I know how hard it is to talk about that.I was kidnapped when I was 11 and beaten then sexually assaulted.
Rapists are horrible people who's souls are obviously already in hell getting their do by Satan for what they did.I think that in almost all crimes there are cases that excuse the criminal (ex;stealing for food,murder for self defense) but rape is something I can't think of a single good reason for.Rapist use it as a tool to humiliate,dispirit, torture and feel dominant.If I EVER find the guy that hurt me I would personally see to it that he gets drawn and quartered all the way to hell.
less

It sure is hard to talk about this sort of thing. I am so sorry to hear what that horrible bastard did to you! You are definitely right about there not being any excuse for rape. They are wretched, weak people who need to hurt others just to feel powerful. I, too, share much hatred toward my abusers and I try so hard to change that, but it is just so damn hard

If you ever need to talk, just send me a message and I'll be there for you. less

I'm actually really glad to see that the vast majority of posts on this subject have been squarely in the "her clothing does not mean she's asking for it" pile. If only the rest of the world was as enlightened.

For me, I think the assumption that clothing makes a difference is offensive to both men AND women. On one hand, it implies that rape victims are at least partly responsible for someone's completely unexpected and unwanted attack. On the other, it implies that men are basically all sex-fiends who are completely incapable of controlling themselves. It works on the theory that an average guy can see an attractive woman, get aroused... and then absolutely HAVE to penetrate her, no matter what she says or does. I don't believe for a moment that most men think that way. We all have fantasies, and we've probably all misread signals at some point, but that doesn't make someone a rapist.

Rapists look for opportunity and easy targets. Some (a minority) have a particular "type" of victim that they target, but most will just take what they can get. This is as true for stranger rapes as it is for date rapes. It's not about sexual desire, it's about power and humiliation.

For what it's worth, I was raped by someone I was in a relationship with. We already had a sexual relationship. If he wanted to act out of sexual desire, then that need could easily be filled... But what he actually wanted was to punish a woman and see her suffer. I happened to be the easiest target for him, because I was there and because he figured out how to control me.

Did I blame myself for sending him "signals"? Sure. I blamed myself for years... but the fact is he took something consensual and deliberately turned it into something non-consensual, for no other reason than that he really hated women. That's what rapists do. He wasn't looking for consensual sex. He could have had that much more easily.

I think, for me, it's sad that rape still carries this "blame the victim" mentality a lot of the time. If someone burgled my house, the police wouldn't care if it was painted a particularly "provocative" color! It wouldn't matter if my huge TV was visible through the front window. A burglary is still a burglary, regardless.

We protect ourselves against crime by making it more difficult for the criminal to act. In a burglary, I'd do well to have a good lock and a big dog. In rape and sexual assault, it usually comes down to self-confidence and avoiding situations where you're going to be alone with someone you don't know. Those things aren't absolute protections, but they're a good start. And, well... in my opinion, blaming the victim's clothing makes it EASIER for rapists to do what they do. It makes it less likely that a victim will report them. It makes women nervous and fearful. It's a habit that we really need to stop. less

I'm actually really glad to see that the vast majority of posts on this subject have been squarely in the "her clothing does not mean she's asking for it" pile. If only the rest of the world was as enlightened.

For me, I think the assumption that clothing makes a difference is offensive to both men AND women. On one hand, it implies that rape victims are at least partly responsible for someone's completely unexpected and unwanted attack. On the other, it implies that men are basically all sex-fiends who are completely incapable of controlling themselves. It works on the theory that an average guy can see an attractive woman, get aroused... and then absolutely HAVE to penetrate her, no matter what she says or does. I don't believe for a moment that most men think that way. We all have fantasies, and we've probably all misread signals at some point, but that doesn't make someone a rapist.

Rapists look for opportunity and easy targets. Some (a minority) have a particular "type" of victim that they target, but most will just take what they can get. This is as true for stranger rapes as it is for date rapes. It's not about sexual desire, it's about power and humiliation.

For what it's worth, I was raped by someone I was in a relationship with. We already had a sexual relationship. If he wanted to act out of sexual desire, then that need could easily be filled... But what he actually wanted was to punish a woman and see her suffer. I happened to be the easiest target for him, because I was there and because he figured out how to control me.

Did I blame myself for sending him "signals"? Sure. I blamed myself for years... but the fact is he took something consensual and deliberately turned it into something non-consensual, for no other reason than that he really hated women. That's what rapists do. He wasn't looking for consensual sex. He could have had that much more easily.

I think, for me, it's sad that rape still carries this "blame the victim" mentality a lot of the time. If someone burgled my house, the police wouldn't care if it was painted a particularly "provocative" color! It wouldn't matter if my huge TV was visible through the front window. A burglary is still a burglary, regardless.

We protect ourselves against crime by making it more difficult for the criminal to act. In a burglary, I'd do well to have a good lock and a big dog. In rape and sexual assault, it usually comes down to self-confidence and avoiding situations where you're going to be alone with someone you don't know. Those things aren't absolute protections, but they're a good start. And, well... in my opinion, blaming the victim's clothing makes it EASIER for rapists to do what they do. It makes it less likely that a victim will report them. It makes women nervous and fearful. It's a habit that we really need to stop. less

This really sucks. I was wearing a knee length skirt when I was raped - and a brown top that revealed nothing but my collar bone, arms and the skirt revealed nothing but my legs. Still, when you research it you'll find that it's not something that's likely to cause a rapist to pick a certain person. I get that you're only saying that it may raise the risks since a skirt will be easier and making it less hard for the attacker to get access wheras wearing jeans might give the victim a chance to get away since they aren't as easy to pull down. If I'm correct, this is what you meant? I still think even if a woman is dressed in a skirt a man needs to have control. If you can't see a woman (or in my case a girl 12 years younger than you!) and not get those kind of urges then something's seriously wrong.

"Rape is the only crime in which the victim becomes the accused." -Freda Adler. This quote is true to me.

I couldn't tell you how many times my very close friends told me that I MUST have been dressed inappropriately or I MUST have wanted it or something along those lines. To be honest, those words hurt almost as bad as the rape itself. It's never a woman's fault. I do think it's a bad idea to play around with a man who you aren't familiar with and put your guards down and be alone with him while drinking or something because it can trigger rapists when you're guards are down. Still, guards up or down, it's never a girl's fault. There's only one time anybody will hear me say I hate a person and it's when I say I hate rapists. It's so damaging and I don't care what I'm wearing, he had no right to do that.

I'm not saying that you were saying it's a rape victim's fault. I know you made it clear that you did not mean that. I wouldn't want to draw *that* kind of attention to myself by dressing extremely revlealing anyways. A woman should be able to wear a skirt without rapists using her. My partner and I burned my skirt that I wore when the rape happened. We also burned the panties, shirt and bra. there was no way I could handle wearing them after knowing what happened the last time I did.

To answer someone's question above about how can a rapist get inside someone when they aren't wet. Actually a vagina is almost always a little damp and it doesn't take vaginal lubrication to get a penis in. The man who did it to me tore my vagina opening, but more than likely that was from me squirming and him jabbing at me with such determination.

I've even read during my years of research on rape, where it's possible that some women have a small amount of their own lube which normally happens when they are turned on, but it's possible for it to naturally realize it's sex, the vagina chooses to give lube anyways, whether you're actually wanting it or not. If there is any vaginal come, wetness, etc. it DOES NOT EVER mean the female actually wanted or enjoyed it. The cooter just says "Oh, something's coming in here, better lube up." It doesn't always happen, but it's very possible.

To be honest, the comment you made on gang rape and using the other persons come as lube sounded like you were giving us rape tips. I'm sorry to say that. I'm just sensitive to this subject so don't mind me. I did come across this article in august which made 5 years since I was raped so I had researched some things again last august since it was so hard on my mind and came across this sick article on wiki something where the author wrote how to rape a woman and included the most disgusting things I've ever read in my life. I was furious. That shouldn't ever be allowed.

Anyways, I can see how a victim might have more of a chance to get away if they're wearing clothing that's harder to get off, but it's unlikely that a rapist will look for that in a victim. They're focused on someone to control, someone vulnerable, easy to scare and someone to humiliate, get revenege, etc. They want power and they're more likely going to pick a vulnerable girl (believe me, attackers can sense vulnerability, I swear!) because rapists are severe cowards. They need to feel power and picking someone who's vulnerable sounds promising. I'll tell you another thing I've come to realize, rapists and other abusers are more coward than the victims usually. I thought I was a big scared, vulnerable, weak girl until I saw the rapist terrified to defend himself against another man. I've also seen this with a guy who beat the heck out of me. He cowered like a small dog when he was confronted by several men on different occasions. He never once hit them.

Needless to say, I learned 5 years ago to keep a pretty little pink container of pepper spray in my purse at all times. less

I totally think that the clothes that you wear can be attractive to a rapist, depending on what they are looking for. The rapist can easily decide to go after a certain victim because of the way they dress, and they don't mean just dressing sexy... if he is into school girls, or girls that look very innocent. It may even be something as simple a shoe fetish that makes the attacker to go after a girl in cute boots.

That being said, the second picture that you linked... I don't think that it's an overly sexy outfit. I woman should be safe to wear whatever she wishes, but when you wear a shit like the first link, you can't be mad when people are looking at your boobs. less

I first want to say at no time is rape ok, nor is there ever any excuses. It is a crime and personally should be punished highly because its deffinitly wrong in my book. Please do not think I think its ok because its not. I have been there and I feel for all the women who have been sexually assaulted/abused or raped.AnywayDo you think what a women wears can increase her chance of being raped. I mean Theres no doubht that if you walk down a dark ally at night in a high crime area it will increase your chances but what about what you wearClothing like thislinklinkcompared to a girl who is totally covered in her head to to toe omish dressor even skirts wear it could easily be pulled uplink[Forum Moderator Note: This post has been flagged 6 times, and has been handled. We are not removing this post. Please refrain from flagging this post, as it has been dealt with and the excessive flags have no bearing on the post at this point. One flag is all that is needed. This matter is closed. While your flags are anonymous to the public, the administrators will see your account and will reply to you directly when you flag anything on the forums. ] less