The New Intimacy

FML, EDEN Version

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Contributor: ~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
I LOVE the website FML. It cracks me up everytime. My friends and boyfriend have gotten caught up in that site for hours laughing at everything. Life isn't perfect right!?!?!

Well...to make light of crappy situations, I decided it would be fun to start our own thread about it. For those who don't know, FML stands for Fuck My Life. link

So I'll start off with my crappy day's example!

*I went to the doctor today and they still don't know what I'm sick with. I get home and change out of my clothes. To make my day worse, a half hour later, I realize my phone is no where to be found. The last thing I did was put my clothes in the running washer...FML!*

I guess it was time for a new phone anyways...

Try to keep them to a few sentences!
10/05/2010
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Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
I'm the expense manager for my company and spent 6 hours expensing our entire 12-person, $65k credit card statement between several accounts and multiple dimensions per account yesterday, setting back all of my other work by a day. When I went to enter the expense totals in our accounting system, I realized the totals seemed familiar...because I had just expensed a copy (we copy each as protocol) of LAST month's statement, again. FML.

Guess what I was up until 11 pm doing last night?


And I love FML, almost as much as I love Texts from last night link
10/05/2010
Contributor: Jobthingy Jobthingy
First thing this morning my daughter tried to make herself juice (rather than just waiting for me to do it.. no that would be too simple) and she knocked the whole 2 Liter container on the kitchen floor. FML
10/05/2010
Contributor: clp clp
Had some ice cream with my sister last night, didn't notice that it accidentally dripped on my pants. In my rush this morning, didn't watch which pair I threw on... until I got to work and noticed milky, whitish splotches covering my lap.
And no--ice cream drips DO NOT look like ice cream. FML
10/05/2010
Contributor: Darling Jen Darling Jen
So I got up early this morning, made myself extra pretty, and drove to the DMV to get a new license since I'm moving back to my home state after a horrible, painful break up. Between driving, standing in line, realizing I was at the wrong office, going to the right office, standing in line again, and then being told that after all that I didn't have all the right documentation, and 3 hours of my life gone, I have to get up early tomorrow and do it all again and just hope to get it right this time.

FML.

I hate the DMV.
10/05/2010
Contributor: ~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Quote:
Originally posted by Tori Rebel
I'm the expense manager for my company and spent 6 hours expensing our entire 12-person, $65k credit card statement between several accounts and multiple dimensions per account yesterday, setting back all of my other work by a day. When I went ... more
OH NO!

That's a good one too! I frequent that one almost as much. Have you seen overheard new york?
10/05/2010
Contributor: ~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Quote:
Originally posted by Jobthingy
First thing this morning my daughter tried to make herself juice (rather than just waiting for me to do it.. no that would be too simple) and she knocked the whole 2 Liter container on the kitchen floor. FML
Now why would she EVER do that lmao
10/05/2010
Contributor: ~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
This happened to me a year and a half ago...

I was having trouble sleeping after a painful month of heartache and had been prescribed a sleep aid. I took another pill of it at about 4am since I had class at like 10. But what I didn't realize is that I had actually taken an old aderall pill that felt the same. I was up til class! Don't take pills in the dark. FML.
10/05/2010
Contributor: nolongerhere nolongerhere
The other day I was trying to back out of my garage; my husband parks behind me, hopefully at a reasonable distance, and my room mate parks next to me in the garage...While trying to back out at an angle, not hitting my room mates car or my husbands car, I totally plowed into our garage...and knocked the whole thing off the track leaving my room mates car stranded in the garage...FML.
10/05/2010
Contributor: twistedheartsx twistedheartsx
Quote:
Originally posted by Tori Rebel
I'm the expense manager for my company and spent 6 hours expensing our entire 12-person, $65k credit card statement between several accounts and multiple dimensions per account yesterday, setting back all of my other work by a day. When I went ... more
Oh gosh, this would REALLY piss me off, haha. Poor you!
10/05/2010
Contributor: twistedheartsx twistedheartsx
Quote:
Originally posted by Darling Jen
So I got up early this morning, made myself extra pretty, and drove to the DMV to get a new license since I'm moving back to my home state after a horrible, painful break up. Between driving, standing in line, realizing I was at the wrong office, ... more
Oh gosh, any DMV stories are bad. That place is hell!
10/05/2010
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
OH NO!

That's a good one too! I frequent that one almost as much. Have you seen overheard new york?
Oooh, no I haven't, but I'm off to google it now....
10/06/2010
Contributor: Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
You guys are depressing me. Worst thread EVER first thing in the morning.
10/06/2010
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
This happened to me a year and a half ago...

I was having trouble sleeping after a painful month of heartache and had been prescribed a sleep aid. I took another pill of it at about 4am since I had class at like 10. But what I didn't ... more
I've done that! Taken an allergy pill instead of Nexium and wondering why I have heartburn all day... or worse, taking Rozerem instead of one of my daytime pills. That kills a Saturday immediately.
10/06/2010
Contributor: Kim! Kim!
Over the summer I went to the dentist, she had prescribed me Ativan since I'm terrified of needles (bad childhood experience). I took them, as directed, and was home by 4 pm and went right to bed. I had to work at 9 that night. I woke up and saw my alarm said 7, but was confused because it didn't feel right. I called my boyfriend to ask him if it was am or pm. Yup, it was 7 am, an hour before I was supposed to get off of work, I slept through my entire 10.5 hour shift! I called my manager and explained to him what had happened, he was fine with it, fortunately.
10/06/2010
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by Kim!
Over the summer I went to the dentist, she had prescribed me Ativan since I'm terrified of needles (bad childhood experience). I took them, as directed, and was home by 4 pm and went right to bed. I had to work at 9 that night. I woke up and saw ... more
I'm on Xanax for anxiety now but used to take Ativan and started taking it right before my ex-husband and I went to Memphis for the first time. I slept through the vast majority of a 17-hour road trip! Felt shorter than a flight would've been to me
10/06/2010
Contributor: Darling Jen Darling Jen
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
You guys are depressing me. Worst thread EVER first thing in the morning.
Yeah, you're right. We need some light hearted FML stories.
10/06/2010
Contributor: Envy Envy
This happens to me sometimes:

I'm doing laundry. I go back out an hour later to get the load, and I had forgotten to close the lid of the washer, so it never went and cycled. Now i have to wait another hour. FML.
10/06/2010
Contributor: Kim! Kim!
So yesterday after I got out of class I went to my car for a bit to put a few finishing touches on my review for Zini Roae. I didn't want to do it out in public where people could see my screen because I know I wouldn't just end up finishing my review and would drift around on the site for a bit. I don't want to offend anyone or anything, my campus is quite diverse (I don't know if it's still at the ranking, but a few years ago it was the most diverse campus in the US.) and different cultures and people might not necessarily appreciate seeing dildos and whatnot. I was out there for maybe an hour, with my car on auxiliary. The battery died. Shitty, but I can deal. I called my boyfriend, who came up there to jump it. We melted the cable. We Googled, he called his dad, and some guy who wanted my awesome parking spot said he had just jumped his car the other night, all said they were hooked up right. He had cables. This time they started on fire. They also stuck to and melted my bumper a bit. I have a 2010 Toyota Yaris in bright shiny blue. I called the dealership to see if there was some battery recall or something, nope. I had it towed there and went to my boyfriend's to sleep before work. We work together so I rode in with him. It's all better now, apparently the caps were switched on my battery! Fortunately, this didn't cost me anything other than my time and missing class so it isn't as big as an FML as it could be. Still, though, FML.
10/08/2010
Contributor: Darling Jen Darling Jen
Quote:
Originally posted by Kim!
So yesterday after I got out of class I went to my car for a bit to put a few finishing touches on my review for Zini Roae. I didn't want to do it out in public where people could see my screen because I know I wouldn't just end up finishing ... more
Wow! You sound like you were so calm! I would have been sobbing or screaming or both! "You're melting my car! AHHHH! You lit my car on fire! You're not helping!"
10/08/2010
Contributor: Kim! Kim!
Quote:
Originally posted by Darling Jen
Wow! You sound like you were so calm! I would have been sobbing or screaming or both! "You're melting my car! AHHHH! You lit my car on fire! You're not helping!"
Oh I refused to touch the cables! I don't even like to touch them to move them to a new car or something, I know they're harmless then but they scare the crap out of me so much. Yesterday showed me exactly why I hate the things. I also moved away from the car when it started smoking. If my boyfriend screwed it up he could take care of the problem!
10/08/2010
Contributor: ~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
You guys are depressing me. Worst thread EVER first thing in the morning.
oh no! This is totally supposed to have the opposite effect lol.
10/08/2010
Contributor: ~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
This happens to me sometimes:

I'm doing laundry. I go back out an hour later to get the load, and I had forgotten to close the lid of the washer, so it never went and cycled. Now i have to wait another hour. FML.
LOL I've done that too and forgotten to turn it on. Or forgot to move from the washer to the dryer and then had to rewash.
10/08/2010
Contributor: Kim! Kim!
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
LOL I've done that too and forgotten to turn it on. Or forgot to move from the washer to the dryer and then had to rewash.
I hate doing that so much! Especially since the washer and dryer in my apartment building takes quarters. I've definitely put stuff in the washer and fallen asleep. Fortunately there's only like 4 apartments currently occupied in the building, and the other 3 live alone and it was only at night so I wasn't keeping anyone from using them. (No one is allowed to do laundry between 11 pm and 7 am.)
10/08/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Tori Rebel
I've done that! Taken an allergy pill instead of Nexium and wondering why I have heartburn all day... or worse, taking Rozerem instead of one of my daytime pills. That kills a Saturday immediately.
On the upside you had clear sinuses so you could concentrate on how bad your gut was burning...

SO I was not wanting to be on my period when Sigel FINALLY got to Canada to accompany us home, but my period is like clockwork due to the pill I take. Well I can influence my cycle so I guess I did so because 'happy day' it didn't come on time so I had a great last night with both guys and a pain free trip home. Only to then worry that I might be pregnant again. I'm not but now my period is stopping and starting, except for the occasional cramps (I've been checked for ectopic pregnancy already). I have over 20 vibes to try out and can't do a DAMN thing. I'm driving Sigel and Arch nuts cause I sit like Gollum stroking my vibes crooning "My precious....soooon my precious...."
FML, indeed.
10/08/2010
Contributor: ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
My mom just left from a week long visit, no sex with the wife and no solo time. Man, hard week. Then the wife gets her monthly visit yesterday... So, today the wife has work, the kids are in school. TIME TO PLAY! After I get every thing lubed up and ready to go, the door bell rings. Friend needs help... FML
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10/08/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyTimeTim
My mom just left from a week long visit, no sex with the wife and no solo time. Man, hard week. Then the wife gets her monthly visit yesterday... So, today the wife has work, the kids are in school. TIME TO PLAY! After I get every thing lubed up and ... more
I think that's Murphy's Law...
10/11/2010
Contributor: Envy Envy
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I think that's Murphy's Law...
I know, right?

Same thing happens to me, phone ALWAYS rings when I want alone time.

I wanted to toy today... but i woke up to my period. FML.
10/11/2010
Contributor: ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I think that's Murphy's Law...
Seems Murphy and I are good friends, I was expecting an order to come today... (shakes head)
10/11/2010
Contributor: usmcwife99 usmcwife99
Ok this was actually late lastnight but anyway.......

I woke up in the middle of the night and I knew half the volleyball team was sleeping over. I didnt know that they were gonna play truth or dare in my living room. I just so happened to walk in when the one lovely dare for some girl to be to pluck fourty hairs from........weird site(who the heck comes up with something that painfull and perverted)

That was just omg ur crazy goodby I will get a pop later.(the living room and kitchen are all open) What made it worse is that almost every fruitcaking girl was freaking out embarresed and thinking ime gonna call the parents granted I could care less as long as there not doing something to stupid.....FML
10/11/2010