The New Intimacy

Leave him, or stick by his side..what would you do

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Contributor: usmcwife99 usmcwife99
Would you leave a marrige only because you husband came back from oversees severly wounded and a "hinderance to your relationship" as my old friend put it. When I say severly wounded I am talking a left leg amputated at the knee. Left arm from the shoulder lost. Broken write wrist(witch will heal) and three broken ribs(witch wil heel over time). Also no heering in his left ear. The biggest issue us a little bit of memory loss. He rembers alot of stuff just a few things/people(like who won the superbowl last year, what year he gradutated highschool etc) hes forgot. But he rembers all the major stuff and close family and friends.

My old friend(ive said screw her) thinks ime crazy for staying with him. She thinks is a joke that ime willing to help him through recovery. Prostetic leg and arm is possible but not for at least a year. She really got stumped on the fact that "gosh your sex life is gonna suck" witch it may not be the best but thats ok.


I am deffintily staying at his side but what would you do?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Leave him he can take care of himself
Divorce him but stay friends
Ide probably leave him
3  (2%)
Ide probably stay with him
15  (10%)
Stay with him no matter what
134  (85%)
Other
5  (3%)
Total votes: 157
Poll is closed
08/05/2010
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Contributor: sarahbear sarahbear
Attitudes like that? Are the very reason the divorce rate is so high. People don't take their wedding vows seriously. When you say 'for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health' it doesn't mean you just stick around when things are going well.

Regardless of his injuries, how much help he's going to need to recovering or how long that's going to take, he's still the same person you married. You're not crazy and it's not a joke to honor the promises you made to him. Some times are harder than others, but that's what love is.
08/05/2010
Contributor: Blinker Blinker
First of all, hun, kudos to you for not listening to your so-called friend. She sounds horribly mean and rude, not taking into consideration that you LOVE this man. He sacrificed so much for our country, and he's your husband. It's wonderful of you to stay with him and help him recover, because that's what he needs now more than anything, just someone who will stick by his side no matter what.

I have to say I would do the same thing. I can't imagine ever leaving the man I love, no matter what happens to him physically. I know what you're going through is rough, but it will get better. Believe in that, because it's the truth.
08/05/2010
Contributor: NightNight NightNight
I married my husband because I love who he is, not because he has two legs and two arms!!
08/05/2010
Contributor: Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
Oh my god, what happened to him? You mentioned elsewhere that he was severely wounded, but I did not expect something so bad.

I agree with the other comments. This accident does not change who he is, and your husband needs you to recover from this tragedy in his life. Leaving would surely kill his spirit and his will to go on. I'm not saying to stay out of pity, but for the love of him and who he is. That he lost one arm, does not change much seriously. He'll still be able to wrap one around you and give you hugs.

I think that the most important thing is that he remembers the people in his life, the rest is secondary. I think you can make something positive out of this experience. You can invite his close friends and family and have them tell him the life he lived, so that he can learn from them what he should know and remember. You may be surprised to learn a few things about him as well. It'll make him feel good to feel supported by his friends and family, and especially by you. Make the filing in the blanks a bonding experience for all of you.

Maybe your sex life is going to be affected, but your love life will be better than ever.
08/05/2010
Contributor: Alan & Michele Alan & Michele
I wouldn't even consider leaving Alan if something like that happened. If there's mutual love and respect, then anything and everything else is secondary.

I'd be inclined to be a bitch and ask the less-than-sensible friend a question though: How would she feel if her mate left her because just because her body was damaged?
08/05/2010
Contributor: Envy Envy
You friend sounds like a user, shallow, and selfish.

You shouldn't leave someone just because they're disabled. You only leave if they're mean, violent, etc, and there's no way to repair the relationship.
08/05/2010
Contributor: 00 00
Having been married to my husband, a United States Marine, for 29 years now, I know without any doubt that I would stay...regardless of what happened. I'd never consider leaving or abandoning him. We have never had to go through what you have, to that extent, but we've been through enough other things through the many years together to know for sure where we stand with each other and for each other. I wish you the absolute best of luck and everything else. Semper Fi.
08/05/2010
Contributor: Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
You friend sounds like a user, shallow, and selfish.

You shouldn't leave someone just because they're disabled. You only leave if they're mean, violent, etc, and there's no way to repair the relationship.
Actually, I'd even reconsider if I would stay friend with that person. I'd need a friend who would help me and support me through this, which is hard to do if she does not share my values or understand my decisions. Especially if she mocks them, by saying it's a joke.
08/05/2010
Contributor: Illusional Illusional
Your friend is pretty effin' terrible. Just... to say the least. Just saddening.
Unless he's become an abusive, hateful SOB, he's still the same man you said "I do" to.
08/05/2010
Contributor: Envy Envy
Quote:
Originally posted by Kynky Kytty
Actually, I'd even reconsider if I would stay friend with that person. I'd need a friend who would help me and support me through this, which is hard to do if she does not share my values or understand my decisions. Especially if she mocks ... more
Agreed. A friend is there to help, not there to be--excuse my french--a bitch.

I had a friend like that once, who talked me down for everything I did, believed in, or what I found fun and relaxing. Yeah, I don't like fashion, yeah I don't like to talk on the phone 24/7, but dammit, don't tell me my relationship is destined to fail just because it's long distance or that no one will have interest in me because I play video games and am a bookworm. I'm sorry, but not all guys like a gold-digging shopaholic.

[/end mini rant]
08/05/2010
Contributor: usmcwife99 usmcwife99
WOW, looking back.....I was still a little irritated when I wrote that.

A few coments about that person

She was a ok friend. Not someone I was close to but someone who I knew throughout the years. Shes no longer a friend, nor do I even want to see her.

That rant is now over

However with that friend lost I canot tell you how good my other friends have been. My one friend put together a spreadsheet thingy with all my/his friends of who can be home when(she talked to him first). With that a little stress has been takin off of my shoulders. I love him but it would be hard to take a few monthes off work(expecially cause ime starting a new job in three weeks) and not leave for the grocery store. This way someone will be home to assist him. Hes the type of guy that doesnt wana be held back so its good to have help. You may think ime joking when I say he would probably try to crawl broken ribs and all somehow to the fridge to get something to drink but ime not joking. Right before he fell asleep he was telling me I should go get paint colors tommorow and he can paint the molding well I paint the walls cause he can probably scoot alongthe floor.(we were planning on painting our bedroom for a while)He has to much of a "can do" attiditude at times. Hes a great guy but sometimes even before I gotta say no way are you doing that. Its not fair for me to put it all on my roomate and sisters either to go get groceries or stuff like that.

But I trually thank you for all your concerns and thoughts. Right now ime just latying next to him thinking wow that pain killer must be working.
08/06/2010
Contributor: usmcwife99 usmcwife99
Quote:
Originally posted by Kynky Kytty
Oh my god, what happened to him? You mentioned elsewhere that he was severely wounded, but I did not expect something so bad.

I agree with the other comments. This accident does not change who he is, and your husband needs you to recover from ... more
What happened?

He remembers searching a building turning the corner then waking up in a hospital. There were others with him and 2 were not so lucky. 3 got a few bruises scrapes.

Right now were lucky heres here ime sure as time goes on hele find out from the other 3. Or who even knows. Sometimes its best not to know.
08/06/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Oh my God Hun that is horrible! I cannot imagine what your friend is thinking talking to you in such a heartless way. Yes it would make life easier for you to leave him but damnit you loved him before he was injured and you love him still. Only you can decide what you are going to do and I hope there are plenty of people around you that will support whatever decision you make.
Gods bless you both.
08/06/2010
Contributor: deltalima deltalima
If a lost leg and other limb meant a marriage and relationship of love was over, then it probably wasn't a strong relationship. I would take care of him and stand by him. If other issues came up after he got better, then I would look at the option of divorce. But not because of his injury.
08/06/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by usmcwife99
WOW, looking back.....I was still a little irritated when I wrote that.

A few coments about that person

She was a ok friend. Not someone I was close to but someone who I knew throughout the years. Shes no longer a friend, nor do I even ... more
OMG he sounds like Sigel...he had knee surgery to totally restructure his knee after an accident. He decided that he needed to vaccuum the floor at 2 am and then was going to cut grass, the day he got home from the hospital. Some guys are just built that way, screw pain and disability they have to be doing SOMETHING! Get him a one handed page turner (talk to the base library they used to rent them) and some reading material. If he is so interested in home improvements get him some books on that subject and let him get started planning how he will complete the projects when he's capable. I have an Uncle who lost his leg and a hand in WW2 and he's a woodworker so your husband isn't hopeless or helpless...he's just differently-abled now.
08/06/2010
Contributor: Miss Naughty Kitty Miss Naughty Kitty
if your married to someone you have to stay with them through that. Do vows really mean nothing.
08/06/2010
Contributor: fatesrelease fatesrelease
Through thick and thin. Sickness and in health. Those should be super important to anyone getting married. If that were my love I would be there for him if he was injured, sick, or anything else that might come our way.
08/06/2010
Contributor: Annemarie Annemarie
Quote:
Originally posted by usmcwife99
Would you leave a marrige only because you husband came back from oversees severly wounded and a "hinderance to your relationship" as my old friend put it. When I say severly wounded I am talking a left leg amputated at the knee. Left arm ... more
Like everyone here, I would stay with him forever, despite physical damage. Sure, it's going to be rough, and sure, you might have some tough times, but... remember your vows.

Every time you have a moment where you just don't want to deal with it anymore, run through the vows you swore to on your wedding day.

To hell with a sucky sex life... there's toys for that. He needs emotional and physical support most right now, and your friend is a total bitch for suggesting you leave him high and dry. You should be around more supportive friends.
08/06/2010
Contributor: Midway through Midway through
please tell your friend that you hope her vagina breaks and can't be used so that men will treat her the way that she wants you to treat your husband.
08/06/2010
Contributor: joja joja
The only injury that would make me even consider leaving my partner is severe brain damage. If I'm in love, I wouldn't care if he had to have his dick amputated, we would work through it.
08/06/2010
Contributor: ~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
I'd stay with him almost no matter what. I mean, if he became a vegetable, I would still stick by his side, but I think it would be too much of an emotional toll to go through alone.
08/06/2010
Contributor: Evoluchun Evoluchun
I would stand by his side no matter what
08/06/2010
Contributor: sexysweetieshan sexysweetieshan
That is terrible of your friend to even think you should leave him because he was wounded in something that was NOT his fault. My husband is in the military and has been deployed and I would NEVER leave him for getting hurt. Even if he lost ALL his limbs and went blind. If you really love someone, you don't leave them because the sex may be bad. Love isn't all about sex. Or at least I don't think it should be.

I definitely don't think you should leave him, and I'm glad you're not. But you should seek some help because it will be hard and exhausting to care for him on your own. Maybe an in home nurse that will visit and help or family members or friends who will come help you take care of him so you can get some rest or some "you" time.

Wow. I just couldn't imagine ever doing that to my husband or someone telling me I should leave him for that reason. It's just..... Wow. Some people in this world are cruel.
08/06/2010
Contributor: buzzvibe buzzvibe
Quote:
Originally posted by Midway through
please tell your friend that you hope her vagina breaks and can't be used so that men will treat her the way that she wants you to treat your husband.
Yeah, this. ^

We all owe you and your husband a huge THANK YOU for your service and sacrifice to our country. He is a true hero.
08/06/2010
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
From what I've read about both you and your husband from your posts, you two are strong people who won't let anything stop you. You both are made of the stuff the rest of us dream of and aspire to.
08/06/2010
Contributor: Sir Sir
Stay with the person. No matter what happens, I would stay with my love. Through sickness and in health, that's part of the wedding vows.
08/06/2010
Contributor: Alicia Alicia
When you marry someone you promise to stick by their side no matter what. I'd never leave my husband no matter how bad his health got..that's what "through sickness and health" means.
08/06/2010
Contributor: SexyySarah SexyySarah
I would totally stay with him! Why marry someone if you aren't willing to stick it out through the rough times!
08/06/2010
Contributor: SydVicious SydVicious
To me it sounds like you are a little overwhelmed with the around the clock care that your husband needs right now. Your "friend" is wrong and what you are doing is the right thing. I'm sure it's exhausting, but stick with him.. he deserves it.
08/06/2010