps attacking my face when I come into the bedroom."
09/09/2010
Contributor: Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyTimeTim
Hey honey, you should try this silicone lube for shaving, it really works good.

No sex tonight, I have a review to write.
"Wow. That is burning pretty well."

After watching your (Dwtim's) video on lighting lube on fire. We have a bottle of the Better Sex Essentials silicone lube, and Mr. Sauce wanted to see it burn for himself
09/09/2010
Contributor: SexyySarah SexyySarah
Did you know you are suppose to clean that with cornstarch?
09/09/2010
Contributor: ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Cinnamon
"Wow. That is burning pretty well."

After watching your (Dwtim's) video on lighting lube on fire. We have a bottle of the Better Sex Essentials silicone lube, and Mr. Sauce wanted to see it burn for himself
I wonder how many did the same?


"Your going to put that where?"

(Wife says to me after showing her the Pure wand I ordered for my self.)
09/09/2010