The New Intimacy

Teenagers having sex.........for the parents

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Contributor: usmcwife99 usmcwife99
Ok, so heres a intresting one.......

I think we all know most teens are having sex, or sexually active in some sort of way

The better question is if you were a parent and your teenager(lets say anywere from 15 to 18) was in a HEALTYHY relationship for a while with a guy that you respect and TREATS HER WELL would you let them makeout what about sex what about oral what about stripping........

I am not saying would you encourge them but realisticly would you let them or stop them if you were to know what your teenagers were doing. THESE ARE ALL AUSOMING THEY ARE USING A CONDOM. THESE ARE ALSO AUSOMING THAT THESE BEHAVIORS DO NOT GET IN THE WAY OF THE REST OF THE LIFE AND IT IS NOT DONE OFTEN
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
No no boyfriend at all
Midway through
1
Kiss on the cheek
usmcwife99 , Pleasure Piratess , deadpoet , LittleBoPeep , married with children , K101 , BabyL0ve , Stinkytofu10 , TheSlyFox , bayosgirl
10
A quik kiss on the lips briefly
usmcwife99 , Pleasure Piratess , deadpoet , LittleBoPeep , leanright69 , married with children , K101 , BabyL0ve , DustBunny , Stinkytofu10
10
They can see eachother nude but nothing more
He can feel her breasts while she has nothing on or just a bra
usmcwife99
1
He can feel her a little as long as there both dressed
deadpoet , shcoo
2
They can watch eachother masterbate
usmcwife99
1
They can have oral sex
usmcwife99 , deadpoet
2
They can have anal sex
They can have vaginal sex
They can do whatever they want long as there protected
Coralbell , TheCleansing , Illusional , SexYnCute Couple , Love Buzz , onehotmomma , deadpoet , Jenn (aka kissmykitty) , FVWhitechapel , Liz , jakjak , Jenniae09 , asdfg , dv8 , zeebot , Howells , Eden C. , MaryExy , EndlessFrost , Retro , kittychilla , Inwitari , Lucky21 , Ms. Spice , TheSlyFox , Cherrylane , potstickers
27
They can "talk dirty"
usmcwife99 , SexYnCute Couple , deadpoet
3
They can make out
usmcwife99 , Pleasure Piratess , TheCleansing , Illusional , SexYnCute Couple , deadpoet , LittleBoPeep , shcoo
8
Total votes: 65 (39 voters)
Poll is closed
09/03/2010
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Contributor: Not here Not here
I don't have any kids, and don't intend to have any, either. However, I think it's nearly impossible for a parent to "stop" their kids from doing nearly anything. You can teach them safety precautions, morals, etc, and hope that they will use common sense in whatever situation they may find themselves in, but you simply can't stop teenagers from having sex.

The more you tell them not to, the more they'll want to do it. That's why I completely oppose abstinence-only sex education. Odds are, most of us here lost our virginity at a relatively young age. I was 18, which I think is pretty old, considering how young some kids are when they lose it.
09/03/2010
Contributor: twistedheartsx twistedheartsx
I think if you're going to let them do it, you have a chance that they won't use a condom and that it could get in the way of their life. Let's face it, their parent may consent to letting their kids do that, but condoms break, condoms are not always worn, mistakes are made, babies are born.. it all happens. The parents aren't going to be there when the stuff happens. I think just talking openly with them about everything that can happen is the best a parent can do. The child is going to make the decision whether the parent wants them to or not, it's all how they've been raised on the subject.
09/03/2010
Contributor: usmcwife99 usmcwife99
Quote:
Originally posted by Not here
I don't have any kids, and don't intend to have any, either. However, I think it's nearly impossible for a parent to "stop" their kids from doing nearly anything. You can teach them safety precautions, morals, etc, and hope that ... more
I totally agree with you cant stop them from having sex. If they trually want to do it they are going to do it, but I feel theres also a few words ime gonna say/said if they choose to do more.

I am in a weird situation because I have custody of my sisters and we are very close in age and that helps. Were pretty honest to eachother and they suck at lieing even if they tried. I dont think most mother duaghter relationships are as close as me and my sisters are. Thats sort of what made me think what would some parents think as ime not in a normal situation when it comes to being a parent cause ime a guardian but yet been like a parent since I can rember.

anyway............I dont tell them do not as much as I let them know the facts and risks etc and then they make there own choice but I guess sometimes its "tough love" if needed if they choose to fool around expecially when they havent been in much of a relationship thats when Ile have to say maybe do something about the situation if it becomes a problem
09/03/2010
Contributor: Coralbell Coralbell
If I was a parent I don't think I'd want to know exactly what acts my child had or hadn't engaged in. I don't think you can allow them to do certain things. If they really want to do it, they will do it. You can just give them information and advice and hope they make good choices.
09/03/2010
Contributor: Trashley Trashley
I remember my dad convinced his girlfriend to let her son and HIS gf have sleepovers and have sex in their house while my dad's girlfriend was over at our place. I mean, they probably would've done it anyway, but since they allowed it, they were much more respectful and abided by their rules (always using protection, being safe, yadida).
09/03/2010
Contributor: Blinker Blinker
In some states that is called statutory rape and it's fucking illegal and the fucking parents would be in jail if they helped or assisted this in any way.

This is disgusting.
09/03/2010
Contributor: Dusk Dusk
Whenever I have kids in the future, I think I'm going to what my parents did; be open with them about the fact that sex is their choice and educate them on birth control, safety, consensuality, etc. I think that's completely different from encouraging my kids to have sex with their SO. I know my mother let me sleep over at my SO's place starting when I was about 16, but she also trusted that if I decided to have sex I would talk to her about it. Four years later I've done quite a lot and been really safe about it, and I've been talking to her now that I'm thinking about engaging in intercourse. Dialogue really matters.
09/03/2010
Contributor: usmcwife99 usmcwife99
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
In some states that is called statutory rape and it's fucking illegal and the fucking parents would be in jail if they helped or assisted this in any way.

This is disgusting.
LMAO, Ime not saying that the parents feel comfortable with it or would like them to do it. However........they know that kids are going to do it and wat what point would a parent be so outraged that shes gonna be like no way in the world


Ime not talking like 15 year olds and 30 year olds ime talking as if its a a teenage couple of the same age
09/04/2010
Contributor: SydVicious SydVicious
Quote:
Originally posted by Coralbell
If I was a parent I don't think I'd want to know exactly what acts my child had or hadn't engaged in. I don't think you can allow them to do certain things. If they really want to do it, they will do it. You can just give them ... more
Not wanting to know what your kids are up to is the reason so many children are running around out of control. So many parents these days think the they are going to do it no matter what I say so I'm not even going try.

I know kids will do things that they arn't supposed to, and they will make mistakes. But as a parent you have to try your hardest to keep your kids safe. That includes being open and honest with them and getting them ready years in advance.

When I started having sex I went to my mom and told her and then I took my ass to the local planned parenthood and put myself on the pill. Then I politely had secret sex. My mom KNEW I was having it, but I tried to keep it out of her face. My best friend has two teenagers and they are all in your face about having sex and it shocks the hell out of me.
09/04/2010
Contributor: Blinker Blinker
Quote:
Originally posted by usmcwife99
LMAO, Ime not saying that the parents feel comfortable with it or would like them to do it. However........they know that kids are going to do it and wat what point would a parent be so outraged that shes gonna be like no way in the ... more
Statutory rape happens if a 15 year old has consensual sex with a 15 year old and the police find out about it.
09/04/2010
Contributor: TheCleansing TheCleansing
My parents never cared and were fine with it based on the closeness of my relationship and the quality of it.
09/04/2010
Contributor: Alicia Alicia
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
Statutory rape happens if a 15 year old has consensual sex with a 15 year old and the police find out about it.
That really depends on the state. In a lot of states it's not statutory rape unless the other person is a set amount of years older than the "victim".
09/04/2010
Contributor: Alicia Alicia
It really depends on the child and the relationship. Am I ever going to encourage sex or oral sex of minors? No. Will I flip out if I find out it's happening? Probably not if my kids are 16 or older and are being safe about it not only physically but also emotionally.

I don't think that you can ever really stop kids from having sex though. If they want to do it that badly they're going to find a place to do it. You can attempt to prevent it but if you don't handle it correctly you might just push your kids farther away and cause them to not tell you things in the future..which can lead to trouble if they aren't using protection because they don't know how or where to get it or can't afford to get it. Kids aren't going to often think "oh well can't get protection let's not have sex". They're just going to do it anyway and subject themselves to disease or pregnancy.

I also think it's kind of silly to say "as long as it's not happening too often" because I remember what it was like being a teenager. After I started having sex it was done VERY often, hormones are raging at that age and I think most kids once they've done it just want to do it more.
09/04/2010
Contributor: Coralbell Coralbell
Quote:
Originally posted by SydVicious
Not wanting to know what your kids are up to is the reason so many children are running around out of control. So many parents these days think the they are going to do it no matter what I say so I'm not even going try.

I know kids will ... more
I wouldn't have a problem knowing my child was sexually active, I just wouldn't want to go into as much detail with them as this poll does. I would never say "You can talk dirty and masturbate together, but no oral sex allowed!" I just think it's too personal. It's up to them to decide which things they would like to do, and when they are ready for them.

I know my parents have sex but if they were talking about specific actions I would feel uncomfortable, and I think they would feel the same way with me. My mom knows I'm on the pill, but she wouldn't want to hear about whether I've watched my partner masturbate or given him a blow job and I wouldn't want to discuss those things with her. The only thing she cares about is that whatever I do, I'm being safe and doing it because I want to, not because I'm being pressured into it.
09/04/2010
Contributor: Coralbell Coralbell
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
Statutory rape happens if a 15 year old has consensual sex with a 15 year old and the police find out about it.
I thought statutory rape was an adult having sex with a minor? Where I live the age of consent is 16, and 14 and 15 year olds are allowed to have sex with people who are less than 5 years older.
09/04/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by usmcwife99
Ok, so heres a intresting one.......

I think we all know most teens are having sex, or sexually active in some sort of way

The better question is if you were a parent and your teenager(lets say anywere from 15 to 18) was in a HEALTYHY ... more
I have two girls who are rapidly approaching teenage-hood where, presumably they might meet a person who treats them well and they love. Problem is regardless of what I 'allow" them to do I am not silly enough to believe I can stop them from doing whatever they decide they want to. My parents tried every trick silly ass sitcoms told parents to do, plus the more nasty things afterschool specials advocated and I STILL had sex with Sigel. All I can honestly do is teach them how to take care of themselves and be responsible and then keep the doors open for them to come talk. I have to trust that they will use thier best judgement and then be there when they don't. Yes it scares the hell out of me but I HAVE to break the cycle of abuse my family has used in the past to destroy...I mean "protect" teenagers. My girls are intelligent and thoughtful, they know I am here and NOTHING will make me hate them or be so disappointed that it would be better to hide what they are doing. I don't know what I will allow in my house I will have to decide that later along with Sigel and Arch. I know that Arch and I lean toward celibacy until they are 50...and Sigel just wants them to be happy and safe. We'll meet somewhere in the middle where we always do.
09/04/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Coralbell
I thought statutory rape was an adult having sex with a minor? Where I live the age of consent is 16, and 14 and 15 year olds are allowed to have sex with people who are less than 5 years older.
it depends on the statutes in each individual state
09/04/2010
Contributor: Illusional Illusional
Quote:
Originally posted by usmcwife99
LMAO, Ime not saying that the parents feel comfortable with it or would like them to do it. However........they know that kids are going to do it and wat what point would a parent be so outraged that shes gonna be like no way in the ... more
Even though I don't have kids, I don't wanna be a part of it.
If my daughter brings up the fact about birth control, yes we can discuss it.
And yes, I will cock block sometimes, but as long as we have an understanding that's fine.
I'm not gonna sit the boy down and be like "Okay. You can feel her up, and finger her only when we're home. "
No, no, no.
09/04/2010
Contributor: SexYnCute Couple SexYnCute Couple
As long as they are being safe and they can talk to me I am fine with it.
09/04/2010
Contributor: usmcwife99 usmcwife99
Quote:
Originally posted by Coralbell
I wouldn't have a problem knowing my child was sexually active, I just wouldn't want to go into as much detail with them as this poll does. I would never say "You can talk dirty and masturbate together, but no oral sex allowed!" I ... more
Lol, that would just be awkard.....whats next a checklist of what to an not to do lmao
09/04/2010
Contributor: Envy Envy
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
Statutory rape happens if a 15 year old has consensual sex with a 15 year old and the police find out about it.
Actually, it's a misdemeanor (usually; sometimes a felony). I know in CA any people under the age of 18 cannot have sex, it's illegal. Other states the age is 16 for the age of consent.

It's only rape if it's unwanted or if one of them is over the age of consent and having sexual encounters with one who is under the age of consent by the law of that state they are in. (Only the state they are in, because say a 17 year old CA girl goes to a state with the age of consent being 16 and she sleeps with a 16 year old or 17 year old, she abides by the laws of that state, not the state she is from.)

Here: link

As for my view... I don't want any kids. But if I do... it dman well better be a boy, haha. I feel more comfortable talking to males about sex (oddly) and toys and such than females, and I don't know, I guess there's a mental relief that if I had a son, he won't come home one day saying "Mom, I think I'm pregnant." If THAT happened, then I'd be trippin.... However if I had any children I'd like them to come talk to me, tell me what's going on, and help them make the right decisions and hopefully teach them prevention measures to make sure no mistakes are made.
09/05/2010
Contributor: Love Buzz Love Buzz
I tend to feel that I would not want to pressure my kids into waiting til they are married as I certainly didn't, however I would ensure that all aspects of sex were discussed and that they had a strong knowledge of what they were doing and how to go about protecting themselves. Ultimately it would be their decision, but I'd like to - as a parent ensure they had all the tools necessary to be able to make an informed choice regarding having sex. And it would always be a topic thats up for discussion, I'd just want to ensure both their bodies & their hearts were safe.
09/05/2010
Contributor: onehotmomma onehotmomma
You can't really stop kids from doing what they want. If you try to, they'll just sneak around and do it behind your back. I'd rather trust my kids, and let them make their own choices,instead of ruining my relationship with my child forbidding them to do something they have their heart set on. Will I make my point clear that you HAVE TO BE PROTECTED? you betcha. You have to live and learn.
09/05/2010
Contributor: Jenn (aka kissmykitty) Jenn (aka kissmykitty)
(EdenFantasys)
I had my first boyfriend at 15. My husband and I met when I was 16 and he was 18, and we had sex within three months of being together (we're now 26 and 28 -- yay for ten years!). With all that said, I'm realistic in my perspective on teens and sex. My son and daughter will be kissing, making out, and in all likelihood having sex, so I am going to make sure they are well-informed, educated and protected.
09/05/2010
Contributor: Midway through Midway through
My kids will be told that anyone they want to have sex with is the devil.

On a different note, I prefer the don't ask/don't tell module that I used growing up. My parents plugged their ears and screamed LALALALLALA

I don't plan on having a child at all, but if I end up with someone who already has one, and I end up mothering it a bit. I'm going to say the opposite sex is the devil. LOL
09/05/2010
Contributor: usmcwife99 usmcwife99
Quote:
Originally posted by onehotmomma
You can't really stop kids from doing what they want. If you try to, they'll just sneak around and do it behind your back. I'd rather trust my kids, and let them make their own choices,instead of ruining my relationship with my child ... more
I agree with they will sneak around sadly part.....


I however think that you may not be able to stop them from having sex but you can pretty close to stop them. Ime sure it would be extremely hard to stop them but you could effintily decrease the chances of them having sex

Wait live in learn.......so live in learn in being in trick situations drugs sex etc
09/05/2010
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Two of my children are in their early 20s. I DID NOT tell them exactly what sexual acts they could and could not do. For One thing, I think this is WAY over the bounds of what a parent should do, Two, kids are going to do what they want to do, my saying "This is allowed, and this isn't." not only wouldn't work, but it would probably make them think that the "taboo" acts were more fun.

I educated my children on sex and some sexual acts, I gave them birth control information, I have given them information about how to get birth control and pelvic exams from Planned Parenthood. They have sex when they are ready, it is NOT up to me to say how when where or with whom.

I think, even as an involved parent, there are some things that are just TOO intimate to discuss with your children, say asking them how they like oral sex, or telling them what you and YOUR partner do. Acceptance can be done without going over good boundaries

I think having strong healthy boundaries in a child parent relationship is as important as giving them information. TOO much detail, especially about your or their sexual activities gives me the shivers. It's too close to incest for my liking. It also reeks of voyeurism. {shudder} Not only is it not my business what my older girls do with their boyfriends, it is inappropriate that I know. The same for me sharing specifics of acts their father and I engage in.

There is a good balance between being concerned and open and not being all up in their faces. I think a LOT of damage can be done with too much "sharing" of intimate details with one's children. If they are old enough to have sex, they are old enough to have some discretion.

That's my take on it.
09/05/2010
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by usmcwife99
I agree with they will sneak around sadly part.....


I however think that you may not be able to stop them from having sex but you can pretty close to stop them. Ime sure it would be extremely hard to stop them but you could effintily ... more
Teens are crafty AND horny. You can't prevent them from having sex, if they really want to. You can talk to them about appropriate partner choice, about birth control, about using condoms, you can even say, "Hey, if you are even thinking about anal sex, PLEASE use lube so you don't hurt yourself." But, I know so many parents who thought they were doing everything they could to prevent their teens from having sex.....most of them are now grandparents with their teens being parents.

I know my mother thought horror stories and speaking of "sin" and giving me a curfew would prevent me from having sex. It didn't. Kids can have sex in the middle of the day, as easily as they can have it late at night. Teen get really imaginative when they are horny. The human body is ready to breed in the mid teens, not much can be done to stop sexual experimentation. But, educating them and letting them know they can come to you if they have a question or concern is the best parents can do.

I think PREPARING them for sexual relationships, talking to them about what they WANT from boys in a sexual relationship, (and if you are talking to a girl, letting them know that a boy is more likely to be able to have sex without an emotional attachment than she is, if you have a boy, letting him know that RESPECT is as important as getting laid, and making sure birth control and reducing STD chances are the best a parent can do.

.
09/05/2010
Contributor: SydVicious SydVicious
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Teens are crafty AND horny. You can't prevent them from having sex, if they really want to. You can talk to them about appropriate partner choice, about birth control, about using condoms, you can even say, "Hey, if you are even thinking ... more
I agree, You can't prevent them from having it, and I personally don't like the 'sin' route either. Preparing them, and being involved in their lives. I think it was so easy for me and my mom because we were ALWAYS open with each other about everything. Not that we got into gross details about our sex lives, but the lanes of communication were open and I knew that. So if I had a question or problem I know I could go to her. Not that I really ever did, because as a teen, naturally I knew it all. But, I knew she was there is I needed her. I was educated and I knew I had a support system. I also a strong female role model in my mom.

I dunno, we also had dinner at the table as a family every night and I never really have a curfew because I knew what time I should be home.
09/07/2010